Freshen Up For Da Laydeez! (1949 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.85 on 90 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JoeyG (View user info) at 2007-06-28 10:28:14 EDT
After the last few hangovers, I thought I had learned my lesson about going out drinking on a school night.
All that blood, and vomit, and violence.....
And then, after you finally make it out of the office, you go and get pissed. Work is bad enough when you've got a clear head, so why go and make matters worse by giving yourself a headache that feels as though you've snorted half an ounce of asbestos?
If you want to feel like shit in the office, why not save your money, and kindly ask someone to slam the filing cabinet shut on your head. It's much healthier, too.
"Hey, wanna go out tonight? It's a pound a pint in Reflex on Wednesdays...."
Reflex is a cheesy 80's themed nightclub, and they're always pulling shit like this. It's the middle of the fucking week, and they offer up the opportunity to get shit faced for less than £20.
Bastards get me every time....
"Fuck it. I'm in. I'll see you in there..."
Yeah, I know. I have all the self-restraint of a crack addicted house-fly.
I finish work, go home and act out the same ritual I do every time I know I'm going out.
Stereo on, volume up, strip off, grab a beer from the fridge and get in the shower. Most people take shampoo in the shower. I take Stella. It tastes better.
Get out, get dressed, get another beer. Call a taxi, and use the time it takes to arrive to shove some form of food down my neck, be it a sandwich, a piece of cheese, or a spoonful of lard, depending on how long it's been since I went shopping.
Get in the cab, argue with the driver about whatever he happens to be talking about, and finally arrive at the destination, fully focused on drinking as much as possible, and hopefully waking up next to someone who isn't your Gran and/or dog.
Always the same.
I went into the club, and was greeted by the sound of Village People's 'Macho Man'.
Why do I keep doing this, whywhywhywhywhywhywhy?
Because you're a tight fisted fucker who won't pay to go to a decent club, that's why.
After finding my friends, I went to the bar, and somehow manage to order a drink over the sound of Irene Cara screeching 'Fame' at twenty thousand decibels.
I drank, and I danced with a few different girls, but not with anyone worth investing the price of a vodka tonic in. Maybe I was being too picky.
Maybe they were just ugly.
It's hard to tell in the darkness of the dance floor.
I headed back to the bar, being careful to avoid the slippery patch of sick, which appeared only moments earlier, when a queasy looking student had finally let go of the fourteen red Aftershocks he had purchased with the last of his University grant.
Classy.
Two pints later, and the Ghostbuster's theme tune was filling the air. I made an executive decision to switch to whiskey. Something had to get me through the rest of the night.
This is where things get a little blurred around the edges. I knew I had a choice, but it wasn't easy.
I was sober enough to realise that this was a completely shit night, and that I still had to get up in the morning. Every sensible bone in my body was screaming at me, telling me to cut my losses and get the fuck out of Dodge.
However, I had drunk enough to raise my libido beyond the point where it would be satisfied with a jar of hand cream and a copy of Amateur Photographer. Every sensible bone in my testicles was screaming at me, telling me to get the fuck out of Dodge, and into a better town; one that had hookers.
I looked across the dance floor, and saw a girl dancing on her own, to something by Wham! She was slim, blonde and judging by the way she was stumbling about, drunk.
Everything I look for in a girl.
I went over and smiled.
"Hey, can I get you a drink?"
"Sure, why not?!"
Jenny and me sat at the bar talking for a while, and ended up back on the dance floor. She said her friends had already left, so I invited her back to my place, and she said yes.
There was just one thing I had to take care of.
I was conscious of the fact that I had been drinking beer and whiskey for several hours, I had chain smoked a pack of Marlboro Reds, and that my earlier dance floor exploits had left me sweating like a black guy on a rape charge.
Only one thing for it......
I made my way to the toilets, pushed open the door, and was immediately greeted by that familiar cry.
"FRRRRESHEN UP FOR DA POONANI!! COME ON, FRESHEN UP! FRESHEN UP FOR DA LAYDEEZ! IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, FRESHEN UP!"
