SHF'07 - I'm Lazy As Shit And I Can't Believe I Entered This Thing (692 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.72 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I_can_get_you_a_toe (View user info) at 2007-08-06 19:47:30 EDT
From: Gonefigureing
Place: Southern Mexico
Time: Just before the Spaniards arrive
Featuring: Aliens taught Mayans, Toltecs and Aztecs everything they knew.
---
Well, this is a tough one, where to start? First matter of business - go and google Southern Mexico, Mayans, Aztecs, Toltecs.....That was easy;
- Mexico's southern state: Campeche, Chiapas, Oaxaca, Quintana Roo, Tabasco (seriously?) and Yucatan. Areas include the Isthmus of Tehuantepec and the Yucatan Peninsula.
- Building on the inherited inventions and ideas of earlier civilisations such as the Olmec, The Mayans developed astronomy and calendrical systems.
- The Aztec/Mexicas were the native american people who dominated northern Mexico at the time of the spanish conquest led by Hernan Cortes in the early 16th century.
- The Toltecs were a pre-columbian native american people who dominated much of central Mexico between the 10th and 12th century AD
Hmmm, seems we have ourselves a little time / location discrepancy. But since this is a Sci-Fi story, I'm sure I can work in some time travel gizmo to make it work.
Research done, now to find a title, would 'I'm lazy as shit and I can't believe I entered this thing' work?.....I'll come back to it.
Right, next order of business, make up a believable excuse for why my submission is late, so it's either;
a) I had an absolute bender of a weekend and forgot all about the contest
b) I wanted to spare gonefigureing's feelings by not being too awesome
c) Aliens stole my submission because it revealed too much about them and they are not yet ready for humans to know about them.
Brilliant.
Now....it's time to get those creative juices flowing, what's a good story starter? 'Twas the night before Christmas where all through the house...'?
Perfect. I have my starting sentence, things are looking good. I'm pretty hungry though, maybe I should get something to eat before I embark on this epic story.
Great. Just Great. There is absolutely no food anywhere, how am I expected to work like this? That's some bullshit right there. Oooooh I just found my television remote, now I can stop watching the Al Jazerra channel.
Hmmm, 'Sid and Nancy' is on, I'll just watch this for abit and continue the story tomorrow.
......
......
..
.
OK, this is it, the time is now, I'm at work which means I have absolutely nothing to distract me from writing this story about.......shit, what am I writing about again? Best go check Uber....
Wow, a whole hour just went by...that's weird.
Maybe I should just half ass it, and submit something that goes along the lines of;
Alien 1: Dude, I'm fucking bored, lets go mess with some random planet
Alien 2: Sounds good, where shall we go?
Alien 1: Well I heard about this place called 'Earth', my cousin Klatmathuzergmex was just there last year and he said it's pretty kick ass.
Alien 2: Cool, we better be quick though, the Spaniards are just about to arrive and get rid of the Mayans, Aztecs and Toltecs.
Alien 1: Fucking Spaniards
Alien 2: I hear you
THE END
That's a pretty lame story. I'm going to lose this contest thingy to a retard. Maybe I should just go and +2 my opponent to show that there is no hard feelings.
User Reviews
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-06-02 14:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great post you ignorant tramp.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-29 02:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just gonna finish this off before bed, with no bad jokes.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-11-05 19:01:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/F93C150C-1446-492B-93B8-D930C6EE8412.htm
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:22:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RETALITORY -2 WOOOO!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-08 17:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
UBERMADNESS, HERE WE COME!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-08-08 01:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-08-07 16:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-07 09:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fucking Spaniards "
HA
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-07 09:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
as sad as this was it was still somewhat entertaining.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-08-07 06:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-08-07 02:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
blech
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-07 00:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha. What Rob said.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2007-08-06 21:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kickass.
The only thing that would make this better would be changing Alien 2's last line from "I hear you." to *lights a cigarette and nods in agreement*.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-08-06 21:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
OOOOOH I DON'T WANNNNNNNA PICKLE
What--the--hell??
I JUST WANNA RIDE MY MOOOOOOTOR-SICKLE
I was 'bout to prassafussah prussafussah, man
AND I DON'T WAAAANNNA DIE
Dude, I have no idea
I JUST WANNA RIDE MY MOTORCY--KUHL
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-06 20:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-08-06 19:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking greasy haired mustachioed civilisation murderers
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-06 19:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ugh, I mean beat, what a fucking moron...
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-08-06 19:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a contest entry this is fucking pathetic and you should be ashamed of yourself.
...but if yer going to default: THIS is the way to do it. Nice work.
oh, and Klatmathuzergmex is a complete cunt.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-06 19:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for literary laziness. It happens man, dont bear yourself up about it.