Den of Solitude (860 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.42 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Haiku Mikoo (View user info) at 2007-07-19 20:59:53 EDT
I woke up, hungover and sweaty, to the sound of the garage door opening.
Fuck.
I tried to sit up, so as to give the intruder the dirtiest look I could muster in my present state, but laid right back down for fear of throwing up.
"Sorry dude...I just came for my guitar." Someone grunted as they tried to make their way under the partially opened garage door.
The intruder was my sister's boyfriend, George. Normally I thought of the guy as a brother, but right now I wanted to grab him by those dark curly locks, and knee him right in his pale, bloated face. He looked like he had gained a little weight, the fat asshole. I would have told him...but he's a sensitive guy. The last thing I needed was to deal with George's crying. Watching a grown man cry is similar to ripping off a fingernail...it's always as bad as you thought it was going to be.
George found his out-of-tune guitar and hit the top of his back on the way out of the garage. I was about to laugh when the garage door started closing. It sounded like someone was holding an aluminum trash can next to my head, and hitting it repeatedly with a bat.
I had been living in my sister Michelle's garage for a couple of months now. Sure, it had it's obvious faults. There was zero insulation, and it was almost winter in Riverside. Which basically meant I slept in a full thermal suit and a beanie, trying to ignore how cold I was at night, and woke up the next day dripping with sweat surrounded by an assortment of flying insects. My sister had a five year old son by the name of Ashton, which meant I had to babysit a lot. But...rent was only $100 a month, and Ash gave me a legitimate excuse to play with lightsabers.
At any rate, my set up wasn't bad. I had cleaned the garage before I moved in, which essentially meant I moved all of George's useless crap to one corner, Ashton's old toys to a second corner, and ostensibly random musical equipment to a third corner.
That left me with the fourth corner. Which was fine, since all I owned was a small TV, Sega Genesis, mini-fridge, nightstand, electric sandwich maker, and a bed. I had stolen a small Ikea table from my sister that didn't even make it up to my knee, and an even smaller inflatable WWF Chair my sister bought with Ploidz. I figured I at least had a right to the chair. When we were kids, she made me eat copious amounts of Doritos so she would have enough Ploidz for the damned thing.
Christ. With the tiny furniture, and slew of empty bottles of booze lying around the room, you'd think a very depressed midget lived in there.
For a while, a typical day went like this; wake up, go to work, come home, eat, go to the liquor store with Jim, and come home to drink my newly acquired Presidente alone in my room. I was almost always left alone with my brandy, save for the occasional Sega Genesis session with Jim. In my head, I had appropriately nicknamed my new room, "The Den of Solitude."
I loved it.
But this was the second time in three days I had woken up to that fucking door. The first time it was my sister looking for a stereo that didn't seem to exist at four o'clock in the morning. This time it was George...I was guessing sometime in the afternoon. Either my roommates didn't realize what a horrible sound the garage door was to awaken to, or they did, and just wanted me to move the fuck out.
I decided both scenarios were just as likely.
I leaned over to search under my bed for left over brandy. Luckily I had bought an extra fifth. At this point I decided Jim was the only real friend I had left. If he had a problem with me, I was the first person to hear about it, and he always knocked before coming into my garage. That fact alone made me decide he was also my favorite roommate.
Plus, he was the one that bought me the brandy.
I took a swig, and prepared myself for getting out of bed. It was easier than I had anticipated. Mostly because in all my morning rage, I hadn't noticed how badly I needed to piss. I ripped off a square of toilet paper and made my way to the door, stepping over random pieces of musical equipment. I ignored the crash cymbal attacking my arm, and opened the door to the back yard.
I propped myself against the side of the garage and prepared myself for the task at hand. Ignoring whoever was taunting me through the kitchen window, I used the square of toilet paper to dab at my dripping penis, and silently applauded myself for being so well prepared.
With my cock back in my pants, I turned to see who was at the window. It was George.
He was freshly showered, and appeared to be going somewhere. I could tell because whenever he went out, he'd comb his curly hair back across his head. He could pull it off because he was Spanish. I decided he looked pretty good, maybe even lost a little weight. I remembered cursing his name and calling him a fat asshole ten minutes prior, and attributed the angry rant in my head to my shitty wake up call.
No sense in holding a grudge.
He was saying something, but I couldn't hear through the closed window. From the look Michelle was giving him, it wasn't worth hearing anyway.
She looked pretty decent too. She just got a peacock feather tattooed on the side of her head, and oddly enough, it went pretty well with what appeared to be a fashionable comb over. I was glad she didn't have her hair pulled back, it always drew attention to her chubby cheeks. She was wearing a tennis shirt and skirt, even though she had never played tennis a day in her life. She was pretty fit though, and could pull it off.
I remembered how excited she was when she showed me her tattoo. I had made fun of her, and asked why she got the American flag imprinted on the side of her head. I actually thought it looked pretty good, but I was drunk. And I hate peacocks, pushy bastards.
