Gingerbread Houses (pt 1) (478 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.23 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by QuinnTheEskimo (View user info) at 2007-08-05 16:19:08 EDT
The neighborhood was a lovely little place. A quiet suburb perfect for raising children or growing old. The houses, not new and not old, were all well-kept. It was a far cry from the inner-city apartment house crawling with drugs and vermin my wife and I had just left.
When I moved into the neighborhood, Marlene was the first to greet me. My wife Sarah and I were unpacking a U-haul when she sort of sauntered up, wearing a low-cut shirt and an over-sized pair of glasses. She was pretty obviously drunk, but we were polite and thanked her for welcoming us. She offered us drinks and we declined, citing the unpleasantness of moving things while drunk. She nodded and, after a few moments, walked back across the street.
When had lived in our house for almost a month, and everything was finally getting settled, Marlene visited again. I was mowing the lawn when she, wearing a pair of ridiculously short shorts and her large glasses, visited again. Again, she was drunk, and again, I refused her offer of a drink. This time, however, I explained that I was trying to stop drinking. Sarah came outside, and when she did, Marlene sauntered off, swaying her hips as she left.
"I think the alcoholic neighbor has a crush on you, Quinn!" Sarah would giggle as she taunted me.
"Yeah," I would reply jokingly, "I love it when women's decision making capabilities are impaired. Yum."
Marlene's alleged drunken crush did nothing to stop Sarah from inviting her when we had a barbecue on Labor Day.
"Sarah, seriously, I really think that inviting Marlene is a bad idea." I told her.
"Quinn, relax. We can't NOT invite her. She'll find out. We invited half the block. Someone will tell her. We have to invite her. Why do you even care? Shouldn't I be the one worried about inviting her?"
I shook my head. "I guess. I just don't want to deal with any comfortableness."
When Sarah told Marlene she was invited, Marlene asked my wife, "Is it alright if my husband attends?"
Sarah's jaw dropped in unhidden shock. "You're married?"
"Yes," Marlene seemed insulted.
"Yeah, bring him." Sarah said.
His name was Ralph and he single-handedly crashed the party. Drunker than his wife, angry, loud and violent. Marlene flinched whenever he moved. I realized them that Marlene was abused. It made me sad to think of it. Marlene was a pretty woman, and certainly could have done better. I wondered how she got stuck with a man like Ralph.
After the barbecue, I looked across the street, to Marlene and Ralph's house. I wondered how Marlene was doing, whether or not Ralph was awake. My eye caught movement near the front window, and I squinted through the darkness to see. I light turned on, and Ralph's massive frame lumbered by a window. Sarah was in bed, and so I crept across the mowed lawns and the empty street until I was in Marlene and Ralph's front lawn.
I got as close as I dared, and then I heard the sound of an open palm on a face. I heard Marlene start to cry out, until she was stifled. I shrank back, and trotted back to my house. I called the police, deciding to hand the matter over to professionals. After taking down Marlene's address, the dispatcher asked for mine. I hung up immediately. I didn't want anyone to know I was the one who had brought the police into our peaceful suburb. My desire for anonymity was so great that I kept what I had done from my own wife.
I watched as Ralph was taken away in handcuffs. Marlene was sitting on the porch, sobbing, her nose bleeding and her characteristic glasses gone from her face. She looked scared and even a little confused, even from across the street. I sighed and, taking a shot of Ny-Quil to help me sleep, I slipped into bed.
The following morning I stepped into my front porch and nearly put my foot through a tiny house on my doorstep. I leaned over to pick it up. It was a gingerbread house. I picked it up. To be honest, it was the sorriest one I had ever seen. The walls were uneven, and the roof looked like it was going to collapse. In the front yard of the gingerbread house was a tiny man, like the kind you might use to adorn a cake.
I took the house inside, and set it on my table. I lifted the roof, and saw that inside was a piece of paper. I lifted it out slowly, hoping to keep as much of the house in tact as possible. It had only two words, written very large and plain.
"Thank you"
User Reviews
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-10 23:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meander is a good word. one of my favorites. i am not trying to impress anyone. why do you always think im trying to ipress people?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-10 20:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good start, probably going to read part two after this.
I know you usually post under the influence, and typos are kind of hard to catch, so I ignore most of them with relative ease, but there's always one that's comically obvious
"I shook my head. "I guess. I just don't want to deal with any comfortableness."
Yeah man, I fucking hate being comfortable.
Only actual critique would be you seem to get really redundant when describing how someone walks to another area, you seem to either say "meander" every time someone walks anywhere. However, in this story it was "saunter". You're probably not doing it on purpose, but sometimes it feels like you're trying to impress people by saying meander instead of walk.
"I leaned over to pick it up. It was a gingerbread house. I picked it up." also redundant and kind of annoying, but probably not as annoying as this review.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-08-07 14:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good start.
And,
I got a good chortle out of:
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2007-08-05 20:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice enough post. Would have been better if you had bitch slapped ralph, anal raped marlene then
reported yourself to the police for neighbor abuse.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-08-07 13:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-06 21:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-06 12:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
liked it well enough and can see this becoming interesting should you continnue.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-08-06 11:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly, I was expecting a picture of gingerbread houses. You got me all horny for gingerbread and didn't deliver, you rake.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-06 09:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-08-06 05:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-08-05 17:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The handful of obvious grammar/spelling mistakes and the.. I don't know.. banal sort of plot makes this just a one -- it's nice, but what's the point? Where's the twist? What's to draw me into the story?
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-06 02:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I ended it. What was I going to do, man? They were in hell for cryin out loud. They were imortal. There was no end. that wasn't corny and stupid.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-08-06 01:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What happened to the Hell story?
Submitted by Aussie_Ants_4.0 (user info) at 2007-08-05 22:44:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Would have been better if there was a severed finger in the ginger bread house. It was a good read though.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2007-08-05 20:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice enough post. Would have been better if you had bitch slapped ralph, anal raped marlene then
reported yourself to the police for neighbor abuse.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-05 17:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There is more coming. Be ready.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-08-05 17:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The handful of obvious grammar/spelling mistakes and the.. I don't know.. banal sort of plot makes this just a one -- it's nice, but what's the point? Where's the twist? What's to draw me into the story?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-05 16:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Thank you' too.