Waboom (421 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.88 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AlahAckbar (View user info) at 2007-07-12 18:40:18 EDT
Drill Sergeant: "Any questions?"
We were preparing to go out into the field, to fire the tanks for the first time.
Random Guy: "What is it like when a tank round goes off?"
My drill sergeant thought for a moment.
DS: "Imagine something so loud that you literally shit yourself the first time it goes off near you."
Me: "What pussy did that?"
My drill sergeant smiled.
"I did. I'll see you at my office in 10 minutes. Bring a canteen. Actually, better make it two."
"FUCK!"
_______________________________________________________________________
It is one of the loudest things on earth. I could compare it to a shuttle launch I saw when I was younger. I was about two miles away, and obviously the shuttle launch was much more sustained, but it is definitely comparable.
But even from two miles away, I still think a tank firing is louder.
It is not piercing, as some might think. It is low. I can't describe it fully, but I can try to.
From 1,000 meters away, the first thing you notice is the bullet leaving the chamber. A bright red, searing tracer, which is visible even in the brightest day. And then the sound hits.
WABOOOM.
It is deep, very, very deep. It sounds much like a rifle being fired, except much, much louder. There is no crack. Just a single solid sound.
WABOOOM.
Louder then anything you have ever heard in your life. It is frightening and exhilarating at the same time.
Dependent upon how fast the loader is, the next round should be on its way soon.
You can count the seconds. 1 one thousand, 2 one thousand, 3 one thousand, 4 one thousand, 5 one thou WABOOOM.
Gunnery. A chance to prove who is the best, who is the fastest, who is top tank.
Spirits are high, as they only can be during gunnery. The crisp, early Texas air already has a hint of cordite flowing gently in the breeze. In the distance you can hear it. The solid "WABOOM" of Delta Company's tanks, who is already three tables ahead of you.
The tables are all memorized. Table four, dry fire. Table five, dry fire main gun, live small arms. Table seven, live fire all guns, including the main.
Table eight, qualifying. Your tank needs to score a 700 out of a possible 1000. 70 points on 10 engagements. Easier said then done.
You climb into the loaders hatch, and spin the .762 machine gun around to face the rear. Have to be tactical, after all, and that is where the loader is supposed to face. Your platoon sergeant stands in his hatch in the tank behind you.
You show him that you do think he is number one.
"Hey. You got a license to fly that bird?" He calls, over the platoon net.
"You didn't know? The top tank gets licenses to fly the bird to anyone they want." You answer. Your TC smacks the back of your Kevlar covered CVC.
"You'll have to forgive my loader, Sergeant. He's just all excited because he keeps thinking about how is going to spend your loaders money."
"How much did you guys bet?"
The loader that you placed the bet with responds quickly. "$500"
"Easy money." You reply.
The tanks start their movement, and you show once again that you think your platoon sergeant is number one. He returns the favor.
Gunnery:
Definition: A 3 week long "Who has the bigger dick contest."?
******FAST FORWARD THREE WEEKS************
It has come down to this. Night fire, table 8. The darkness envelops you, the cool air a relief from the hot Texas sun that was beating down less then 12 hours ago. The tank, now quiet, sits patiently below you. Monitoring the radios, laying on your back on the turret, with your leg dangling into the loaders hatch, you prepare yourself mentally for what has to happen.
The day run did not go well. Scoring only a 367, with a passing grade of 70 or higher on 2 engagements. The first two gave you your two passing scores, both 100 pts. The second you barely failed with a 67. The fourth netted you a total of 55 points. The last, worth a measly 45. Your gunner didn't even fire a bullet on the last engagement, not being able to find the target.
The Marlboro Light ignites quickly as you take a puff. 400 feet above you, you see a shadow in the tower, and a brief flash of light. The master gunner, having a smoke. Your attention turns back to the night sky. There is no moon, the stars are shining brightly: A peaceful night.
WABOOM.
A tanks main gun shatters the night air
You start the count.
1 one thousand, 2 one thousand, 3 one thousand 4 one thousand, 5 one thousand, 6 one thousand, 7 WABOOM.
