Mamma had a baby and his head popped off... (1932 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.62 on 85 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Siren© (View user info) at 2007-07-08 11:02:33 EDT
I overestimated the difficulty of this newborn thing. It's blown WAY out of proportion on TV and by other parents and stuff. I thought I'd never get any sleep, he'd be crying 24-7... it's all lies! It's easy as pie, if you ask me. Sure there are a few things that are different. I now have to wipe someone else's poop. I've been peed on a lot more that usual in the last 2 months, and was puked on for the first time by someone other than myself in a drunken state in Ocean City, MD. I even learned that when pushed with much force, diarrhea can shoot over 3 feet! Oh, the joy.
Really I just think I'm lucky. I got the best baby. He's sweet, smart, funny and gorgeous. Also, he's been sleeping through the night since he was 3 weeks old. Somebody MUST have switched him at the hospital. No way this kid is mine. My tune may change in the teenage years, but for now I'm enjoying it.
But, look! He's perfect. His name is Lincoln.
User Reviews
Submitted by shmack92 (user info) at 2007-07-13 11:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
people need to stop giving +2's over a picture of a baby
Also he looks like Elmer Fudd
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-07-11 22:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i half expected you to post a picture of a car.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-07-11 14:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and congrats - ADORABLE!!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-07-11 14:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAARGGHH!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!!
Is it too late to start at 9?
---------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Yougotthatright (user info) at 2007-07-09 07:40:23 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do yourself a favor...Mommy Dearest
Here is the story:
I have a buddy of mine who'd been taking digital stills (every birthday- no shit, right?) of his little girl from the day she was born with these dorky little bunny ears she was given at her birth by some "odd" Aunt (think Poor Ralphie from "A Christmas Story"). Every year he would make her put these ears on and stand for a picture...from kindergarten to summer camp to grade school to college, right up to the time she was proposed to by some Bugs Bunny freak. No one knew WHY he made her do it every year until the day of her wedding and it was Dad's turn at the mic...and a screen lowered and a PowerPoint started to play...
He had taken ALL those images and done a cool and heartwarming "morphing" slide show of his daughter getting older with those damn bunny ears with a soundtrack of the #1 songs from the year of the pictures she was in...
Coolest thing I have ever seen a father do at a wedding.
I have three daughters and I kick myself all the time for not doing something like this.
just a thought...
Imagine a son slowly growing up in, say Dads work shirt?
or a fire helmet?
or on a skateboard?
or by a new puppy you just got him?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-11 09:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-08 17:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coz there really just aren't enough people in the world anyway.
--------------
at LEAST he's white.
juuuust kidding, relax!
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-11 09:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
as long as they are healthy, thats what matters.
why did you name hime after a gay president?
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2007-07-11 07:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF, sleeping through the night at 3 weeks? Are you breastfeeding??
My kid is 6.5 months old and still doesn't sleep through the night!!!
But she is so damn cute that it makes up for it.
Anyway, congratulations. !!!!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-10 20:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What an adorable widdle baby!
Nice work on the production.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2007-07-10 20:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe, baby
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-10 12:21:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-10 08:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-10 08:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-09 22:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He's cute,absolutely adorable! Has he peed in yer eye yet? They do that forever. My boy is 18 and still trying to piss on me! I get back at him by cooking really awful dinners and turning off the power in the house at 9PM. Now i hope he moves out with that buck toothed,cross -eyed bitch he calls the love of his life.(sorry ,a little baggage dumping there)
---------------
Have another +2 for this comment.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-07-09 22:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You will learn
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-09 22:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He's cute,absolutely adorable! Has he peed in yer eye yet? They do that forever. My boy is 18 and still trying to piss on me! I get back at him by cooking really awful dinners and turning off the power in the house at 9PM. Now i hope he moves out with that buck toothed,cross -eyed bitch he calls the love of his life.(sorry ,a little baggage dumping there)
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-07-09 16:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No. Your tune will change from 2 until 18. Then it's cake.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-09 16:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I even learned that when pushed with much force, diarrhea can shoot over 3 feet! Oh, the joy.
------
n00b. you coulda learned that here http://www.tubgirl.com
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-09 15:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ, he's tiny. I've got bigger chunks of corn in my crap.
Come 'ere, I'm gonna eat ya! I'm bigger than you, I'm higher than you on the food chain! Get in my belly!
