The Chuck Palahniuk Kit (1059 hits)
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Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2007-07-06 00:16:01 EDT
THE CHUCK PALAHNIUK KIT
In case you are confused, Charles Michael Palahniuk is an "American satrical novelist" and part-time journalist. He tends to write "trangressional fiction with a minimalistic approach." He is not a "shock writer" but would rather you call it cynical & ironic "black humor." The reviewer that wrote that gruesome scenes are "piled up to such extremes that it seems like Palahniuk is just double-daring himself to top each new vile degradation with something worse," spoke the truth, but unnecessarilly so. Currently, we belive Mr. Palahnuik is somewhere in Washington state.
Pronounced 'Paul - ah - Nick,' he fell out sometime in 1962 to two surprisingly normal parents. In a long term relationship for many years, he has no children but two dogs. He reads a lot of Amy Hempel, Thom Jones, Denis Johnson and Bret Easton Ellis while listening to Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails and Prodigy. He does not consider himself a nihilist, but a romantic.
Why does he write? - In his own words: "Mr. Olsen in the fifth grade made me want to be a writer. He said, 'Chuck, you do this really well. And this is much better than setting fires, so keep it up'. That made me a writer."
The Starter Kit
Comes with the following books, Ronald Reagan mask, package of 8 condoms, utility hammer, Zippo lighter and 12oz. container of horseradish sauce.
The Advanced Kit
Comes with all items previously mentioned, as well as 14" surgical bone saw, orange clown shoes, 1lb. bag of yeast, one dozen assorted photographs of various facial deformities, Ayn Rand dartboard, scuba goggles and one taxidermied flamingo.
"FIGHT CLUB" - This darkly funny first novel tells the story of a disenfranchised young man frustrated with his bureacratic job, superficial relationships and disillusioned with the consumer culture's prepackaged pleasures. Relief for him and his peers comes in the form of Tyler Durden, the intensely charismatic inventor of Fight Club. Waiters, clerks, and middlemen seek out the visceral satisfaction of secret after-hours boxing matches in the basements of bars, thinking they have found a way to live beyond their confining lives. But in Tyler's world there are no rules, no limits, no brakes... there is Project Mayhem.
"INVISIBLE MONSTERS" - She's a fashion model who has everything: a boyfriend, a career, a loyal best friend. But when a sudden freeway "accident" leaves her disfigured and incapable of speech, she goes from being the beautiful center of attention to being an invisible monster, so hideous that no one will acknowledge she exists. Enter Brandy Alexander, (Queen Supreme) who is one operation away from becoming a real woman and will teach her that reinventing yourself means erasing your past and making up something better. That, and that salvation hides in the last places you'll ever want to look.
"SURVIVOR" - Tender Branson - last surviving member of the so-called "Creedish Death Cult" - is dictating his incredible life story into the flight recorder of Flight 2039, cruising on autopilot at 39,000 feet somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. He is all alone in the plane, which will shortly reach terminal velocity and crash into the vast Australian outback. Before it does, he will unfold the tale of his journey from an obedient Creedish child and humble domestic servant to an ultra-buffed, steroid and collagen-packed media messiah. He'll even share his insight that "the only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage."
"CHOKE" - Needing to pay elder care for his mother, med-school drop out Victor has devised an ingenious scam: he pretends to choke on pieces of food while dining in upscale restaurants. He then allows himself to be "saved" by fellow patrons who, feeling responsible for Victor's life, go on to send checks to support him. When he's not pulling this stunt, Victor cruises sexual addiction recovery workshops for action, visits his addled mom, and spends his days working at a colonial theme park. His best friend seems to be building some kind of temple in Victor's backyard. You see, Victor's origins just may go back to a certain relic once owned by the Vatican...
"LULLABY" - Carl Streator is assigned to do a series of articles on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In the course of this investigation, he discovers an ominous thread: the presence on the scene of these deaths of the anthology "Poems and Rhymes Around the World," all opened to the page where there appears an African chant or "culling song." This song turns out to be lethal when spoken or even thought in anyone's direction. So he teams up with a real estate broker, one Helen Hoover Boyle, who specializes in selling haunted (or "distressed") houses and who lost a child to the culling song years before. Their goal is to remove all copies of the book from libraries, lest this deadly verbal virus spread and wipe out human life. Accompanying them on this road trip are Helen's assistant, Mona Sabbat, an exquisitely earnest Wiccan, and her sardonic eco-terrorist boyfriend, Oyster. Unfortunately, once the song lodges in Streator's brain, he finds himself becoming an involuntary serial killer.
"DIARY" - Kept by one Misty Tracy Wilmot as her husband lies senseless in a hospital after a suicide attempt, a "coma diary" seems like a bold idea at escapism. Once she was an art student dreaming of creativity and freedom; now, after marrying Peter at school and being brought back to once quaint, now tourist-overrun Waytansea Island, she's been reduced to the condition of a resort hotel maid. Peter, it turns out, has been hiding rooms in houses he's remodeled and scrawling vile messages all over the walls - an old habit of builders but dramatically overdone in Peter's case. Angry homeowners are suing left and right, and Misty's dreams of artistic greatness are in ashes. But then, as if possessed by the spirit of Maura Kinkaid, a fabled Waytansea artist of the nineteenth century, Misty begins painting again, compulsively. But can her newly discovered talent be part of a larger, darker plan? Of course it can ...
