Pop Quiz Hotshot Thursday: Poet Laureate or Internet Hack Poet? YOU BE THE JUDGE. (1422 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.43 on 57 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2007-08-02 15:51:17 EDT
Now I know all of you were paying attention earlier and this is old news, but for the few of you who weren't aware let me break it down for you. America got a new Poet Laureate today:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070802/us_nm/usa_poet_dc
His name's Charles Simic and no, I've never heard of him either.
Apparently he wasn't even born here. We'll look past that for right now.
What we will do, however, is have a little fun with some of his work. I've provided selections from five of Simic's poems below, as well as seven bits and pieces of verse from some of this website's users. Can you correctly identify all of his poetry?
It should be a no-brainer, considering he's just received the highest honor this country has for those brave few who give their lives to being, as someone put so well many moons ago, 'gayer than homosexuality.' It's considered accessible with some flashes of humor. It's also apparently the best present-day means by which to get others to appreciate poetry. Gotta be easy, right? I mean, it can't be that hard to figure out which soldier received the Congressional Medal of Jesu...er, Honor and which ones rode a desk all the way through 'Nam, right?
Right?
1.
Enter without knocking, hard-working ant.
I'm just sitting here mulling over
What to do this dark, overcast day?
It was a night of the radio turned down low,
Fitful sleep, vague, troubling dreams.
I woke up lovesick and confused.
I thought I heard Estella in the garden singing
And some bird answering her,
But it was the rain.
-
2.
My friends are in mid-frenzy
Talking about [random current event]
Arguing about [trivial sports debate]
And I feign participation
A cute friend of mine
informs me of the latest developments with [celebrity relationship]
My sarcasm goes undetected
The subject of whether angels exist never comes up.
Neither do we discuss our own demons.
-
3.
The bloom absent from crossed hands
Will be there one day
In time.
The drummer's heart
Will one day cease its hopeful beating
In time.
The children trapped within the mind
And more
Will spring to bear the fall in time.
Counting out the
Stolen hours spent preparing
For a feast
Never to be enjoyed.
-
4.
The Redeemer and the Virgin,
Their eyes wide open in the empty church
Where the killer came to hide himself . . .
The new snow on the sidewalk bore footprints
That could have been made by bare feet.
Some unknown penitent guiding me.
In truth, I didn't know where I was going.
My feet were frozen,
My stomach growled.
-
5.
The platypus, the kangaroo, the lowly
Little rat, the elephant, the tiger, too,
The walrus, Oh so fat
Outshine poor Man in all his tries
To be the King of Time
Is he the top of all the charts
The Master so sublime?
-
6.
A world's disappearing.
Little street,
You were too narrow,
Too much in the shade already.
You had only one dog,
One lone child.
You hid your biggest mirror,
Your undressed lovers.
-
7.
How much death works,
No one knows what a long
Day he puts in. The little
Wife always alone
Ironing death's laundry.
The beautiful daughters
Setting death's supper table.
The neighbors playing
Pinochle in the backyard
Or just sitting on the steps
Drinking beer.
-
8.
We play our parts-
Each life a harmony,
Each moment a note-
We vibrato nervously,
Cold in the rain
As we wait for the girl
To say, to sing
Something back, cascading down.
Beneath these streets, there is nothing:
And that is the saddest song of all.
-
9.
In my dream there is nothing
in this world so soft as water,
and as I wade among
the thousand corpses of Virginia Woolfe
I am universal as a flood
and finite as the thunder,
and finite as the ones who came before.
-
10.
I had nothing but time
To do nothing,
But was powerless to lend it or to mend it.
While in the next room,
Just through a thin wall
But in mind a world away,
You were running
Out of time.
-
11.
Extraordinary efforts are being made
To hide things from us, my friend.
Some stay up into the wee hours
To search their souls.
Others undress each other in darkened rooms.
The creaky old elevator
Took us down to the icy cellar first
To show us a mop and a bucket
Before it deigned to ascend again
With a sigh of exasperation.
-
12.
A cockeyed
one eyed girl
gazes up at him and asks,
"Why?"
He sweeps hair out of her eye
with a flick of the wrist
and doesn't answer.
User Reviews
Submitted by laika (user info) at 2007-10-11 23:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Here are the lines that convinced me it wasnt his. I thought 1, 3, 7, 11 were his and couldnt find a 5th but guessed 9.
Ive never read any of these before, if that makes a difference. So I guess I did slightly better than random since I got 3 right instead of 2. So I guess poem #3 wins the prize since that's the only Uber poem I thought was his.
1. thought was his.
2.doubt a poet would use brackets with those expressions
3.thought was his.
4.thought was uber since talk of virgins, killers and the last lines seemed awkward.