That is the loader you have a 500-dollar bet against. You want them to do well, but if they score higher then a 867, you can kiss your 500 bucks goodbye. The best you can hope for is a perfect run: 100 points on each of the five engagements, for a night run total of 500 points, and a total score of 867.
Your arms ache from loading earlier in the day. Or "humping rounds", as most people call it.
WABOOM...The main gun speaks, for the last time.
"Next tank in the firing line, this is Charlie niner-two. Identify yourself, biznatches."
The Master Gunner, commonly called the "Mike Golf", was always pissing the commander off by ending each transmission from the tower with "Biznatches"
You reach up, flicking the transmit button on your helmet: "Niner-two, blue 2."
"Blue two, is this actual, or is this blue two lima?"
"That would be blue two lima, there niner-two"
"Well, wake your actual's biznatchle ass up, and tell him to get on the god damn horn god damn it."
Not moving more then an inch, you let your leg swing and hit your TC in the arm.
There is movement in the turret, as he tries to find his CVC in the dark.
"What goddamn it?"
"We're up."
You hear your TC adjust himself in the chair, and soon he stands up in his hatch.
"Driver. Driver DRIVER! WAKE YOUR PUNK ASS UP!"
"I'm fucking awake! Jesus. You're a whiney bitch when you just wake up, do you know that?" A Private just said that to a staff sergeant.
"I didn't know that, but I'm sure your mom does." A staff sergeant just said that to a private.
The master power for the tank comes on, and shortly there after, the steel beasts 1500 hp engine turns over, the low pitch whine quickly becoming a high growl.
"Niner-two, blue 2"
"Is this blue two actual?"
"Roger"
"Hey, biznachle. Ya tired? Ya cold? Did you have a nice nap?"
"Niner two, blue two actual recommends that you shove something long, red, and hot up your ass. Make it pointy, too. Over"
"Yeah, I get that a lot. Pull up into the berm and turn on your jump."
You drop down into the turret, and connect the cable that turns on the jump radio. Used so that the people that are keeping score in the tower can hear every word that the crew will say. It takes the internal communications of the crew, and broadcasts them over the radio.
"Jumps up."
"Niner two, do you have us on the jump?"
"Roger. Identify range markers, and report when ready."
Rolling your shoulders, flexing your arms, you prepare for what must be done.
It looks simple. It sounds simple. It is not. Kicking your knee against the ammo door switch causes the heavy, 2-inch thick door slide open. Inside, are your rounds.
Two types:
APFSDS, commonly referred to as "SABOT", pronounced SAYBO. Kinetic round, penetrator is 2 inches thick, shaped like a dart. Made of Depleted Uranium. Uses: Heavy armor, light armor, Personnel Carriers. Round length: 3 feet. Weight: 35 pounds.
HEAT: High Explosive Anti Tank, pronounced HEAT. Chemical round. Uses high temperature gas to literally melt the target itself, and everyone, in it. Uses: Light Armor, Personnel Carriers, and Bunkers. Round Length: 4.5 feet. Weight: 80 pounds.
"Niner-two, blue -two. Ready to navigate Table 8"
"Blue two, Niner-two. LET'S GET IT ON!"
You crack your neck.
"Blue Two, Niner two: We have reports of one tank moving into your vicinity grid. Defend and report. Out"
"BATTLE LOAD SABOT."
You hit the switch with your knee, and before the door is fully open you already have the round in your hands. Flipping it nimbly, you slam it home, the breach making a satisfying "schhhhhhhhclunk" as it seals the chamber.
It will come fast. At this point, your job is to raise a handle up, and say "up"
The first word out of your TC's mouth is
"GUNNER", which alerts the position. Then,
"SABOT", which tell you what type of round to load. Then
"TANK", which is the target, followed by
"DRIVER MOVE OUT!" The driver has already kicked it into gear, and is halfway up the berm.
"UP" you yell, throwing the arming level up, and arming the gun.
"IDENTIFIED!" The gunner calls, alerting the TC he has spotted the intended target.