These days, you can't go to the toilet in any modern pub or club, without coming across the Freshen Up Guy.
Usually Nigerian in origin, these guys lurk in male toilets, with an array of aftershaves and sweets. For the sake of a £1 tip, you can choose an aftershave and a lolly if you're lucky.
Not that a quick splash of cheap ass aftershave is going to make the slightest bit of difference when it comes to cutting through that fog of nicotine and alcohol that is hanging around you, but you make the effort anyway.
For her.
Courting has gone way down hill in this day and age.
I take a slash and wash my hands, before fumbling around in my pocket for a stray pound to give the freshen up guy, who's still chanting away at the top of his voice, even though I'm the only person in the bogs.
"Bollocks...." I mumble under my breath. "No change.."
I exited the toilets and went back to Jenny.
"Giz a quid."
"What?"
"I need a quid."
"What for?"
"Freshen up guy," I reply, pointing towards the toilet.
"You want to freshen up a guy in the toilets?"
"No...I have to pay him if I want a squirt. Come on, I'm doing this for you."
She looked at me as if I was crazy.
"Don't you have freshen up girls in your toilets?"
The disgusted look on her face informed me that no, they didn't have freshen up girls in the female toilets.
"Well, maybe they should," I suggested.
"And why's that?"
"Coz you fucking stink."
I necked the last of my drink, and left the club, to the sound of Dexy's Midnight Runners' 'Come On Eileen'.
And to think I would have spent a quid for her.
Some people are just too ungrateful.
User Reviews
Submitted by Labhaoise (user info) at 2007-07-03 22:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very amusingly told. Come over here to China, where as you are at the urinal (my hubby tells me) female hands will come around from behind to massage your torso. At the end, the hands will reemerge wielding a little piece of loo paper to wipe your willy. Enjoyable as that may sound, I assure you most of my husband's friends won't enter those loos. As this extreme service-gone-mad is only available at the finest dens of iniquity, the scary hand service can be avoided.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-06-30 11:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
solid.
i hate freshen up guys. i cna squirt my own soap and grab my own towels thanks. the on ly thing i'd ever want them to do is open the door, and they never do that. fuck 'em
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-29 23:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/100544
go ativan woo!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-29 18:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jonny, there's freshenup guys at clubs here in CA. not all places but some. they suck and make you feel guilty if you don't tip them for handing you shit you don't want/could pick up yourself. tres annoying.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-06-29 16:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this for real, that have guys that do this?
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-06-29 12:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-06-29 12:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The freshen-up guy knows where the hard drugs are in the place too. Drop him a ten and he'll help you score.
not that I know from experience or anything...
what?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-06-29 11:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-29 04:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wanna swap jobs?
------------
Joey, I wouldn\'t have the stomach for your job. I\'m still developing my \"Oh, you\'re dying, eh? Sign on the dotted line before you collapse\" Mentality. Some day though.
Besides your clients, if you sleep with them, you\'ll probably get what they have.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-29 11:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-29 16:14:38 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
All I'm picking up on here is that Reflex seems to be a place for lonely slag like women to hang out.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Devon is like a fucking developing country sometimes, we don't have no Reflex down here. We only just stopped fucking rationing
---------------
You don't know what you're missing.
How can you not want to go to a club that has *clearly* spent so much on promoting itself:
http://www.swindonweb.com/reflex/
Just check out that cutting edge font type.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-29 11:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All I'm picking up on here is that Reflex seems to be a place for lonely slag like women to hang out.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Devon is like a fucking developing country sometimes, we don't have no Reflex down here. We only just stopped fucking rationing
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-29 08:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-06-29 13:26:17 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not in THAT way, I'd like to clarify.
---------------
*Discards hope of a threesome with Butters and Mrs Tiggywinkle*
I agree with you about the women though, most of them are toothless old moonlighting dinner ladies who squeeze themselves into a dress several sizes and years below what they should be wearing.
