Falling into You (2653 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: favourites
Rating: 1.07 on 174 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by experima (View user info) at 2007-07-26 12:17:55 EDT
I am so far out in the ocean you can not see me. A thousand miles away, it seems. A thousand and a bit
but you can hear me
my song
and it fills your heart with music.
You are on the beach. Feet heavy. Eyes shining, damp. Wind blows through your hair and you look out at the sea of unbroken glass, the smooth, inviting water, the colours of spun sugar made by hte early morning light.
You take one step in, toes digging into the wet sand. I sing. Another step and you feel little small wet cool tongues licking up at your ankles.
You look behind you now, at the houses and the trees and the cars on the road and the people and your life and the seawall dividing you from all of it.
Another step forward. Another.
Waist-high now, and the water moves you; the movement and the waves and the song, all rhythm.
Come to me.
Feet become lighter now, almost vanishing, though you can still feel the pain of the crushed shells beneath them. Crushed rocks. Crushed everything.
The water stretches out before you now, empty, huge, overwhelming. You see nothing, hear everything.
Just as you're about to turn back you catch a glimpse, a flash of my hair glinting in the brightening sun. Sea changes colours, sky blue and aquamarine now. Hints of red like rhododendrons dance across the rising tide.
You think you're losing balance, but you're not; water holds you, moves you, makes you bob in the pure delight of the song that is filling you up.
Come to me.
Walking becomes hard so you swim. Newfound lightness. Quickness. No more looking back.
The waves lap at your shoulders and the ocean is falling into you. You're falling into it. Falling into me. All this falling and then you're here, I'm here, and I'm falling into you.
Everyone knows that the drop merges into the ocean; few know that the ocean merges into the drop.
Still singing when you join me in the centre of the deep. We sing together.
And before we plunge straight down into that clear, that dark, that shimmering vastness, one last look at the seashore.
Then we're gone.
Our fins wave in the air, slapping cold water as we dive. Disappear.
Goodbye, beach.
User Reviews
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-06-25 15:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by peacenik_in_hell (user info) at 2008-05-23 21:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
it's stories like this one that...
...
yeah.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-03 16:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-01-26 16:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks Leonore. you rock.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2008-01-02 18:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You and kaos-king always come up with the best art.
I'm fucking JEALOUS. Post moar.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-09 19:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 19:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/110596#2498168
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-13 19:10:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what did experima do to Oathy?
Submitted by Design (user info) at 2007-08-13 18:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-02 19:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i know that isn't what you meant, btw. but i got doner on the brain now anyway.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-02 19:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who would ever want to be saved from madame kebab shop, Joey? oh, fair doner.......her tasty morsels...her chilli sauce that doth run gently in the meat......her salady bits......mmmmmmmm *drools*
not a fan of garlic sauce, mayo, or mint. must be chilli sauce. thin, red, with just the right amount of heat.
curse you for making me think of this having not had one in five years!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-08-02 17:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My ex-girlfriend thinks you are my insurance investigator, and I'm having an affair in order to get a quick payout.
Unfortunately, I have no proof that this is the case.
Given the extraodinary circumstances, is there any chance you could come to the UK and save me from Madame Kebabe-Leshoppe?
I can pay you in milk bottle tops :)
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2007-07-30 15:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
need's more sea urchin.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-07-28 23:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok, heres some advice - a function of art is to make the everyday new again. this process is called de-automatisation. when youre writing about mermaids, writing them in association with oceans and waves is redundant because they are an aquatic being. so, in order to be artisticall interesting, it is better to try a novel way to place mermaids into a particular context, especially if that context has something else interesting to say.
second person is horrible. there is no other explanation. the only time i think ive seen it work is in nabakov's book, despair. third person is just fine, though the psychology of trying to step into a mythological being's head in first person might be interesting also.
i have been looking at concept art a lot because i am writing the game-world narrative for an online computer game, and i have to spend a lot of time with the art director designing monsters, characters, locations etc.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-28 22:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Experima on top, to the left....
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-28 18:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dead sexy below
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-28 18:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-28 09:45:15 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to haiku: we all know how your posts are 100% pure brilliance
===========
I'm surprised you could tell, due to said vaginal handicap. I'm glad you could overcome it long enough to realize how great I am.
