Hey Baby, Cody Likes Peanut Butter! (1520 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.65 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Puking Dog (View user info) at 2007-07-07 05:32:15 EDT
My friend is a lieutenant at a local state penitentiary. Currently he is working graveyards and swings and one of his duties is to listen to prisoners' phone calls. Invariably, while conversations regarding the vicissitudes of daily prison life are the norm, a high percentage of calls revolves around drugs and the codes surrounding them and their being smuggled into prison. This is what he is listening for and in this particular case, he believed he had found something...
The following (true story) is a poorly transcribed account of the goings-on of a typical local white trash couple - beautifully exposed for all to witness the horror that is unadulterated and prohibitive stupidity. Like going on a field trip to the morgue in Biology class, it should inspire awe and disgust simultaneously.
Prisoner: "Hey baby."
Wife: "How they treatin' you baby?"
(Two to three minutes of bullshit here.)
Wife: "Guess what baby? I found out Cody likes peanut butter."
(Here is where our hero has believed he has stumbled onto some code for Xanax.)
Prisoner: "What?"
Wife: "Yeah, baby, he uh, you know, likes peanut butter."
Prisoner: "Oh. Yeah? Is he there?"
Wife: "Yeah, he's right here."
Prisoner: "So, like, what do you do baby? You just spread it or..."
Wife: "Yeah. Ohhhhhhh...."
Prisoner: "Yeah?"
(At this point our friend can hear some serious slurping, or something.)
Prisoner: "Let me hear it baby."
Wife: "Okayyyyyy..."
(Phone moves and we can hear lapping sounds even louder now.)
Prisoner: "Oh yeah. Oh fuck yeah! That's right, baby..."
(Phone moves back up. Apparently we now hear lapping while the wife is going, to quote our friend, "fucking nuts.")
Prisoner: "Wow baby, that's hot! I can't believe you trained the dog to lick peanut butter off your pussy. That's fuckin' hot."
(Yes, that's right. If you hadn't figured it out yet, Cody is not a code word, he's the family dog. And he likes peanut butter. A lot. So much so that now, every time Mrs. Prisoner goes into the kitchen, he goes totally apeshit.)
Wife: "Yeah, you just have to keep putting it on a lot, that's the bad part. Plus baby, I ain't sure if it's right."
Prisoner: "What?"
Wife: "Well, I can't help but feel like it ain't right. You know... like it's wrong."
Prisoner: "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. It don't say nothing in the bible about that."
(Actually it does. Jesus basically had to tell people to stop fucking animals. It was so bad he threatened them with death. Or so I understand from those who study the bible. It also says Jews can't eat shellfish.)
Prisoner: "So how did you think of that?"
Wife: "What?"
Prisoner: "You know, the peanut butter. How did you think of it?"
Wife: "Oh. Yeah. Well one day he came in here while I was on the couch with a hot dog."
Prisoner: "A hot dog?"
Wife: "Yeah, you know..."
Prisoner: "In your pussy?"
Wife: "Yeah, of course! He came over and sniffed it, and that's when I thought of it. But baby, he bit me!"
Prisoner: "A hot dog?"
(Wow. Several uninterrupted minutes of moaning later...)
Wife: "You gonna think about it now while you jack your dick?"
Prisoner: "Yeah, no shit baby. That's hot."
Wife: "Yeah, I like it too baby. I can't wait for you to see it."
(Oh God.)
Wife: "But you know, I haven't been doing it too much lately cuz..."
Prisoner: "Why?"
Wife: "Cuz my stomach's been hurting me and it is kinda hard to pee."
Prisoner: "Oh."
Wife: "But, you know, I'm sposed to get full-time status at work soon, so I'll have benefits then."
Prisoner: "Yeah."
(Ha! I guess so she can go to the doctor.)
Wife: "So, I been selling the stuff I bring home from work."
(Stolen goods.)
Prisoner: "Yeah? Like what?"
Wife: "Perfume, some jewelry..."
(She works at Wal-Mart.)
Wife: "... oh yeah, and of course peanut butter. But I don't sell that, it's for me and Cody..."
User Reviews
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-07-24 15:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. A hot dog? OF COURSE!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-07-24 15:01:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-24 07:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a mad old world.
Submitted by loan_officer (user info) at 2008-03-30 13:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-26 14:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...woah.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-26 14:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually it does. Jesus basically had to tell people to stop fucking animals. It was so bad he threatened them with death. Or so I understand from those who study the bible. It also says Jews can't eat shellfish.
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HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA i forgot about this post. brilliant!
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-10 19:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What you say is "Wow, what a truly bizarre world we live in where this actually happens. Plus two."
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-07-09 10:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Really dont know what to say here
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-09 08:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
mmmmm... that's so hot cody. yeah lick that peanut butter, oh yeah, want some more, come on good boy here's some peanut butter. oH YEAH! OH COME ON YOU DIRTY DOG LICK IT OH YEAH DON"T STOP!
erm, it's too early for this shit.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-09 04:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh gross!
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-09 03:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sweet Joey.
Submitted by Zackstersmackster (user info) at 2007-07-09 03:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
WHAT THE FUCK?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-07-09 03:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminded of a film I have in my 'private' collection.
You know the one.
Bambi.
Except this had some chick letting a dog lick her out.
Apart from that, they're practically identical.
Submitted by Adam_Warlock (user info) at 2007-07-08 20:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-08 19:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this has made my stomach feel weird. and for some reason has reminded me of another post which was basically a sex story between a brother and sister - the sister being a hermaphrodite.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-08 17:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
o-kay then
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-07 18:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yuck.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-07 16:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 puking dog
<3
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-07 15:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-07 15:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
---
I gave it a one, ant.
And if you email me inappropriate pictures, I will block you.
________________
**shock & dismay**
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-07 15:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
appropriate*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-07 15:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the disgusting story
+1 for the strangely inappropriate user name.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-07 15:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-07 15:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-07 12:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fucking horrible.
__________________
Hehehehehehe...
I'm just curious, my lil' ninja... did you find the structure & writing "horrible" or..
... the the content itself? 'Cause if was the content, I'm SOOO e-mailing you some pictures...
---
I gave it a one, ant.
And if you email me inappropriate pictures, I will block you.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-07 15:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-07 12:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fucking horrible.
__________________
Hehehehehehe...
I'm just curious, my lil' ninja... did you find the structure & writing "horrible" or..
... the the content itself? 'Cause if was the content, I'm SOOO e-mailing you some pictures...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-07-07 13:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-07-07 12:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gross.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-07-07 12:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
disgusting
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-07 12:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fucking horrible.
Submitted by shmack92 (user info) at 2007-07-07 10:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh. prisoners think they have rights
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-07 10:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Prisoner: "A hot dog?"
Wife: "Yeah, you know..."
Prisoner: "In your pussy?"
Wife: "Yeah, of course! He came over and sniffed it, and that's when I thought of it. But baby, he bit me!"
Prisoner: "A hot dog?"
=================================
That last line killed me.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-07-07 09:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
beastiality is AWESOME.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-07 09:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOT
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-07 09:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
motherfucker
its too early in the morning for a beastiality story, but funny just the same
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-07 09:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im rating this based on the title, and hoping this has nothing to do with a dog and a jar of creamy jif...
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-07 06:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-07 06:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I swear to God it is a true story.
-------
Dude I am totally gonna take your word for it.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-07 06:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I swear to God it is a true story.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-07 06:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...it should inspire awe and disgust simultaneously."
Yup, thats it alright...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-07 06:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bullshit.