"HAUNTED" - A novel made up of stories: twenty-three of them, to be precise. They are told by people who have answered an ad headlined "Artists' Retreat: Abandon Your Life for Three Months" and who are led to believe that here they will leave behind all the distractions of "real life" that are keeping them from creating the masterpiece that is in them. But "here" turns out to be a cavernous and ornate old theater where they are utterly isolated from the outside world - and where heat and power and, most important, food are in increasingly short supply. And the more desperate the circumstances become, the more desperate the stories they tell, and the more devious their machinations become to make themselves the hero of the inevitable blockbuster that will most certainly be made from their plight.
"RANT" -Buster Casey was every small kid ever born in a small town, searching for real thrills in a world of video games and action/adventure movies. The high school rebel who always wins, Rant Casey escapes from his hometown of Middleton for the big city and becomes the leader of an urban demolition derby called "Party Crashing," where on designated nights, the participants recognize each other by dressing their cars with tin-can tails, 'Just Married' toothpaste graffiti, and other refuse, then look for designated markings in order to stalk and crash into each other. It's in this violent, late-night hunting game that Casey meets three friends. And after his spectacular death, these friends gather the testimony needed to build an oral history of his short life. An assortment of friends, enemies, admirers, detractors, and relations have their say on this evil character, who may or may not be the most efficient serial killer of our time.
Limited Time Bonus Offer!!!
Act NOW and get one of the follow quotes carved in your back with an authentic broken wine bottle!!!
"If you could be God's worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?" - Fight Club
"When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves." - Invisible Monsters
"Someone bent on suicide won't have much sense of humor left." - Survivor
"Masochism is a valuable job skill." - Choke
"Every generation wants to be the last." - Lullaby
"All the effort in the world won't matter if you're not inspired." - Diary
"You can spend a whole life building a wall of facts between you and anything real." - Haunted
ARE YOU LONELY, OVERWEIGHT, UNDERPAID, FEELING GUILTY, UNAPPRECIATED, RELIGIOUSLY DISATISFIED, PHYSICALLY ILL, BANKRUPT, DEPRESSED, FACING PROSECUTION, SEXUALLY INADEQUATE and/or GENERALLY BORED???
Get our CHUCK PALAHNIUK KIT today before we run out!**
**"the unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well... they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend; they can go on and on." - Chuck Palahniuk
User Reviews
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:11:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked fight club the movie better than the book. It's actually the only book, that I can think of, that I liked less than the movie adaptation.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-07 14:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HEY!!! Hey FTW!!!
Go look at my last post... I want your expert opinion on the painting I did!!!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-07-07 11:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My girlfriend gave my Invisible Monsters awhile ago, and I finally read it the other day. I'm glad I did. I thought it was a great book.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-07-07 11:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-07-06 13:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And why is no one mentioning Survivor?
That has to be his best one besides fight club and a much better ending than choke. Unless you don't actually read into it enough to realize the main character DOESN'T die. anyway...
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-07-06 13:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:18:05 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hear Chuck is also a catcher, which I find hilarious given his reputation.
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Yep, he's gay.
Diary is his worst, and no matter what k-king says, Invisible Monsters is much more "incorrect" than choke, haunted or lullaby. Rant was his best in a while by the way.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-06 12:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-06 10:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A goat???
Can I sacrifice it to my Dark Pagan Masters?
__________________
I just spit out cranberry juice thanks asshole.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-06 10:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2die
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 10:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ghola - - Oh, I know... I just hate seeing all the drama.
Drogo - - Hush up, you buggerer!!!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-07-06 10:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 10:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno. I actually TRY to get along with everyone on this site.
Except for that cunt Drogo. He buggers boys.
--
Hey Kaos get back here and explain this comment I found!!!!
I don't bugger boys!! Why if I wasn't thousands of miles away across the ocean i would come over and show you what I DO to boys!
ummmmm?????????????
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-06 10:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 10:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not about to get involved in this, but...
... were the random -2's really appropriate?
---
Yup.
He apparently thinks so, or he wouldn't -2 everything i post.
hugs and kisses,
ghola
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-07-06 10:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sodomising a virgin?? That would mean she would technically remain a virgin right? Then you could just keep using her as your Virgin again and again. Cool.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A goat???
Can I sacrifice it to my Dark Pagan Masters?
I mean, first they'll be proper ritual techniques to follow: I'll have to dig a hole at a crossroads and walk about it counterclock-wise 6 times while reciting the incantation of Allal X'ull as precribed by Abdul Alhazred. Shaking 6 gold coins covered in honey into the hole, I'll then spit red wine 6 times into the hole as well. If all goes well, I WON'T burst into flames and then I can slit the goat open from groin to neck in a single motion, allowing it's innards to spill into the earth. By this point we should be able to sodomize the virgin with the snake and...