But there are a quite a few nice ones.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-06-29 08:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not in THAT way, I'd like to clarify.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-06-29 08:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's the quality of the women there though, they're all write-offs. Pissed middle aged harridans trying to claw back their youth, in my experience. The others are there with their gay mates, smiles as brittle and clear as glass so you can see right through to the fear behind. In my experience, anyway.
Maybe the Reflex in Reading is just a sink hole for desperate mutton, which is colouring my perception of the whole chain. Perhaps yours is better. If it has hedgehogs I'd have to say it's already sounding pretty awesome.
I like hedgehogs.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-29 08:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-06-29 12:57:44 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an ETSish theory that they are part of a Government plot to turn all of Britains male population gay. Or to keep the gays in one place. They're drawing them in, biding their time until it's such a major hom-hangout they all give each other the hiv. I haven't decided which one yet
---------------
Interesting theory.
But it is always full of women who are dying to get a bloke.
In order NOT to pull a woman in reflex, you'd have to be either
a) dead
or
b) a hedgehog
and even then you'd stand a good chance.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an ETSish theory that they are part of a Government plot to turn all of Britains male population gay. Or to keep the gays in one place. They're drawing them in, biding their time until it's such a major hom-hangout they all give each other the hiv. I haven't decided which one yet.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And the Reflex in bristol.
Infact probably all Reflexes are related.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by _ce (user info) at 2007-06-29 11:50:21 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
2) I think you live in Reading in the UK
-------------------
Not far off - Swindon.
I think the Reflex in Reading and the Reflex in Swindon are part of the same group.
Or I may just be talking shit. I do that a lot.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buttmonkey you slag, where have you been hiding? I'm coming to slice you boy.
---------
Uber's bit a bit slow so I've been even lurkier.
Wait...I mean..ahem....I was on a Shaman retreat, you French Duke. A bit of ritual chanting, fashion updates on the latest turban designs and flying carpet manufacturers, workshops and the like. There was a chocolate fountain and everything, imagine that.
We came up with a good few ingenious plots for taking you on, I'll tell you that boy.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buttmonkey you slag, where have you been hiding? I'm coming to slice you boy.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I also nearly fell headfirst down that fucking great big long staircase that leads to the loos because the entire length of it was covered with drunk, disassociated sort of ennui-riddled drunk students lounging around, pretending not to care that their mates were all out having fun (or as close to fun as possible) and hadn't realised they were missing. They make darkened corners for that sort of thing, go cry there.
And the cocktail pitchers are for pussies. Two shots of Vodka mixed with 18 gallons of fruit juice. Worth a tenner MY FOOT!
This is why I never go anywhere but my local. I'm very picky over my choice of drinking establishment.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 12:31:12 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Im not sure who the joke was on.........the fact you stood in the bogs with a freshen up man debating the migrant work force or him for believing you.
Bet he still sold you some aftershave.
==============
He sold me fuck all mate. I refused on the grounds that he wasn't being paid minimum wage or some bollocks.
In any case, I was fucking wasted and making up bollocks as I rambled along. He was pretty poor at English and seemed to get concerned when I started yelling about 'the injustices perpetuated by our every growing, beauracracy choked morass of a government who can't even look after their citizens' or some bullshit.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im not sure who the joke was on.........the fact you stood in the bogs with a freshen up man debating the migrant work force or him for believing you.
Bet he still sold you some aftershave.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 12:19:58 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oi boy, freshen up!!
===============
I had a really long chat with one of the freshen up guys in the bogs once. I pretended I was a sociology student doing research into the migrant work-force. He believed me.
I am cruel.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:19:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oi boy, freshen up!!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to Reflex once. It was fucking dire, and I was violently ill in one of their bathrooms.
Emission is a gay.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Quite frankly Reflex is a place that makes me cry.
and shake mai booty!!!!
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-06-29 07:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by _ce (user info) at 2007-06-29 06:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. Three things made me give you a +2....
1) I know exactly what you mean, except I call the freshen up guy the "Toilet Guard"
2) I think you live in Reading in the UK.
That is all.
Continue
----
I was JUST about to ask whether you mean Reflex in Reading. I bought a pair of David Hasselhoff pants in there and nearly ended up with gangrene after cutting my hand on the door of the ladies loo.
