Like a Yellow Cable. (751 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.5 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Hitcher <youwontseepennyonefromme.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-06-23 08:06:10 EDT
Alright you cheeky bitches?
I've been away for some time you may have noticed. Well boy, I managed to hitch a lift off the desolate road I'd been stuck on for such a long time. I flagged a friendly Mexican, who was on his way back to his home country with some kind of psychedelic experience all loaded up in the back of his truck. He welcomed me with greasy, open arms and said I could get a bit of kip in the back if I fancied. A great opportunity for me you understand boy, as I'd not slept in nigh on a week.
I hopped onto his rickety wagon with a spryness that belies my advanced years. I'm well over a hundred, but still as evil as I was when I was a nipper. Believe that you slags, because if you don't, you're not gonna like it. Anyway, I leapt in like a stealthy cat in the night and lay my old bones down on a comfortable sheet. At least, I thought it was a sheet, turns out it was paper, soaked in acid. Not that kind you plum, the good kind.
I discovered this misfortune when I woke up and discovered I had transformed into a rhino during my slumber. Now I'm a fan of the animal kingdom, as you'll know because of my evil menagerie, but fuck me if it's not inconvenient having the proportions of a rhino when you're used to being a lean old fellow. I was bumbling about all over the place, weeping out of my solo Polo vision at my predicament.
'No' I screamed at the heavens, 'You've poisoned me you slags', for you see I'd lost all rational thought and actually had the mind of a stale kebab. Pretty upsetting isn't it boy? Imagine. You go to sleep your evil self and wake up with the body of a lumbering beast and the brain of a dried up piece of meat.
Well, by this point my Mexican friend had heard the commotion I was causing and pulled over his wagon.
'What's wrong with you gringo?'
'Gringo you slag? I'm green you bastard, don't lump me in with that lot, I hate whites!'
'Fair enough man, fair enough, but get the fuck offa my truck, I can't have you freaking out when we get to the border.'
'You slag, I'll cut you for this' I responded, but it was too late. Using magnificent strength, he heaved my rhino carcass onto the side of the road and drove off in a cloud of dust.
At that point I passed out and don't remember much. When I awoke, however, I felt the urge to urinate like a powerful mule so I stood up and unzipped. I'm not going to tell you how well endowed I am boy, because it'd make the men jealous and the ladies faint.
Suffice to say, when I began the whole process, it came out of me like a yellow cable and burned a sizable hole in the ground. If you reckon you can do that, you're a fucking liar you slag.
Nobody pisses like the Hitcher boy, nobody.
User Reviews
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-09-12 05:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know why.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-26 03:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah check it out......if you smoke, and by smoke you know what I mean, that is a prime time!
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-06-25 17:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kids in the Hall is worth checking out, Hurty. So, it would seem, is The Mighty Boosh. I'll look it up on YouTube when I get home.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 11:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-25 16:13:33 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i'll never see none o that here, for sure.
i liked kids in the hall.
best canadian comedy troupe.
but that was ten years ago.
i dont know if they be still around
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Never heard of them. Will have a look if they're any good.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-25 11:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, i'll never see none o that here, for sure.
i liked kids in the hall.
best canadian comedy troupe.
but that was ten years ago.
i dont know if they be still around
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-25 11:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't eat yellow cable.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 11:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-25 15:52:01 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
nope.
only super shitty TV and movies out here.
here, uber is my only means of cerebral entertainment
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Check out either youTube, or my post on it.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96990
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-25 10:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nope.
only super shitty TV and movies out here.
here, uber is my only means of cerebral entertainment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 10:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:29:11 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no idea what this was about, but i play along as i can
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Have you ever watched 'The Mighty Boosh'?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have no idea what this was about, but i play along as i can
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If your dad is the hitcher, you are one lucky man.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus christ, dad!
you said that you'd go out for ice cream and you take off to mexico.
that was three months ago.
now i find you in all places - uber.
i guess we'll never wash the stink off.
come home, mom's been crying and sis been acting strange and wanting wierd things from me.
you have been missed
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Saboo.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-25 14:02:07 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that the guy with the really stupid voice??
========
What?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that the guy with the really stupid voice??
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 08:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-06-23 18:23:58 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Naboo: You've read all the books, but when it comes to the crunch - where are you?
Saboo: How dare you speak to me of The Crunch! You know nothing of The Crunch. You've never even been to The Crunch.
Naboo: I've been there once.
Saboo: Oh, a little day trip around The Crunch. We can all go as tourists.
==============
I really liked that guy as Saboo. He was supposed to be the explorer guy who tried to nick the ruby of Kokundoo, but didn't.
Weirdly, he was fucking shite in 'The IT Crowd'.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 06:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Doesn't get it below.
The Hitcher rules.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-23 15:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
More awfulness.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-06-23 13:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Naboo: You've read all the books, but when it comes to the crunch - where are you?
Saboo: How dare you speak to me of The Crunch! You know nothing of The Crunch. You've never even been to The Crunch.
Naboo: I've been there once.
Saboo: Oh, a little day trip around The Crunch. We can all go as tourists.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-06-23 12:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-06-23 12:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Imagine. You go to sleep your evil self and wake up with the body of a lumbering beast and the brain of a dried up piece of meat.
------------------------]
Ewwwww... Waking up and realising that you are Bret...? Man what a horrible thing.
As for you, you fucking muppet... you are a right proper slag.
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If I hadn't already used up my stabbing quota for today, you'd be on the end of my knife boy.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-06-23 12:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Imagine. You go to sleep your evil self and wake up with the body of a lumbering beast and the brain of a dried up piece of meat.
------------------------]
Ewwwww... Waking up and realising that you are Bret...? Man what a horrible thing.
As for you, you fucking muppet... you are a right proper slag.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-06-23 10:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-06-23 08:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I see you through my minty eyes
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-06-23 08:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're wrong you slag. I HAVE a huge cock.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-23 08:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Always knew you were a huge cock.
You worry me........