RPM-Because your recipes are gay..at best (740 hits)
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Submitted by Drew "ajanssen" Janssen (View user info) at 2007-07-03 15:49:56 EDT
Listen up Betty Crocker faggots, I'm tired of looking at your recipes for mac & cheese, french eggs, hard boiled placenta, coagulated sperm, etc. This is a real man's recipe and the best part is a good serving will kill your appetite for several days.
Just like Grandma used to make it!
Anhydrous ammonia - see instructions on how to obtain and store
14 boxes of Sudafed
Rooto drain cleaner (commonly know as sulfuric acid)
Free running salt non-iodine kind
4 energizer e2 lithium batteries
Fish hose (not used)
Coleman's camping fuel or Ozark trail fuel 2 cans
20 0z pop bottle (must be washed very well)
2 quart pitcher (plastic)
Wooden spoon (no exceptions unless u want a fire)
Zip lock bags (don't go cheap use zip lock)
Unbleached coffee filters, the brown ones (regular will work but tend to
change dope colors)
Wire cutters
Cooking screen or other fine screen
Start by crushing all the 14 boxes of pills to a fine powder... a mag light works good. This will take time!
Rinse the 20 oz pop bottle for about 15 minutes under tap water and let it dry completely. It is essential to rinse it very very well or it will fuck things up
The pills will have a coating on them strain them through a fine screen. Make sure to crush clumps back up restrain them.
Take the wire cutters and carefully peel the 4 batteries apart. They should unravel like a roll of film. Start at the positive end. The insides should look like film do not unroll them for now set them to the side. If your battery does not fit this description it is alkaline. The correct batteries will have lithium on the package.
Pour pills into the pitcher.
This step must be done outside no exceptions!!!!! Pour Anhydrous ammonia into the pitcher tell the mixture is almost half of the pitcher.. Read about the substance below first.. Their must be two people for safety reasons!
Have one person stir the mixture at a medium speed with the wooden spoon not to slow not to fast, the other person is Quickly unraveling the 4 batteries, one by one discarding the silver strip, do not drop the strip into the mixture, tear the film looking stuff up, (lithium) and throw it into the mixture, this should produce a rotten egg smell.
When the mixture stops fogging there should be a mush left.
Fill the pitcher up with either fuel described above. Pour the mixture into a zip lock bag be careful not to spill it 10 refill the pitcher make sure to get all the white gunk out of it. Also pour this into the bag. You can start another bag it does not matter. Strain the large bag with coffee filters the first time saving both the liquid and the mush leaving the mush in the original bag. You should have mush in one bag and a semi-clear fuel in another. Separate the semi clear fuel into two different bags filtering them through coffee filters again. You should now have three bags. 2 with clear liquid one with mush. Fill the mush bag back up with fuel and repeat the previous steps. Discard the mush bag .... For those who want everything the can get repeat this step once more to make 6 bags. Fill each bag up to half the bag with fuel and re-filter them 5 times using a new bag each time. Now you should have completely clear looking fuel. It is essential that none of the gunk remains. If gunk remains and you proceed with the next step it will cause the bags to engulf in flames wrecking everything, burning you and your surroundings! For those who want to be extra safe and have bags to waste continue to filter it. Also note when filtering use 2 or 3 filters and change them every time more=better!
Pour the pop bottle 1/3 of the way full with salt. Cut a hole in the top of the pop bottle cap to fit the fish hose. Insert a hose approximately six inches long into the cap let it hang about a ? inch into the pop bottle. Do not put the cap on yet. Pour 1 teaspoon of rooto (sulfuric acid) into the bottle. Screw on the top making sure the hose does not come into contact with the mixture. A smoke be produced and come out the hose when you squeeze the bottle.
Hang the bags from 2 nails a piece and place a small hole to fit the fish hose.
Insert the hosing making sure not to touch the liquid. Squeeze the bottle to fill the bags with smoke. Move from bag to bag filling each bag densely. Wait 1 minute then open the bag to release the smoke so it does not become stale. Repeat the process for apoxmently 2 to 3 hours. After a half hour dope should begin to appear in the bottom of the bag. The liquid may be ran through a coffee filters at any time to catch the dope that seams to magically appear in the bag. Continue this process tell no more dope appears.
