SPT: What's upside down in YOUR custard? (2473 hits)
Category: Politics -> LibertariansRating: 1.41 on 222 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by experima (View user info) at 2007-07-12 13:26:12 EDT
I love elephant jokes. My sister would tell them to me when I was little. They still crack me the fuck up for some reason. So here's some that might raise a smile this Thursday morning. Plus a bonus section for all the non-elephant lovers out there.
Q: Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work then.
Q: By the way, what's that black triangle sticking out of the custard?
A: It's a shark. That's why the elephants hide...
Q: What is grey, has four legs, and a trunk?
A: A mouse going on holiday.
Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk?
A: A mouse coming back from holiday.
Q: What has eight legs, two trunks, four eyes, and two tails?
A: Two elephants.
Q: How do you make an elephant float?
A: With two scoops of ice-cream, a bottle of cream soda, and an elephant.
Q: Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.
Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried ironing one?
Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?
A: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?
A: None. It's full of elephants.
Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.
Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
A: You can't close the door.
Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: The Mini is parked outside.
BONUS NON-ELEPHANT SECTION:
Q: Which part of a vegetable is the hardest part to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way.
Q: What do you call a defective boomerang?
A: A stick.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: FSH.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye?
A: No ideer.
Q: What do you call bears with no ears?
A: B.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Doesn't matter. He can't come to you anyway.
Q: What do you do with a dog with no legs?
A: Take him out for a drag.
FIN
User Reviews
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-06-25 15:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-20 01:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-01-26 22:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I stole all of your jokes = (
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2008-01-26 22:26:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still funny.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-03 18:44:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure Gold
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-09 19:31:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 07:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At first, I thought I wanted the moon on a stick.
But an Elephant sounds so much nicer.
NOW WHERE CAN I GET AN ELEPHANT ON A STICK????????????
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-23 19:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once rode an elephant in California. True story. I was stunned to see that they're hairy as fuck.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-07-23 18:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was going to -2DIE you for the incredibly homo jokes. Until I got to the picture you selected. el oh el aye are el.
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-07-23 18:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Usless fucking cunt using this site as your personal instant message board.
You are fucking mediocore at best. Sucking everybody's cock until they like you. You's have no fucking hits if you did respond seven times to ever comment made. You make me fucking sick you hag. Choke on a dick you fucking cumdumpster.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-18 23:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, otter!
Submitted by DancingOtter (user info) at 2007-07-16 18:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 just for the picture
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-16 11:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolence.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-16 10:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-16 10:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yarbles! Great bolshy yarblockos to you. I'll meet you with chain or nozh or britva anytime. I'm not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it.
---------------------------------------------
Can ya' spare some cutter 'me brother?
*yozz kills a hobo*
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-16 10:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yarbles! Great bolshy yarblockos to you. I'll meet you with chain or nozh or britva anytime. I'm not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won't have it.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2007-07-16 06:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've got one!
Q: What do you call the useless skin around the vagina??
A: experima!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-15 23:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ummmmmm.....
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-15 14:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
-2 beast!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-15 14:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fell down the fucking stairs, in the dark, putting the beasts' pizza away in the freezer because she's too goddamn fat to get down the stairs herself without mouth breathing.
Going to the hospital now. Later.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-15 14:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
D: what happened to your knee?
LM: awwww yay! you like elephant jokes too!
EI: :P
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-15 14:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
;)
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-07-15 08:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice one EM, I had compleatly forgotten these, my dad used to tell me them when I was small.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-14 16:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aaaaaaand 200.
I think I just broke "me" kneecap. Fuck.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-14 16:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
199
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-14 15:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah come on TTOM
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-14 14:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
come on people!
rally round the elephants.
gie us 200 reviews ya radges
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-14 14:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i love below!
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2007-07-14 13:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best post on the site
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 23:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucker
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 23:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, me dad.
quit taking the piss
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 23:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Director!
Meat! Cats! Hamburger!
fantastic.
ps I'm getting the new project sorted...are you ready to face page one again? I'm ready to edit, as well.
WE WILL DO THIS.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-13 22:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha @ your dad's joke. That's good.
"me" dad?
Nearly done with this beast. Can't go on tonight though. Gonna go home. Gonna pet my cats. Gonna eat a hamburger. Gonna "beat the meat and dream of tits," my favourite line from a John Irving novel.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 22:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
now here's a similarly obscure joke just in from me dad in Las Vegas:
Q: How do you change a fruit to a vegetable?
