Cheating (286 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.3 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jigglypuff (View user info) at 2007-07-03 12:23:46 EDT
The 1st part is a girl's apology email for cheating.
2nd is his hilarious reply which was forwarded to HIS entire address book and is now circulating everywhere.
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly, truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing.
I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it,I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, now I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to,and I just feel beyond crushed.
I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can
deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct.
I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your
friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing". Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing".
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes,while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning, isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less
if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday.
Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight.
The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average, run of the mill cum-guzzling blond, who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class,you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
User Reviews
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-07-03 13:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
eval person, you.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-03 13:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Seen it before, still enjoyed it all the same.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're named after a fucking Pokemon.
Holy shit.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i smiled +1
this is an email forward -10
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That wasnt even a funny email forward...
GTFO
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love you.
But I hated having to read this again after tossing it with the rest of my spam/forwards mail.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hated you in Smash Brothers Melee
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh. "like watching sea lions mate"
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Old news.
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
While this WAS relatively humorous, it IS still copypasta and hence unoriginal, warranting you this shiny new -2.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2007-07-03 12:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seen it before.