I don't look 'tardy, but I feel 'tardy. (846 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GoneFiguring (View user info) at 2007-07-11 00:10:36 EDT
It's been like 6 months since I wrecked my bike. Though I was wearing my helmet when the guy pulled his car out in front of me, I still had a Traumatic Brain Injury and several broken bones. I was out cold for a few days and then awake in the hospital for several more, then home where I grew quite strong and hairy because my brain is screwing up my body chemistry. Now I'm on a treatment regimen for that which includes muscle relaxers and hormone therapy. I'm still hairy as fuck and I can still pick up a couch by myself. You'd think the therapy isn't doing anything, but you'd be wrong.
I am becoming Robert Paulsen, if he had nuts. I'm getting bitch tits like in 'The Fight Club'. Jiggly man-boobs covered with black hair. Fuck. I'm not including a picture because nobody wants to see that.
And they're not growing because I'm getting fat - I'm not. I exercise every day and eat healthy foods. I'm 5-11 and 185 lb. I still can't work at my old job because of my hormone-related mood swings and temper (doctor's orders) so all I have to do is use the weights and run and swim, and recover from the injuries I keep having because I can't tell if things are too heavy for me to lift. It's the hormones that's doing it. My body makes too much of two types of testosterone, and so it reacts by making too much estrogen before my hormone shots can counteract the testosterones. So I get thick thighs and furry man-tits. Fuck.
In related news, it only took me two and a half hours to write this much of the post and make sure the paragraphs were readable - I'm getting better at concentrating on writing and keeping a train of thought. My vocabulary still sucks, and I still can't do math even though I was good at math and vocabulary before the wreck.
The guy who pulled out in front of me has a lawyer now and he's saying I was going over 100 miles an hour when I hit him. That makes me either the luckiest man alive or Rocky the Flying Squirrel, if it was true, which it isn't. My lawyer has a guy who says I was going 45 or so, and he says the damage to the guy's car and my bike and how far I flew proves it. The lawyer found my bike in a junk yard and bought it to keep it for the case. I hope it gets worked out soon. I can't afford to not work much longer. I have a wife and kids to support. They are supporting me now.
At first I joked about being a 'tard. Then I got all defensive about my new lack of abilities, and I'd yell about it not being my fault, whatever. In the end, I'm still a fucked-over version of my old self. I'm becoming used to it.
In some ways it's easy being a 'tard. Nobody expects much of me and I can get away with bad behavior. In other ways, it's harder. It sucks that I know I used to be smarter than I am, though. It's very frustrating to not be able to add numbers in my head even though I remember doing long division in my head a year ago. I don't look 'tardy, like a downs kid or something. I don't drool or stutter or blink a lot. It just takes me awhile to say or write things, so I feel 'tardy. Most people don't know why I'm like this, and I've been called all sorts of names. That's the worst, because I just want to laugh at them but I sound really stupid when I do.
The name-calling and the man-boobs are probably Instant Karma. Four hours into this post and it's got me.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-12-18 22:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's the worst, because I just want to laugh at them but I sound really stupid when I do. """""
wow, that really got to me for some reason.
bottom lip went and everything.
it must almost be like being buried alive.
chin (strap) up man, chin up.
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If this isn't true, then the author did a good job of researching the effects of a TBI and communicating them correctly. Given that this is Ubersite where everyone talks out of their ass, I'd say it is more likely that this is a true story.
So, good luck. That is really difficult. Hopefully your situation will improve over the course of a couple years. If you are unable to work due to the injuries you should really look into collecting unemployment and any insurance you may have had. Additionally, if you are not at fault for the accident, your lawyer should be pursuing compensation for lost wages.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-07-12 11:43:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Unlucky mr tard. Better get used to being special needs. Maybe this sympathy for a retard +2 will help?
A buddy of mine recently had a motorbike accident, he's just got out of hospital - 6 weeks after - and can barely walk WITH a stick, he broke some of his vertibrae (*sp) and it's fucked him pretty bad. Don't know what would be worse, tardation or cripplation.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-12 04:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-11 10:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* Scraps plans to buy a new bike *
-----------
I scrapped my plans to buy a new bike last summer when I came to work one Thursday afternoon and saw by buddy lying dead on the road in front of the facility, face sizzling on the hot Las Vegas pavement. A car had ran the stop sign and Jerry plowed right into it, and over the hood. He loved that motorcycle. He said it made him feel young again. I suppose thats partially true.
He's never gonna get any older.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-11 23:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If it makes you feel any better, I'm getting fat and hairy without the benefit of a trauma to the brain.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2007-07-11 23:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Director - get the bike and ride safely. Riding a motorcycle is therapeutic. I wish... nevermind.
Sydney - fortunately my computer has a better memory for passwords than I do. Nothing amazing about it.
rad1101 - I guess concentration and lack of imagination have triumphed over inspiration and lack of talent once again. I read my old posts too, and I have to agree with you.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-11 19:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's funnier than a retard?
A Dead Baby!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-07-11 19:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-11 19:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
VAN HALEN!!!
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-07-11 17:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TBI is no fucking joke. All the best and good luck with your continued progress.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-11 13:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-11 10:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what to say.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-11 10:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* Scraps plans to buy a new bike *
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-07-11 09:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't buy it, but if this is true, good luck.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-07-11 09:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn
Maybe you should stop picking up stuff to see if its too heavy to lift.
just a thought
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-11 09:08:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sorry.
Submitted by Sydney (user info) at 2007-07-11 09:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just checked my watch, added the calculations in my head, and can say that I don't give a fuck. Amazingly, you didn't forget your uber password.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-11 08:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-11 07:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't even know what to say other than I'm sorry.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-07-11 06:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What rad1101 said.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-11 06:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man that really sucks, but at least you're showing some improvment. I've lost two people to bike accidents, and know several more who've come damn close to dying.
You're lucky to be alive, remember that and take things one day at a time. The road to recovery is a long one.
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-07-11 05:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR POST
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-11 05:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sympathy +2.
And congratulations; this post is less 'tardy (not to be confused with tardy, meaning late) than 90% of Ubersite.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-07-11 03:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats awful. +2
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-07-11 03:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn.
That just sucks. If this is real, that is a bummer. If its a story, it is well written.
I hope all things turn out for the best for you, my friend.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-11 02:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hats off man, bike wrecks have taken a few not-so-close friends and it still hurt.
worst is, you pay for it even though you may be 100% innocent.
shit like this makes me just build bikes rather than ride them.
on the other hand you can become, as has been mentioned, a superhero
handi-man lives!
laffing with you, not at you.
good luck.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-07-11 02:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just looked over all your ubersite posts and I'm happy to announce that even though this took you four hours to do, you are actually smarter than you were this time last year.
:)
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry. "really are."
my brain chemistry's tired :)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-11 01:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Everything about this was really well done.
Sorry for your ordeal. Some people don't realise how precious and delicate the brain and its chemistry really is. You do, and this reminded me to, also.
Fantastic.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-11 00:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, you are becoming a Super Hero.
I am sorry for you.
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-07-11 00:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-11 00:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
positively one of the most depressing things i've ever read man, Im so sorry for your ordeal
Ill tilt my glass and drink one down for you next time I'm at the bar.