Love,
Me.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-28 12:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd. would this be better, in your opinion, in a different voice? second person eliminated in favour of first or third?
and you were wrong about something.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-28 12:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to haiku: we all know how your posts are 100% pure brilliance
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-28 12:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"at work lately"
obviously it's what you do.
rephrase. what do you do?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-28 12:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd: why have you been looking at concept art? is that what you do now?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-28 12:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-07-27 20:13:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 11:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how do you write about a mermaid without mentioning oceans and waves, btw "
---
maybe you want to really think about that.
--------
*thinks*
hey, ghola.....a little help, here? you've got a super vagina. come to my aiiiiiiid!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-28 03:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"little small wet cool tongues"
I couldn't get past this part, so, a grand total of -1.
Now, I'm going to find something of yours that I genuinely like, mostly out of pity for your vaginal handicap.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-28 02:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 12:33:35 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
don't feel bad...if you had a vagina, this rating would be through the ROOF
=========
Yeah, I say it's internet Karma.
YOU did this to me - http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=118560518687872449
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 23:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus, iddqd.
*loves you*
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-07-27 23:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and i assure you, NOTHING i said is wrong.
what i said may have been midly insulting, thats mainly for entertainments (my own) sake, but its honest. this was a giant pile of crap. unfortunately, ive been looking at so much concept art at work lately that even the picture is boring.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-07-27 23:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 11:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how do you write about a mermaid without mentioning oceans and waves, btw "
---
maybe you want to really think about that.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 22:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, CT!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 22:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i heart rob.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-27 20:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cash > ew
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 19:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
peanut below
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-27 16:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This reminds me of an incredibly boring IM convo.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-07-27 15:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of a song.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 15:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA@YOZZ
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-27 15:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, is that Mermaid sportin' a Patrick Henry?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 15:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that big, huh
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-27 15:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-27 15:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sometimes I call my dick "cashew".
---
Shlongy : Suck my dick.
Girl: Ew!
Shlongy : I'll give you cash.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-27 15:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What a coincidence.
Sometimes I call my dick "cashew".
Just for fun!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 14:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
caul: ew
shlongy: only if you have some cashews. i love cashews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-27 13:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Come over here and lick my nuts.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-27 13:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4235033.stm
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-27 13:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 11:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how do you write about a mermaid without mentioning oceans and waves, btw
---
hahahahhaha
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 12:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
or Darryl Hannah...
oh yeah! that reminds me of my half-written Darryl Hannah story...I think I wrote it in first person...
whew!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-27 11:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess you could talk about Tom Hanks.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 11:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how do you write about a mermaid without mentioning oceans and waves, btw
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 11:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for your opinion, iddqd. I don't agree with all of it and some of it is definitely wrong, but I appreciate the time you took to write it all out instead of just insulting me. although some of it was mildly insulting nonetheless. no offense taken though.
thanks to you and the others below.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-07-27 09:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok nice response, so ill give you a clearer indication. the title is about as cliche as cliche can possibly get. its so bad that only a woman could possibly write it down and think that its worth keeping on the page.
it doesnt get better from there. second person perspective is at best retch-inducing. it belongs in sonnets, and only then because sonnets are already so sugary that second person is fitting for that genre. for prose, second person is just horrible.
the rest of the narrative involved oceans and waves and you's and me's and is the worst kind of overwrought 14-year-old emo loveletter bullshit that it isnt even worth a quick scan. if this was on paper, not even burning it would be good enough.
if you didnt have a vagina, much like most of the female posters here, you wouldnt get the time of fucking day from most of these sad lonely losers. some, because some of these people are genuinely nice, but the VAST majority, and im talking VAST, here, are just blowing smoke up your arse because you have a giney, and sad as it is, even a fake internet giney that they will never ever see has a tremendous amount of power over them.
aside from that i honestly do encourage people to write shit down, so i take back my 'please stop writing-type' comment. just dont ever do second person again, and nothing like this piece of crap ever again. im certain you can do better.
i look forward to seeing it.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-07-27 06:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wicked pic and I like it too.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-07-27 02:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm... Androgenous.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 01:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-26 22:10:24 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-27 01:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-27 00:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know who you are: your turn!
experima out.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 23:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, obviously I'm undernourished.
throw me a 2 why don'tcha? i'm starrrrrrrrrrvin
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 23:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was just kidding. It was a funny critique.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 23:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shlongy, I'm 7 lbs from underweight.
dude: AIM=mickitickitavi.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 23:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
attn: boring experima response alert.
experima has a car that hasn't had its oil changed in at least a year...if not more. a psychic told experima her car was about to fuck up. experima got yelled at by director to change her fucking oil. even though the psychic said flat tire.
enjoy.
ps: every three months? I don't drive far. what happens when your oil is dirty? discuss.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 23:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think you should lose some weight.
