2 Minute Story: Mr. Webber’s Nipples (567 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Perversion
Rating: 1.5 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2007-07-09 18:39:42 EDT
Tim got to class late, so he had to sit near the front of the room. He hated sitting near the front of the room. He hated sitting near the front on the room in Mr. Webber's class. He hated Mr. Webber.
Mr. Webber taught fifth grade math, and if Mrs. Maxwell hadn't died Mr. Webber wouldn't still be here, since Mr. Webber was brought in as a substitute when Mrs. Maxwell went to the hospital.
No one knew what really happened. They only knew Mrs. Webber was dead. Some kids said she had a deformed baby and died of a heart attack when she saw it. Some kids said she went in for a hysterical operation and something went wrong. Tim didn't care. He just hoped Mrs. Maxwell was in burning hell and getting stuck with pitchforks since they were stuck with Mr. Webber.
Mr. Webber was nervous around kids. His slicked-down hair would stand up in back when he ran his hands through it. His upper lip was always shiny with sweat. He wore thick glasses and he always looked scared of everything.
The loud kids gave Mr. Webber crap, and Mr. Webber took it. He never assigned seating like the other teachers did. That's why Tim Zabchuk ended up sitting in front when he was late to class.
Tim settled into his seat and looked at last night's homework. When he had worked on the equations and problems everything had seemed to make sense, but now the lined sheet of paper seemed to be a random series of numbers, half of them faded by erasing and rewriting.
Mr. Webber came into the classroom carrying a cup of coffee. He set down the coffee and started writing on the blackboard. He never drank the coffee. Not one kid had ever seen him take a drink. But he carried it everywhere.
Mr. Webber had a smallish head and a skinny chest, and wore light colored shirts and dark pants that made his bottom half look twice as big as his top half. It was really weird.
When Mr. Webber finished writing a bunch of questions and acting like he didn't hear the fart noises coming from the back of the room, he turned around and faced the class, standing right in front of Tim.
Tim looked up and suddenly grabbed the sides of his desk. He felt a jolt, a shock, just like what happened to people in the horror comics he liked to read.
Mr. Webber was wearing a light cotton shirt, the kind you can see through.
Tim could see Mr. Webber's nipples.
Tim tried looking away, but Mr. Webber was right in front of him.
For a second Tim thought he was going to throw up. He heard someone in the back of the class snort and start laughing and he knew that everyone could see Mr. Webber's nipples and that Tim was the closest one to Mr. Webber's nipples.
Another kid laughed softly.
Tim wondered if the other kids were laughing at him. Mr. Webber's nipples were right over his head. Why did he have to be so close to Mr. Webber's nipples? What if the other kids started calling him Nipplehead? He knew he would have to kill himself.
Now Mr. Webber was standing with his hand on one hip, like a girl. His upper lip was shiny and he was standing like a girl and he was showing everyone his nipples. It was horrible.
Mr. Webber's nipples were dark purple, like someone had twisted them until Mr. Webber screamed for mercy, and Tim couldn't imagine anyone who would actually touch Mr. Webber's nipples, or any other part of him.
The rest of the class was a nightmare. Tim struggled every second to avoid looking at Mr. Webber's nipples.
The rest of that school year was a nightmare. Tim couldn't concentrate in class and couldn't get through his homework at night. He couldn't stop thinking about Mr. Webber's nipples.
One night Tim woke up the entire family with his screaming and his dad came into the room and shook him awake. His dad thought Tim was having a nightmare about drowning.
"You kept shouting, 'I see ripples overhead!' again and again," his dad explained.
Tim's grades suffered. From that point on he performed horribly in math. To this day he breaks into a cold sweat when working the simplest numbers, from a tip on a restaurant bill to sales tax on a purchase at the hardware store.
Tim's sex life suffered as well. The first girl who ever bared her nipples to him saw Tim grimace, after which she ran off in tears. The first girl who ever demanded that Tim suck on her nipples was completely repulsed when he started sniveling. He wanted to suck on her nipples, he really did, but he was afraid that he might look up at her from his suckling and see Mr. Webber.
To this day Tim is a social recluse who is sexually inept and loathes nipples.
There was an upside, though.
Tim learned that as much as he hated numbers he loved words and writing, and even today when he is bored he can knock off a quick story in two minutes flat.
THE END
(Please note that this is fiction only. None of this happened to me or anyone I know.)
User Reviews
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2007-07-13 19:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why did he have to be so close to Mr. Webber's nipples? What if the other kids started calling him Nipplehead? He knew he would have to kill himself.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-07-10 15:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminded me of a college professor I had who always wore gray sweat pants.
One day he has a spot of piss on the front of them.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-07-10 13:12:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for random what-the-fuck-ness.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-07-10 13:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is a story about a man's nipples... I just really wasn't interested
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-07-10 12:11:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah nice story nipplehead
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-10 11:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**ahem**
nipplehead.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-07-10 10:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking LOVE nipples.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-07-10 10:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for man nipples
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-10 09:22:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Please note that this is fiction only. None of this happened to me or anyone I know.)
SUUUUUUURE......
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-10 04:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Different.........
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-07-10 04:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was annoying to read
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-10 02:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This cracked me up. Thank you.
I'm having a wretched time writing my latest non-fiction thing that no one will ever read. Writer's block...big time. Would you mind terribly if I cut and paste this story into the middle of my text? You know, the part that no one will read...even those who might glance at introductions and conclusions.
I mean it.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-10 02:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-07-09 21:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that explains a lot.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-07-09 19:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, jack's scared of nipples
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-07-09 19:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting story, too many errors.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-09 19:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Question- why would dark pants + light shirt make his bottom half look bigger?
This morning, I heard a story on the radio about a principal's assistant who punched a kid who gave him a titty-twister on the schoolbus. The guy was in his 70s or something, and he said it was an involuntary response. I'm going on memory, because I googled "nipple teacher" and didn't see it.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-07-09 18:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Did Tim grow up to work for B of A?
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-07-09 18:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story....I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-07-09 18:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You might not have liked Mr. Websters nipples but boy-howdy he could sure make-um dance.
wtf?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-07-09 18:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
9 minutes? If I took 9 minutes I would have caught the 6 majot goofs I just found in reading through after I posted.
Then again, I am king of the typos. I could have spent 2 days on this.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-07-09 18:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
haha.
You fucked up and called Maxwell Webber a couple times.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-09 18:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto nipples +2 (didn't read it)
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-09 18:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This took you at least......9 minutes to type.