A Chance Encounter with Bryan Ferry. (580 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicRating: 0.99 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Hitcher: Lovin' It, Slags. (View user info) at 2007-07-24 10:02:34 EDT
Alright slags? Seems like some time since I was in these parts last.
Problem was you see, I got waylaid in a massive forest by Bryan fucking Ferry, who insisted on playing his new album, 'Dylanesque' to me for hours on end. Hours I tell you boy, and believe you me, that's not easy on the ears of a slap bass aficionado such as myself. Eventually, I got sick of his fucking record, which by the way is utter nonsense, and I picked it up, crushed it into tiny splinters with my massive thumb and ate the fucking splinters. Initially, I thought this might have been a mistake as I feared I'd puncture my evil black insides on the terrible splinters of musical tripe; mercifully I didn't and they shot out of my taut green arsehole with such force that they pinned that slag Ferry to a tree.
'Not so smug now, are you Ferry?' I pointed out to him
'Please,' he moaned, 'Let me down, I've got so much to give!'
'No you fucking don't boy, what's your major contribution to the world of music? Roxy Music? Praising the Nazis? Actually, I'll admit, I was impressed by that, evil as I am, but Roxy fuckin' Music? No man should be allowed to get away with that!'
So I stabbed him Uber, I stabbed him right in the cleft of his chin. I stabbed with such vigor in fact, that I had to make my way quick-smart to the coast to find some manner of marine animal to have sex with. I found an octopus, which was a new experience, and one I'd repeat, I don't mind telling you. They can work wonders with all those legs, believe you me boy!
So that's where I am now. Still looking for a lift so I can get to Mexico and hang out with my mate Spider in Tijuana. Well, I say he's my mate, but the slag owes me 20 euros, which is my real reason for going. Once I've got those euros I'll be back in a sensible country quicker than you can say,
'You won't see penny one from me, you slag!'
User Reviews
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-09-12 05:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know why.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 06:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Howard Moon: Where did you get those sunglasses from?
Vince Noir: A passing Coyote took pity on me.
Howard Moon: Took pity on you did he? He took a piss on me!
Vince Noir: I think in his own simple way he was trying to cool you down.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-25 06:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 11:02:06 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
No fuckwit, she's a puppet remember!
Durrrrrrrr
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Barry: Hey Dante - My girlfriend and I caught you on the news the other night...
Dante: No shit? And by "Girlfriend" do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick everynight?
Barry: ... yes...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 06:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No fuckwit, she's a puppet remember!
Durrrrrrrr
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-25 05:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 10:54:42 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well now you ask it was a damp sardine esque aroma..........but fair play to her she returned the favour.
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What, by wearing a nose clip as she went down on your rancid member?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 05:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well now you ask it was a damp sardine esque aroma..........but fair play to her she returned the favour.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-25 05:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 10:48:21 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh she has believe me, when I went down on her I had to wear a swimming nose clip.
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GODDAMNIT, that was not a question.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 05:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh she has believe me, when I went down on her I had to wear a swimming nose clip.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-25 05:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 10:38:40 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hom?? Homas the tank engine? heh
No...... but I always fancied giving Sue from sooty and sweep one.
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You filthy cunt.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 05:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hom?? Homas the tank engine? heh
No...... but I always fancied giving Sue from sooty and sweep one.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-25 05:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 10:06:51 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gordon The Gopher
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You had a crush on Philip Schofield, didn't you, hom?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-25 05:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gordon The Gopher
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-24 23:08:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-24 22:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just went out and bought The Monster Squad on DVD today.
I'd never seen it before.
It was AWESOME. Have a +2 for that.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 19:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dirty_Girl (user info) at 2007-07-24 15:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hehehehe
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Fuck you, alter slag.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-24 15:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-07-24 15:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dirty_Girl (user info) at 2007-07-24 15:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hehehehe
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-07-24 15:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, go GWAR!
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 15:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-24 13:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha, boy.
Hitcher is the man, dont fuck with him.
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You'd do well to listen to this wise fellow.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-24 13:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SLAG!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-24 13:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha, boy.
Hitcher is the man, dont fuck with him.
Submitted by Bananana (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What an incredibly boring piece.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gwenwyvar (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Slag is neither funny or amusing, like you.
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Fuck off cuntwhore. I'm the Hitcher, I could kill you with a thought.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SCHLAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Submitted by gwenwyvar (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Slag is neither funny or amusing, like you.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gwenwyvar (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Retaliatory, did not read -2.
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Thanks for pointing it out, slag, like I didn't know!
Submitted by gwenwyvar (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Retaliatory, did not read -2.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lest I get accused of being you!
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You could never be me boy, never! I know you fantasise about it, but jesus!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-07-24 11:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lest I get accused of being you!
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why do you need those 20 euro's when hitching?
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Food and whisky you slag.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why do you need those 20 euro's when hitching?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah.
gotta love the hitcher.
i don't even know why
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-24 15:36:41 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Hitcher +2!
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heh
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Hitcher +2!
Submitted by Dervish (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best persona ever.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i,will,prove!you,wrong;mr/Hitcher".
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I should slice you for that one boy.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i,will,prove!you,wrong;mr/Hitcher".
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what!!!!!!!!!!!!!! outrageous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Prove me wrong, punctuation fetishist.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what!!!!!!!!!!!!!! outrageous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How dare you try and upstage me!!!!!!!!!! Hitchers Tale coming soon!!
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Upstage you boy? You can barely write in sentences!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How dare you try and upstage me!!!!!!!!!! Hitchers Tale coming soon!!
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why do you converse in such colorful metaphors?
it is rather interesting, though at times a little difficult to understand.
it must be some sort of local colloquilism
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
like you thumb yer way through life?
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Let's tell him what he's won!
SWEET FUCK ALL YOU SLAG!
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
like you thumb yer way through life?
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell are you?
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Let me put you in the picture, I'm the Hitcher.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um........ ok?
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-07-24 10:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell are you?