My Third (and probably last) Surfing Adventure with slight camwhore (964 hits)
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Submitted by Progr3ss (View user info) at 2007-07-18 23:51:07 EDT
Last year I travelled south to my brother's place on the south coast of NSW for his wedding and whilst there, I decided to learn how to surf. Now I've tried on two previous occasions to learn, with both times resulting in myself becoming injured. Nothing major, just bruises. With this in mind, most people would give up trying to learn how to surf with the assumption that it just wasn't their game and maybe they should stick to other sports like rugby or knitting.
Not that I know how to knit. And I'm not sure knitting is a sport, but they hold competitions for it so I'm going to include it as one. And yeah it's probably dominated by women, but I think I would like to give it a go.
Anyways...
During my previous attempts to surf, one factor seemed to stand out in my failure. And no, it wasn't that I was drunk or that I am missing a leg, it was that I simply had no freakin idea how to stand up for longer then .35 of a second. So I reasoned that I should get some help on the matter, rather then just going in uneducated again. In this matter I enlisted my brother.
My brother is, amongst other things, an accomplished surfer, and so what better person to teach me then him I thought. I was fairly confident that I would at least be able to stand for five seconds before the afternoon was out and gleefully bounded into the surf with a wetsuit hugging my groin, a board under my arm and complete confidence in my brothers teachings.
The surf wasn't that big, about two feet in height, with a slight breeze coming from the south-east. I listened to his words of wisdom about swell sets, watching rips to see where the waves die, and that when you do fall, to push the board away from you, either to the front or back.
The first ten waves I caught (if you could call it that, as it was more or less me paddling, then kneeling, then swearing) went by without much to mention, except that I was slightly more aware of my body seeming to look like a seal from underneath and so I was searching the waters for any assassins of the sea (damn you Discovery Channel and your well produced programs, educating me about the ocean). I then spotted a wave that looked like it had me written all over it, so I turned around, waited for the swell to lift me, then I paddled, pushed my body up and the board forward and knelt, then clumsily stood up for two whole seconds!
In my mind I was screaming profanities, and out of my mouth I was screaming profanities and in the water my brother was screaming profanities, but he might have seen a shark, so I don't think his input counted to the absolute supreme feeling of delight I achieved in this one relativley simple act.
Knitting seemed like a crap sport to try after this.
That's about the time it all went pear shaped. You remember that part I said about pushing the board away from you when you fall? Yeah, it seems as though I forgot all about that as I started to fall.
Now at this point I would like to bring up the importance of leg ropes. The humble leg rope is designed to not only stop the board from being washed out to sea, if and when you fall, but it also stops the board from spinning around and attacking you like a drop-bear.
My brother hadn't rigged this board with a leg rope as the surf was small and to put it in his words; "You'll be right". Oh how wrong he was.
I fell to the left, just when the wave died in the cross current of the rip, breaking down completely and turning the water into a washing machine which in turn, spun the board around, allowing it to attack me like a drop-bear would. I felt a thud, then fingers of pain scorching across my scalp as cold saltwater lovingly caressed the raw meat now exposed via a surfboard fin.
I stumbled out of the water, and sauntered up the beach as best I could trying not to pass out, whilst calming down my now hysterical girlfriend. After a few minutes of calming her down, I allowed myself a moment to breathe and managed to make a joke as an elderly lady passed by. I think it was something about sharks.
We also managed to take few photos on my phone before I was all cleaned up by the local medical staff. I received a massive, FIVE stitches, developed a great headache, and when I woke up the next morning, my pillow was stuck to my head.
Either way I think I might give up surfing.
It just isn't my game.
Maybe I'll try knitting.
Nothing could go wrong there right?
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-19 20:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 for not dying.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-19 13:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was great
KaosKing should use that pic for the end of one of his posts...
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-07-19 12:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh... Eye stabbing.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-07-19 12:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"...teach me THAN him..."