A: Have him dragged off the stage by a white tiger.
*crosses self*
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 22:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hiya, HBTS! Was told to me by a Mussie. Don't blame me!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-13 22:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-14 02:44:14 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-13 09:20:59 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One of the Glasgow bombers Singed Majeep is complaining that all he gets in hospital to eat is haggis, neeps and tatties. What the feck does he expect in the burns unit?
---
Groan!
---
hi, rob! yay, you got the joke! where's HBTS and TTOM when I need them...?
========
Am hear. Groaning. Not a bad effort though!
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-13 22:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. I can be really thick sometimes (shut up shlongy). I just "got" the pic on this post. Hilarious
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 21:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-13 00:25:40 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you here about the Magic Tractor?
It turned into a field............
----
I actually thought this was really funny :)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 21:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-13 09:20:59 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One of the Glasgow bombers Singed Majeep is complaining that all he gets in hospital to eat is haggis, neeps and tatties. What the feck does he expect in the burns unit?
---
Groan!
---
hi, rob! yay, you got the joke! where's HBTS and TTOM when I need them...?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 21:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, iacobus! didn't see you down there. thanks for the jokes, and welcome!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 14:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for the 2s, D!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oooops. Sorry M. I meant Shlongy The Jew.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To counteract the terrorist actions of the penis below.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dude. you've already rated this like, four times or something...
regardless:
hi, Shlongy!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Pure shit!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rob below :)
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
m below.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure gold
Submitted by iacobus (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Picked these up a while ago:
Q: How do you get an elephant into a tree?
A: Sit it on an acorn and wait 30 years.
Q: How do you get an elephant into a tree without waiting 30 years?
A: Parachute it in.
Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods between 4pm and 6pm?
A: Elephants are parachuting in.
Q: What do you call a furry alligator?
A: A bear who went into the woods at 5:30pm.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I can be really thick sometimes (shut up shlongy). I just "got" the pic on this post. Hilarious.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One of the Glasgow bombers Singed Majeep is complaining that all he gets in hospital to eat is haggis, neeps and tatties. What the feck does he expect in the burns unit?
---
Groan!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not sure if that's a joke or not below...
:-(
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One of the Glasgow bombers Singed Majeep is complaining that all he gets in hospital to eat is haggis, neeps and tatties. What the feck does he expect in the burns unit?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 12:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-13 08:43:00 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why do you ask TwoDogsFucking?"
--------
HA!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-13 11:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-13 11:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what is fee fi fo fee fi fo fee?
mike tyson's phone number
==========
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-13 11:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a young man walked up to his tribe's medicine man and asked him "When a new baby is born you name each of them, how do you choose names for the children of the tribe?" the medicine man replies "I take in my surroundings and choose the first thing I see. So, if i see an eagle soaring high in the sky I might name the new child "High Soaring Eagle" or if I see a bear running through the forrest I might name the child "running Bear". Why do you ask TwoDogsFucking?"
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-13 11:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what is fee fi fo fee fi fo fee?
mike tyson's phone number
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 11:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha @ director !!!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-13 11:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house."
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-13 10:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by diavola (user info) at 2007-07-13 10:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
===============
hahahaha
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-13 10:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4.
Submitted by diavola (user info) at 2007-07-13 10:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 10:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha! poor Daniel!
PD: woooom, woooom? don't get it.
I just woke up after >5hrs sleep so that doesn't help.
rad: elephant jokes are terrible...TERRIBLY HILARIOUS!!!!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-07-13 09:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My half-asian friend Daniel is upside down in my custard. And by that I mean, everyone calls him custard because he's half white and half yellow. Like custard.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-13 07:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
terrible
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-13 05:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, those were all terrible. But plus two for providing a forum for my elephant joke:
Teacher: Class, who can give me a word starting with the letter "W?" Yes, Johnny?
Johnny: Womb.
Teacher: Womb! That is a great "W" word, Johnny. Can you use it in a sentence?
Johnny: Two elephants fucking in the jungle go "Woooooom, woooooom!"
That is all.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-13 03:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*hear
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-13 03:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you here about the Magic Tractor?
It turned into a field............
Now everyone piss off and stop telling jokes....
GOOD NIGHT Experima.!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 03:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA @ Unabonger!!!
