Waiting in Line (811 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.85 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by QuinnTheEskimo (View user info) at 2007-07-10 14:15:38 EDT
I shuffled my feet in the red dirt, and popped my neck, sighing quietly as I did. I checked my watch for the thrid time, remembered that it didn't work anymore, and dropped my wrist despondently. I didn't want to be there, but I had to because...
Where else was I going to go?
The guy in front of my rocked on his heels, making tiny red puffs spew from under his dirty canvas shoes. He was a chain smoker, and his butts littered the ground around him. I figured he was trying to get as many smokes in before he went inside, where smoking wasn't allowed.
I looked behind me. There was a pretty girl in a long skirt. We met eyes, and she smiled. I turned to face her completly, and asked, "Why are you here?"
She shrugged. "I paid my rent late pretty often, and partied kinda hard in high school."
I laughed. "I wish my list was that short."
There was a moment of awkward laughter, a pause, and then she said, "I'm tired of waiting, but at the same time I don't mind waiting another hundred years here, ya know?"
I smiled. "Yeah, I know."
The chain smoker joined us now, flicking his most recent butt onto the ground and stomping it out. "I ran a stop sign."
I looked at him, "That's it? That's why you're here?"
He shrugged. "Standards are stricker now in these times of sin and villiany." He held a stoic expression for a moment before his face broke into a smile. His teeth were yellow.
The whole moment had a sense of nervousness hanging over it, we all had that same thickness in the pits of our stomachs that had been there since we were at the back of the line. We all knew what was coming when we got to the front. We'd be ushered inside, and then what ever it was would begin. Waiting was torture, but no one wanted to rush anything.We knew whatever we were waiting for, or whatever was waiting for us after we went through iron gates, would be worse.
The line shuffled forward, and, as usual, this was followed by a horrible scream. Everyone looked at the ground, wondering what happened to that poor soul, and wondering what would happen to them.
I tapped the chain smoker on the shoulder. "Mind if I bum a smoke?"
He looked confused as he handed it over, along with a lighter. "I haven't seen you smoke once yet since you got here." He said. "Why start now?"
"Why not?" I asked him, and handed back his lighter.
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-27 10:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-07-18 20:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-18 09:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2007-07-16 18:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for ambiguity indeed.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-11 11:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Through me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
Such characters in colour dim I mark'd
Over a portal's lofty arch inscrib'd:
Whereat I thus: Master, these words import.
-Dante's Divine Comedy
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-07-11 10:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant to rate this and then someone came in. Pretend I said something clever and insightful.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-11 05:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-07-11 05:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
PILE OF PENIS
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-11 05:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only one gate. One person admitted at a time.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-11 02:32:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
there is a line up at the gates of hell?
i'd have thought that there would be more than one gate, much like a border crossing.
or at least 8 turnstiles or something.
when i began reading i thought is was the unemployment line...
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't realize it was you. Sorry, now I understand...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-10 21:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two, but why are there spelling errors?
_________________________________
Because I'm usually drunk when I write. Yippee!
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-10 21:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two, but why are there spelling errors?
_________________________________
Because I'm usually drunk when I write. Yippee!
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-07-11 00:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2007-07-11 00:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good reading.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-10 21:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two, but why are there spelling errors?
Submitted by Charlilot (user info) at 2007-07-10 20:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for writing this. You've just made my day
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-10 18:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-10 18:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 SC
Submitted by peacenik_in_hell (user info) at 2007-07-10 17:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Do you not see the death god is murdering your kindred step by step? Under the gaze of the death god, can you sleep well? You are just like a cow waiting to be slaughter in front of the butcher. Every door of escape was already sealed."
+2 for ambiguity.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-10 17:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
xcellent
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-10 17:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2007-07-10 15:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very good
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-10 15:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus christ this was fantastic.
man thats gonna be awful.... I mean thats not gonna happen to me!
Submitted by camarilla (user info) at 2007-07-10 15:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a nightmare that started out like this once...
good job.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good story lol
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn it
you still get the +2 though
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no more is needed, the imagery in my head is enough.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
deep.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Most of what i try to do is stand-alone very very short stories.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-07-10 14:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 but only if you promise more