This Story Sucks Almost As Much As This Site Does (569 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.45 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rawrg (View user info) at 2007-07-02 02:27:17 EDT
Building J, second floor, first room outside of the stairs. Eddie sighed as he carried his toolbox and radio into apartment J-21. He looked over at a hole in the wall where the thermostat used to be before someone had smashed it and sighed again. It was a brutally hot summer day, the kind where wind didn't refresh you because the air was hotter than your body. It was another day on the job that he didn't want. It was one more bum job relegated mercilessly out to him by his Boss, Bryan.
Bryan figured that if he would do the work no one else wanted to do, there would be a whole bunch of good repair work around the corner just waiting for him to sit back and collect on. Eddie knew that after Bryan's company had done all the shit work for damn near nothing, he'd hire a more professional company with the resources to do the big jobs quickly and efficiently. Big companies like big jobs. Especially when they didn't involve trying to find the cheapest way to jury-rig a tenement into looking like it wasn't recently destroyed by some crazy asshole looking for a stash of drugs he thought his girlfriend had hidden in the walls.
"How come places like this always have to smell like urine?" Eddie asked himself. "Sometimes I wish someone would take a shit in the corner just so there'd be some variety," he grunted as he set down his tool box and pulled out a cigarette. The full scale of the damage was as disparaging as the heat, and the concept of 'where to begin' seems ambiguous and so far out of reach that it was exhausting just looking for it. He struck his lighter and the smoke helped remind him that just because he was at work didn't mean he at to be hard at work. The beauty of working for Bryan was that it has been so long since Bryan had worked in the field that he had no concept of how fast you -should- be working.
In between every stud in the walls, there was a hole kicked through the drywall the size of a small child. As he walked down the hallway, he saw that the bathroom door had been forcibly removed from its hinges and the outside had been crushed inward at shoulder height. Eddie imagined this the Alamo for some scared coked up little bitch, hiding from her latest 'boyfriend'. He looked at the blood smeared on the toilet, and in the tub basin was a lone tooth, burnt and blackened.
A thought ran through Eddie's brain, "See a crack-tooth and pick it up and all the day you'll have good luck." Eddie smiled at his clever little pun, then he picked up the tooth, examined it one final time, and tossed it in the toilet. The place was surreal, like strolling through a city after the Tornado. Everything was frozen in time, in the bedroom, the humming voices of a clock radio that had been turned down mumbled softly, giving the residence a desolate cadence to accompany the atmosphere of hot piss-laden air.
"Eddie!" Bryan called out from behind him, "There's no smoking in the apartments here. You want to smoke, take it outside."
"Sorry, I forgot, the Tenement King might show up any minute and cancel all that work he's dangling in front of you like a carrot on a stick." Eddie thought.
"Sorry, I forgot about there policy, won't happen again bud," Eddie said.
Eddie stepped over to the balcony door and proceeded to fumble with the failing latch. "So what's the scope of work for today? Is there anywhere you want me to start at?"
Bryan didn't respond with words. He simply looked around for a long while, studying the situation and thinking of how he'd like to accomplish this task. Eddie stamped out his cigarette, but only after using the coal on the end to light another; he knew it might be a few minutes before Bryan would get around to his preaching on speed, cleanliness and professionalism, and then it might be another few minutes until his sermon on how much was on the line here. The cigarette was simply a more entertaining timer than daydreaming.
That's when Bryan pulled out his huge ten-inch beer-can thick cock and blew a fucking huge load on the wall. The cum flew out seemingly forever, and Eddie was so taken aback by this that he soiled his skivvies with a fresh load of steaming man-gravy. They later got married in Hawaii where they lived off of each other's sexual energy, and the money they earned from giving piano lessons.
THE END
User Reviews
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-07-03 03:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thickness pawns length everytime .
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ZOMG SURPRISE ENDING!11!!!!!11111
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-07-02 14:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You'll appreciate this.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94191
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-07-02 14:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-07-02 13:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wtf i'm not reading all that.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-02 12:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the sucker punch to my laugh-button
"man-gravy"
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-02 12:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-02 12:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-07-02 04:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 steaming man-gravy
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-07-02 03:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lmao XD
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Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-07-02 03:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zebra is a dick who doesn't know what he's talking about, but you sure can close a story.
Fuck Zebra. Fuck his striped vagina.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-07-02 03:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The second paragraph needs work and you don't know the definition of a pun, but you sure know how to close a story.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2007-07-02 02:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, don't tell me what a good writer I am, I already know.