Good times.
Submitted by _ce (user info) at 2007-06-29 06:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. Three things made me give you a +2....
1) I know exactly what you mean, except I call the freshen up guy the "Toilet Guard"
2) I think you live in Reading in the UK.
That is all.
Continue.
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2007-06-29 06:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those guys really piss me off, we have them in some pubs round here on Fri/Sat night.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-29 05:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 10:33:43 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Skull fucking is apparently very painful
-------
It's true.
You can really chafe your helmet on an eye socket if you're not careful.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 05:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skull fucking is apparently very painful
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-29 05:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now now children, calm down.
there's enough goat loving and head raping for everybody.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-29 05:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 10:09:09 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Im gonna rape your head!
==========
Baby, I can hardly wait.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 05:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im gonna rape your head!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-29 05:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 09:59:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a legend, you are correct!
It wasn't a goat it was a lamb with an attitude.
===============
Silence, queerhawk.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 04:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a legend, you are correct!
It wasn't a goat it was a lamb with an attitude.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-06-29 04:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 08:55:42 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh love and tequilla, been there before.
============
With a goat.
Legend as usual dude.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-06-29 04:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i get to see england in august. hopefully it's not near as ungodly hot as it is here.
--------------------------------
I expect to see you in town for a beer
Oh and you DO get freshen up ladies in the clubs in London. Although a load of women try to get away with spraying themselves with perfume and trying to not pay...
a C-list celeb singer over here ended up in court with a physical fight over not paying one).
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-29 03:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh love and tequilla, been there before.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-06-28 23:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-06-28 23:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking Nigerians
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-28 20:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-06-28 19:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-06-28 19:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I started reading this I thought, shit man, that was me in Edinburgh XX years ago. Nothing has changed. Cheap booze on Friday and Saturday nights on the High Street pubs of Anytown, UK, skullfucked all day Sunday, just starting recovery on Monday morning.
Until I read about the freshen up guy. Fuckin hilarious!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 17:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 22:10:55 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
So how many of us is that now!
I will bring the love
----------
And I will bring the tequila.
We don't need anything else.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 17:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So how many of us is that now!
I will bring the love.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-28 16:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, forgot to +2 stella.
stellllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
stellllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 16:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh boy...
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-06-28 15:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me lol my rofl over my LIEK OMG a couple of times.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-28 14:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha next time bring baby wipes man
its all about the details
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-06-28 12:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:54:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
august + frequent flyer miles = ?
:)
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i get to see england in august. hopefully it's not near as ungodly hot as it is here.
--
You definately wont have to worry about the heat.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i get to see england in august. hopefully it's not near as ungodly hot as it is here.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-28 16:45:47 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
i LOVE england in august...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
------------------
What are you waiting for then?
Oh yeah........August.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i LOVE england in august...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:45:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-28 16:41:39 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
well i'm now going into the men's toilet to see if there really is a freshen up guy.
------------
It's true!!! They're everywhere! You can't take a piss these days without some African chap spraying you with his special batch and wanting money for it.
And then there's the freshen up guys to contend with.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well i'm now going into the men's toilet to see if there really is a freshen up guy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is quality Uber shit right here, kids.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh, the lure of the big city.
We only have to decide now, where our West country Ubercon is going to be. Theres some fair old distance between the big city and my fishing town.
What do you reckon?
M get over here it'll be great fun.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is EXACTLY my going-out-after-work routine, but maybe with a martini or two thrown in if I'm going to have to chat to a girl I don't necessarily have anything in common with.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-28 16:12:16 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love clotted cream and scrumpy cider. and drogo and little monster and you and EI. I wanna drink, too. Do i qualify?
--------------------
You sure do hun!
We just need to solve the issue of you being on the other side of the world....
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im not sure I dare meet Drogo.
--
Whats that supposed to mean? I'm lovely, most of the time and at other times I'm pretty sure your quicker than me.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate having people watch me wash my hands and hold out towels for me. and the basket of lotions etc is narrrrsty.
i love clotted cream and scrumpy cider. and drogo and little monster and you and EI. I wanna drink, too. Do i qualify?