That's my critique.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-26 22:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a higher rating than I do.
:-(
CHANGE YOUR OIL.
I am fixing a broken file cabinet. I am tired of fixing things today. :-(
I want to go home. In fact, fuck this. I am going home. Goodnight.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 22:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ta very much, Zebra.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-07-26 19:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Could use another pass, but still very nice.
Great pic.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-26 19:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 19:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:43:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
to be honest, I didn't read this
--------
then -2 don't bother, yourself.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 19:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thank you, yozz. you are certainly, most certainly welcome to criticise, and i thank you for sharing your opinion with me.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-26 19:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-07-26 19:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi Experima.
I thought it was flawless, except for
"little small wet cool tongues licking up at your ankles" and
"Crushed everything"
For me they really took away from the feel of the piece, so I gotta deduct .5.
Keep puttin out there.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 19:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:43:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
to be honest, I didn't read this
--------
then -2 don't bother, yourself.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 19:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, U. I'm glad you like it. I like it too. It actually means something to me, this one. It really does.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
don't know why this rating is so low. I thought it was pleasant.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
usually i quite enjoy your critiques, iddqd.
this time your critique was vacant and had no actual helpful feedback. "gay" is a stupid term to use unless you're joking.
and I disagree with you, anyway, as do other people whose opinions I respect more highly than yours, because I know them far better than I will ever know you.
if you're comparing me to your favourite writers, then indeed, i have work to do. if you're comparing me to 75% of the front page over the last few months, then i must defend myself in the face of abortions, album covers, and the like.
at least i try, even if it was only for five minutes of a morning.
jesus.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
gay title.
second person is gay.
really crap use of the english language. stop. just stop.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, toe! pleasure as always!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
to be honest, I didn't read this, alot of what I like about a post is the reviews, and I hate to say it cos you seem nice, 80% of the reviews are from you and they are annoying and inane.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for the liking of the post, director.
and i REALLY need to see that movie again...i've seen so many quotes about it on this site and i can barely remember it.
hmmmmmmmm, shlongy. hmmmmmmmm.......
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucked it up. His name is Brandt. :-(
Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't speak for Experima, Shlongy, but I'll cyber suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Andy can't watch, or he has to pay $100.00.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps: one-quarter of the reviews on this post are shlongy or shlongy-related. if you want to IM me, just do it!
Can we have cyber sex?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually do like this, Ms. CME.
Confound the doubters!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, director!
+2 away... :)
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really hoping this +2 gets me laid.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah...I NEED an invitation from you 27,000 and 28,000+ Uber users to leave a comment - or 40 - in your fucking circle jerk AIM convo posts, rob, you fucking idiot.
I will not be happy until I shut these stupid fucking IM posts down...or blow them up. One or the other.
---
Oh oh... I think someone is buying into their own hype.
Lookie how important you think you are.
It's just adorable.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps: one-quarter of the reviews on this post are shlongy or shlongy-related. if you want to IM me, just do it!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:23:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
there's a LOT of them Shlongy. I looked.
you have an open invitation from experima.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah...I NEED an invitation from you 27,000 and 28,000+ Uber users to leave a comment - or 40 - in your fucking circle jerk AIM convo posts, rob, you fucking idiot.
I will not be happy until I shut these stupid fucking IM posts down...or blow them up. One or the other.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I ate me a mermaid once. Tasted like corn.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, rob! I didn't even SEE shlongy's 200th review of this post in there. you're funny AND coo.
emojean, that's a really nice song. now I must find it and listen to it.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably should be a +1 cos of the typos... but hey.
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I used to go to sleep every night listening to Mazzy Star, Fade Into You
that is completely irrelevant to your story but the title reminded me off it
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All of you shut the fuck up.
---
Who invited grandpa?