Oh, tell a joke, EI. :)
I'm off to bed now. Sweet dreams/good morning to you all!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-13 02:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FINISH ALREADY!!!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-13 02:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's the difference between a pile of money and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a pile of money in my garage.
How are dead babies and bowling balls different?
You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What's black and blue and doesn't like to have sex?
The thirteen year-old in my trunk.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-13 01:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Sgt!
just tellin' jokes.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-13 00:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus! Derv and Ex you are still flirting on here!!! my god thats amazing!!
good for you! Im going the heck to bed, night all.
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-13 00:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
A: She's a woman.
----------------------
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 23:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard?
A: Neither did she.
Q: What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
A: Corduroy.
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
A: She's a woman.
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 21:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha, a coworker once told me a variation of one of yours:
What do you do after eating a vegetable?
Put her back in her wheelchair.
That joke is GOLD.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 21:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-12 20:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's the difference between an orange and a potato?
Nothing, neither of them can drive a tractor.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-12 20:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really like elephants.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 20:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't know if it is...it'd be great if it was though!
thanks, Z.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2007-07-12 20:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the pic can't be true. she does look the type though...
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:52:00 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you're Uber's Sweetheart right now, it looks to me.
Like Judy Garland except, you know, not whacked out of her fucking skull on uppers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and how do you know that I'm not???? :) hahahaha j/k. thanks!
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Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:51:46 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Matt!
------------------------
hiya! goddamn you're a perky one aren't you!
------------------------
YES! tee hee
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:54:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why do I get the feeling that Im a third wheel in this post!
lmao im outta here!!
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you're Uber's Sweetheart right now, it looks to me.
Like Judy Garland except, you know, not whacked out of her fucking skull on uppers.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Matt!
------------------------
hiya! goddamn you're a perky one aren't you!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought it was sweet. I wondered why a new user would seek me out for their first review, and I was happy that one would.
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, you were very, ehm...
...gentle, for such a dumbfuck move on my part.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Matt!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
do you have a name, Sgt?
-------------------------
My name is Matt
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dude. everyone figured that out like, immediately, I thought.
although when you reviewed my post as dervish the night before you posted under it, I didn't know.
But I was still nice to you wasn't I???? :) :) :)
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brian is fine, hon. I'm known around here enough that I'm not afraid. I'm honoured to share a namesake with kaos-king, a much better writer than I.
And yes, for all interested, I am also A Little More Time.
OMG SCANDAL
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
do you have a name, Sgt?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Brian!
that's a lot easier to say than ALMT/Dervish (but I will only address you the way you wish to be addressed of course :)
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
saves name in hard drive "Micki"
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute name'd one below.
I'm Brian. *shakes hand*
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
most people who know my first name have IM'd me or emailed me or whatever. I'm Micki. Nice to meet you! :)
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Experima,
How is it that all these Brits know your first name and greet you as such, whilst Yanks like myself do not? They all call you "M", which I can only ASSUME refers to your first name.
That, or your position in MI6, in which case, let me be the first to say, "I fucking KNEW it."
I think that living in L.A. hath swell'd thine head. You are just too good for us.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean "no arms no legs" since I think quadroplegics are just paralysed...
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yay, Dervish, I was hoping for the quadroplegic/helen keller ones!!!
you keep going, Yozz...you were in a meeting, I understand :)
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Here's another ephelant joke (or is it?)
Q:What's grey and comes in quarts?
------------------------------------
Yes, I am talking to you.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/110076#2469417
DONNY: What tied the room together, Dude?
WALTER: Were you listening to the story, Donny?
DONNY: What?
WALTER: Were you listening to the Dude's story?
DONNY: I was bowling...
WALTER: So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who
wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know...
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the same vein of disabled-persons jokes:
How does one name a quadraplegic?
Throw him on the floor and call him "Mat".
ALSO
How does one name a quadraplegic?
Throw him in the lake and call him "Bob".
HA
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All right, all right. I'll join this fray.
These two were given to me by my eighth grade Bible teacher. That makes them infinitely more funny.
*ahem*
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was naughty?
They rearranged the furniture.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would, too, if your name was "Auwahhh".
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Here's another ephelant joke (or is it?)
Q:What's grey and comes in quarts?
>>>>>keep scrolling down for answer>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>Scroll the fuck down!!!!!>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>You still don't know the answer!What the hell is this post all about in the first place?>>>>
>>>>>An elephant, you schmucks!
P.S I bet that goofy looking gronk on "millionaire" got the answer wrong!