I wondered why I wasn't back in my room drinking, and headed for the door. Before I could make it back inside the Den of Solitude, a bee stung me on my bare right arm. It wasn't nearly as bad as I remembered bee stings being as a kid, but it none-the-less reaffirmed my silent decision to start drinking early.
I plopped myself down on my inflatable chair, and turned on the Genesis. NBA Live 96. Jim and I almost had the rosters exactly the way we wanted them. I thought about how much I wished the Lakers would trade for Jason Kidd, then maybe they would be decent to play as.
A couple of games and half a bottle of brandy later, Jim knocked on the door. I grabbed the portable door opener I kept on my Ikea table and let him in.
His dreadlock afro looked clumpier than usual. I could see through one of the many holes in his tattered jeans that his legs were ashy. Ashy and yellow. I looked up at his face to make sure at least that part was still brown in time to see him push a clump of dreadlock out of his face. I noticed he was wearing his Lego shirt.
Cool, I like that shirt.
He laughed a little when he saw the Presidente.
"Ah. Starting early before the Lemon House party eh?"
"Yeah..."
Feeling a little bitter, I wondered why Adam hadn't invited me.
"Michelle and George already left, I figured I would catch a ride with you."
"Where the hell is the kid?"
"Ashton? He's with his dad."
I nodded and took another swig of my brandy, suppressed the urge to vomit, and held the bottle out to him.
"Want any?"
"Sure."
He finished it off and handed it back to me. I tossed it next to the other empty bottles and attempted to get out of my inflatable chair. I expected the worst, since that thing was hard enough to get out of sober, but I tried my best anyway.
And failed.
"You sure you're alright to drive Mike?"
He helped me up and I kicked the fucking thing across the room. I thought I heard Jim stifle a laugh, but I didn't concern myself with it.
"Does it matter?"
Apparently it didn't.
I turned off the Genesis, grabbed my keys, and we got in my Saturn.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-27 17:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-21 01:36:05 EDT (#)
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-20 12:02:08 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, so you're a likeable fuckup. There's worse things to be.
========
I thank you with all sincerity. As a side note, since that time, I lived in an apartment for a few months, and then moved to WA, where I know reside in a house with my best friend and my girlfriend. Definitely a step up from being lonely and drunk in a garage. Although I must say, those were good times in their own right.
_______
I'm a month or so late to continue this conversation, but +2 No Longer Living in A Garage.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-27 15:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-20 06:22:55 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
guess so.
i never slept in a garage so im in the dark on this.
where im from if you sleep in a garage in the winter you just dont wake up.
still kinda nasty that your own sister wouldnt let you sleep on the couch when its cold out.
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I didn't notice this review before, and I just wanted to clarify, that if I wanted to sleep on the couch I could. I chose the garage because I wanted privacy, and I didn't want to be woken up at 6 AM every morning when my nephew went to school. I didn't have to come into work until 1 PM at the time, so being woken up that early sucked balls.
My sister can be a huge bitch verbally, but she's done nothing but help me out immensely my whole life. Even though you're just a stranger on the interweb, I felt badly for portraying my sister as a heartless cunt.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-29 00:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not anymore, I moved to WA. I hated the weather in Riverside, got kind of tired of being around the same people, and also my best friend had just moved up here to WA. It's so much cheaper to live up here, I went from a crappy apartment for $1100 a month to a duplex (kind of weird to have neighbors in your own house, but I never have to see the guy) with a *pause for dramatic effect* OLD ALMOST BROKEN GAZEBO for $650 a month. For an underachieving loser such as myself, that is a pretty sweet deal. Especially considering the first month I was living in the garage was last October. Also, I don't have a bunch of black guys asking me "where the weed at?" (that was at the apartment complex) every time I walk to my door. Upstairs neighbor guy is leaving soon; the plan is for me and the girlfriend thing to take the upstairs, and for best friend thing to stay downstairs and take on another roommate.
Plus, we just bought about 2 gallons of wine, some kiddie pools and a slip n'slide.
Life is good.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-28 22:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you live in riverside?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-21 16:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm still confused why things like
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Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:46:17 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't sleep and I don't care?
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and
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Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 06:03:32 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not sure what the point of this exchange is, but I'm curious how long it will take before you get bored.
"You started it!"
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Suggested that I hate you, but thanks?
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-21 07:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, I only own this one account, retard. Unfortunately there are people on this site who emulate me and try to set me up because I am in fact http://www.ubersite.com/u/sicosemen I am trying to get that account reinstated so you will find some of my better work there. Instead, you tried to sound witty and intelligible but just came across as a retard again.
Just a little helpful information for you:
1. No one cares if you are the roommate of some reputable user.
2. Being as new as you are, it's best to feel things out before you make enemies.
3. I'm not your enemy. I'm an asshole, a dickhead, etc. who has a base of legionnaires to hate me. You are now one.
F. You'd be alright if you didn't over analyze everything.
12. You've been sicowned.
9G. STFU
zz. Sorry that someone -2'd your account but they're just ratings...get over it.