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Another step and you feel little small wet cool tongues licking up at your ankles.
---
little small?
lots of other typos, etc, etc.
Boo fucking hooo.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:12:12 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:09:40 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:54:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
---
who's there?
---
Deaf salesman.
deaf salesman who?
----
Knock, knock.
---
who's there?
--------
Deaf salesman.
--------
deaf salesman who?
-----
Knock, knock.
etc.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:09:40 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:54:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
---
who's there?
---
Deaf salesman.
deaf salesman who?
----
Knock, knock.
---
who's there?
--------
Deaf salesman.
--------
deaf salesman who?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All of you shut the fuck up.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:09:40 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:54:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
---
who's there?
---
Deaf salesman.
deaf salesman who?
----
Knock, knock.
---
who's there?
--------
Deaf salesman.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:09:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:54:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
---
who's there?
---
Deaf salesman.
deaf salesman who?
----
Knock, knock.
---
who's there?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:54:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
---
who's there?
---
Deaf salesman.
deaf salesman who?
----
Knock, knock.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:48:38 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm sure e knows i have nothing against her
(as i've rated her other posts positively in the past)
-------
I do know, ghola.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
---
who's there?
---
Deaf salesman.
deaf salesman who?
Submitted by ikari_shinji (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm sure e knows i have nothing against her
(as i've rated her other posts positively in the past)
---------------------
Might've thought of that before you acted the cunt.
I don't do this for experima. I do it because I fucking hate you.
Behold, I am loosed upon this place as a plague.
Enjoy the Hate.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm sure e knows i have nothing against her
(as i've rated her other posts positively in the past)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but who wants toes digging into their wet vagina?
:)
You'd be surprised.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha@caul.
it was indeed meant to dictate the way it was read.
I tried putting everything in its proper place, but it changed it in a way I didn't care for, so...I suppose now it's written in a way others may not care for. c'est la vie.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:09:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, M.
come on, now, Ikari. please don't.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Feet heavy. Eyes shining, damp."
"Crushed rocks. Crushed everything. "
"Newfound lightness. Quickness. No more looking back."
etc...
I am sorry but the absence of sentences, repetitions and misplaced punctuation annoy me a lot. So many people write like this here. You might dictate the rhythm of your text but it doesn't make it good.
althought, that might appeal to people who like "deep. and vague. stuff. yes. deep dept. deepen vagueness. deepening vague dept."
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks much, M. hope the text above it didn't detract too much from it :)
==================
crap I didnt mean the text was bad! I just forgot to comment on it!
ohhh you know what the hell I mean!
Submitted by ikari_shinji (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to rededicate myself to this jar of smegma's destruction.
Submitted by ikari_shinji (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:00:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Another step and you feel little small wet cool tongues licking up at your ankles.
---
little small?
lots of other typos, etc, etc.
----------------------
Like you never made a mistake, cumdumpster. Your posts have typos all fucking over them (not to mention the same fucking material again and again) and people are still willing you munch you out.
Hahahaha, typical collegiate undergrad: all entitlement and imagined expertise.
You may now resume working at your pathetic $9.00 an hour job. Maybe one day you'll get that book filled with five-paragraph stories about ZOMG RELATIONSHIPS R SOOOOOO FUKED UP!!!!!111!one!
Way to be, whorebait.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
---
who's there?
---
Deaf salesman.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-26 11:16:20 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this. For various reasons.
----------
I hoped you would.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for everything.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I loved the picture, really kinda funky.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this. For various reasons.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really like that picture.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay prose... excellent picture...
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*screams*
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So wait...word on the street is, you've got yourself a vajayjay.
+2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No one is home. Go away, ya goddamn parasite.
--
hahahahaha
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No one is home. Go away, ya goddamn parasite.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...who's there...
mickitickitavi
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
---
who's there?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Knock knock.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AIM
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps: shlongy, isn't this about the time you'd come on my post and say to whatever non-shlongy person was talking to me "IM!!!!!!!!!"
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd just get a replay of monday. No more camwhores unless I reallllllllly feel like it.
and i don't.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 14:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
More camwhores of you in underwear would help it.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can only find the one typo, guys. Am I missing something?
also: although I won't say what this was really about, I'd still welcome your ideas on how you think it could be better. turn of phrase? deletions? nothing for the sake of it. I'm just curious and up for suggestions.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I said BEFORE
hi, mess!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I said "AFTER"......
