Ubersite's First Annual Epistolary Essay Contest (908 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.04 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by miss berry (View user info) at 2007-06-23 23:33:18 EDT
Alright Uber...here's the thing: some of you are being giant assholes and/or whining pussies around here lately and I'm definitely being kind of a bitch, so I was beginning to think it really works out better this way. But then what I thought is that maybe we need a little more love around here.
First of all, we have the obligatory definition-of-large-word business to take care of:
e•pis•to•lar•y
-adjective
1. contained in or carried on by letters: an epistolary friendship.
2. of, pertaining to, or consisting of letters.
You see? Friendship..isn't that what it's all about around these parts? Love and kisses. Ok, so for this contest, those who choose to participate will be writing about a loving relationship between two objects that are generally found together in the object world.
In this letter, one of the objects expresses its deep love for the other, telling the object of its affection, what it feels, longs for, hopes for, values, remembers and the like about the other, and thus how its life is affected by the object.
An example is found below in a letter from a sugar bowl to a sugar spoon:
My Dearest Sugar Spoon,
I am thinking of the slender curve of your silver waist, how I want to give myself to you whenever you touch your face to me. Yesterday I waited for you all day in the dining room with the blinds drawn. No coffee brewed, no table was set. When will you lift my lid and call my name, crawling into me as into hot sand? I long for when we meet again, just you and me and the steam rising between us...etc.
Forever Yours,
Sugar Bowl
If you are interested in participating, please indicate below. This will be a fun, laid back, summer writing contest in which no one needs to swing their man purses at each other or pull hair. It should be fun.
Also, I have a list going of potential "couplings" as examples, but I will only list a few here as I am going to save the majority of them for the contest:
-Bath Tub and Drain
-Nail and Hammer
-Nail and Wall
-Soap and Soap Dish
-Letter and Stamp
Thank you for washing the sand out of your vagina below.
User Reviews
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-01 12:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Obviously I have an email address, just not one that doesn't have my name attached to it.
You can post it here, but I won't be back until Friday... so if that works, great...
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-30 12:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How did you register on this fine site without an email address?
If you can come up with a way that I can get you your title aside from email that would work for you on Monday, let me know.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-06-30 10:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't have an email address to email you from, sorry. No Hotmail.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-27 23:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IF YOU ARE TOO LAZY TO CLICK ON THE UPDATE TO THIS POST AND YOU SAID YOU WERE INTERESTED PARTICIPATING IN THE COMPETITION, READ BELOW!!!
Some of you have already agreed to participate in the contest.
IF THIS IS YOU, YOU MUST EMAIL UberContest.at.gmail.com using the email address you will be using to retrieve information for this contest.
Submitted by Tavo (user info) at 2007-06-27 12:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just throwing a few ideas out there...
Gun/Bullet
alcoholic/beer
crack/crackwhore
gasoline/matches
Ginormous Dildo/KY
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-27 11:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Update on the contest here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109611
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-06-26 15:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how the fuck are hammer and nail related?
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-06-26 01:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will do this.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-25 23:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sweeeeeet, Flack.
Except you don't get to pick your titles. They are randomly handed out. Just like UM. And that poetry competition. Actually, I'm only doing it that way so Shlongy can "wreak havoc" on my competition. Otherwise he won't participate. :(
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-06-25 22:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im in. Ill do beer and golf.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-25 19:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you for hooking me up while I was at work, Semen Master...
I can take it from here.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-25 10:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy does not participate in contests...unless, I can figure out a way to wreak havoc and fuck them all up.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 10:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EXCUSE ME, I TOO HAVE HAD A BOUT WITH STUPIDITY.
THIS IS TO READ WHEN 'MORE' THAN FIVE OF YOU EXPRESS INTEREST.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 10:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ATTN: UBERFAGGOTNERDS:
MISS BERRY WOULD LIKE FOR ME TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THE CONTEST WILL START WHEN AT LEAST 5 OF YOU EXPRESS INTEREST.
SHE WANTED ME TO TELL YOU THIS BECAUSE SHE HAD A BOUT WITH STUPIDITY AND FORGOTTEN HER PASSWORD WHILE SHE IS AT WORK.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:46:39 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
No point emailing me at gmail as im at work you doofus.