Set the dope to dry. It may be smoked as soon as it's filter but has an awkward fuel taste until it's dry. If done correctly this should yield around 14 grams.
Burn all evidence!
After the filters dry throw them in a pop they get you really fucked up cause their caked in dope.
Make sure not to leave them around that how my friends step dad is in prison, filters and fuel cans!
Safety precautions. Make sure to use to much Anhydrous ammonia when stirring rather then to little if not a explosion could occur. Anhydrous ammonia is an extreme inhalation hazard and takes your breath right away. Make sure to drag partners out of the fog if they pass out. Run ten to twenty feet away to get a fresh glup of air, if it cokes you out which it will! Do no smoke around it and it will cause burns if it gets on your skin.
Also note lithium will burn your hands slightly when throwing the rolls but do not wear gloves it will contaminate the product. Be careful don't do this inside, by things that are flammable, or anywhere close to neighbors because it will produce a very strong smell.
Also note: buy things in small quantities to avoid getting caught, do not buy to materials that go with this process at the same time. It is a criminal offense just to process materials that are intended to make meth! Trust very few people and claim it came from the guy down the road. Do not brag your making it!
Trouble shooting.. If dope burns black when smoking to much sulfuric acid has been used. Play with the measurements after you have experience, the ones listed aren't exact science
Finally.. How to obtain Anhydrous ammonia
Option 1. Find a crooked farmer.. I haven't been successful in doing this yet
Option 2. Steal it... It is used as fertilizer and can be found at many corn field farms. Farmers often hide the tanks from sight of passing cars on the road. Keep your eyes open for sprayers they have a big plastic looking tank and attach to a tractor. Where there are sprayers there are tanks usually. Tanks resemble propane tanks but have wheels and a red farm triangle on them. They will say the chemical name right on the side. Research them online if you don't know what they look like.
To the hard part... how to steal it. Spray out a fire extinguisher and wash it very good. Remove the top to do this. If your lucky it will still have a seal of pressure. Run up to the tank a non-conspicuous one is the best and look for the to valves. Make sure the hose is far away from you and turn one very slowly. If you hear a gush of air these is the pressure valve if not it is the liquid value. Make sure to let the pressure out with the air valve then slowly turn the liquid valve. You must balance them so liquid and gas comes out grab the hose and insert it into your container. Fill it up a little bit then pour it out so that you clean the container completely. Then fill it up ? of the way full and put the cap on and run like hell. Do not fill it all the way full because it is under pressure and will explode if you do. If you container is not sealed it will all evaporate quickly so make sure to use it with in a couple of hours. If you container is sealed you will not smell it leaking and should be able to make a couple of ounces off a large fire extinguisher full!
Good look and maybe we will be cell mates someday!
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-11 03:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and whether or not it contains that now is beside the point.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-11 03:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2007-07-05 17:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sudafed no longer contains ephedrine. Sub Bronkaid, or real live minithins if you can find them...
Meth is bad.
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it never contained ephedrine. Its the pseudoephedrine that makes this recipe yummy.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2007-07-05 17:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sudafed no longer contains ephedrine. Sub Bronkaid, or real live minithins if you can find them...
Meth is bad.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-07-04 13:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the best drug is cock...you can smoke it, shoot it, swallow it and even put it in your ass like a supository!
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That was hilarious.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-07-04 13:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
lolz already read this somewhere else.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-07-04 11:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Even niggers are smart enough to stay away from that shit.
=========
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
GASP
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
GOLD
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-04 11:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-07-04 04:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not even going to start with the mistakes in this prep.
If any of you Ubervores have a genuine interest in pharmocopia, I recommend obtaining a copy of 'PIHKAL' by Dr. Alexander Borodin Shulgin.
Leave this batteries and drano shit for the brain-dead.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2007-07-03 23:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can I substitute hollandaise sauce for the anhydrous ammonia?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-07-03 23:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sitting outside, drunk, on my laptop, and laughing my balls off at this.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-03 22:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-07-03 22:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Idiot. See you in the burn ward.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-07-03 21:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/109795#2459838
THANK YOU, I'M TOTALLY GOING TO USE THIS RECIPE TO MAKE SOME DELICIOUS METHAMPHETAMINES FOR THE HOLIDAY FEAST
PS - If you happen to be a DEA agent, I'm only kidding. Meth is for self-loathing gays and white trash. Even crackheads feel sorry for meth addicts.
