All these scars are mine (846 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.47 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maddog (View user info) at 2007-07-31 17:41:27 EDT
Looking down at my hands today I noticed the scars. Each one a small reminder of an incident or accident or of plain stupidity. Each one with it's own story. With all the stuff I've forgotten, I find I still remember all of these.
My right forearm. Two parallel scars about three inches long across my arm, courtesy of a 300 lb.+ tub o'shit pysch patient who gouged me with his greasy fingernails while I was attempting a "straight out of the Octagon" choke hold whilst he was running amuck, hitting and smashing everything and anything in his brain addled range. I got a tetanus shot. He got haldol and four point restraints.
Left forefinger. About a 2 inch "L" shaped laceration between the first and second knuckle that took 6 stitches. This was from a knock down, drag out fight with a drunk whose massive malt liquor intake made him immune to pain. He was big and black and pissed and I was honestly scared the guy would kill me if he managed to get ahold of me. I hit this guy with everything I had and he shook it off and asked for more. We both got a trip to the hospital and he got the bonus of a night in jail.
Left Forearm, left pinky finger, left thigh. Delivered by my 90 lb. German Sheperd K-9 dog, "Panzer". He's what's known as "animal aggressive". One of my other dogs had gotten loose in the yard while he was out and the battle was on. It looked a lot like the Tasmanian Devil cartoon, with body parts, dust, hair and blood whirling in a mini tornado. I got two deep canine punctures in my arm, a chunk taken out of my pinky and a nice looping cut on my thigh. The moral of this story: Never try and referee a dogfight. We all got pain meds and trips to the doctor/vet.
Left ring finger. A four inch surgical scar running the length of my finger due to all things, slow pitch softball. A relay throw from third crushed my knuckle like an old Pepsi can. They can rebuild it, but unlike the Six-Million Dollar Man, it ain't better than before. I got really good dope and a pronounced bend in my digit.
Right forearm. A nice 1/2 inch puncture scar. I was making the bed and in the process of flipping the sheet to cover the mattress, I managed to catch, break and pull down the light fixture over the bed. I remember staring blankly at the shard of glass sticking out of my arm that had stuck me neater than a dart from a pygmies blowgun. Moral: Never, ever make the bed. I got a new light fixture and ridicule from my girlfriend. Bitch.
Chin. My oldest scar (if you don't count circumcision). About a 1 inch old and faded scar between my chin and lower lip. Me, two years old or so, learning the whole walking upright thing versus the coffee table. Hardwood beats toddler flesh every time. I took vengeance upon it a few years later with my crayons. Now we're even, you cherry wood bastard.
User Reviews
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-08-02 05:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have three scras on my index finger on the right hand. When I was six I went to a zoo. They had a sign up that said, "Do not put your hand in the cage. This bird bites." I put my hand in. Three times. I was so fucking stupid.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-01 23:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-01 16:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-08-01 15:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-31 17:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how does one impress a girl doing anything with a chimney?
__________________________________
You climb them to prove you're totally buff and good at climbing. But then you pick a HUGE one, fall in, get stuck halfway down and use your cell phone to call 911, while the girl stands on the street going "wtf" and the people in the house wonder what the hell is happening in their chimmney. I have scars from that.
===================================
fucking
wow.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-08-01 15:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-31 17:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how does one impress a girl doing anything with a chimney?
__________________________________
You climb them to prove you're totally buff and good at climbing. But then you pick a HUGE one, fall in, get stuck halfway down and use your cell phone to call 911, while the girl stands on the street going "wtf" and the people in the house wonder what the hell is happening in their chimmney. I have scars from that.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-01 14:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh - I have tons of scars too...
some I don't want, but most I'm ok with
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-01 10:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-01 10:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hardwood beats toddler flesh every time"
I have one of these on my forehead.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-01 08:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pffft...... these are mine: http://www.ubersite.com/m/73061
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-08-01 05:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was trying to whittle a panther.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-08-01 00:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got one in the palm of my left hand from a stab wound. I kinda want another just to go to catholic churches and scare old ladies.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-08-01 00:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by General_Lee_Retarded (user info) at 2007-08-01 00:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice stubble =)
I have two scars on my forehead. One from toddler vs window sill, another from drunk idiot vs bar counter. I have a long scar on my right hand from breaking it and getting surgery. I have a credit card sized burn on my right leg from a motorbike exhaust. I have a small scar on my back from getting shot with a pellet gun and removing the pellet with a razor blade. I have a larger scar on by back from getting mugged and stabbed with a shank. I have a burn scar on my neck from falling into a fire drunk. I have a couple of small scars on my nose from getting it broken by some little Indian fucker. I have one 2 inch scar on my right wrist from my puppy getting too excited. Finally, I have years of emotional scarring from visiting this site whenever I'm bored.
Submitted by svgwrestler (user info) at 2007-07-31 23:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hardwood beats toddler flesh every time" put me in tears laughing so hard.
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-07-31 21:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, I got a scar on my upper lip from doing a faceplant into a concrete step from a night of very heavy drinking a few months ago.
My buddy: Hey man, are you alright? You need to sit down or something?
Me: Fuck that man, I'm all good! *spins around and falls on face*
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-07-31 20:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a long twisting scar that runs down the left side of my face. Let's just say that my feud with James Bond is far from over.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-07-31 20:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-07-31 18:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fights, rugby, homemade go kart accidents, yeah...I too have had my fair share.
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-07-31 18:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have way too many scars to document.Between playing hockey,jui-jitsu,mountain biking,crazy stunts,
stupid drunkeness,bitter ex-girlfriends,street fights,surgeries,getting hit by a car and asshole cops.I don't think there is a part of my body that doesn't have a scar. But the one i remember the most is one i got from trying to get over a barbed wire fence that grabbed hold of my scrote and damn near tore it off.(my boys were kept in tact)I can still remember the sting and the loss of blood.
+2 for interesting topic, well written,and having something in common.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-07-31 18:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it was too hot to wear a flack-jacket in south east asia, and...
i was never lucky enough to have a dog when i patrolled niggerland
so i stopped counting @ 16+, and yeah...my body's a mess
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-07-31 18:12:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'I wonder if this is sharp'
*slash*
'cool'
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-07-31 17:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how does one impress a girl doing anything with a chimney?