Tea & Gazebos (298 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zerachi (View user info) at 2007-07-16 14:39:07 EDT
There wasn't much warning when things changed. One moment life proceeds as normal: Todd buys his cereal bar for tea, Angela complains, trying to decide which pair of shoes she'd like to wear during her journey to the shopping center. Then the sky turned dark blue.
The sky being dark blue normally shouldn't have been a concern, as one would think it could simply be sign of rain. This is, however, neon blue: dark neon blue, at that. People scream, some laugh, and others cry. Unnatural events trigger natural reactions, each dealing with crisis as best they know how. Todd was one of those who laughed, happily munching his cereal bar without taking time to brew any tea. This is just what he needs to break up the monotony of every day routine.
It is worth noting that the sky's sudden penchant for altogether unorthodox coloring wasn't the first odd thing to occur. No, that day's abnormality began when Todd failed to brew his traditional cup of black Ying De Hong tea. It may not appear such a concern to most gentlefolk, but Todd followed a very serious regiment for his Tea consumption. Since the day he met an elderly Asian man hailing from Guangdong province who swore upon the many benefits of just such a tea, Todd made a point of imbibing it three times daily - six days a week. With his mid-morning tea, dinner, and cup prior bedding down to aide his sleep - Todd could be considered a tea aficionado, although solely of the Ying De Hong variety. On the seventh day, Todd drank a rather peculiar variety of green tea brewed from whatever promising vegetation he could locate during the rest of his week. Some of these had proven rather toxic; he had inquired about a membership card to the local clinic which dealt with such things.
Today is day three, called "Sunday" by people who are not Todd. His seven-day weeks follow the traditional Gregorian calendar method, but begin on Friday. Todd says his reasoning for this is simple, and refuses to answer any queries as to what said reasoning is. Were this a normal third day, Todd would be alternating sips of black tea with bites of cereal bar. A generic strawberry cereal bar (52.5 % cheaper than the favored commercial brand, Todd observes) would normally not taste correct when lacking tea after each bite. Seven bites of cereal bar, seven sips of tea. The seventh sip must be double the content of any other, this has been carefully planned: the larger sip required to properly cleanse Todd's pallet after consumption of cereal bar is complete.
Much as expected, the cereal bar does not taste satisfactory.
In surprise to Todd, it tastes better than that - excellent, even superb.
Todd is not easily surprised, as evidence by his apparent lack of concern faced with large bolts of energy now shooting from the skies. To a panicked observer, these might appear as lightning. Todd doesn't think so, they're originating from a clear (although neon) blue sky - and striking straight downward. Traditional lightning bolts don't behave this way - They both meet the ground, true; yet these seem to bypass large metal objects, trees, and other such things that Todd might expect their striking. These energy spikes (as Todd mentally categorized the phenomena, he likes to have things identified), are causing large amounts of property damage; tearing apart old stone houses and burning tasteful wooden gazebos to ash.
Todd is sorry for the gazebos loss, more so than the houses. Surely home owners have insurance, yet he doubts the same can be said of gazebos. Lovely little things - he always takes his lunch in the park, protected from harsh elements without sacrificing much of a view underneath large white-washed gazebo. If that gazebo suffers a similar fate to these smaller ones on Fourth Street, he shall have no place to savor his egg-salad sandwich at noontime.
Frowning, Todd finishes his cereal bar - crumpling the wrapper and tossing it into Fourth Street. He didn't used to be one to litter, but makes a point of it after his favorite advert to recycle was replaced with one featuring an over-paid pop singer whose tits seemingly defy gravity. (Defying a natural law is high on Todd's list of unpleasant activities.) The talking koala bear was surely a grander projection onto public conscience, and Todd vows to continue his passive-aggressive waste tactics until it is restored. He takes liberty on his morning walk rounds, heading towards the park to investigate fate of lunch time haunt.
As Todd walks, he observes the many buildings decimated by lightning spikes with a bemused look on his face. The spikes themselves seem to be abating now, he scarce hears one every two minutes; though no other people are outside. Doubtless most have hidden in their cellars - Todd wonders if any of them have bootleg stills. Nearing park grounds, a fallen form gives Todd pause. It appears to be female in build, and isn't moving. The walking path isn't an ideal resting place, prone though she is.
Todd nudges her body with his shoe, causing her face to turn towards him. It's badly blackened: a burned victim of the spikes. At first, he doesn't recognize her; but studying her ruined countenance for a time he realizes who she is: Angela, the young clerk from a local grocer. He nudges her prone form again to ensure that she's quite dead, and receiving seeing no signs of life ponders how he should feel about this new development. Todd shrugs, mentally categorizing Angela as another woman who he won't be having any romantic relations with.
Looking up from Angela's corpse, Todd smiles widely: for he sees his favored Gazebo, perfectly intact. He steps over her body and strides towards it with the energy of a man released from twenty-year stint in a penitentiary, not even noticing Angela's shoes.
A shame, that: they accented her outfit perfectly.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-17 15:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
random
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-07-17 07:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really, really well written.
Please keep it up.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-17 06:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, but, yeah, but, no, but, yeah, but, no, but, yeah but I know because I'm not wasting police time because you know Micha? Well, she saw the whole thing, right, because she was bunking off school because she was gonna go down the wimbley and get off with Luke Griffiths, only she never because he's been trying to grow a moustache but it just looks like pubes, so she got off with Luke Torbet instead, only don't tell Bethany that because she's fancied Luke Torbet ever since she flashed her fanny at him during Home Ec'.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-17 06:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-16 15:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Storm licks a wooly mammoths uncircumcised mayonaise covered cock.
Fag.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-16 15:42:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-16 14:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't like your title, repost it with something else.
god that's getting old. when did this pile of shit surface?
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-16 14:52:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ storm is going to get banned and rightfully so.
This was good.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-07-16 14:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To counter the dickhead below
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-16 14:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't like your title, repost it with something else.