Number 1 (1076 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.54 on 73 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by OathMeal, homies. (View user info) at 2007-06-24 20:57:31 EDT
"Hey."
"Hey, man."
"How's it going?"
"Eh, alright. Long day."
"Yea. So, what's with this asteroid about to hit earth and shit, you heard about that?"
"I did, yea. Pretty fucked up. I guess we have what, like 3 hours?"
"Somethin' like that. My old man is busy saying prayers and shit. I'm like, whatever."
"I'm with you. So what do you think it's going to be like?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, when it hits. Do you think we'll see it or just vaporize and shit?"
"Fuck man, I don't know. I just hope it's painless."
"Painless? What are you, some kind of pussy? Of course it's not going to be painless."
"How do you know? Have you ever been obliterated by an asteroid before?"
"No..."
"Ok then."
"Regardless - even if it is painful we'll only be around for a few seconds I'd imagine. And I don't have to have been hit by an asteroid to deduce that."
"Deduce? What the fuck? Where do you get these big ass words that don't make any fucking sense?"
"Deduce is a big word? It's two syllables you idiot. And it makes perfect sense. It means to like, draw a conclusion from or something. I learned it in community college English class."
"That's right, you went to college. I forgot, you're all edumacated and shit."
"Don't hate."
"..."
"So hey you gonna fuck before you die or what? I got this girl on the way over right now. She's all freakin' out and shit, saying she doesn't want to die a virgin. Ha!"
"I don't care about that. I just want a good view of it. I figure, if I'm gonna die in a wave of ultra-hot space matter then I'm going to want a good vantage point."
"Dude your priorities are fucked up. I'm gonna have my dick stuffed deep inside some broken hymen when I get owned by the asteroid."
"You know, that's not seeming like too bad an idea."
"You should look into it."
"Shit. 2 hours and change. I don't figure I have enough time to go find a chick who wants some penis before she dies."
"Yea, you're probably fucked. Ha! Get it? Fucked!? I am a genius!"
"..."
"Hey listen, I'm telling you. I'm going to try and time it so that I'm coming when I die. Think I can pull it off?"
"No."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, asshole. You're just mad because you're not gettin' any tang before you kick the can, dumbass."
"Hey bro we're about die. I'm sure there are better objects of my attention than some 14 year-old snatch."
"SHE'S 20."
"Whatever. I think I'm going to go meditate."
"You're such a fucking pansy. Later."
User Reviews
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-06-26 09:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-26 03:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, no seriously...
Isn't this... I mean... I thought this was...
I swear you've posted this before.
**walks away confused**
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-06-25 18:38:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
71 reviews.
22 of them fromt he author himself.
If Oathmeal didn't chime in every other comment, he'd have no heat at all.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-06-25 18:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ubmitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow that's quite insightful Icarus you boring twit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, I'm sorry. You wanted the extended version?
1. The 'talking head' delivery was disjointed and confusing. By the time the reader figures out who is talking and what's going on, they've already lost interest. You could speed things up by adding some exposition, creating a perspective, or at least defining who is speaking. A skilled writer might be able to pull this off. You are not a skilled writer.
2. The exposition feels forced and unnatural. To establish the scene, you essentially have the characters tell the reader, point black, what is going on. Show don't tell (in your case, don't try to do either).
3. You have sand in your vagina. You camp on your own post and argue with anyone who doesn't kiss your ass.
---------
1. I had no trouble following the dialogue without any indication of who was speaking.
2. What's wrong with the characters setting the scene? Is it against The Official Good Author's Guide To Writing A Best Seller? I guess not having a hero, a lady for the hero, and a twist at the end is banned too.
3. Correct. You suffer from panty sediment.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 17:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pathetic instance of a carbon-based life form below.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-25 16:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
post was ok, but the arguing like a little bitch with everyone is annoying
______________________
Well how about I argue with YOU, Cletus?
We can go back and forth about how badly you want to be like me.
======================
OMG u have me leik totally figured out dood! I wanna have 15 accounts for teh sake of spamming teh users who don't agree with what I say! 1010100101010010eleventeen !
I tend to think that I spend too much time slacking off at work and visiting this website, but people like you reassure me that it can be much much worse.
It's sad really
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-25 15:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The story was okay, but the comments are xcellent!
IT'S CRUMPLING TIME!!!!!!
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-06-25 15:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 End Times
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-25 15:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is just floating heads.
needs physical markers.
======================================
I have to agree, the concept of this is great, and the post was well written, but at the same time not having anything but dialouge leaves the reader trying to replace holes in the story to complete it, rather than listening to whats being said, almost like listening to a strangers conversation in a pitch black room. All I could think about while reading this was two people standing in a gigantic white room (much like the "construct" room in The Matrix). Aside from that, great concept (I can see myself having odd conversations in that situation as well).