"FIRE AND ADJUST!" The TC responds, giving control of the turret to the Gunner
"ON THE WAY!" and on the y of "way" the gunner pulls the triggers.
WABOOM
Now for the fun part.
The 1-ton breach and 5-ton receiver slam backwards in the tank three and a half feet. The tank immediately fills with noxious fumes, sometimes so thick it can choke you. It is gone as soon as it came, evacuated out the gun tube. You hear a satisfying "ClaclunkTING" as the aft cap, the only thing remaining of the 3 foot long round, is deposited onto the turret floor.
You slam the arming handle down, while at the same time kick your knee out to the ammo door switch. The door opens halfway, and you've identified the round you want. Smashing the small locking tab, the round ejects 6 inches out of the honeycomb. You yank it out, flip it, and the tip of the round is on the breach. Slamming it home with the bottom of your palm, you yank your hand away, and throw the arming handle.
"UP!"
"TARGET TARGET CEASE FIRE!"
The Tank comes to a stop at the top of the berm.
From the time your TC said "GUNNER" until the time he said "CEASE FIRE", 3 seconds have elapsed. The entire engagement was ended before the tank came to a complete stop on top of the berm.
"Battle carry HEAT"
"Heat in the hole"
The next engagement is two PC's and a set of troops. You check the ammo feed for the gunners Coax. Peering over the breach, you slap your gunner in the back of the head.
"Nice shot"
"Nice load"
"NOBODY EVER SAYS NICE DRIVING!"
"That's because you suck." From your TC.
"Defend and report."
Time slows down. Loading HEAT is definitely different then loading SABOT. The round is heavier, longer, and more difficult to maneuver, so you have to be careful no
"GUNNER HEAT PC, DRIVER MOVE OUT"
"UP"
"IDENTIFIED"
"FIRE AND ADJ
"ON THE WA"
WABOOM
Drop the arming handle, open the door, snatch the round, flip, slide into breach, slam home, arm gun
"UP"
"IDENTIFIED"
"FIRE AND ADJUS"
"ON THE WAY!"
Time Stops....
"MISFIRE!" The gunner calls. The gun did not fire.
Check the breach. Drop the handle, slide your hand across top of breach to make sure the breach is fully seated, acting more on instinct then on thought....
"BREACH!" You call, to inform the crew that there is a malfunction with the loading mechanism of the tank.
You reach up, grab the skate ring for your machine gun, located just outside your hatch on the top of your turret, with both hands, and lift yourself off the turret floor.
Swinging your foot back, you slam it directly into the bottom of the breach. You hear a satisfying crunch as your big toe compacts from meeting a 1-ton chunk of metal at full force.
"SCCCHHLUNK" it locks into place.
"UP!"
"ON THE WA"
WABOOM
"GUNNER COAX TROOPS!"
"IDENTIFIED!"
"FIRE AND ADJUST!"
"ON THE WAY!"
The .762 machine gun slaved to the targeting system of the tank stutters out a string of 20 rounds.
"TARGET!"
"TARGET, TARGET CEASE FIRE!"
Your TC immediately looks at you and grins.
"Good fucking job."
"Hells yeah" Your gunner concurs
"NOBODY EVER TELLS THE DRIVER GOOD JOB!"
"SHUT UP CHUNK!" You and your crew call out, using your driver's nickname.
"I think I broke my toe." You mumble, to no one in particular.
The next engagements are simple...Two quick rounds for each, while on the move. It can be difficult to load a round, while the tank is moving, but nothing that you haven't done before. You flex your knees, allowing your weight to shift just the slightest bit with every turn of the tank. Four quick rounds for four quick tanks, and you have come to it. The loader's meat and potatoes. Where the loaders are compared: the Bravo 3 Swing.
Three tanks, and a set of troops. The troops are not your concern. Your concern is getting the rounds into tube fast enough.
Your crew has decided to take out the troops, and feign not seeing the first tank. It will get a 5-point penalty for not attacking the most dangerous target first, but it will eliminate the time between the shot on the first tank and the shot on the second. Faster times = higher score.
"You ready?"