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice !
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have already posted blank pages. they're doing okay without you I guess...
*cramps*
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I only +2 AFTER I see or taste the goods.
Then, you can post blank pages and you'll be on the auto +2 list.
Sad but true. Shlongy can be bought with pussy. It's the only chink in my armor.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks much, M. hope the text above it didn't detract too much from it :)
shlongy needs to 2 me up. -2s make experima cramp.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
But that doesn't make Shlongy a bad person.
Just an inquisitive one.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:43:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking awesome picture M!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, CJ. Anything written in five minutes in an email program needs work. Agreed!
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh...
Nice pic, but the prose needs mucho work...
Wet feet indeed.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I pre-ordered, but it's not sold til 1 August.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i bet you would
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's what I'm sayin'...
But like I've also said, I've been wrong, once or twice.
I'd like to give you every opportunity to prove my thesis wrong.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NO VAGINA IS WORTH ALL THIS BABBLING SHLONGY
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, I realised as soon as I asked away wasn't avl yet. when is it? I've not gotten a new strip in ages
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not convinced that the vagina is worth all of the babbling.
I could probably be convinced, though.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Home. Away isn't available yet, innit. Though Giggsy was my hero growing up, (I am in fact wearing G11 right now) I went with Rooney 10 this year cos I have Giggs already.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
home or away
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.......I can't wait for my new kit to get here.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Glory, glory, Man United,
Glory, glory, Man United,
Glory, glory, Man United,
And the reds go marching on, on, on...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't.........................help...Man.................Utd................+2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GO MAN U!
mmmmmm, nice parts, pen name.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i tried to leave the good parts....
...............
it fills
damp...blows...smooth, inviting...
digging into the wet... I sing....little small wet cool tongues licking...ankles.
moves you; the movement...all rhythm.
Come to me.
.... empty, huge, overwhelming...
water holds you, moves you, makes you bob in the pure delight of the song that is filling you up.
Come to me.
Walking becomes hard... Quickness.
lap at your shoulders...the ocean is falling into you. You're falling into it. Falling into me. All this falling and then you're here, I'm here, and I'm falling into you.
merges... the ocean merges into the drop.
Still singing...join me in the centre of the deep....We sing together.
...plunge straight down...
we're gone.
Disappear.
Goodbye, beach.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
GO UNITED!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, rob!
:)
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am rating this purely on vagina.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
monday I got chided for everything. by an alter. whatever.
hi, Stagger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't you get chided for saying "Hi X!" to whoever reviews. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt though. You seem alright.
MY APPROVAL IS AS GOLD
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but who wants toes digging into their wet vagina?
:)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
anything you say. everyone has the right to think whatever they want about it. thanks for thinking.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:08:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"wet sand" is a lubricated vagina. "i sing" is obviously an expression of sexual rapture. as for "little tongues licking up ankles," i'd say that is a reference to smurf orgies.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd respond....but i've been chided for responding.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 13:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You take one step in, toes digging into the wet sand. I sing. Another step and you feel little small wet cool tongues licking up at your ankles."
.............
ha, by the third paragraph.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's actually not a sexual metaphor at all. interesting take though.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i haven't read this, but i assume it it a long, drawn-out sexual metaphor. I should know. I wrote, "I tried to Slide into Home but flopped into the Dugout Instead.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
at least this proves no one's rating me on my vagina anymore.
ha!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked little small.
wrote it fast, late for work. sorry for the typos.
thanks guys.
xx
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-07-27 02:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
--------
Trailblazer.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
typos
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS. Good start, but this does need a lot of refining.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 Experima
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Another step and you feel little small wet cool tongues licking up at your ankles.
---
little small?
lots of other typos, etc, etc.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You think you're losing balance
------
it's been established that my balance is perfect.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We ALL make typos, my dear. I just mis-typed "sphincter". It happens to the best of us.
And believe me, I am the best of us.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this one of those "deep, thought provoking, mood enhancing, weight losing, calorie burning, sphicnter emptying, lover dovey, "I'm cool" posts?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That picture is fucking awesome. Post was good too.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-26 12:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FUCK! typo. "the early morning light."
dammit.
:)