Drear Diary (688 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: -0.03 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <haiku mikoo> (View user info) at 2007-07-18 07:15:10 EDT
Detective Charles Atkins stepped out of his Dodge Stratus and made his way past an obnoxiously well groomed dog that was wearing more fashionable clothes than he was. While resisting a strange urge to see how far he could punt the tiny bastard, he heard someone call to him.
"Charlie, get your lazy ass over here! The girl's inside ya bum!"
Charles winced as he walked up to Fred Jones. He hated being called Charlie...reminded him of his ex-wife.
"Oh, get that stick outta your ass Charles, you know I'm just fucking with you."
Charles didn't respond. Instead he just walked past the disturbingly round obstacle of a man, who gave him an overzealous slap on the back. Charles wasn't sure if it was supposed to be a friendly gesture or not, but it did remind him of how little he cared for Fred. He decided a name consisting of only two syllables was befitting of a man like that.
There were two officers questioning a sobbing woman in the kitchen. One of them noticed him and pointed to an open door down the hall. As Charles approached the room he caught a glimpse of a rather attractive set of legs poking through the door. He felt simultaneously foolish and guilty when he realized that they belonged to a very young girl no older than fourteen, who was very much dead.
Her form fitting shirt was ripped in seemingly random places, and she wasn't wearing any underwear under her tattered skirt. There were several small cuts on her face and arms, and strongly defined red marks on her neck suggested she had been strangled to death. He felt his whole body tense up with anger when he noticed semen dripping down her thigh.
Charles felt a wave of overwhelming grief for the girl, which surprised him. He had never felt any emotion for a victim on the job before, but something about this one got to him. She just looked so helpless and innocent...
Charles' thoughts were interrupted by Fred's obnoxious laughter. He looked over to see the bulbous man sitting at what appeared to be the girl's computer.
"Look at this shit Charlie, it's the girl's Livejournal."
Charles didn't bother to ask what the fuck "Livejournal" was and turned to read the computer screen.
"The other night Adam told me Caitlin had left a message on his voicemail saying I was a whore because of a very harmless photo of me & her exboyfriend & this senior that I put on my facebook. I kindly messaged her and told her to ask me or Joe before trying to act like anything happened (nothing happened.), or especially before trying to spread stupid rumors to my friends when they were there and know for sure nothing happened.
I know there is drama in my life that I cause, I know that. That drama doesn't annoy me, more so is entertaining. But when bullshit drama like this enters over something so utterly childish and idiotic I just want to slam the door in it's face. I thought that people would have matured since junior high. Joe told me she made him promise a few days before they broke up that he hated me. I'm not quite sure why, really, considering I've never done anything to Caitlin to cause her to hate me so much!"
A wave of relief passed over Charles as he didn't feel so bad for her anymore. He glanced at her again and wondered if she was a good fuck. He decided it didn't matter and carried on with his work.
User Reviews
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-07-23 02:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This gave me an idea. I'll post the results in a few days.
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bananana (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-19 05:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As promised.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-19 04:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hooray for names that rhyme
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-18 20:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Drear was in fact, intentional. I shouldn't typo very often, not for fear of uber persecution. I do that in emails/im's to friends that are probably too busy jacking off to catch any typos.
Habit.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-18 18:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ummm wtf? 3 stories in one.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-18 10:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-18 08:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 as you are new, and this wan't badly written.
welcome to uber
____
And was "drear" intentional? Because I liked it, and if it wasn't a typo I'll upgrade you to a +2.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-07-18 10:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What Hurty said...
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-07-18 08:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe it because im an asshole but i didn't get the point of the live journal or why he suddenly wondered about her fucking ability when before he was angry. But welcome it's better than the shit i poop out
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-18 08:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 as you are new, and this wan't badly written.
welcome to uber
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Isn't bret a type of fish? I'm mildly confused.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for not being Bret.
If you turn out to be an arsehole imma keel you.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 as you are new, and this wan't badly written.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I started out with the line "Huh, I could see why someone would kill her", and then it got way overcomplicated.
I thought it might be funny if things had a more serious feel while leading up to that part.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you may be good so try again.... accept a zero with good grace.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't really understand how he can go from being 'tense with rage' over some jizz on her thigh so wondering if she was a good fuck. The LiveJournal entry surely wouldn't have made him change his mind that much.
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-18 07:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't read this, n()()B.