Hell's Kitchen (701 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by QuinnTheEskimo (View user info) at 2007-07-23 09:15:16 EDT
The previous one is here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/110305
Hell's Kitchen
The first thing the girl wanted to know after we patched her up is what happened at the gate.
"We, as of right now, have no idea." Norman answered. "By the way," He said, holding out his hand, "I'm Norman."
"Penelope." She answered, taking his hand and shaking it.
"Irwin." I said, pointing to myself.
"How come you guys weren't caught?"
"Somehow we must have escaped detection." Norman shrugged.
"Where do we go from here?" Penelope asked.
"We keep going. No point in staying here." Norman said, getting up and dusting himself off.
"Uh, there isn't anything trying to kill us here. We should stay."
"Penelope," Norman explained smiling, "Staying here isn't going to get us anywhere."
I laughed. "He's right."
"So we march off into hell, without anything to protect us?" Penelope was yelling now.
"Relax. Norman and I handled the bird-monsters pretty easy, I think we can-"
The ground started to shake again.
"We should go!" Norman yelled over the growing sound of rumbling.
We had almost taken our first step when the ground before us erupted. A terrible horned creature climbed out of the crater. Norman, keeping his cool in even the most stressful situations, chucked his spear at the monster, but it made a pong noise against the creature's armor and clattered to the ground.
For a moment, we all just stared at the spear, contemplating it's extreme level of ineffectiveness.
The creature lifted Norman in one of its giant hands, and hurled him twenty yards. After throwing my own spear and missing, I grabbed Penelope's hand. We began running to Norman, the creature in hot pursuit. Before we could reach Norman, I felt it's hot hand wrap around my torso. It picked me up, and pulled back its arm to hurl me. Penelope watched, terrified.
Again there was a moment of silence, which was broken without warning as the creature holding me dropped to one knee and let me go. I began scrambling away as the creature turned its back on me. I reached Penelope and we both watched the creature walk away. I could see a deep, bloody cut running down the back of its right thigh.
Norman was at my side. "We need to follow it. We could learn something. Then, if it dies, we can have its stuff."
"Are you okay?" I asked him.
"I want a smoke. C'mon."
The creature took only a few steps before breaking into a run, ducking into a tunnel a little ways down the path we had been following. We tried to keep up but it was too fast. Soon, we were only seeing a fleeting glimpse of the creature as it turned corners. And then he was there again, stopped, standing in a great hollow cavern. We had almost stepped in before Norman stopped us, and we all stay just outside the doorway, watching.
We didn't have to wait long. The creature that had attacked us had found what he was looking for, apparently. More bird-monsters. One of them held a sword still wet with fresh blood. The creature attacked that bird-monster first, tearing it in half. The other bird-monsters swarmed on the creature, the cruel black spears tearing at the parts of it's unarmored skin.
The battle didn't last long, however. It was only a few moments before nearly all of the bird-monsters were dead or dying. However one of the last living bird-monsters heaved its spear and, amazingly, struck the creature in the eye. It staggered backwards, flailing its arms and then landed with a terrible din on the floor. When it tried to get up, a different bird-monster quickly leaped onto the creature's chest and opened its throat.
"Wow," I said, my jaw slack in amazement.
"Why are they fighting?" Penelope asked.
Norman answered, "I think they're at war. Look, the bird-monsters all have matching designs on their armor. It looks like a scepter surrounded by black fire. The creature's armor has a different one. They might be from different armies."
Penelope stared, her mouth open in an effective display of stupidity. "Okay, why are the armies fighting?"
Norman shrugged. Then said, "In unrelated news, they know we're here."
The bird-monsters started walking towards us.
"Uh, shit. Let's go." I grabbed Norman and Penelope and started running.
"You guy's beat them last time!" Penelope shouted as we ran. "Do it again!"
"We had the element of surprise then," Norman said. "If they can kill whatever that giant thing was, then I certainly don't want to fight them."
I was leading, and trying to take us back us the same way we had just walked. However, I took a wrong turn somewhere, and soon we were hopelessly lost. The bird-monsters, however, were no longer pursuing us, and so we sat down and rested our backs against the warm stone tunnel wall.
