Monday Morning Toilet Inquiry (852 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.56 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ih8u2man (View user info) at 2007-07-30 10:55:49 EDT
Happy Monday to all. I have two quick topics for you...
All of us men here on the site are familiar with the "Morning Hard-On". This occurs daily,
for those of us who are young and healthy (Sorry Fat Tony, you haven't seen yours in years
so go to the next post now). The morning "dump" is also common routine, but it is when
these two uncontrollable urgues intersect that mornings can become difficult, confusing and sometimes down right frustrating as hell. Woman, please imagine the suffering we as men endure -
you can't tuck it under the lid, because not only does it not fit, but to touch the bowl
with the tip of your dick is disgusting especially at 6:00 am. However, there is of course a wonderful and very workable solution to this issue, that being morning sex. Arguably the best
sex of the day, however another mean twist of fate presents itself - the dreaded "Split-Stream". This rarely occurs, however the "Split-Stream" will present it's ugly head at the most inconvenient of times. Simpy put for those of you who have no idea of this concept it is when your
pee stream splits into two solid streams which miss the toilet completely and usually hit the
garbadge can and the wall at the same time. You can do nothing but watch. It's horrible.
Anyways.
Moving on, hope you all have a good day and didn't have to deal with any of the above
issues discusssed.
Carry on.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-31 10:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my girlfriend thinks the split stream is funny.
Submitted by Echoes (user info) at 2007-07-31 00:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The stream isn't always split evenly though... Sometimes you get one solid stream and one leaky faucet.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-31 00:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truth. All of it.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-07-30 22:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know about anyone else but my morning habits definately include a solid 60 seconds of scratching myself in various places I itch. the between the toes itch is so fucking annoying because it never seems to be satisfied.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-07-30 22:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sad because I thought the title said "Monday Morning Toilet Injury." I got all excited for a grossout story about slamming your wiener (weiner? weener?) in the lid or having an anal prolapse or something.
This was still kind of gross though, so no harm done.
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-30 18:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yah,we call it a piss hard-on.Usually happens after a long night of drinking.What I do is watch the old lady next door -bent over-gardening for a minute.This brings it back down and then I can piss on who/whatever I want.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-30 17:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but why do guys leave their piss on the toilet seat? WHY!?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-30 14:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My morning toilet habits are none of your business, unless you plan on coming over and scrubbing down the hopper after I piss all over my walls and floor...like I do EVERY morning.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-30 14:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 18:37:20 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
it was a definition from an urban dictionary that's all
but yeah, i'm probably gay.
does that make you uncomfortable?
========
Not even a little bit. Anyway, you knew the term. Homo.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-30 14:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fun story with that?
===
Yes, as a matter of fact. It involves me and a hot man in a dress at a halloween party. The dress stayed on. That's all uber gets.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-30 14:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 16:02:51 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
pank:
The result of the adding of the words "poo" and "wank" together.
To pank: when one masturbates at the same time as taking a crap, so as to stimulate the prostate and heighten sexual pleasure.
Examples:
Mate I ate three packs of fruit and fibre yesterday...I'm going to pank my brains out with a shit that firm. It's gonna be panktastic.
I wanted a hangover wank this morning, but my shit's to runny to get a pank boner.
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Gay.
========
Very very Gay. Like Liberace Gay.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 13:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was a definition from an urban dictionary that's all
but yeah, i'm probably gay.
does that make you uncomfortable?
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-30 13:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 16:45:59 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't say anything about involving another man now did I, Asexual relations could hardly be gay.
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Maybe not. But discussing how turned on you're going to get whilst taking a shit and wanking? Now that's fucking gay.
----------------
Hahahahaha....burn.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 16:45:59 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't say anything about involving another man now did I, Asexual relations could hardly be gay.
========
Maybe not. But discussing how turned on you're going to get whilst taking a shit and wanking? Now that's fucking gay.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fun story with that?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well sure, but the cops have a different attitude when I'm caught running down the street at 2am with no..um..nevermind.