And so did you ...you fucktards!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MERLINA WINS? Fuck!!!!! I had a MEETING GODAMNIT!!!!!
;(
Oh well. At least Uber chicks are talkin' to me know.
I felt like such a dweeb (shut up shlongy).
Hey!!! I'm a winner after all!!!
*walks away whistling*
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
D: my computer crashed. sorry. keep on keepin' on. homestretch!
hi, Dervish/ALMT!
thanks no1!
*dances with Merlina and the billy goat gruff*
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Merlina: you are the best joke teller. Winner! that last one tears it.
~~~~
YAY!!!
*does a little dance with a billy goat*
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some good ones in here.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi M. Nothing. Just working. Rewriting & rewriting & rewriting. Bit overwhelming.
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 l'elefant.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi, D! what's up???
hi, Mess!
badlands, sgt: go fish....ha!
thanks, anansie. right back at ya.
Merlina: you are the best joke teller. Winner! that last one tears it.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
+2 silly jokes.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
Apologise and wipe it off.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're such a nice young lady.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-07-12 17:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Delivers...
Also : http://www.etisrebu.com/images/poo.bmp
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
damn it!
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha! below!
ps: you got any bananas?
or 2s?
----
Go fish.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha! below!
ps: you got any bananas?
or 2s?
------------------
GO FISH
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Chronic!
mmmmmm vegetables.......
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wheelchair.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha! below!
ps: you got any bananas?
or 2s?
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Duck walks into a 7-11 and says to the counter guy, "Hey, ya got any bananas?"
Counter guy looks at him and says, "No dice, duck. We don't sell bananas here." The Duck frowns and walks away.
Next day, same duck walks into the same 7-11 and says to the same counter guy, "Hey, ya got any bananas?"
Counter guy looks at him and says, "No dice, duck. We don't sell bananas here." The Duck frowns and walks away.
Third day, same duck walks into the same 7-11 and says to the same counter guy, "Hey, ya got any bananas?"
Counter guy looks at him and says, "No dice, duck. We don't sell bananas here." The Duck frowns and walks away.
Finally on the 4th day, the ducks walks in and before he can get a honk out of his beak the counter guy points a finger at him and warns, "Listen, you goddamn duck...before you ask, and for the last time, we don't sell bananas here. You ask me ONE MORE TIME for bananas, and I'm gonna take those big 'ol web feet of your and nail 'em to the floor! You got me duck?? Now...what do you want?"
Duck looks at the counter guy, thinks for a few seconds and finally says, "Hey, you got any nails?"
Counter guy says, "No, we don't sell nails here."
Duck says, "Good...ya got any bananas?"
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, rob!
hahahahhahaha brdn_nkd!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
100!
WOOO!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Guido and his son are sitting atop a hill overlooking thier town and the port below them. Guido says to his son (in best italian accent) "Son, you see all those boats down there? Guido, guido built those boats. Son, you see all those houses? GUIDO built those houses. DO you think the people in town call me guido the boat builder? or guido the house builder? no. you fuck ONE goat."
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: Which part of a vegetable is the hardest part to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
_______________________
Heh heh heh heh
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well im matching.
Experima on the other hand.........
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:09:13 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe
Every time I hear someone say "What do you call a man with no arms and no legs"
I say "FUCKED!"
Then I run away.
-------
ha!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
should you really be asking EI such a personal question?
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe
Every time I hear someone say "What do you call a man with no arms and no legs"
I say "FUCKED!"
Then I run away.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Does the carpet match the drapes?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Progr3ss!
Oh, the "no arms and no legs" jokes...somebody post those please!!!
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: What do you call a man with a shovel?
A: Doug
Q: What do yo call a man without a shovel?
A: Douglas
Q: What do you call a man in a hole?
A: Phil
Q: WHat do you call a man in a pile of leaves?
A: Russell
Q: What do you call a man that lets people walk on top of him?
A: Matt
Q: What do you call a man you owe money to?
A: Bill
-------
Ahhh what a way to start my friday!
HI X!
(I know, I know, it's my turn, let me dust off the vcr...)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 12:51:47 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like that you know so many cheesy jokes, lady.
