Asphyxiation (582 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.27 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ess2s2 (View user info) at 2007-08-01 11:18:36 EDT
If I put a trash bag over your head and hold it there until you stop moving, please don't hold it against me.
Seeing as how I don't get out much, the act of suffocating someone is fascinating to me on a conceptual level. Not that I get off on killing people - I haven't done it enough yet to know whether or not it's my thing - I just think the process of death by asphyxiation is one of the more exciting ways to die. Okay sure, there's more action-packed routes to death, some with the always popular carnage and gore, but I think what goes on behind the scenes is the real uh, fun. Imagine what your average citizen thinks at the very moment of convergence, where the Hefty bag meets face, and the sudden realization that oxygen has taken a sudden vacation. I know different peoples' reactions would vary widely, but let's just take some Random Joe, not you who is reading this and carefully plotting out your intended course of action, but someone who is taken fully by surprise.
I can imagine the first reaction would be surprise, quickly supplanted by blind panic as the realization that the person behind you isn't trying to play "Guess Who" sets in. I haven't done any number crunching on the physiological reaction, but considering most people expressing surprise or alarm gasp and quickly suck in air, I'm sure the natural assumption - and the safe one in this instance - is that shortly after surprise and blind panic, the person would try to inhale quickly, and find to their ultimate dismay that such an action is no longer present on their list of choices. At this point, just a few fractions of a second after the inciting incident, panic is gleefully running through the victim's brain, knocking over lamps, sweeping glass curios onto the tile, and throwing silverware in the microwave. Undoubtedly, the victim, our Random Joe, has begun to struggle, but, if our trashbag assassin has their wits about them, they are prepared for this, and Joe's struggles are all for naught.
Now, I ran a quick Google search, and apparently, the unofficial consensus is the average person can hold their breath in a relaxed state for around 3 minutes or so. Unfortunately for Random Joe, they are anything but relaxed at this point, so we'll go ahead and cut that estimate in half, and in my opinion, that's being generous. So our hapless victim has 1 minute 30 seconds give or take to collect any thoughts they think they might need before things start getting wonky. I really can't think of any useful thoughts that could break through the wall of panic and congeal in 1:30, but of course, I'm not being suffocated, so perhaps I'm not equipped to speculate on that particular facet. Regardless, in the time it takes to watch three commercials on television, Joe's oxygen reserve has been depleted, and now his lungs are trying to deliver carbon dioxide to the vital centers in his body, including, but not limited to the brain.
By many accounts, once the brain is deprived of oxygen, it sort of goes on vacation, coming up with all kinds of interesting things to ponder on and amuse itself with. At this point in time, Joe, now probably not struggling nearly as much, but still bounding in and out of the land of consciousness, is, for lack of a better word, tripping out. With his brain sending panic signals all over the place and quite possibly showing old home movies or just feverish reruns of the time he looked directly into the sun, Joe is at this point probably becoming less and less concerned with breathing again, and more concerned with why unicorns fish melting tables through orange, or something equally nonsensical. By this time, I'm sure the bag has been firmly in place for around 5 minutes, long enough for all usable oxygen in the lungs to be used, and furthermore long enough to ensure the brain is fully out to lunch. The diaphragm has probably gone through a host of brain initiated spasms, which couldn't have felt too good to Joe, who I can only assume is past the point of unconsciousness and is quickly nearing death's door. All rational, irrational, conscious and unconscious thought is now out the door, and in a state of euphoric sleep, Joe finally arrives at the point terminus.
Death via asphyxiation.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-01 23:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-08-01 16:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hi, oathy :)
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-08-01 16:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2007-08-01 15:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-08-01 14:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-08-01 14:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get down with the sickness!
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Heh heh
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-08-01 14:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get down with the sickness!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-01 14:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you should get out more.
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-08-01 13:46:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-01 13:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2007-08-01 12:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BRKNDREAMZ (user info) at 2007-08-01 10:15:48 MDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my ex girlfriend shannon used to bite my finger so hard between her back teeth because she LOVED the way the bone felt between her teeth , it was crazy but it was our thing .. weird i know. I miss her so much ...
That's a little fucked up.
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i think its cool. i believe all couples have little odd things they do to eachother. me and my husband play the slug bug game. everytime we see a volkswagen beetle we punch eachother lol
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2007-08-01 12:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BRKNDREAMZ (user info) at 2007-08-01 10:15:48 MDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my ex girlfriend shannon used to bite my finger so hard between her back teeth because she LOVED the way the bone felt between her teeth , it was crazy but it was our thing .. weird i know. I miss her so much ...
That's a little fucked up.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-08-01 12:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BRKNDREAMZ (user info) at 2007-08-01 12:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my ex girlfriend shannon used to bite my finger so hard between her back teeth because she LOVED the way the bone felt between her teeth , it was crazy but it was our thing .. weird i know. I miss her so much ...
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have always wanted to bite someone and remove a chunk of flesh, like on their calf or something. I want to see how it feels on my teeth. Weird, I know.
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Bite into a uncooked ham, it's pretty similar.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have always wanted to bite someone and remove a chunk of flesh, like on their calf or something. I want to see how it feels on my teeth. Weird, I know.
Submitted by roflcopterMax (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wtf?
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I understand your point, but tearing the bag isn't in the scope of this exercise. If Random Joe tore the bag, then we wouldn't be able to explore his death through suffocation.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What Hilarity said...
This was really well written.
I think that you should get out more.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this, but have one question: Why a bag? I mean, you can just reach up and tear the bag.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's an awful lot of this "verbose murderer" writing here on Uber. Most of it's not that great.
This was pretty good.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5 shades of awesome.
Submitted by BRKNDREAMZ (user info) at 2007-08-01 11:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting but sick , it's was like a bus full of bunnies on fire trapped under a semi full of gasoline on the 5'0 clock news i wanted to look away but i couldn't ... I need a beer.