Men in girls clothes can be pretty hot sometimes.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't expect any sympathy from me until we find an equally convenient way to pee while standing, and are allowed to take our shirts off outside.
-----------
Hey I'm totally for girls not having to wear shirts. And they already inveted some kind of funel thing that lets girl pee standing up. I think Oprah was the one who came up with it.
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I think 'equally convenient' is the operative phrase there but I still agree with what particle say. How about guys rockin out the skirts?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't expect any sympathy from me until we find an equally convenient way to pee while standing, and are allowed to take our shirts off outside.
-----------
Hey I'm totally for girls not having to wear shirts.
---
I strongly support this movement.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't expect any sympathy from me until we find an equally convenient way to pee while standing, and are allowed to take our shirts off outside.
-----------
Hey I'm totally for girls not having to wear shirts. And they already inveted some kind of funel thing that lets girl pee standing up. I think Oprah was the one who came up with it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't expect any sympathy from me until we find an equally convenient way to pee while standing, and are allowed to take our shirts off outside.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-07-30 12:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 16:02:51 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
pank:
The result of the adding of the words "poo" and "wank" together.
To pank: when one masturbates at the same time as taking a crap, so as to stimulate the prostate and heighten sexual pleasure.
Examples:
Mate I ate three packs of fruit and fibre yesterday...I'm going to pank my brains out with a shit that firm. It's gonna be panktastic.
I wanted a hangover wank this morning, but my shit's to runny to get a pank boner.
=======
Gay.
=======
Didn't say anything about involving another man now did I, Asexual relations could hardly be gay.
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I installed a porta-potty for this exact reason.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um...........
good morning!
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see this is why i shit in the microwave.
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Dude......Thats BOSH!
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see this is why i shit in the microwave.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 16:02:51 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
pank:
The result of the adding of the words "poo" and "wank" together.
To pank: when one masturbates at the same time as taking a crap, so as to stimulate the prostate and heighten sexual pleasure.
Examples:
Mate I ate three packs of fruit and fibre yesterday...I'm going to pank my brains out with a shit that firm. It's gonna be panktastic.
I wanted a hangover wank this morning, but my shit's to runny to get a pank boner.
=======
Gay.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From time to time, I get wienier envy; I've always wondered what it'd be like to have one. I'm sure I'd play with it all day long, and do the peenercopter trick at least 10 times a day, sending me into hysterics every single time.
--
I would offer to let you borrow mine, but sadly for you I come with it. I'm not mailing the bugger over seas. Not that it is a bugger you understand.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From time to time, I get wienier envy; I've always wondered what it'd be like to have one. I'm sure I'd play with it all day long, and do the peenercopter trick at least 10 times a day, sending me into hysterics every single time.
------------------
HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Instead of: you can't tuck it under the lid, because not only does it not fit, but to touch the bowl with the tip of your dick is disgusting
But: you can't tuck it under the lid, because not only does it not fit, but to touch the cold water at 6:00 am is painfull.
That woulda been waaaaaaaaay hotter.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*wiener
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god... too much information and where has the romance gone?
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it's still there...I just needed to get this out.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From time to time, I get wienier envy; I've always wondered what it'd be like to have one. I'm sure I'd play with it all day long, and do the peenercopter trick at least 10 times a day, sending me into hysterics every single time.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god... too much information and where has the romance gone?
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahhahahahahahha
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate the split stream.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-07-30 11:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pank:
The result of the adding of the words "poo" and "wank" together.
To pank: when one masturbates at the same time as taking a crap, so as to stimulate the prostate and heighten sexual pleasure.
Examples:
Mate I ate three packs of fruit and fibre yesterday...I'm going to pank my brains out with a shit that firm. It's gonna be panktastic.
I wanted a hangover wank this morning, but my shit's to runny to get a pank boner.