The Demise of Credits (642 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.93 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Meat <blanchfor.at.kitty-hawk.navy.mil> (View user info) at 2003-07-30 14:49:10 EDT
The death of a once proud tradition. The defamation of a once heralded principle. I'm talking about credits people. You know, the credits you see at the end of television shows that let you (as a memember of the audience) know exactly who put precious hours of their life into the program you just viewed. They are no longer mighty and proud as they once were, scrolling with power of the mightiest sort.
They have been raped, plundered by none other than - shameless advertising.
You've seen it too I can imagine. As soon as the credits start rolling the television screen gets split vertically and the network which you are currently tuned into shows advertisements for some of its other programs. All the while the credits scroll off to the side, the names of the men and women unreadable by the eagle itself. However with glasses of truth you can see the credits' cry for justice.
"What the fuck is this? This is how you thank us for all of our hard work?"
You would think they would have some respect and split the screen equally so the credits would actually be readable in the slightest. Not so, for this is rape, and in rape there are no medians... only extremes.
They might as well just show anal sex during the credit rape if they really want to get the message across. More people would stay tuned in for that anyway. Wouldn't that be excellent, a channel with random anal sex scenes during the credits? How about a station with random anal sex scenes at anytime during the program, without warning?
[Hank]
"Hey Bill, are you watching Friends again? Wait a minute, your cock is out! You were beating off to Friends?"
[Bill]
"Uhh... not exactly."
[Hank]
"What the fuck's wrong with you today ma.... WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???"
I talked to the toilet about this yesterday when I was cleaning it. TLT (That's his nickname) says that I shouldn't be so enraged because no one reads the credits anyway. He says people usually flip to another channel, so showing advertisements about upcoming programs is actually beneficial because it can help to keep members of the audience tuned in. He says I worry about stupid shit too much.
No one's going to be dropping dukeys in TLT for awhile my friends.
User Reviews
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-08-06 16:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he shoots, he scores...
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2003-08-03 08:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never seem to read your stuff. I guess I miss it somehow. But this is really good. You must be smart. What the fuck are you doing in the military?
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2003-08-02 10:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MaesterMeat (user info) at 2003-07-31 12:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am happy to report that TLT is now in full agreement with my opinion on the defemation of credits.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-07-30 17:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am glad you are doing well. I hope you can enjoy your time on dry land as much as humanly possible. ^_~
At least when you are back on your boat you can look foward to another letter from me, as I will be back in prison, I mean college, soon as well.
Tina
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2003-07-30 17:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was one of the funniest things I have ever read.
You're toilet just told you that no one thinks as insanely as you do.
Hahahahaha, God that was good literature.
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2003-07-30 16:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-07-30 16:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the talking toilet
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2003-07-30 15:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TLT?
Submitted by Nosferatu (user info) at 2003-07-30 15:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed the whole time
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-07-30 15:13:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crazy boy. I hate to say it, but I will enjoy uber much more once you are back on your ship.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-07-30 15:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhh. "multiple times"
Thanks Razor. You brought back some fond thoughts.
Derek, it's good to know you are on actual solid ground for a change (at least physically). :-)
Submitted by MaesterMeat (user info) at 2003-07-30 15:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh I'm doing great Tina. I'm in Florida right now for schooling... I should be here for another 2 weeks or so until I go back to prison. Once I get back out to sea I'll probably be back to my daily posting again.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2003-07-30 15:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's been awhile. How have you been?
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-07-30 14:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"glasses of truth"
AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
WOOOOOO!
lol
gonna show this one to my friends
Submitted by LucidCognition (user info) at 2003-07-30 14:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your toilet talks to you too?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-07-30 14:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your insanity, Derek, is to my benefit.
+2 for an entertaining read that made me laugh multiple times.