I have been decieved, the TV lied to me... (762 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.71 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Progr3ss (View user info) at 2007-07-08 06:49:56 EDT
Originally I decided to have pay television (or 'cable' for you Ameeeerrricans) installed at my place of residence because I absolutley love football and the prospect of having five channels dedicated to sport made me giddy with excitment.
Now that's football with a round ball people. Not an oblong one. Although, I can appreciate all types of football, from Rugby Union and League to Gailec Football and American Football.
Not AFL though. That game sucks donkey balls.
So I rang the number and had them send a fella to install a wonderous little black box in my living room. And from that point on all has been well. I watched the World Cup last year in the comfort of my own lounge chair and not in a shitty bar. I watched the A League final with my friends and lost interest when Archie Thompson scored his third goal of his eventual five.
For me, my entertainment options were complete. And before any of you start, we have a very active social life, and enjoy a multitude of books every month. Television is really only watched whilst eating breakfast or before bed.
And so after nearly two years of television satiety, my girlfriend, who has become bored with watching MTV, millions of re-runs of Friends and Will & Grace, and even Animal Precinct on Animal Planet, started to flip around and watch other channels. Channels we had already deemed boring and generally of no interest to us, personally and as a couple, but I guess she was bored and had a look: Cooking channels, fashion channels, infant development channels, christian channels... The list goes on. But now she has developed a taste for a certain channel that to the untrained eye seems harmless enough. But is in fact, very, very dangerous.
Discovery: Home & Health.
Now let's take a moment to evaluate that line.
Discovery: Home & Health.
Home & Health
Home. And Health.
Home.
Health.
Discovery.
Health.
Alright I think we've got it.
Upon seeing this channel in my package I originally had thoughts of Martha Stewart style cooking and craft shows. Maybe a Dr Phil therapy show that makes people even more emotionally damaged because of the warped reflection of their faces they recieve from his shiny nugget of a head. Perhaps even a gardening show. Oh, how wrong I was. For this channel needs to be re-named. To this:
Discovery: Babies and Weddings.
That's right people. It's all a sham. The name is designed to deflect suckers like myself from watching it, and to draw in and ensnare slowly developing clucking hen machines that are, the mid-twenties woman.
How did I come about this discovery? Simple really. I noticed with increasing frustration that my lady was ohhhhh-ing and ahhhh-ing over anything that was child related, and starting sentences with the words: "You know, when we have kids..." Not to mention she was asking me more and more how much I loved her and if we would get married one day, and if we would have a big family, and if we would, and if we would...
So I did a litle bit of research and it turns out this channel is rife with programs about babies, baby related legal issues, weddings, proposals AND GENRALLY ANYTHING TO DO WITH CHILDREN AND WEDLOCK.
Below you will find evidence to support my claim. It is not editied in any way. All I can ask is that the males out there supervise their partners viewing, because if not properly monitered, your relationship as you know it will change, and you'll have to either go to the store and buy a chunk of mineral and then spawn offspring, or you'll be all alone.
So if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the store.
*sigh*
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-13 05:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
woooo
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-13 05:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha... yes you are, you crazy bris-vegas bastard!
sorry I'm drinking tooheys new and it's been a week since my last beers and I haven't eaten all day. WOOT!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-13 05:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Me and Fey are "seeing each other."
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Sense of Responsibility.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey if your a feminist then more power to you. My partner and I are adament about purchasing products not tested on animals, even things like razors and toilet paper (it's the parent companies you see?) and I wasn't making an assumption that this is what all women want, god, if I only knew what women wanted! Thanks!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+ 1 Benefit of the Doubt
We're all guilty of typos. Some of us even put them in our titles.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was "seeing Thorpe", I was helping to clarify further.
I don't know if you want me to rate the post, as I'm a known rabid feminist and your insinuation that all females only want babies and marriage is insulting.
So take your friendly Zero and be happy with it, mm?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-12 09:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
isnt' a deathlock a wrasslin move?
im pretty sure it is.
oh fuck off anyway!
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-12 06:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-12 04:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"i" before "e"
except after "c"
as long as the sound
is meant to be "ee"
--------------------------
OK how about rate the post and not the title?
Also see thorpe below...
And what about neighbour?
Fuck your rules...
Sorry I just feel angry that people are rating the title rather then the post.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-12 04:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"i" before "e"
except after "c"
as long as the sound
is meant to be "ee"
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-12 03:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-12 00:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
wedlock and deathlock rhyming a coincidence?
i think not!
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Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-10 06:06:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what's with the bony geriatric arm in that header there? uggh
-----------------------------------------
czwij - what the flying fax machine is a deathlock?
-----------------------------------------
Jonnyx - I have know idea what's going on there as well... I don't even see how it could symbolise home & health.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-11 10:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wedlock and deathlock rhyming a coincidence?
i think not!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-09 16:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what's with the bony geriatric arm in that header there? uggh
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-07-09 14:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just be happy you don't have the lifetime movie network. chick flicks 24-7, everytime I turn around I have to delete this garbage off of my DVR.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-07-09 14:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DO NOT WATCH THIS CHANNEL
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-09 10:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to see "Yummy Mummy."
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-09 09:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-09 04:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-07-09 13:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Buy her a puppy. It will probably buy you a year.
---------------------------
Yeah, you see, we have a dog already... and a cat.
But thanks!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-07-09 03:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scary shit.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-09 00:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha thats fucking great man
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-07-08 23:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buy her a puppy. It will probably buy you a year.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-08 18:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-08 16:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-07-08 13:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
man trap!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ps IT'S YOUR TURN
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fixing Dinner... That station is definitely for women.
Coincidentally, I'm the one that makes the meals in the relationship.
Does that make me a bitch?
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAHAHAHAAHAHAH
"Maybe a Dr Phil therapy show that makes people even more emotionally damaged because of the warped reflection of their faces they recieve from his shiny nugget of a head."
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:19:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just donkey punch her in the vag, and tell her that's what having kids means all the time. But be sure to run soon after, because revenge is a bitch.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Making Babies: Genetically Correct
OR
Making Babies: Don't Knock-up the Fat Chick
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:00:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 10:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*Seigh*
Submitted by matchstickman (user info) at 2007-07-08 10:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
obeisance.
suck on that
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-07-08 10:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BAM MUTHAFUCkA!
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-07-08 10:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 08:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I BEFORE E EXCEPT AFTER C
IT IS THE ONLY SPELLING RULE ANYONE ACTUALLY KNOWS
BUT YOU STILL SCREWED IT UP
-----------
science
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-08 10:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 08:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I BEFORE E EXCEPT AFTER C
IT IS THE ONLY SPELLING RULE ANYONE ACTUALLY KNOWS
BUT YOU STILL SCREWED IT UP
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-08 07:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Taming Toddlers: Episode 9"
Or
"How To Fit A Saddle To A Three Year Old"
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-08 07:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"House of Babies, Episode 16"
The horror. The horror.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-08 07:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*equivalent
Retard below.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-08 06:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Yummy Mummy?"
Is that the overseas equivilant of a MILF?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-08 06:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'd kill for a baby."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
SUCKER!!!!
On a sorta related not, shameless linkwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/m/109760