Siren, let me make ya a deal, alright? You keep the mojo, you keep the money and I'll get your baby. I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-09 15:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-07-09 13:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tell your son to stay away from top hats, and the theater
--------------------------------
Best comment yet.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2007-07-09 14:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for babies
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-07-09 13:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tell your son to stay away from top hats, and the theater
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-09 13:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 for posting about your baby.
+4 for naming your baby Lincoln.
Abe Lincoln freed the slaves!!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-07-09 13:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhhhhh
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-07-09 12:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2007-07-09 11:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 cute bebe.
My little guy was an angel too, right up until his second birthday.
Then Satan showed his true colors.
Hopefully I can beat it out of him.
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-07-09 11:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-09 07:45:25 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fatterrific, oh my god, you're 13. For hating babies so much, you've come to this post at least 4 times. Maybe you just love me. It's ok, I'm hard to resist.
-------------------
Actually, I'm 26. Also, I had only reviewed this post twice. This will make it 3. Don't take it personal though, I also hate children. And adults. And teenagers. Did I miss anyone? Anyway, I just got some 'tang so have a +2.
Submitted by Yougotthatright (user info) at 2007-07-09 11:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH YEAH...
Cute "Screw" Trophy BTW
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-07-09 11:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like babies.
that's why i knocked my wife up twice.
while my babies are undoubtedly better than yours, being mine and all, your baby is very acceptable. i approve, a solid A+.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-07-09 10:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BABY!!!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-09 10:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Istaros, no it's Atmosphere, sorry dear.
Fatterrific, oh my god, you're 13. For hating babies so much, you've come to this post at least 4 times. Maybe you just love me. It's ok, I'm hard to resist.
Progr3ss, there was no flash. We were very close to a table lamp. Safety first.
Submitted by Yougotthatright (user info) at 2007-07-09 10:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do yourself a favor...Mommy Dearest
Here is the story:
I have a buddy of mine who'd been taking digital stills (every birthday- no shit, right?) of his little girl from the day she was born with these dorky little bunny ears she was given at her birth by some "odd" Aunt (think Poor Ralphie from "A Christmas Story"). Every year he would make her put these ears on and stand for a picture...from kindergarten to summer camp to grade school to college, right up to the time she was proposed to by some Bugs Bunny freak. No one knew WHY he made her do it every year until the day of her wedding and it was Dad's turn at the mic...and a screen lowered and a PowerPoint started to play...
He had taken ALL those images and done a cool and heartwarming "morphing" slide show of his daughter getting older with those damn bunny ears with a soundtrack of the #1 songs from the year of the pictures she was in...
Coolest thing I have ever seen a father do at a wedding.
I have three daughters and I kick myself all the time for not doing something like this.
just a thought...
Imagine a son slowly growing up in, say Dads work shirt?
or a fire helmet?
or on a skateboard?
or by a new puppy you just got him?
carry on...I'm late for class.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-07-09 09:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
adorable
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-09 09:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When he poops you can tell him he made a Lincoln Log.
I mean, once he's on solid food. Yellow-brown mush doesn't really count as a log.
haha
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-07-09 08:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boys are easy from what I've seen and heard. All you have to do is curb their instincts towards self inflicted injury for the first decade and they'll be alright.
Girls on the other hand...PLEASE GOD SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM EVIL INCARNATE!!!!!!
What???? No, no dear I wasn't saying anything about you. You're wonderful.
You and your sister are the lights of my life. I would never say anything against you.
No, NO.... PUT THE PLANT DOWN... AAAUUUGGGHHH
<lightening crashes, cue high pitched maniacal giggling>
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-07-09 08:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I must assume you named him after Stallone in Over The Top.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-09 08:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scenes from next week's episode of "Newborn":
"Fuck this. I hate this child."
"Exactly HOW illegal is it to kill a baby?"
"Stupid child keeps picking shit up and stuffing it in his mouth."
Stay tuned!
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-09 07:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very cute kid :)
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-09 05:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey Yeah! Lets take a flash photo right in front of a newborn's sensitive eyes!
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-07-09 05:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally I'd put something about rape, babie eating or cot death...
... But that is possibly the cutest baby EVAR! - AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-09 03:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should of called him Bournemouth
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-09 03:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww
Hello Lincon. Welcome to Ubersite.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2007-07-09 01:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
teehee..he looks like popeye
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-09 00:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn... Manly walls for emotion falling, tough guy exterior cracking....
what a fucking cutie!
ohmy god what happened i just blacked out...
