Number 2 (579 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.2 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by OathMeal, homies. (View user info) at 2007-06-26 08:42:43 EDT
"Hey."
"Sup."
"Not much. You read the news this morning? ...about that resurgence of the black plague?"
"Yea, tough shit. I guess there's no cure, either. Sounds like we're all going to break out in lesions and stuff. Bummer."
"Whatever. You're such a downer - I see this as an opportunity. I'm going to make a fucking killing on this."
"HAHAHAHAHA"
"What's so funny?"
"Hahahaha...heh. You said - you know, killing. You're going to make a killing."
"..."
"So then tell me. What's your plan?"
"Well, the way I figure, everyone is going to be clamoring for some sense of hope with all this. Something to make them think there's a way out which of course there isn't."
"So..."
"SO, I'm going to play Jesus to all the dying plague victims. It'll be great - I'll promise them a cure and salvation from the tide of death in exchange for ad hoc sexual favors and large sums of money."
"How are you going to prove to them that you'll deliver on your promises?"
"Dude you are such a fucking myopic fool. Do you THINK they're going to want PROOF when they're swimming in a pool of their own puss and feces you ignorant moron?"
"Good point I guess but what happens when YOU get the plague, too?"
"Yea, I thought about that. I think when that happens I'll just say I'm becoming the sick to empathize with their plight. It'll be great...even more credibility."
"Wow so I've got the telly on and they're saying planes are falling out of the sky and people are looting just about all urban areas across the globe and shit. I guess you should get started?"
"Ha! What are you, crazy? I'm waiting until the people with the REAL money and fake tits start getting sick. That's my target market."
"..."
"What?"
"YOU'RE GOING TO DIE IN 3 DAYS. What are fake tits and lump sums of money going to matter?"
"You just don't get it, do you."
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-27 11:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2007-06-27 09:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Anddddddddd you're still licking balls, even with all that "sexy" muscle?
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-06-27 06:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-27 00:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84346
Submitted by Tavo (user info) at 2007-06-26 21:46:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was much better... short and to the point... Its what I would do in a time of crisis... gold star for you!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-06-26 21:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wealthy, marrying a beautiful woman, own house, amusing, lots of friends, all round good egg on this review.
pathetic, lonely, ginger, bike riding, wannabe psycho, shit job, poverty stricken, one room apartment dwelling, small penised, milk pale albino, resorted to shagging Jeanenene The Jaw, three below.
-----------------
Apollo, kindly leave me out of your little internet war of words because that shit is uncalled for. I might not be beautiful and perfect like your Jewess but I have feelings, DAMMIT.
Anyway I like these posts. They're better than anything I've ever written, not that that's any great feat.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-26 15:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
reading this is like being in purgatory
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-26 15:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish i could play the harmonica and drive a car at the same time, too.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Would you and Flapjack/Sico please just get a fucking room already? You can go Number 1 and Number 2 on each other all you want.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lol
i know all about you simon old bean.
want to go there?
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never met someone so openly miserable about his life as Apollo is. He hides behind this veil of "I'm better than you" and is not convincing me of it. People that need to tell you they are better than you are probably pretty jealous of how simplistic life could be if they weren't such pretentious assholes.
Apollo, if because you make more money than me means you are better than me, it's true. If getting more pussy than you could ever dream of and not having to go home to a hacking trash compactor of a hole you call your wife means I'm better than you, well guess what? You lose.
I could care less about you or anything that surrounds your loose asshole in your miserable, mundane life so there is no sense in trying a rebuttal. Chances are, you'd lose that, too. Get a grip, internet sheriff.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Couple of jealous jagoffs below.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lol
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I don't know...how about making a positive difference in the lives of others?
(I do volunteer work for my local habitat for humanity chapter as well as give pro bono guitar lessons to local elementary schools)
---------------
Its difficult to see how you play guitar with such porky fingers you fat ginger cunt.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hahahaah 'pro bono' guitar lessons.
AHAHAHAHAHHA
A
AHAHAHHAAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA
A
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
YOU COULDN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
So you made a real difference in all those women's lives you 'destroyed' huh?
If you were really about all that bollocks then you would have the job you have.
I'm sure you really make a difference to 'executives' who want to learn Excel.