21. Good luck in your endeavors on uber.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-21 01:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*sight* know = now
for shame me, for shame.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-21 01:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-20 12:02:08 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, so you're a likeable fuckup. There's worse things to be.
========
I thank you with all sincerity. As a side note, since that time, I lived in an apartment for a few months, and then moved to WA, where I know reside in a house with my best friend and my girlfriend. Definitely a step up from being lonely and drunk in a garage. Although I must say, those were good times in their own right.
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-20 15:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:14:47 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read this but you are obviously kissing my ass so I won't give you a negative...for now.
====
Actually my roommate showed me the hitler thing, I didn't know it was you. I actually think you're kind of a douche...from what little I can tell.
So...do whatever the fuck you want.
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It amazes me that people on this site judge one another. Did you really put that much thought into whether or not I was a douche, especially considering that I'm a random nobody that you most certainly would never have the please to me?
Just curious.
Think away.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-20 15:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, so you're a likeable fuckup. There's worse things to be.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-07-20 10:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by raebuf (user info) at 2007-07-20 09:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-20 09:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
guess so.
i never slept in a garage so im in the dark on this.
where im from if you sleep in a garage in the winter you just dont wake up.
still kinda nasty that your own sister wouldnt let you sleep on the couch when its cold out.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 09:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um, it would, because I did. It's a desert area, and although it didn't get that cold at night, a garage doesn't have any insulation. And when you're used to 90+ degree weather, it doesn't take much to feel very cold.
Now that I live in washington, it doesn't take much for me to get hot, odd how that changed in less than a month.
That's why I'd go to sleep freezing and wake up sweating, the lack of insulation means it gains and loses heat very easily.
Get it?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:27:18 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
riverside is in michigan i believe.
he'd freeze to death in the winter.
======
Was this a joke? Riverside is an incredibly common name for a city. Driving to washington from california, there was a Riverside in CA, Utah, and WA.
So yeah, there's that.
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no joke, how the fuck should i know what riverside it could be? i was in riverside michigan so i assumed it was michigan. sleeping in thermal clothing in riverside CA wouldn't happen now wood it?
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Who the fuck are you?
No body. Good then stop trying to converse with me.
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bananana (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck are you on about...you'll regret it either way. I'm going to summon apollo and his mighty alter army.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just so you know I wasn't lying.
????????????????/
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:27:18 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
riverside is in michigan i believe.
he'd freeze to death in the winter.
======
Was this a joke? Riverside is an incredibly common name for a city. Driving to washington from california, there was a Riverside in CA, Utah, and WA.
So yeah, there's that.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:14:47 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read this but you are obviously kissing my ass so I won't give you a negative...for now.
====
Actually my roommate showed me the hitler thing, I didn't know it was you. I actually think you're kind of a douche...from what little I can tell.
So...do whatever the fuck you want.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
riverside is in michigan i believe.
he'd freeze to death in the winter.
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read this but you are obviously kissing my ass so I won't give you a negative...for now.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:06:54 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what kind of cunt leaves here brother to live in a garage?
for 100 a month, too.
twat!
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I'd rather sleep in a garage with privacy than live in a house where all I have is a couch and a closet.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-20 08:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what kind of cunt leaves here brother to live in a garage?
for 100 a month, too.
twat!
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 drinking before noon
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely, nicely.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-20 01:35:24 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And as to the next couple of parts, I'd say don't ask Uber. If you want to do it, do it. I'd read more about this character, he's a likeable fuckup.
============
"he's a likeable fuckup" made me laugh a lot, because the character is "me". But you left out underachiever.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-20 04:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ. With the tiny furniture, and slew of empty bottles of booze lying around the room, you'd think a very depressed midget lived in there.
___
And as to the next couple of parts, I'd say don't ask Uber. If you want to do it, do it. I'd read more about this character, he's a likeable fuckup.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-20 03:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-20 03:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I talk about myself too much.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-20 03:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
I once had a set up -- $90 per month for rent and I got to have sex with the landlady. I just had to watch her kid a couple times a week.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-19 23:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the feedback.
I'm considering writing two more parts. Part two would be the party as seen by a drunken ass (aka me), Written exactly how things appeared to be happening in my drunken state when I actually went to that party. Part three would be me waking up the next day, consisting of more events that took place that day, and how my understanding of the night before changes by piecing together my memory of it, and other people's.
What do you think?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-07-19 22:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Like you? I've never met you and my only interaction with "you" has been through the fictional character you portray on Uber. I don't even know you, in the same way that you don't know me. However, if it's analysis you want, here you go:
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-07-19 21:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
getting better.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-19 22:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it you deserve a 2 just for posting this kind of stuff. Sorry.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-19 22:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-19 22:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. really good.
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-19 21:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy fuck,buddy! Turned off the Genesis.Man,that's so pre-Y2K.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-07-19 21:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
getting better.