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/u/zimm0r
Shameless linkwhore to a very special friend.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Legendary mansniffer below.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha, LisaD, while we know you are an alter, you just proved you are an idiot. First of all, it is Voltaire...with an "R." Secondly, DesCartes was the one famous for "cogito ergo sum" a.k.a. "I think therefore I am."
I'm far from defending Oathy, here, but if you are going to make fun of him, at least do it proper.
Oathy, you sir, have a loose ass from swallowing nigger cock.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Existance?!?!
HHAHAHAHAHAHA
Trying to sound smart while insulting someone doesn't work when you typo you dumb cunt.
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How many alters does this raging homo have? 32 or something like that.
That's not the bad part. The bad thing is he extensively uses them until they get banned, flaming everybody's posts until his heart's content. This website being a direct extension of his flaccid, unused "penis". He talks philosophy, but can't see the irony in his entire universe revolving around a virtual community where he is shunned and hated. Voltaie may "think therefore he is".
Bret, however, "thinks he matters, therefore he is man."
You are fucking pathetic in every aspect of existance.
Congratulations.
Submitted by Tavo (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 becuase I commented instead of closing my eyes and pretending its not there like I should have...
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rob -
People don't believe me when I say I'm completely innocent of all allegations that I'm unnecessarily harsh or a 'bully'.
It's true, though! I never throw the first punch.
It's just that I'm so fucking badass that everyone gets insanely jealous so quickly that it's construed as such.
It's not easy being better than everyone else.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UnderOathMeal - the hardest working alter farmer in Georgia.
Negative energy is a cancer, my friend... especially when you cultivate it from the sort of individuals you do. How you spend your time is obviously up to you - and I know you like your manufactured drama and your need for attention is legendary (and usually quite enjoyable) but being overtly nasty to otherwise lovely/charming/benign individuals seems a little... um... desperate, don't you think? No one likes a bully.
Just a thought.
Oh, and the story was great.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You shudder to think about anything involving me, pullo?
I'd say I'm flattered but I don't give a pink fuck so I'll just tell you I rule and hope you go away.
p.s. Sorry, scourge.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
number 8.
you must be very proud.
even on this site you are an irrelevance. I shudder to think just how marginalised and ignored you are in what passes for your real life.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd retal this, because I usually have nothing better to do at work and its a fucking BLAST to watch you freak out...but I already gave it a fair and accurate assessment earlier. And I'm home
Sorry
:(
ps, quit using my name on this website please.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jamie = illiterate.
Check the little column to your left, dumbshit.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny comment below.
Congrats, dicarus.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
posted a piece of crap, decided to reply to every comment and STILL can't get on most heated.
How fucking empty is your life ginger boy?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...and your anecdotal little pieces of advice are pedantic and scholastic, QUITE the opposite brand of commentary I even look for on my posts.
Hence, you are identified as a hater and treated as such.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pretentious and a sandy mangina? Why, I'm starting to believe you are Oathmeal. If this alter gets into a hair-pulling slap fight with Sico's alter, you'll have me convinced.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow that's quite insightful Icarus you boring twit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, I'm sorry.
_________________
*sigh*
Yes, yes you are.
...and your anecdotal little pieces of advice are pedantic and scholastic, QUITE the opposite brand of commentary I even look for on my posts.
Hence, you are identified as a hater and treated as such.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow that's quite insightful Icarus you boring twit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, I'm sorry. You wanted the extended version?
1. The 'talking head' delivery was disjointed and confusing. By the time the reader figures out who is talking and what's going on, they've already lost interest. You could speed things up by adding some exposition, creating a perspective, or at least defining who is speaking. A skilled writer might be able to pull this off. You are not a skilled writer.
2. The exposition feels forced and unnatural. To establish the scene, you essentially have the characters tell the reader, point black, what is going on. Show don't tell (in your case, don't try to do either).
3. You have sand in your vagina. You camp on your own post and argue with anyone who doesn't kiss your ass.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 12:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow that's quite insightful Icarus you boring twit.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-25 11:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Never write again.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 11:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Matt below.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-06-25 11:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fairly believable, if you lived in Georgia.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
post was ok, but the arguing like a little bitch with everyone is annoying
______________________
Well how about I argue with YOU, Cletus?
We can go back and forth about how badly you want to be like me.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-25 09:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
post was ok, but the arguing like a little bitch with everyone is annoying
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2007-06-25 08:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
how did i forget to -2 this masterpiece?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fag above
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because if the world was gonna end, I'd try and get laid too....