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-09 00:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-07-09 05:47:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-09 01:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rebrand him - it's not too late to have a healthy bouncing Optimus Prime
-----------------------------
Hahahaha
According to my mother, my dad wanted to name me either 'Refrigerator' or 'Electric Light Pole'.
****
Because that's what he had your mom up against when he was banging her...? OH THORPE, I had to say it. Sorry.
-----------------------
BLAAAAAARRFFFFFFFFFFFF
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2007-07-09 00:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if this title is an eminem reference, that album fucking rules
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-07-09 00:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 20:41:52 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-07-08 21:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I hate babies.
-----------------------------
Then it's a good thing you have no reproductive organs.
----------------------------
The lady I was with Friday would most likely disagree.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-07-08 23:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i got 6 more weeks till my own bile factory come home in the blanket
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 23:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-08 21:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Babies all look kinda like bacon.
-----------------------------------
LOfuckingL.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 23:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-07-08 21:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I hate babies.
-----------------------------
Then it's a good thing you have no reproductive organs.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2007-07-08 23:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He's adorable! But never fear, you'll get some trouble at the 6 month stage for sure...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-08 21:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Babies all look kinda like bacon.
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-07-08 21:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I hate babies.
Submitted by Adam_Warlock (user info) at 2007-07-08 20:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-08 18:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-08 17:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coz there really just aren't enough people in the world anyway.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-08 16:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-08 16:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-07-08 15:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-09 01:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rebrand him - it's not too late to have a healthy bouncing Optimus Prime
-----------------------------
Hahahaha
According to my mother, my dad wanted to name me either 'Refrigerator' or 'Electric Light Pole'.
****
Because that's what he had your mom up against when he was banging her...? OH THORPE, I had to say it. Sorry.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-07-08 15:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations!
Leilani and I were saying the same thing after we had our babies... it's so much easier than was expected.
He's adoreable!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 15:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm definitely scared to have another one. No way would he or she be this awesome.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-07-08 14:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My experience is that every kid is different... don't let the ease of this one thus far fool you into thinking if you have a second it will be the same.
With that said, cute kid.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-07-08 13:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-08 13:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2007-07-08 13:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks ripe for a puntin ifn ya ask me
PUNT
=============================================
I wasn't gonna say anything...but....
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2007-07-08 13:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks ripe for a puntin ifn ya ask me
PUNT
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Free us Lincoln.
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Imma gonna name my first born Cornelius
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:10:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very cute.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the too damn cute baay-bay. I see a nickname of "Lincoln Log" in his future.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cute kid :)
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-07-08 12:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello smelly baby
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, Lincoln logs... Babraham Lincoln... his birth was codenamed "Flight of the Lincoln Navigator"...
Stinkin Lincoln is the one I'm worried about.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-09 01:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I'm glad they decided on Thorpe then. Much better.
----------------------------
I know!
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When he poops you can tell him he made a Lincoln Log.
I mean, once he's on solid food. Yellow-brown mush doesn't really count as a log.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I'm glad they decided on Thorpe then. Much better.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-09 01:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rebrand him - it's not too late to have a healthy bouncing Optimus Prime
-----------------------------
Hahahaha
According to my mother, my dad wanted to name me either 'Refrigerator' or 'Electric Light Pole'.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There we go then - transform him immediately!
In later life he can wave his hand and say 'Autobots - roll out!'
and be like a cross between John Wayne and Steve McQueen
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rebrand him - it's not too late to have a healthy bouncing Optimus Prime
-------------------------------------------------
Holy crap, that's what my husband says.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My labor was long yet easy, but resulted in a c-section. I'd rather be in labor for 9 days than go through the healing of that again. Oh, the pain.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you can also dose your kids with alcohol to make them sleep.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rebrand him - it's not too late to have a healthy bouncing Optimus Prime
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
....you named him Lincoln?
He looks more like a Dave...
....Yeah you really should have named him Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 16:04:41 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like Williamson.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha!!! Yeah, I had his baby and he ran off to the Orient.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Childbirth is easy. I reckon I could give birth while having a beer, playing on the playstation and winning all at the same time. 30 minutes and I'd be done - then off down the pub to compare stitches.
Easy
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-08 11:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like Williamson.