The Redeemer and the Virgin,
Where the killer came to hide himself . . .
In truth, I didn't know where I was going.
My stomach growled.
5.poets dont list animals, doesnt make sense. definitely uber
6.started good, second half just doesnt flow. thought was uber.
You had only one dog,
One lone child.
You hid your biggest mirror,
Your undressed lovers.
7.thought was his
8.not sure why but just seems amateurish. thought uber.
maybe too stereotypical.
We play our parts-
Each life a harmony,
Each moment a note-
Cold in the rain
As we wait for the girl
Beneath these streets, there is nothing:
And that is the saddest song of all.
9.probably wouldnt use this line. the rest seemed ok though.
last choice for his, to make 5 choices.
the thousand corpses of Virginia Woolfe
10.probably wouldnt use time twice like that, or say lend it or mend it.
I had nothing but time
But was powerless to lend it or to mend it.
Out of time.
11.thought was his.
-12.just seems like unlikely phrases. not much poetic about one eyed
girls. thought was uber.
A cockeyed
one eyed girl
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-11 22:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, holy sheep shit. I recognize #5. . .
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86431
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-10 16:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Simple. Hop off the bus. Tuck and motherfuckin' roll.
Who cares if it goes boom then. Shame on people for riding on the bus. They should welcome death, really.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-08-10 16:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
POP QUIZ HOTSHOT:
There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-10 16:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-08-09 17:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are 1, 4, 6, & 11 Simic?
Other than that I see mine (2-- hey there Ghola, I have more if you want), Lish's (12), one that is most likely Circe (5), one Gofer (9?) & one Orgasmatron (8?). Also, either 3 or 10 could be Capt Thorns?
---
3 is from something of mine. Thorns isn't on this list.
Good eye, though. Simic's are:
1. from "This Morning"
4. from "The Initiate"
6. from "Read Your Fate"
7. from "Eyes Fastened With Pins"
11. from "Pigeons at Dawn"
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-10 15:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mine is 10.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-08-09 17:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are 1, 4, 6, & 11 Simic?
Other than that I see mine (2-- hey there Ghola, I have more if you want), Lish's (12), one that is most likely Circe (5), one Gofer (9?) & one Orgasmatron (8?). Also, either 3 or 10 could be Capt Thorns?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-03 23:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMFG the front page and all sorts of links have been replaced by Bart's backhand slappy picture. That thing is going to haunt me tonight.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-03 10:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-03 10:20:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-03 00:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I would say he's the Poet Laureate and you're the Internet Hack Poet.
---
I'm happy you're saying anything at all, Silent Cal.
And besides, I'm only up there once. There are plenty of other internet hack poets to choose from.
----
Fair enough.
I was only taking the straight line in your title to its logical conclusion.
Some of your stuff is pretty good, actually.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-03 10:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i liked some of those.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-03 10:20:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-03 00:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I would say he's the Poet Laureate and you're the Internet Hack Poet.
---
I'm happy you're saying anything at all, Silent Cal.
And besides, I'm only up there once. There are plenty of other internet hack poets to choose from.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-08-03 00:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amusing.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-03 00:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I would say he's the Poet Laureate and you're the Internet Hack Poet.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-02 23:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goodbye Ubersite!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-02 21:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B- that one was Coleslaw..maybe in SUPA.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-08-02 21:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
also, after looking him up and reading a few poems by simic, i like him.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-08-02 21:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the second one.
---
I figured you'd be more partial to something towards the bottom of the list.
---
haha.
remember to tell me who wrote the second one though. cause i'll forget to come back and look at this one.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So, what you're saying is that my FINE work would have ruined this contest?
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT???
--
Does ANYONE pay attention to Shlongy these days?
What do you mean "these days"?
Have they ever?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, I'll admit to writing one of those.
Coincidentally, tonight is the anniversary of the night I wrote about.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That question is so important to the state of uber today I had to ask it twice.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So, what you're saying is that my FINE work would have ruined this contest?
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT???
--
Does ANYONE pay attention to Shlongy these days?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't read that all.
I keep dropping my nuts, and it's annoying me.
--
*laughing hysterically*
*a real, tongue-hanging-out-of-mouth shreiking laugh*
*not a very attractive laugh*
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're jealous
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the second one.
---
I figured you'd be more partial to something towards the bottom of the list.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So, what you're saying is that my FINE work would have ruined this contest?
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT???
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-02 18:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+22222 for that picture, Mikey - tres awesome
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the second one.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jack, that reminds me:
A pet shop held a competition to win a parrot.
You could enter without buying anything, because there was no perches necessary.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't read that all.
I keep dropping my nuts, and it's annoying me.