You must have hit your head pretty hard... I'll continue reading now.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-19 11:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is made of...
awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness awesomeness
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-07-19 11:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is why I bought a softboard to learn to surf on.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-07-19 10:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
filename
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2007-07-19 10:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been surfing with my brother-in-law about 5 times and he's always told me that once you fall, just cover your head with your arms so that you dont get cut up by the fins ... that looks like it hurt
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-07-19 10:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for tempting death from the sea demons(sharks&blood)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-19 09:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skate it off indeed: http://www.ubersite.com/m/73061
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-19 09:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
skate it off
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-19 09:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pffft.... I've had worse
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-07-19 08:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
OH SHIT!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-07-19 07:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-19 05:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-19 05:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have never been surfing as my hair is too short but some people think I look a bit surfy, which is cool as I can wander up and down the shore line perving at topless women.
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i know a ski bum who looks like you.
hell, maybe it is you.
he's engrish too.
and as everyone knows, all white english men look alike.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-19 05:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have never been surfing as my hair is too short but some people think I look a bit surfy, which is cool as I can wander up and down the shore line perving at topless women.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-19 05:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The very first time I went surfing was on a 9ft longboard in freezing water.
I mastered the art of standing up fairly quickly, probably because I was using the surfing equivalent of a door, making balance easy.
However, I ended up forgetting to do the whole 'DO NOT WANT' to the board as I fell once and it ended up landing squarely on the top of my head, creating a massive dent in the bloody thing. The bloke I borrowed the board of thinks it's a miracle I'm still alive and has framed the piece of board accordingly.
Cunt.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-19 05:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Filename.
And just don't knit with sharp needles and "you'll be right". Or not, what do I know? I don't knit.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-19 05:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah it's an aussie joke. Koala's sometimes fall out of trees when sleeping and land on top of your tent. They're angry little bastards when that happens. Funny though.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-19 04:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sad note here: I've never seen the snow. I've seen lots of sand though
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alot like sand, cept its cold and you can eat it.
drop bears = koala's?
thats just and aussie joke, innit?
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-19 04:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-19 17:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
a wave with your name on it - is that like pissing your name in the snow?
sorry grrls, i know you re jealous.
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It's an expression. It means it's going to be the one you get/take/experience/enjoy etc.
Say for example your really, really hungry and your with a group of friends and you head to a burger joint. If by chance you all order the same thing, then when the food arrives you could say that the first one out of the bag has your name on it. Almost like calling shotgun.
Sad note here: I've never seen the snow. I've seen lots of sand though!
I hate sand.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-07-19 03:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you bled more, but still...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90591
I wish I could have gotten pictures of it. I have pictures of a different emergency room expedition, though, which should be part of a post in the near future. If by near, I mean i dont know when im going to write it, if ever.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-07-19 03:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck.
im going to linkwhore in a minute, here.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-19 03:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
two things;
a wave with your name on it - is that like pissing your name in the snow?
sorry grrls, i know you re jealous.
you could say you were almost "board to death"
tadum dum!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-19 02:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your turn....
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-19 02:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEEE-oowwCHH!
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-07-19 01:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read the story, but the picture is badass.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-07-19 01:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"my pillow was stuck to my head."
Badass.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-19 01:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn dude, I bet that stung really bad....
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-19 00:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so you did, so you did...
and that's a good one. I just loled.
I'll have to have a think now it's my turn again.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-07-19 00:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'm afraid of getting a knitting needle in my eye or something.
p.s. I had my turn
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-19 00:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes, badminton's goooooooooooooooooooooood
so is quilting. soft, too.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-19 00:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, man
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-07-18 23:59:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could alwyas take up badmitton.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-18 23:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ps: yes, knitting is goooooooooooood
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-18 23:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hi, Progr3ss!
be careful surfing please. good story, scary picture.
+2 filename
ps: it's your turn
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2007-07-18 23:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
RIP THE CURL DICK