PPS - Drew, call me. There is an urgent matter that I must discuss with you.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-07-03 19:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They are as likely to fall at your feet crying as they are to shoot you.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
And that's why they use it, because the world's a little too fucked-up for their sensibilities.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-07-03 18:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
link it next time
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what caul said.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
plagia is not cool :-|
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-07-03 18:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kitchen Chemistry Auto +2
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-07-03 18:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the best drug is cock...you can smoke it, shoot it, swallow it and even put it in your ass like a supository!
-----------------
This wouldn't have been nearly as funny if someone aside from Caul had said it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the best drug is cock...you can smoke it, shoot it, swallow it and even put it in your ass like a supository!
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I must admit though, we have more heroin users on the books, than meth.
Rule one at my work place....Do not come between an aggressive heroin addict and thier methadone. They are as likely to fall at your feet crying as they are to shoot you.
People will take drugs the world over, what ever is new, nasty and cheep. Thats thier call unfortunately. Just got to put them back together as best you can when it starts going wrong.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Even niggers are smart enough to stay away from that shit.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow.
I almost feel the need to apologize on behalf of my country for not only making it, but allowing it to get past the borders.
It's a bad drug and it is upsetting to hear about it popping up in other countries.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FG - Yeah, there is, but you never hear about it. It's alot bigger problem than people realise here. Even in the fish town where I live. It's 80% million pound holiday homes, but I still get users in.
Sad.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:22:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LM--is there a meth problem in the UK? I don't mean to be ignorant but I rarely hear of meth problems in the UK.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And the majority of them are complete assholes. If they haven't had their dosage, they get really mean. And unpredictable. Like in freaking out for no apparent reason.
___
Hearing you on this. Worst part of my day is getting one of those in.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-07-03 17:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Out of all the drugs, meth is probably one of the worst in terms of the destruction it causes on the human body.
At our hospital, we have several 'frequent flyers' as we call them, who are meth users. Some of them are in their early to mid 20s and look at least a decade older than I am.
Teeth are gone, or mostly gone. Discolored at the very least.
Veins are like leather (if they shoot).
Brain chemistry is fucked.
And the majority of them are complete assholes. If they haven't had their dosage, they get really mean. And unpredictable. Like in freaking out for no apparent reason.
Of course these are hard core users.
Also, at least here in the Midwest, they're mostly lower SES caucasians.
That's the PC term for White Trash.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-07-03 13:14:21 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
only if you throw in a blowjob. Congratulations on inventing Eggs Florentine!
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ha ha - that comment was really funny.
but, you didn't write this yourself, whereas he did - so that means you have to schlurp Hollandaise sauce off his penos
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and all that cock talk makes you look a million times gayer than i could ever be even if i wore a hat full of dildos.
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LAWL
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEATY GOOOOOOODNESSSSS
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Plagiarism sucks ass
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
only if you throw in a blowjob. Congratulations on inventing Eggs Florentine! Maybe one day youll get to be on the cooking channel. Dicksmoker.
===
i didn't invent anything. i just typed it out myself.
and all that cock talk makes you look a million times gayer than i could ever be even if i wore a hat full of dildos.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm.....dont know what to say....ok
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
only if you throw in a blowjob. Congratulations on inventing Eggs Florentine! Maybe one day youll get to be on the cooking channel. Dicksmoker.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
link it next time
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No shit. Nor did I invent the question mark or fight in The Alamo either.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what caul said.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
plagia is not cool :-|
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.totse.com/en/drugs/speedy_drugs/howtocookmethn191749.html
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
" Make sure to drag partners out of the fog if they pass out."
that made me spit orange juice.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude... I can't stop laughing.
You prick.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meth is really bad for your teeth. Don't forget to brush and floss daily, even when you're reduced to sucking off strangers in the bus station for $10.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heat
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool, meth...i hear it makes people turn gay :-O
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-07-03 16:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The beautiful part about this post is that Bart has not yet constructed a rule that says you can't post meth recipes on uber...so you're totally fine.
And if he bans you, take it to the supreme court!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-07-03 15:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-07-03 15:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where is that damn Jeanneee at? She must be getting bored in Georgia.
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-03 15:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2...
...erm...
...meth?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-03 15:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeanneee was just asking for this recipe.