I still live with morons (409 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Marcus deLioncourt <Nosferatu127.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-07-30 15:46:03 EDT
Stupid people. Most likely your one of them. A great man once told me that stupid people must be purged from the world, so they dont breed more idiots. Actually, that man was the shotgun instructor when i was in boy scouts. Funny guy. I live with stupid people. Here are my accounts.
Pills. My therapist prescribes me pills. Those of you who know me well know that i dont take them. So i walk into my room one day and theres Mitch. He's holding up my pills (there in like, this paper thig. Labeled "day 1" "day 2" and so on.) Im supposed to take them when i wake. Its day 6 and all the pills since day 3 are still there. He gives me this look like im supposed to be guilty and says "Have you been taking your pills?"
I stare at him for two minutes hoping he isn't a complete moron. No, you dipshit, i havent been taking my pills, your holding them in your hand right now. What kind of a question is that?
"Looks like you got me mitch, i havent been taking my pills, i think ill go take them now, along with some tylenol vicadin, ecstasy and whatever else i find in that medicine cabinet. Maybe then i will die and the humongus headache your stupidity just gave me will go away. Then i will lie in your bed until the stench of my corpse make it so you cant get laid anymore." At this point i grabbed those pills and threw them out the window. Maybe some coke addicted homless person will find a better use for them.
Porn. So im headed back from the cd store and i remeber Mitch gave me a list of magazines to pick up. Revolver, Time, XBox Nation, and Playboy. I pick them up and the clerk (A pimple faced teenager that loks like the f-ing moon) gives me an evil eye as he cashes up the Playboy. So im thinking 'Oh excuse me for picking up a playboy. Though im sure that girls love the craters on your face, so you never look at porn cause you have swarms of women at your side.' I give him the same look and i open the magazine and show him the centerfold. He recoiles (whenver a guy recoils from a nude woman it means he's gay. i dont care what you say or what your boyfriend is like, im right) and gives me the finger.
At this point i feel like ripping that finger off and shoving it up his @$$ but then i remeber that i dont care, this mag isnt for me, its for my moronic perverted friend. so i leave
As if that isn't enough stupid for one day i get home and lo and behold, Dave is there. God's giving gift.
"Hey Fermin, did you pick up Newsweek for me?" No i didn't you never asked. Like im supposed to know what mag you read u shit. Before i could say this he grabs the mags from my hand and looks for his almight Newsweek, cause if he dosnt have it, the world will end.
He shuffles threw them till he finds the hedious Playboy. He then gives me a more evil look then that cashier.
"What is this? Porn? Jeez i thought you were better then that. Porn is the devils art." Hmm, your right. Just forget the fact that your in the same hard rock band as i am, and that band happens to play songs entitiled "Devils anthem" My God, how dumb is this guy. Preaching about god to me? ass wipe. so then hes like
"Give me that," He takes the mag from me and throws it in the garbage. At this point im just so annoyed i go and take seventeen different pills at once, hoping to die and end this life of stupidity, unfortuanatley, that dosnt work.
So mitch gets back and he asks for his mags. He then actually (you wont belive this) whispers AND yells at THE SAME TIME. He wants me to know hes mad cause i didn't get his porn ( though i did, maybe if he wasnt so messy he would actually throw his crap away hed see it in the garbage), but he whispers cause he dosnt want God's special angel Dave to find out.
An hour later i go to the bathroom. I open the door and guess who is in there? Dave. Hes polishing the rocket to "the devils art". The mag even still has garbage on the cover and centerfold. He looks at me with the stupids face and says, get this.
"I can explain, i slipped and..." At this point i slammed the door, disappointed that i didnt catch his drill in the door.
Oh and im still not a devil worsipper
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-07-30 21:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick ASS
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2003-07-30 16:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Crap.
Submitted by Creepo8 (user info) at 2003-07-30 16:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Really_God (user info) at 2003-07-30 16:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna give you a 2 for the funy story, but a -2 since u called your friend a pervert for looking at playboy. So Im jus gonna be safe and stick with a +2
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2003-07-30 16:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Tell Dave to stop acting like a stupid hypocrite; he's obviously the stupidest
of your story.
However, it looked like Mitch was just trying to be nice and not assume
anything, and the pimpled faced teenager didn't do anything too stupid.
Submitted by Nosferatu (user info) at 2003-07-30 16:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and i get a -2 for that
Submitted by LazyFatAss <markkryska110.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-07-30 16:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't believe that anyone still considers playboy dirty, or porn and it so horrible. It is like one of the classy "porn" mags out there. If you want dirty porn look for Naught Neighbors, Cherry, Anal Amateurs, or swank. Also, how unconsiderate of your roomate. Not locking the bathroom door when jerking off. ASshole.
Submitted by jeetkunetony (user info) at 2003-07-30 15:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhaahahhahahahhaah. Nice story. Although I'd be soaping my eyes if I were you after the bathroom scene.