----------
That's really weird (and creepy), Crystle.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.khaaan.com/
-------------------------------------------------------------
I have seen nothing greater than this link, in all of my days.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q: Whut in tarnation does a poet need a lariat for?
A: To rope him an audience. HEE-HAW!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 21:38:00 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
A curse upon your favourite tree, Giraffe Boy.
What does an even-toed ungulate mammal-man know anyway?
---
Everything O. Everything.
*wanders off*
*head in the clouds*
*most literally*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A curse upon your favorite tree, Giraffe Boy.
What does an even-toed ungulate mammal-man know anyway?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A pox on thee Poet!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Please refrain from posting gibberish, Jake.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you're gonna pimp those, at least get the right link, Sac. http://www.ubersite.com/m/70125
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One Sunday mornin' Lambton went
A-fishing in the Wear;
An' catched a fish upon he's heuk
He thowt leuk't vary queer.
But whatt'n a kind ov fish it was
Young Lambton cudden't tell-
He waddn't fash te carry'd hyem,
So he hoyed it doon a well
Chorus
Whisht! lads, haad yor gobs,
An' aa'll tell ye aall an aaful story,
Whisht! lads, haad yor gobs,
An' Aa'll tel ye 'boot the worm.
Noo Lambton felt inclined te gan
An' fight i' foreign wars.
He joined a troop ov Knights that cared
For nowther woonds nor scars,
An' off he went te Palestine
Where queer things him befel,
An varry seun forgat aboot
The queer worm i' the well.
But the worm got fat an' growed an' growed,
An' growed an aaful size;
He'd greet big teeth, a greet big gob,
An greet big goggle eyes.
An' when at neets he craaled aboot
Te pick up bits o' news,
If he felt dry upon the road,
He milked a dozen coos.
This feorful worm would often feed
On caalves an' lambs an' sheep,
An' swally little bairns alive
When they laid doon te sleep.
An when he'd eaten aall he cud
An' he had had he's fill,
He craaled away an' lapped he's tail
Ten times roond Pensher Hill.
The news ov this myest aaful worm
An' his queer gannins on
Seun crossed the seas, gat te the ears
Ov brave an' bowld Sor John.
So hyem he cam an' catched the beast
An' cut 'im in twe haalves,
An' that seun stopped hes eatin' bairns
An' sheep an' lambs an' caalves.
So noo ye knaa hoo aall the foaks
On byeth sides ov the Wear
Lost lots o' sheep an' lots o' sleep
An leeved i' mortal feor.
So let's hev one te brave Sor John
That kept the bairns frae harm,
Saved coos an' calves by myekin' haalves
O' the famis Lambton Worm.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's not what's important to me, Woodrow - it's what's important to this country and, yes, to this world. It's the readability and quality of an individual who was just distinguished for his work. Work that I don't consider to be particularly compelling or engaging. Work that I'm curious to see if everymen and everywomen can pick out of a line up of other work.
"Here I sit" would have blown anonymity out of the water.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this quiz is gayer than homosexuality
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, if a +2 from Shlongy was important to you - and IT SHOULD BE- "Here I Sit" would have allowed you to hit the proverbial jackpot.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.khaaan.com/
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CRYSTLE- These are the best of both worlds:
http://www.junkfoodblog.com/uploaded_images/nature-valley-granola-bars-703371.jpg
Trust me, I know.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
uh?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:15:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poetry is for the gays
---
"It's kinda cool to be able to hold books on French poetry that are >200 years old, even if I can't read them."
You're right, you franco-illiterate saucepan.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you may commence commenting.
That's the last time I visit that nut bar, though - way too salty.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poetry is for the gays
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber poets I recognize in no particular order: Coleslaw_Murphy, goferforhire, Orgasmatron and someone whose name escapes me at the moment.
-------------
*deliberate cough*
Submitted by storm (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
26, 87, 44, 62, 701, 29, 29, 29, 87, 14, 187, 81, 16, 14, 14, and 14
What do I win, Winston?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ih8u2man = cunning linguist.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber poets I recognize in no particular order: Coleslaw_Murphy, goferforhire, Orgasmatron and someone whose name escapes me at the moment.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 16:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll just withhold comment until you negotiate your falling bits and settle yourself, Crystle.
Nutdropper.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
also - you should have used some of Big Mike's poetry - he was pretty good, too.
*note: I havent read all of it, don't kill me if you did use some*
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I likes eggs.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I almost threw in "Here I sit," but I didn't want to tip my hand too much.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't read that all.
I keep dropping my nuts, and it's annoying me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-02 15:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
They BOTH suck donkey balls but I added a point becasue at least, you NOTICED that they both blow chunks.