Cowboy Story (268 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.62 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by garudave <misterkick.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-06-25 20:02:09 EDT
Jesus got sick of playing the bartender one day, and decided to play the cowboy instead.
He told His Dad this and left Heaven to do some justice.
Earth, by this time, was pretty much like a Dali painting, and most people had evolved past having bodies... so the biggest crime became mind-rape. Extreme imagery telepathically channeled through strange crystals was the doom of many Earthfolk, with the ultimate consequence being psychosis. Those who were still imprisoned to material bodies were considered precious commodities to the disembodied voices of new Earth, and they kept them around themselves as you would wear a ring on your finger.
Jesus arrived in a flare of holiness, and he appeared as lightning. One of the bodiless navigated through some ruins (all buildings were destroyed... what bodiless entity needs a dwelling anyway?) and tried to mind wipe the Christ with a triad of the aforementioned crystals. One thing you should know about Jesus is that He is FAST, and with barely a thought he counter-wiped the entity and advanced northward.
In His descent, Jesus lost many of the latent abilities that came with being the Christ, like omniscience and supreme compassion. However, that didn't stop Him from being the most powerful being on Earth, since He still possessed the psychic properties of a deity.
Satan felt it a bold move to launch a direct assault on Jesus, so the Beast laid low and meditated a bit on how the ass-kicking should commence. It wasn't long before he realized that without the Christ, the Holy Trinity was broken and God's power was diminished just slightly. That slight bit was enough for Armageddon to commence.
The Christ wandered, stunning or killing any of the haunts of new Earth that dared approach Him. Word spread (psionically) and eventually He earned a name for Himself in the new tongue: Bassis, which means "one who shall not be bothered". Surely, they would have called Him Christ if religion still existed in this distant century.
Keeping his dark eye on the happenings on new Earth, Evil Incarnate amassed an army of tortured souls, pissed off beings who had just been released from eternal imprisonment in hot magma... capable warriors. For them, eternity ended when they were summoned forth to determine who else eternity would end for. God did not fear, but He began to doubt.
A horribly disfigured man approached Jesus. Lacking any real healing powers, Jesus constructed bionic limbs from scrap metal and turned the new-age Elephant Man into the new-age Six Million Dollar Man. He granted him a satchel full of rocket-propelled grenades (made from scratch, of course) and together they went west by light of a falling sun.
Knowing full-well the benefits of technology, Lucifer gave all of his souls psi-nukes to counter the telekinetics of Heaven dwellers, and a sort of deicide gun was crafted for himself. Of all things, he wanted to take down the big man, Himself... unfortunately, the gun had only one shot and that shot was capable of taking Satan down as well as killing the Christ.
Sensing entirely too much that His rash decision may not have been a wise one, Jesus climbed a giant natural pillar and sat on top, meditating. His bionic follower stayed below, wondering what role he would play in the events to come. They both slept, though the Christ didn't need to. He prayed in the morning, wondering about guidance and all that mush. It all reminded Him of the last time He came to Earth, in the young days before telepsychic energy and laser cannons.
On the edge of war, three worlds were silent in anticipation for an entire day.
User Reviews
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rating it again
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-06-26 14:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read it.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-06-26 12:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the end.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-26 05:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i look furward to how it turns out
nice concept
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-26 02:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was pretty kick ass actually.
Little hard to get into, but there are some linguistic gems in there.
Nice work, eh.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-25 21:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-06-25 21:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha @ swampy below.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2007-06-25 21:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would just like to say that the rating below this one is from one of the greatest guys on planet earth.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-25 20:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No religion zone.