-------------
I like that you know that I'm the cheesy joke lady. :)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well blondes have their roles and its certainly not joke telling!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm blonde too EI :)
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like that you know so many cheesy jokes, lady.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This guy walks into the kitchen and finds his blonde girlfriend seated at the table looking frustrated. he says "what are you doing?" she says "I'm trying to put this puzzle together but it's really hard will you help me?" Him: "What's it supposed to be?" her: "According o the picture on the box it's a picture of a tiger" him: "I'll help you. first take a deep breath. now put all the frosted flakes back in the fucking cereal box."
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop Experima!! or im gonna have to get mad!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
9. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
10. A man is sitting in a bar drinking a beer when a young lady walks up and says "So what are you drinking?" The man replies casually "Magic beer" and the lady asks "What kind of magic beer?" "What's so special about it?!?" says the man. He proceeds to get up and flies around the room 3 times and sits back down. The lady snaps "I bet you couldn't do that again even if your life depended on it!" So he gets up and flies around the room 3 more times. The lady says "I'll have what he's having!" She chugs it down and goes to the roof and jumps - falling to her death. The bartender looks at the man sitting at the bar and says "Superman, you're a jerk when your drunk."
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: Which part of a vegetable is the hardest part to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
-------------------
Fucking. Gold.
------------------
no way, thats platnum.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Q: how does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: she opens the car door.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
4 people in the carriage of a train - an scotsman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"
The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"
The Frenchman thinks "I bet that scotsman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"
The scotsman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again"
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah Shlongy.
One above was as funny as my arse eating a smartie.
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was fun
-----------------
Virgin
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day.
The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Two blonde girls were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was.
So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful."Well, once a week I fill the bathtub with milk and just soak in it."
So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."
"How much?" asked the farmer.
"Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."
He asked, "Pasteurized?"
"No...just up to my boobies."
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, I have sooooooooo many blonde jokes. Like, for real!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OOOHHH! I LOVE blonde jokes.
Ok - true story. This one was told to me by my niece when she was 6 years old.
Q: Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A: Because everytime she comes to a complete stop, she jumps in the back seat!
OH! (Like Andrew "Dice" Clay)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I assume you're talking about MY joke.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best joke below
but its experimas post!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dj, your knock knock joke is a favorite of mine. here's two more dumb ones. always better in person
knock knock
who's there?
yodel lay hee
yodel lay hee who?
knock knock
who's there?
ya
Ya who?
YA HOOOOOOO!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Knock knock
Who's there?
Why
Why who
Why don't you all shut the fuck up.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
knock knock: who's there
I eat Mop: I eat Mop whoo (say it out loud)
YOU DO?! GROSS!
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: Which part of a vegetable is the hardest part to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
-------------------
Fucking. Gold.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A blonde and a brunette are watching tv together. The news comes on and the first story is showing video of a potential suicide jumper standing on the ledge of a downtown building. the news breaks for a comercial and the brunette says to the blonde "bet you twenty bucks he jumps" and the blonde accepts. the news returns only to show the man jump and the blonde says "DAMN!" The blonde reaches into her purse and pulls out her wallet but the brunette says "wait, wait, I can't take your money, I saw this story on the earlier newscast" the blonde replies "I saw it too I just didn't think he'd be stupid enough to jump a second time.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:14:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A blonde driving past a cornfield notices another blonde paddling a canoe. She slams on her brakes and calls out to the other blonde "what the hell are you doing?" and the other responds "trying to get out of this cornfield!" the first, getting angry, yells back "it's blondes like you that make the rest of us look bad. if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass."
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was fun
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me: KNock knock.
You: Who's there?
Me: The Interupting Cow.
You: The inter... Me: MOOOOOOOOOO!
It's better in person.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a virgin and you have a bajiner.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
B!
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
xprma!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 12:03:37 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what do you call a man with two slices of ham on his head?
Mohammed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 12:03:00 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what do you call a man with a slice of ham on his head?
Hammed
--------
HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll fuck off now...
*slinks off*
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what do you call a man standing between two buildings with two slices of ham on his head?
Mohammed Ali !!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what do you call a man with two slices of ham on his head?
Mohammed
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what do you call a man with a slice of ham on his head?
Hammed
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 15:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
one - she just holds the bulb and lets the world revolve around her..
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, kids, watch the zeroes! youse gotta keep my rating up before Uniter comes along tonight and decimates me. :(
I KNEW someone would comment on "bringin' up the rear!"
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Any of you have a vagina?
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but wait its MY rear, oh shit...
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy ... I think experima just called you gay. Bringin' up the rear?
Hee hee hee
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just keeps getting better and better...