"You know," Norman said, "I felt sure we were going to fail horribly and end up captured and tortured. We didn't. Things are looking up."
I smiled. "They could be worse." I looked around. "Okay, we rescued the Penelope, fought bird-monsters, escaped form that giant thing, and then escaped again. What now?"
"Let's keep going," Norman sighed.
"This is stupid. We're marching around in Hell, and for what? For what?" Penelope pointed at Norman. "Why should we keep going?"
Norman stood up and pointed at her. He yelled, "Do you want us to give you back to the bird-monsters? Huh? What other choice do we have, Penny? We can stay here and rot in hell forever, or, we can try to find a way out."
"Way out?" I asked him, looking confused.
"We need to hope for one." He told me as we began walking.
"Where would we go?" Penelope asked.
"Anywhere is better than here." I answered.
Just a heads up from you friendly neighborhood eskimo, the series is probably going to end soon. Probably not much more than three installments left, unless I can come up with new material.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-28 09:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-24 15:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-24 08:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2007-07-24 03:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 03:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Little idea.
A penguin dressed in a captain England outtfit saves all the people trapped in hell by dabbing there faces clean with his wet hanky, therefore giving them magical powers to escape this horror.
The spiral staircase descends from the skies of hell enabling them all to trot out.
Now if that isn't an AMAZING ending I dont what is.
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The man has a point.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 03:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-24 08:19:37 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck all of you.
I'm discontinuing the series.
I had no idea how to end the fucker anyway. I mean, they're trapped in hell, for christ's sake.
FUCK.
----------------------
Little idea.
A penguin dressed in a captain England outtfit saves all the people trapped in hell by dabbing there faces clean with his wet hanky, therefore giving them magical powers to escape this horror.
The spiral staircase descends from the skies of hell enabling them all to trot out.
Now if that isn't an AMAZING ending I dont what is.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-24 03:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck all of you.
I'm discontinuing the series.
I had no idea how to end the fucker anyway. I mean, they're trapped in hell, for christ's sake.
FUCK.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2007-07-24 02:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been following this series and I just wanted to add:
The writing and the story feels a little under-developed. It seems there's lots of 'somehow this happened', and plot details feel glossed over.
I know, I know, time and nobody on Uber actually wants to sit and read something really long, but perhaps that can maybe help you expand your ideas so that you can lengthen the series? I dunno, I'm no writer myself, just thought I'd give you my thoughts.
Anyway, good work so far! Keep it up.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2007-07-24 02:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Norman, keeping his cool in even the most stressful situations, chucked his spear at the monster..."
Seemed to me there were a lot of lines like the above, and it made the narrative awkward and out of sync with the story. Not to mention that explaining things like that is borderline insulting.
This would have read much better had you let the characters and scenes unfold by way of the plot.
There was also something very juvenile about the language. "Chucked" his spear? "Bird-monsters"?
Not trying to be a jerk; just figured if you were writing stuff like this you'd appreciate some honest feedback, however misguided it may be.
It's good. Keep going.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-24 00:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I kind of wish the fights were a tad more descriptive. I mean, they're good, but it seems like you could make them more awesome.
Do it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-23 16:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is pretty good
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-23 14:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-21 15:30:51 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I keep waiting for this to get cliché and shitty, but it hasn't so far, so more of this story needs to be had.
========
keep going.
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-23 12:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://stuff.ubersite.com/1163669001100429567/1/manx.JPG
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-23 11:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I re-read it and my comments stand but i'll bump this to a +1.5
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-23 11:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-23 11:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've read all of these and this was the worst of them. the dialogue seems campy and contrived at times. I realise that it IS contrived but dialogue in a story isn't sposed to feel that way when you reads it.
overall this has continued to entertain me so carry on.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-23 10:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh fuck, i meant +2 cos hell means so much to me.
the beer may be warm, but at least they have it
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-23 10:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's... that's a nice story, czw
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-23 10:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my sister's name is helena and guess what she has in her kitchen?
a sign
welcome to hel's kitchen
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-07-23 09:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool man make them really good though.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-23 09:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff, can't wait to read the rest.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-07-23 09:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Before someone else says it, it is a terrible title, and I forgot to change it before I posted.