--
Of course you do. Can you get here for August?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im not sure I dare meet Drogo.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm movin into the big bright City. I heard the streets were paved with Gold and that.
Actually it was starting to cost me an absolute fortune in taxis home so it actually works out cheaper for me to move into the city.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate having people watch me wash my hands and hold out towels for me. and the basket of lotions etc is narrrrsty.
i love clotted cream and scrumpy cider. and drogo and little monster and you and EI. I wanna drink, too. Do i qualify?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where you moving to Drogo?
You guys better get this fixed sometime around my birthday. Shall be a party month August.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good man. I move at the beggining of August too, sadly my move in date is the same as a local beer festival but I am arranging a work around.
Just drop us a line when you are free and we shall sort it out.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-28 16:03:04 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any news on the eta for your trip to devon Mr G?
----------
should be moving house early august, so as soon as that's out of the way I'm taking some well deserved time off work!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was plenty in this that made me laugh.
Good man.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-06-28 11:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"No Splash, No dash Man"
Calling all Uber people near the devon area. Come to sunny Devon and sample our lovely ripe juicy apples in the form of refreshing Cider, with bits in it. Or you can come and sample our lovely beaches, with the bits on them.
Come one come all. Join for a wee drinkie, just steer clear of our women unless you want to fight their brothers.
Any news on the eta for your trip to devon Mr G?
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah those bastards charge you to wipe your peni if you ask them. They CHARGE you for it. Is nothing sacred any more?
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha funny.
I hate those god damned niggers in the bathroom, watching you pee, making your stage fright kick in with a vengeance.
NO NEED! - GET NIGGERS OUT OF BATHROOMS!
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...beer in the shower, hmm.
what an idea!
im gonna try this tonite even though it ain't saturday.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not my favorite post you\'ve ever written.
Still better than most....just not as good as I\'ve come to expect.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it OK that I picture the Freshen Up Guy like that guy from the Red Stripe commercials?
He knows all your secrets too.
-----------------------------------------------
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
YES INDEED
"YOU ARE AN UGLY MAN"
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it OK that I picture the Freshen Up Guy like that guy from the Red Stripe commercials?
He knows all your secrets too.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 15:38:21 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 15:36:59 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 15:33:31 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joey come to Bristol and lets have a beer ok
------------
I'm sure we could arrange something. I'm in the middle of moving house at the mo, so tied up until I complete on the mortgage (should be early August).
After that, there will be much cause for drink
-------------
Anyone else is welcome too , hot broads especially, as Shlongy would say
--------------
I also plan on heading down to Devon for a drink with Drogo and Little Monster. A west country ubercon, if you will. Like a normal ubercon, but with clotted cream teas and scrumpy cider.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 15:36:59 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 15:33:31 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joey come to Bristol and lets have a beer ok
------------
I'm sure we could arrange something. I'm in the middle of moving house at the mo, so tied up until I complete on the mortgage (should be early August).
After that, there will be much cause for drink
-------------
Anyone else is welcome too , hot broads especially, as Shlongy would say.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 15:33:31 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joey come to Bristol and lets have a beer ok
------------
I'm sure we could arrange something. I'm in the middle of moving house at the mo, so tied up until I complete on the mortgage (should be early August).
After that, there will be much cause for drink.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Huh. I haven't been clubbing like that since my early 20's. There was never a freshen up guy in those days. My how times do change.
Another +2 for this:
Every sensible bone in my testicles was screaming at me
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Joey come to Bristol and lets have a beer ok
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"FRRRRESHEN UP FOR DA POONANI!! COME ON, FRESHEN UP! FRESHEN UP FOR DA LAYDEEZ! IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, FRESHEN UP!"
----------------------------------------------------
You just made my day.
And it's gonna be a SHITTY day.
I'm still laughing from this.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was hoping for some poontang action for Joey.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-06-28 10:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto JoeyG +2