Hades' Gate (559 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by QuinnTheEskimo (View user info) at 2007-07-18 01:13:49 EDT
The first one can be found here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/110013
This is a little longer than that one. I promise I will explain what is going on here later in the series.
Hades' Gate
I finished the smoke and stubbed it out on the bottom of my shoe.
"I think I can see the front of the line from here." The smoker said, standing on his toes. The pretty girl started to cry silently, wiping away her tears before they rolled down her face.
"I don't want to go." She said.
I laughed. "No one wants to go, toots. If it was all puppies and daisy's everyone would want to get in."
"I didn't even do anything that bad, I mean," She shrugged.
"We sinned, now it's time to pay our dues, no 'ifs', 'ands' or 'buts' about it." The smoker winked and lit another cigarette as he said this, making a lame pun.
I laughed, "Sounds like a Tom Waits song."
"How can you guys be so calm?" The girl shouted at us.
"Look, crying won't help at all," The smoker said. "Just grin and bear it, ya know? There is still a while before we get to the gate. Let's enjoy it."
She took a step and rested her head on my shoulder. I was surprised for a moment, then put an arm around her.
The smoker looked around. "Do you guys hear that?" He cocked his head to the side, dropping a lit cancer stick.
"No," I answered, "But I can feel it."
There was a noise like rumbling and grinding, the dust on the ground was beginning to rise into the air because of vibrations in the ground. The pretty girl clung tightly to me, and the three of us, along with countless other souls in line, were looking around trying to figure out just what the hell was happening after eons of quiet in the line to get into hell.
The smoker stood on his tiptoes again, peering at the gate, squinting. "There is something going on at the gates, the gate keepers look worried, like, somethi-"
He was cut off. The gates exploded, raining rocks dirt and dust everywhere. We were all bowled over by a hot blast of air. Chaos reigned. I crawled around, searching for the smoker or the girl. There was a sound of pounding footsteps. A pair of feet, no, not feet, hooves, were right next to my face. I rolled away, got and got ready to run when I was knocked back down by another blast of hot air. The dust was too thick for me to open my eyes. I curled up into a ball and waited for everything to end.
More footsteps, a second and third blast of hot air, more rumbling, and then something is kicking my shoulder.
"Hey, man, you okay?"
I stood. It was the smoker, and it was the first time I'd seen him without a cigarette.
"What the hell was that?" I asked.
The smoker laughs. "I don't know, but it looks like I'm next in line." He raised a hand in a vague gesture. I looked at where the line was, but instead of a line there were bodies and boulders the size of Volkswagens.
"Where did that girl go?" I asked.
"I don't have the slightest," The smoker answered.
"Well, fuck. Do we just leave?"
"Where would we go?" He asked me.
I shrugged. "I'm not just going to sit around here." I scanned the horizon. "Out there seems kind of... bleak." Which was true. There was nothing worth noting in any direction except for the gate, which had just been blown to smithereens. "Let's go inside?"
The smoker shrugged. "Sounds okay."
I laughed. "Have any cigarettes left?"
He handed me one, then took another for himself. "My last two. Got a light? I lost mine."
I laughed. "No, I don't."
"Let's save them," The smoker said, and put them back into a cigarette case in his shirt pocket. "By the way, I'm Norman Melva."
"Irwin Carver. Man. Here I was, just waiting in line, like I've been doing since I died, when all of a sudden everything explodes. What the fuck is that all about?"
"Pretty strange." The smoker said.
"Like standing in line for hell is something I do everyday."
The smoker shrugged. "We've been doing it every day for a million years."
I laughed. "Fuck you, lets see what hell is like."
We stood up, and walked it.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-28 09:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-27 10:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they have really weird names. threw me off a little, but it's an engaging read.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-23 16:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-07-18 21:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
These might benefit from a read-through or two on your part, if just to pick up the odd typo. There're only a handful, but they stick out like long skips on a CD.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-18 20:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read this last night. Thought I rated.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-18 20:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We stood up, and walked it."
==============
I picture a funky bass line playing here, as they groove their way into hell.
Funkiest typo EVER
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-07-18 20:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very cool.
Interested to find out where this is going.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-07-18 11:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-18 11:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 SC
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-18 09:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-07-18 06:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good - in the next one have Cerebus come out and eat them.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-18 06:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool, though I really hate the whole 'cancer stick' thing.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-07-18 06:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really like this please let it turn into a Diablo type adventure
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-18 05:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We sinned, now it's time to pay our dues, no 'ifs', 'ands' or 'buts' about it." The smoker winked and lit another cigarette as he said this, making a lame pun.
I thought it was clever...
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-18 04:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go to hell.
go directly to hell,
do not pass go,
do not collect 200 dollars
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-07-18 01:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
steak like.