Wait... why are you looking at me like that?
Come back!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Definitely my least favorite, as well.
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who would have guessed you have so much in common with a govt plant?
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was nearly physically ill reading Haunted....but I couldn't put it down.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html
wonderful short story by c.p.
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http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/79400.html
Sometimes life imitates art.
"Ouch" doesn't quite say enough, does it?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to buy 'choke' now and read it on the bus.
I wont want to hurt anyone will i?
_______________________
Just possibly yourself and/or that random elderly streetwoman who reeks of old fish and is picking at the stray, fraying fabrics of her faded red sweater.
--
Don't you be encouraging violence against my Mamma, she didn't do you no harm!
________________________
You're right - I apologize. You're mummy was a kind and gentle woman...
... she took out her stained and broken teeth before she went down upon my cock.
**runs**
--
You said WHAT?????????????????????
Oh man I'm so enraged right now. I'm a, I'm a, uh I'm going to cry. Then make a coffee then sit down and try to come up with Intraweb revenge. Probably involving you and a Goat or something.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to buy 'choke' now and read it on the bus.
I wont want to hurt anyone will i?
_______________________
Just possibly yourself and/or that random elderly streetwoman who reeks of old fish and is picking at the stray, fraying fabrics of her faded red sweater.
--
Don't you be encouraging violence against my Mamma, she didn't do you no harm!
________________________
You're right - I apologize. You're mummy was a kind and gentle woman...
... she took out her stained and broken teeth before she went down upon my cock.
**runs**
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-07-06 09:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to buy 'choke' now and read it on the bus.
I wont want to hurt anyone will i?
_______________________
Just possibly yourself and/or that random elderly streetwoman who reeks of old fish and is picking at the stray, fraying fabrics of her faded red sweater.
--
Don't you be encouraging violence against my Mamma, she didn't do you no harm!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coool :) have a nice weekend KK,HBTS, Ghola etc etc
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to buy 'choke' now and read it on the bus.
I wont want to hurt anyone will i?
_______________________
Just possibly yourself and/or that random elderly streetwoman who reeks of old fish and is picking at the stray, fraying fabrics of her faded red sweater.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to buy 'choke' now and read it on the bus.
I wont want to hurt anyone will i?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html
wonderful short story by c.p.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well he switches between Science Fiction and dark comedy/horror
http://www.iainbanks.net/f06.htm is a very good book
and http://www.iainbanks.net/fiction.htm shows all his fiction ones with a big blurb, think you would like.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 08:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KK you read any Iain Banks?
______________________
Doesn't sound familiar to me. What's he written?
In all honesty, I swear all I read anymore is horror - I've been studying the "art" of the horror short story.
Anybody read Terry Goodkind's 'Sword Of Truth' fantasy series? They're making "Wizard's First Rule" into a mini-series...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KK you read any Iain Banks?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought Fight Club was good, but after I read "Choke" and "Lullaby" I gave up him. I thought they both really sucked.
__________________________
**stares**
I don't even wanna ask what YOU like to read...
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Lullaby" is usually the one I recommend to people who haven't read his work before.
I think it's the most easily accessible.
Read "Choke" next... what a great ending!!!
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought Fight Club was good, but after I read "Choke" and "Lullaby" I gave up him. I thought they both really sucked.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:36:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What did everyone think of Lullaby?? Only one i have read.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
diary blew, haven't read the last two.
_________________
Definitely my least favorite, as well.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-07-06 07:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
diary blew, haven't read the last two.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-06 05:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes I think I'm the second Jesus too...
Choke is in my top 50 novels of all time.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-06 04:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't even get me started on the sheer incorrectness that is "Haunted."
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-07-06 02:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fight club!
i was just thinking of writing a post about that
re male ego etc
re being the cock of walk karate king with my seven year old son, tossing hyim aournd the lounge room etc
ala kramer with the children
i was wondering: could my insecurities stem from lack of demonstration of my physcial prowess over olther men??????
perhaps not by bare knuckel fighting in concrete basements, but even by some legitatmate sporting activity, or occaassionaly punching some cunt in a pub
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-07-06 01:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-07-06 01:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They're working on the feature version of Choke right now.
I saw an early draft and it was pretty fucking funny.
You'd never guess who did the adaptation by his previous best known work.
I hear Chuck is also a catcher, which I find hilarious given his reputation.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I find his prose to be a bit too awkward at times. There's minimalism, and then there's simply not putting enough in.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does watching the movie Fight Club make one familiar with him?
_____________________
Man... "Fight Club" is tame compared to "Choke" or "Lullaby."
Don't even get me started on the sheer incorrectness that is "Haunted."
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does watching the movie Fight Club make one familiar with him?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh...
yeah.
But if you're at all familiar with his work, you would realize why this post is completely ridiculous.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So do you like him or what?
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
@Poster below me: http://www.nowthatshumor.com/images/0090.jpg
I enjoyed it Kaos. Nice work.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-06 00:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE BUKOWSKI RABBLE RABBLE