What a day Or Why coffee makes us weak (576 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: Stuff i wrote
Rating: 0.83 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RabiedRooster:Biker extraordinaire (View user info) at 2007-08-02 15:22:22 EDT
I've been working for the largest company of its type in the world for a while now and am used to seeing faces come and go. Today I was asked to show a guy around the lab as he was applying for a job with us. It turns out to be some average Joe Asian fella'. One-year younger, same height as me. This gives me instant superiority complex; you know what im talking about.
The whole lab tour was a bit of a bore, light chat about shit, so we went for a coffee. He didn't get one, which I thought was a bit strange, so I asked him why? His response was that his protein drink didn't react well with caffeine. This intrigued me even more so I asked why he was drinking protein shakes. His response made me feel the most inadequate male on the surface of the planet. " Oh right, does seem a bit weird don't it. Well im a cage fighter so I hafta' keep on top of my diet".
At this point I nearly ran. Shit, when you're near someone who could crumple your ass before you even knew it was happening, your masculinity is very threatened. I was like shit be nice, don't make eye contact. Usually when someone says they were in sea cadets I respond by kicking them in the face as this amuses me alot. When this guy said it I responded by saying cool. I mean what the fuck did I say that for? Oh yeah he's a black belt in Karate, Kung Foo and Kick boxing.To top it off he was born in Burma, where he lived with monks for a year.
Out of 20 professional matches hes won 19 and drawn 1. This guys an animal, a slayer of men.He told me that the referee's in matches are supposed to jump in when it looks like a fighter is a lost cause but, in one of his matches he had this guy pinned and was repeatedly punching him in the face and the ref said nothing so he just kept punching. I mean punching some guy in the face over and over again. The guy had blacked out. After being stretchered out he was taken to the hospital. He had a broken nose, a broken jaw in two places, lost four teeth and was in a coma for six hours.
I confronted him, " You're probably the hardest person I will ever meet, tell me this; do you find that everyone is scared of you? Is your life worse than mine even though your such a baddass?"
He gave me look of anger. I mean I thought that was the end of my life. He grabbed me and put me in a headlock and said, " Fucking cunt. I'll kick the fuck out of you. You know what! Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name. You wanna go where people know, people are all the same, You wanna go where everybody knows your name. All those night when you've got no lights, the check is in the mail; And your little angel Hung the cat up by it's tail; And your third fiancé didn't show; Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came; You want to be where you can see, Our troubles are all the same; You want to be where everybody knows your name. Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead; The morning's looking bright; and your shrink ran off to Europe, And didn't even write; And your husband wants to be a girl; be glad there's one place in the world where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came; you want to go where people know, people are all the same; you want to go where everybody knows your name. Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came; where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came...
User Reviews
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-08-03 08:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
odd.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-03 04:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoy, fish face.
Submitted by CrazyHatLady (user info) at 2007-08-03 04:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chuck Norris is from Oklahoma :) :) :)
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-02 23:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goodbye Ubersite!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-08-02 21:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-08-02 20:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was weird. Really weird.
But it's not part of the bandwagon and I'd never seen the additional verses to the Cheers theme, so +2.
Submitted by BRKNDREAMZ (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
!! NO BULLSHIT !! Chuck Norris's Beard Is Made From Recycled Pubes ... True Story.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
made me smile, but you should have finished it with Chuck Norris' beard rescuing you
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Someone tell this guy that Chuck Norris is a fucking pussy.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You're lucky he got to you before Shlongy did.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
made me smile, but you should have finished it with Chuck Norris' beard rescuing you
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ass.