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not a bad little story I guess.
Submitted by ChalupaTres (user info) at 2007-06-25 07:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-06-25 01:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For pretending to be Bret, you N00b
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-24 23:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Levity (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For the reviews. You said you juice but you still got owned by 2 girls.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...I'm going to try and time it so that I'm coming when I die. Think I can pull it off?"
"No."
----
hahahahaha
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you just aren't witty.
i keep waiting on the "witty,"
and it just never comes.
It's like in that movie gremlins where the girl's father gets stuck in the chimney and never comes home.
She keeps waiting for him, but he's dead, burnt to a crisp in the chimney
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
While this is great fun and while you are quite entertaining to throw stones at I'm drunk and heading to bedd.
Laterz!
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wasn't a clip on.
___________________
Oh you mean you helped him tie it?
Let me guess...you were both standing less than a foot from each other, looking into each other's eyes as you folded his Old Navy tie over itself and prepped him for his upcoming photo shoot AT A FUCKING FARM.
Am I right?
Hmm?
Am I?
I am, aren't I?
...why hasn't sacface chirped in with her pithy offering in your defense?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's nice that you remember my writing so well.
Here's the difference between you and I:
I'm laughing rignt now.
You're pissed.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ghola, your whole schtick is about apathy. Don't give me that 'I care less than you' bullshit.
Go blast the dirt from your kitchen with your hair dryer you homely tramp.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wasn't a clip on.
was in fact the ugliest tie i've ever seen.
emo=poor?
i had no idea.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you wouldn't have spent any time replying if you "didn't care."
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109149
it's true. he's emo.
view third picture.
______________
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHA
HAHAHAHAH
*sneeze out remnants of lunch*
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
*wipes snot*
HAHAH
...
heh.
Seriously, ghola, your bf is a fucking 'mo. That clip-on tie makes it that much more awkward.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And you know, I found the picture quite appropriate.
It's kind of like a perfect instance of innocent terror. Seeing the eyes of a child take in the apocalypse is kind of great for this post.
It parallels the immaturity and lack of logic in the dialogue. I dig it.
Giving a fuck about what you couple of tards think about it isn't on my agenda.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109149
it's true. he's emo.
view third picture.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the insult thing just isn't your bag eh?
===
Indeed.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
just thought i'd drop by to let you know i'm laughing.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wasting your time commenting on my shit post earns you a gold star for your Sunday evening well spent you backwards bitch.
I juice because chicks like ghola et al need men like me to be jealous of while they date their scrawny, emo faggot boyfriends.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh my god..just when I thought you couldn't be more pathetic, you admit to progrunning to affect ratings on a website.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahah sac here confuses progrunning with spending time on the internet.
Stupid woman. Get a clue.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, those things also don't help justify your calling anyone else an internet addict.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love men. Neanderthals with steroid rage don't qualify.
Spending hours a week doing things like acquiring alters and spamming people's accounts don't help in your quest for manliness, either.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Way to stand up for what you believe in, sacface. You group of cockfearing lezbos need to take a dirtnap and satisfy the wants of intelligent people everywhere.
Fucking morons.
MANHATING INTERNET ADDICTS UNITE
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The story of the end of the world told exclusively through insipid dialogue is actually a cool idea, like an apocalyptic Beavis and Butthead.
This was pretty well written, but adding that particular picture adds a level of discomfort that veers toward pedophilia for no compelling reason, which is gratuitous.
Of course, your user name guarantees the enmity of most reviewers.
I think if you had posted this with a different picture and not announced yourself, this might have been well received, which I can't help but believe is something you might find beneficial.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Keep off my posts no matter their worth or interest to you.
===
This is a public forum. Go here, and it's a deal. Otherwise, why don't you shut the fuck up about people staying off your posts.
http://www.livejournal.com/
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the insult thing just isn't your bag eh?
tough shit.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is just floating heads.
needs physical markers.
______________________
You fucking disgust me.
Keep off my posts no matter their worth or interest to you.
Never has anyone sickened me like you have you fucking slore. I would consider it a gift to watch you die by rabid pack of dogs.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for the picture alone, I didn't even read the whole thing. Sad baby picture is sad. You bastard.
Submitted by MitchRohr (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
its not my place to mess with a perfect -2.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is just floating heads.
needs physical markers.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Camarilla, post something other than a lolcat and I might value your opinion.
Submitted by camarilla (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow. This is just... BAD.
WTG.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Incompetent mouthbreather below.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-24 21:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i can just imagine you rubbing your hands in glee, giggling to yourself as you wrote this.
Sadly, it's not funny.