Whats your gmail and I will email you from work.........Lower castle street?? That area is like a building site at the moment.Bristol will be the metroplis of the world in about a million years when they finish, hotels ok there though and I work nearbye!!
===============
You are so incompetent. andylreid.at.gmail.com
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No point emailing me at gmail as im at work you doofus.
Whats your gmail and I will email you from work.........Lower castle street?? That area is like a building site at the moment.Bristol will be the metroplis of the world in about a million years when they finish, hotels ok there though and I work nearbye!!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:20:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-25 11:46:58 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Time of the month below
==========
I have e-mailed you, cunt. Whast is Lower Castle Street like in your shitty hamlet? I am sending a letter there.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-25 06:46:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Time of the month below
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 06:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OK so this is official now? When do we have to have our posts up by? POST A BRACKET OR WHATEVER DAMNIT.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-06-25 06:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm dubious, I might... its just I'm not so sure the titles or mostly my follow through which is just pathetic.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-24 17:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does that mean you're in, Jack? :)
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-06-24 16:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One title should be letters from Bosh to Scruggs or vice versa!
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-24 15:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bitch, I'm still in.
I just had to make sure that it got at least one participant, so you wouldn't feel like a total failure if this went over like I think it might.
I also wanted to get the ones you posted out of the way. Bitch.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-24 12:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The following people are in:
-GrownAssKid
-HurtByTheSun
-Particle_man58
-icarus1987
People who are considering this a possibility:
-Bohme
-HateMudkips
-Darko
-Shlongy
Additionally, the following couplings will be added to the list of "titles" for this competition:
-Q-tip and Tympanic Membrane (submitted by HateMudkips)
-Fridge and Beer (submitted by HateMudkips)
-Darko and Ratings (submitted by Darko)
-Poop and Corn (submitted by Shlongy)
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-24 12:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was the best review bandwagon EVAR.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-24 12:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why not.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-24 12:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lets have a photos of miss berry naked competition.............best photo wins or personal experience.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-06-24 11:59:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Samuel fucking Richardson has a lot to answer for.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-24 11:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The man made of particles has decided to join. :)
(I don't know what the 58 is for)
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-06-24 11:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh what the hell, it'll probably suck but I'll give it a go.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-06-24 11:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA@shlongy
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-24 11:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EVERYONE HOLD UP.
Just because ilikesteak is retarded doesn't mean you have to follow along. It's a contest that will have a formal bracket. Don't post it now.
So far, it looks like the following people are in:
-GrownAssKid
-HurtByTheSun
And people who are considering this a possibility:
-Bohme
-HateMudkips
-Darko
-Shlongy
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-24 10:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's a few more for you to consider:
Fiberglass and pastrami
Poop and corn
Salt and motor oil
Pins and dreidels
Gin and Your Mom
Shits and giggles
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-24 05:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Darko and Ratings
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-24 05:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cool idea. Will do something on Monday or maybe later today methinks.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-06-24 04:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I has ideas.
Salt And Pepper (IN HERE!)
Red Vs. Blue
Razor And Hair
Fridge And Beer
Q-tip and Tympanic Membrane
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-06-24 01:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know about this, I just know that I am going to post a picture of me and my cock.
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2007-06-24 01:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont see it working, but let's give it a go, eh?
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-06-24 01:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not a bad idea.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-24 00:51:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll cover ALL of those in one post. Right now.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-06-23 23:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just reminding everyone how your last sponsored contest went. :)
It's not you Berry, it's me!
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-06-23 23:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sandy vagina below
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-06-23 23:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2007-02-21 02:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by awj002 (user info) at 2007-02-21 01:50:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-02-20 19:09:20 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-02-20 15:18:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-02-20 15:12:15 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:54:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Monty_Python (user info) at 2007-01-26 17:48:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-26 16:05:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-25 23:28:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:55:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-01-25 21:37:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2007-01-25 16:05:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-01-25 14:47:48 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-01-25 14:43:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-01-25 14:40:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-01-25 14:36:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-25 14:28:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-01-25 14:27:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-01-25 14:22:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2007-01-25 13:56:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-01-25 13:33:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-01-25 13:26:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
DO NOT POST A BUNCH OF COCKS ON UBERSITE