You nod silently. It isn't about the money anymore. This isn't about 500 measly dollars.
Your crew is depending upon you to get the rounds in the chamber as fast as possible.
You need to nail this just to show that you are the god damn best mother fucking loader on BOTH sides of the Mississippi.
"ENGAGE AND REPORT."
"TROOPS!"
"GUNNER COAX TROOPS!" the TC says, without switching his viewpoint to see what the gunner is looking at.
"IDENTIFIED!"
"FIRE AND ADJUST!"
"ONE THE WAY!"
The machine gun spits out lead "ddddddddddddddddd", almost in slow motion.
"TARGET!"
"GUNNER SABOT TANK!"
The turret slews 90 degrees in the blink of an eye.
"UP!" You call, looking directly at the ammo door. This has to be fast. Not only because they will be waiting on a bullet, but also because the other loaders are sitting in their tanks, and will be counting the seconds.
"IDENTIFIED!"
The TC has already begun his search for the second tank.
"FIRE AND ADJUST!"
You glance out of the corner of your eye, seeing the second tank in the TC's sights. He found it. They will be waiting for a bullet.
"ON THE WA"
WABOOM!
The round is already in your hands before the breach is fully open. The aft cap hits the floor, you ram the round home. Somewhere in the background you hear "identified."
"UP!"
"FIRE AND ADJUS"
"ON THE WA"
WABOOM
Again, the round is out before the breach is fully open. The aft cap drops, and you slam the round in.
"UP"
"IDENTIFIED!"
"FIRE AND ADJUS!"
"ON THE WA"
WABOOM
______________________________________________________________________
You approach the debriefing building with a smile. The crew of 1.3 is waiting patiently by their panzer, having just finished their debriefing.
"How'd you do?" your TC calls.
"846. I'll be taking my 500 dollars in cash form, I don't accept checks or credit cards"
Twenty minutes later the debriefing is over. You and your crew walk up to your panzer.
"So, when can I expect my money?"
"Fuck you. I ain't giving you shit." You call to him.
"OH HELL NO MOTHER FUCKER! THE BET WAS THAT IF MY CREW BEAT YOU, IT WAS 500 BUCKS."
Your platoon sergeant agrees: "You did have a bet. You're gonna pay the man."
"Your right sergeant. We did have a bet. And the bet was IF your crew beat ours, it was 500 bucks. Key word being IF."
"849, biatch. Gimmie my motha fucking money."
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear motherfucking old fart
Write more often or go fuck yourself.
Love,
Brdn_Nkd
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2007-07-13 13:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did in fact, post this very same peice three years ago. It's one of my favorites, and reposted it kind of as an introduction.
So yes, I am still a huge hit whore. :D
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-13 10:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
coolest of the week.
my old landlord loaded a t-55 soviet or something in the 70's.
he has similar stories.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-07-13 10:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-07-13 09:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't you post this, or something very similar, a long, long time ago?
Submitted by Geophillyx (user info) at 2007-07-13 01:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very entartaining, though the last paragraph was a bit confusing, not knowing who was saying what, but good job!
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-07-12 23:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked reading this.
Submitted by kaioken (user info) at 2007-07-12 22:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-07-12 21:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Inshaalla
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2007-07-12 21:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep. Still alive and kicking. Lots o big changes. Got another job where I don't do a whole lot, so expect some stuff from me shortly.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey i never thought of how loud a space rocket was, not being from a place where we have things like that. i think it is really excellent the way you described the loudness. it trailed a bit after that but that's probably just me not paying attention. vg.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oldbie auto +2...and the story kicked ass too.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey you're alive?
ps i want to drive a tank. i am now jealous.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I'll be gawd damned.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Feel like Ive read this before *looks suspicious*
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear motherfucking old fart
Write more often or go fuck yourself.
Love,
Hadley Tobedone
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:06:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nope, thats him.
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2007-07-12 19:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have this great bat....
it's a "bat of greater newb bashing -2"
;)
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I got caught up in it - but fuck it was long.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-12 18:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please Please Please tell me you are actually back and not just an account now controlled by sicosemen or oath.