Cock.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy uses all caps when he can't find his glasses.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
KEEP UP THE HILARITY, SWANSON!
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugly, friendless, Jewish dwarf below.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One thing that Oathy can't dispute:
He's the most unfunny motherfucker on Uber.
You are not funny in your responses to anyone. Ever. They never even make me crack a smile.
And I laugh at poop stories.
Oh, I just thought of one more thing he can't dispute..
He ate alone last night.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 11:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I don't know...how about making a positive difference in the lives of others?
(I do volunteer work for my local habitat for humanity chapter as well as give pro bono guitar lessons to local elementary schools)
If that doesn't strike your fancy, what about creating and experiencing good music? Traveling with family? Entertaining people with song, verse and laughter?
...none of these things have an ounce to do with monetary gain and none of them pair with what you just listed.
It's not a matter of growing up. It's a matter of respecting and appreciating differences amongst all people.
Unfortunately you fail at both.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
so what's valuable to you then Bret?
Self harming, self loathing and mountain bikes?
It's easy to despise what you haven't got.
Grow up.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Worse than constipation.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Apollo, really.
If you measure quality of life against things like bank account balances, square footage or wife's bust size then you're not going to impress me by any stretch.
Just as I'm not worth your internet time, your ideas regarding what's valuable in life amount to shit in my eyes.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-06-26 08:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why anyone would want ad hoc sexual favours from plague victims is beyond me.
______________________
Because of all the various NEW holes to cram your dick in... duh!
Hehehehehe...
I liked this one much better BECAUSE it was shorter. I dunno. I still swear that other one was familiar.
Oh, and that picture totally made me LOL.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wealthy, marrying a beautiful woman, own house, amusing, lots of friends, all round good egg on this review.
pathetic, lonely, ginger, bike riding, wannabe psycho, shit job, poverty stricken, one room apartment dwelling, small penised, milk pale albino, resorted to shagging Jeanenene The Jaw, three below.
_______________
Apollo, I'll do everyone here the favor of translating this.
wealthy = $980 in your savings account
beautiful woman = middle-aged troll with partial dentures and no education
own house = lean-to on farm property
amusing = funny to look at
lots of friends = handful of acquaintences from various AA meetings
all round good = fat and proficient at cocksucking """
did someone once tell you that you were funny for a laugh and you believed them?
you are pointless to poke, you are so far below a worthwhile use of my 'arsing around on the internet' that I'm going to have to cut you off. You don't provoke any mirth or rage from me sadly. That's the criteria.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The execution was good, but the dialogue was meh. These need to be a bit longer too.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wealthy, marrying a beautiful woman, own house, amusing, lots of friends, all round good egg on this review.
pathetic, lonely, ginger, bike riding, wannabe psycho, shit job, poverty stricken, one room apartment dwelling, small penised, milk pale albino, resorted to shagging Jeanenene The Jaw, three below.
_______________
Apollo, I'll do everyone here the favor of translating this.
wealthy = $980 in your savings account
beautiful woman = middle-aged troll with partial dentures and no education
own house = lean-to on farm property
amusing = funny to look at
lots of friends = handful of acquaintences from various AA meetings
all round good = fat and proficient at cocksucking
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 10:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wealthy, marrying a beautiful woman, own house, amusing, lots of friends, all round good egg on this review.
pathetic, lonely, ginger, bike riding, wannabe psycho, shit job, poverty stricken, one room apartment dwelling, small penised, milk pale albino, resorted to shagging Jeanenene The Jaw, three below.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-06-26 09:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
didnt like number 1 and i dont like number 2
hehehe i said number 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-06-26 09:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 09:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fat, ugly pussy below.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-06-26 09:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-26 09:14:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like these. I imagine 2 guys talking about these things at the coffee table over bong hits and Nintendo.
Submitted by muhahaha (user info) at 2007-06-26 08:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nelly, thinking any of this is steeped in logic or reason is a mistake. My characters are unaware of such things.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-06-26 08:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why anyone would want ad hoc sexual favours from plague victims is beyond me.
Submitted by we_die_young (user info) at 2007-06-26 08:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was good
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-26 08:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I enjoyed it...and furthermore because I have an imagination, I didn't see these two in just a white room. Nopesiree. I saw them in a cafeteria style break room, I did. I'm going to reread it and imagine them in the movies next.