Shut The Fuck Up, Donny (1959 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.69 on 54 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Steve St. Awesome (View user info) at 2007-07-02 16:07:02 EDT
I learned five things this weekend. This is a change from my trend of unlearning, a slippery-slope effect that leads me to fear small dogs because they might steal my thoughts. Milli Vanilli also steal my thoughts. It could be the tight pants. Or they could be vampires made of chocolate.
I fear chocolate only because you can hide anything beneath layers of milky goodness. Like the thought-stealing drugs or vitamin C. You haven't lived until you have contracted scurvy. I must revoke your pirate citizenship if you don't have scurvy on your resume. Jesus only saves those willing to be saved by drugstore brand chewable vitamins with added sucrose. Suck roses, douchebag.
Fact One:
I've stopped giving a fuck.
Work called.
I didn't answer. I spat at the phone. I did the dance of the midnight rooster. My foot is numb from bending it at awkward angles, but if you don't perform the dance correctly you will invoke hideous visions of being anally raped by my third grade science teacher. He was a vicious asshole, who refused to give me the antidote. So I cut off his toe with Crayola brand scissors. Just the tip. And then I ate it. With cheese.
I stopped caring somewhere between caring too much and caring too little, in the green-gray zone of algae and flagella-wielding protozoa. I'm in a pond. I am the pond. And I don't give a fuck. I feel very Office-Spaced. With less flare. Or maybe more flare since we're run by Nazis posing as Jews. The 500 Jewish families that run the national reserve will be displeased with me revealing their secrets, but the worst they can do is melt the glaciers.
Fact Two:
Never go to the mountains with a Transylvanian. And if you do, feed her to the dangerous bears that roam the side of the highway, refusing to acknowledge progress and eating tasty ants. Like the Bantu speaking regions of Africa, I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about.
Fact Three:
Young, Christian women dislike non-Christian males bathing naked in their hot tub. And hostels are for fucks.
Fact Four:
Getting drunk in an SS basement is like getting drunk at your grandfather's Danish grave. You're going to wake up the next day covered in lint and aching since you slept on a poorly constructed foosball table. Foosball is German for 'Do not sleep on me unless you like having a small man living in your ass all night.'
Fact Five:
My cat is beginning to resent my constant fluttering and has taken his revenge by pissing on my rug. By fluttering I mean my ability to disappear for three days at a time, returning wearing a cowboy hat and some one else's pants. If I knew German, I'm sure that night would be a whole lot clearer. Either way, I have claimed ownership of the pants.
Bonus Fact:
She's not pregnant.
In conclusion, I'm going to go watch The Big Lebowski in my bathrobe. Good day, sir.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-09 18:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome Steve, a very funny guy.Too bad you jerks pissed him off. . .
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-23 00:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOST TO DARKO AGAIN!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-05 05:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was worried I had offended teh Steve
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-07-16 13:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-15 02:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
goodbye friend
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2007-07-05 12:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Like the Bantu speaking regions of Africa, I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about."
hahahaha
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2007-07-04 16:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I BELIEVE IN NUSSING, LEBOWSKI!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-07-04 13:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-07-04 12:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-04 11:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-04 11:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-04 03:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
8 year olds dude.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-07-03 11:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THATS RIGHT MY FRIEND
DO NOT FUCK WITH THE JESUS
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-07-03 11:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I learned 1 thing: German!!
hervorragende Post, mensch Maier!!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-03 10:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-03 10:02:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-07-03 09:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by ChairFace (user info) at 2007-07-03 09:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would assume that the SS guys are pretty efficient at playing foosball.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-07-03 09:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-03 06:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2007-07-02 21:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've been taking chewable vitamins too..jameson strawberry flavoured ones..i totally recommend them! Take your vitamins everyone...or you will die alone :(
Submitted by Charlilot (user info) at 2007-07-02 21:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like the Bantu speaking regions of Africa, I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-02 20:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-02 20:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pretty sure I got 8k
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-02 20:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wooooooooooo!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-02 20:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*gets in line*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-02 19:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to not knock her up. You'll have to try again- line starts here ladies and darko.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-07-02 19:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2007-07-02 19:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've stopped giving a fuck.
Work called.
I didn't answer. I spat at the phone.
__________________
BWAHAHAHHAA -- I LOVE IT!
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-07-02 18:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-02 18:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've stopped giving a fuck. "
...
"Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of."
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-02 18:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o clock this afternoon......with nail polish.
Submitted by icanbecool (user info) at 2007-07-02 18:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-02 17:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still grinning like a leper on crack.
It's so ugly, it's almost beautiful.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-02 17:16:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are now my world, my everything and number one on my list of people to go drinking with.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 17:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
......8 year olds, dude.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2007-07-02 17:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 17:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
donnie.......osmond....Or is it donny?
Fuck the osmonds.
They don't get capitalized.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 17:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Donnie.....Wahlberg
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always figured Donny was spelled with an "ie" not a "y".
Shut the fuck up Donnie.
Like Donnie Darko
or Donnie......who the fuck else is named Donnie?
------------------------------
BRASCO
----------------------------------------------------------------
gold star
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always figured Donny was spelled with an "ie" not a "y".
Shut the fuck up Donnie.
Like Donnie Darko
or Donnie......who the fuck else is named Donnie?
------------------------------
BRASCO
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should definately ass me.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What does that Mean anyway?
deserve to be assed?
WTF?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And Deserve to be assed
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an ass.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit....sorry
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always figured Donny was spelled with an "ie" not a "y".
Shut the fuck up Donnie.
Like Donnie Darko
or Donnie......who the fuck else is named Donnie?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
102% awesomeness
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My house is a fucking mess.
I must clean it.
WITH MY MIND.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you got a +2 for me just reading the title alone, good job dude
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Work called.
I didn't answer. I spat at the phone.
____________________
I love you in the most heterosexual way possible.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I don't like doctors. I went to go see a doctor and all he did was suck my blood. Don't go see Dr. Acula."
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-02 16:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!