Merlina's in the lead, Yozz a close second...
Sgt comes in third...Shlongy bringing up the rear...
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes - we can hear you Shlongy. But it just sounds like feedback.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. A little favorite of mine....
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Q: How do you know when a woman has an orgasm?
A: Who cares!
Hellooooooo??!!^$^%#@&*(^%$#
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have to admit I stole that one...
and this one "what did one snow man say to the other snow man?.....Smells like carrots"
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, it was better than shlongy's, I guess... :)
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why do women have boobs?
so you have somethin to look at while you're talking to them... (ba doom doom crash)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, Sgt!
pretty good, Shlongy. tell a good one. I bet you have some great ones. jokes, that is. :)
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HI EX!!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:16:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I ripped it straight off a movie.
I'm kick ass.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Q: Why do women have pussies?
A: So men will talk to them
testing....2....2.....is this thing on?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-12 11:13:10 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whaddya do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
+2 experima
---------
hi, U! good joke!
so, Yozz, you like my Ubervirgins poetry? ha!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Flock! O virgins!
Flock to me!
I offer elephant jokes
on SPT
Virgins! Virgins!
Uber Nerdgins!
Turgid Spurgeons!
Surrender thy urgin's!
------------------------------------
Say! I DO like Elephant jokes sam-I-am.
I will read them on a train
I will read them in the rain
I will read them in a box
I will read them with a fox
I will read them here or there
I will read them anywhere!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whaddya do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
+2 experima
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oooooooooooooh, go Yozz and Merlina!
It's a joke-off!!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
American Beauties, Shlongy.
American Beauties.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This post is horseshit.
The only reason that this isn't a full frontal -2 is because of your vagina, which I imagine, smells like a bouquet of roses.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HHAAAAAHAAAAHAAAH!!!!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two fish in a tank.
One says to the other...
how do you drive this thing?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: How do you get down off an elephant?
A: You don't - you get down off a goose.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha! funny below.
? don't get it below below
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Non-Elephant Joke Entry:
Q: What's better than roses on a piano?
A: Tulips on an organ.
Get it?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: How old was the elephant when the poacher shot it?
A: 8
---------
Funniest Joke Ever
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: How old was the elephant when the poacher shot it?
A: 8
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 14:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha! you kick it in the ash-hole when it goes to take a pea.
I GET IT NOW!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You kick *it* in the ash-hole.
Man, I always fuck up jokes.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 10:51:15 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: What is grey and comes in quarts?
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ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I just now got this one!
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :)
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: Do you know how to catch an elephant?
A: Dig a giant whole then place peas around the outer edge of the whole. Smoke several cartons of cigarettes and dump the ashes into the whole. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick in the ash-hole.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, rob! that elephant song was funny!!!!
go Merlina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
more jokes please everyone. they're cracking me up.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: How do you have sex with an elephant?
A: Put your penis in it's vagina.
ROFL
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: What is grey and comes in quarts?
A: Elephants!!!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://simplesongs.blogs.com/head_shoulders_knees_and_/2007/05/elephants_on_th.html
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my god I know too many of these
GET A LIFE MERLINA
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
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I heard it as
A: Fire randomly into the custard.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:46:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-12 10:34:07 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I personally didn't find this anything other than "worth reading" but because you have a vagina you'll find the virgins flocking to you.
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Flock! O virgins!
Flock to me!
I offer elephant jokes
on SPT
Virgins! Virgins!
Uber Nerdgins!
Turgid Spurgeons!
Surrender thy urgin's!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no cock?
A: STILL NO FUCKING IDEA
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye?
A: No ideer.
for that alone.
~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What do you call a deer with no legs?
A; STILL no idea
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what's the loudest noise in the jungle?
giraffes eating cherries.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whats red and giggles in the trees?
elephants with their toenails painted red.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-12 10:41:44 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ELEPHANTS RULE
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elephants rule HARDCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-12 10:33:41 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what'd the elephant say to the naked man?
You can pick up peanuts with that?
Why do elephants paint thier toenails all different colors?
So they can hide in a skittles bag
you've never seen one in a skittles bag have you? HAVE YOU?! That's what I thought.
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HAHAHA! never heard these!
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ELEPHANTS RULE
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: What do you call a deer with no eye?
A: No ideer.
for that alone.
what do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Eliphino. (hell if I know)
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Haha. Cute.
Made me smile (+1)
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-12 13:34:07 EDT (#)