They should print the warning a bit larger (736 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.42 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FALLEN (View user info) at 2007-08-07 12:24:58 EDT
Camping has been a summer time activity for me for many years. I try and get away at least a few weekends over the summer to relax from the stress of modern life, do some fishing and drink a few beers by the campfire. I strongly believe that a nice fire was ancient man's TV. There is something magical about the sounds and smell of a flame crackling over a nice roaring campfire.
It is very hypnotic.
I was always a city kid, I was not a Boy Scout and I never went to summer camp, so when we first went camping for real it was to say the least a learning experience. To make a proper campfire takes some skill. A proper fire needs to be built like you see on cartoons, a perfect little pyramid of wood to allow proper updraft to keep the smoke from smothering the fire, a chimney effect if you will.
I had no proper training in such things. My experiences with fire were limited to charcoal grills and burning plastic army men with my delinquent, pyro friends as a kid.
As dusk approaches at a campground all campers respond the same way, they start to prepare the campfire for the evening. Not wanting to look like the noob that I was, I took their cue and started to do the same.
Of course they knew what they were doing.
I piled my wood in the brick circle that the campground gives you as the fire area, dumping it in any old way until I had a nice, but shapeless mound of wood. As I mentioned before the backyard cookout was my only experience with an open flame so I equated this new experience to what I already knew.
I needed charcoal lighter fluid.
Being that I had none with me I found the next best thing; camp stove fuel.
For those of you not familiar with this it is sometimes called white gas, it's mostly Naphtha and more than a little flammable.
I took a glance at the back of the can and read "WARNING, contents extremely flammable!"
"Good", I thought to myself, "that's what I want, flammable". I proceeded to liberally douse the pile of dry wood with the fuel.
Like a charcoal fire, after adding lighter fluid you need to let it soak in for a bit so I took this opportunity to visit the camp store before it got dark.
A campground at twilight is picturesque, families huddled around fires, a hushed murmur of lowered voices in a communal understanding that quiet time has approached, fireflies dart here and there, stars poking through nights ebony veil.
Me swearing.
Having returned from the store I stood directly over the pile of accelerant soaked wood with an "aim-n-flame". Basically a lighter with a long neck used to light candles and fireplaces, no self-respecting camper should have one. As is always the case, the damn thing was out of butane and would not light. Dejected I walked to my tent and grabbed a pack of matches and from about four feet away, casually tossed the lit match into the logs.
The pillar of fire was very Old Testament in nature. The flames shot a good ten feet straight up into the air previously occupied by my head. The tree canopy above swayed from the rising wave of heat and the area was almost as bright as daylight. I could feel the eyes of all the surrounding campers staring at me and the night was dead quiet except for the roar of the flame.
I got a nice little propane grill to bring when I go camping now.
I leave the camp fuel home.
User Reviews
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-16 12:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-16 12:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"the reef"
#3 Forward
Sacramento kings
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A shiny new +2
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-08-08 20:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lold all over my rofl.
Now I'm all sticky.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-08-08 06:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-08-08 05:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Me swearing"
hahahaha
Seriously though... I have been to some of the most remote parts of Australia and I have never used a fire lighter, coal or petrol to start a fire. But... we are lucky that one of the trees that grow in our beautiful land is called a Paper-Bark. Good story though.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-08 04:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wonderful story. Made me lol and remember a time when I too was new to burning shit at a campsite...
Not to steal your thunder, but one weekend we soaked a 6 foot chunk of fallen telephone pole we stole from the side of the road. We soaked it overnight in a bathtub of kerosene.
At the campfire we doused it with gasoline "Just In Case" That was 8 years ago. To this day I still remember the mountain of bright yellow flames that sprang into existance in the 1.0 seconds timelapse from my friend tossing the light match to the time my brain registered that a heatwave had dried every last drop of lubrication from my eyeballs and I was unable to blink because of this...
Park Rangers were at our site within 30 minutes checking to make sure we hadn't burned ourselves down because I guess a little over a half mile away they had seen our fire and feared for the safety of the campers. It sucked trying to explain to the county sheriff why we were burning a telephone pole lol...
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-08-08 03:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story!
Around here open fire at camp sites is out of the question but we can have em on the beach which is adding an even more hypnotizing background sound to the fire.
To quote Beavis: FIRE!!FIRE!!
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-08-08 02:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No matter what anyone says, the availability of so many different connections on the fuel systems of most cars, makes gasoline the sole prerequisite for an awesome conflagration you will always be proud of, and more than likely remembered for.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-07 22:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-08-07 16:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The ever-eloquent Shlongy never ceases to entertain, darting back and forth between excellently timed high-brow comedy to serious comments on todays society. To think of him as a man in the grip of his mid-life crisis, desperately clinging to the last wild oats as he's been for the past 30 years, is misguided and immature.
Now THAT is a great review.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-07 21:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-08-07 17:55:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I absolutely loathe camping and having to deal with your airbed deflating in the middle of the night. 2 years ago I vowed never to sleep in a tent again.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-08-07 16:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The ever-eloquent Shlongy never ceases to entertain, darting back and forth between excellently timed high-brow comedy to serious comments on todays society. To think of him as a man in the grip of his mid-life crisis, desperately clinging to the last wild oats as he's been for the past 30 years, is misguided and immature.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-07 15:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-07 14:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Light your hair on fire and smoke your own dick.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-07 14:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not cheat. cheating is lame as hell. just build the fire correctly the first night and for the rest of the weekend you have coals and can easily rekindle said fire.
that being said white gas is incredibly entertaining as was this story.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-07 14:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll remember that... sounds fairly easy.
(cheater!)
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-08-07 13:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-07 13:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do it without cheating... although as I get older, I may resort to fire starters or coal like the old-timers below me.
------
i actually make firestarters. cardboard egg crate, slightly damp dryer lint packed in and let to dry, sometimes with a wick and little bit of wax on top. it really takes the pain out of finding real kindling and stripping bark and shit.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-08-07 13:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MAN. GOOD.
FIRE. GOOD.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-07 13:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaha
as a die hard camper, I love watching people make fools of themselves.
I do it without cheating... although as I get older, I may resort to fire starters or coal like the old-timers below me.
I'm teaching my daughter to do it right already though, so it'll be a few years. She can't set up a tent yet, so we're still on basics.
in a related note, is it wrong to have a 9 yr. old try to set up an 8 person tent by themselves? It's one of the new-fangled easy pop-up dome thingies, not one of the old canvas square army tents... I had to set those up when I was young...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-07 13:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-07 13:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I use fire starters all the time now. it's cheating but it beats getting my head burned off.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-08-07 13:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cheat and put about 4 or 5 pieces of that easy light charcoal under a little tee pee of twigs. Either that or take fire starter. They're these little pieces of the same stuff they make fire logs out of. It works pretty well and is a bit safer than using camp fuel.
I think one of the funniest shows I've seen camping was watching a group of people trying to build a fire. There was this one guy in the group, there is always that one guy in the group, who thinks he knows the deal and insists on using that stage voice so as to include the people in nearby campsites in hearing the deal. The best part is that most of the time this guy doesn't really know the deal, he just thinks he knows the deal because he knows more than his loser friends. We watched in stoned amusement as they made several failed attempts at putting the tent together and then joy up on joy it was time for them to make fire. I have no idea what they were doing but at one point there was a tiny amount of smoke and then some yelling about someone having "gotten too excited" and dumped a bunch of wood on there at once. Eventually I took pity on them and offered some charcoal to one of the women. She said that "he" wanted to do it the old fashioned way. WTF? Rub two sticks together? Maybe steal it from the gods? What exactly is "the old fashioned way to build fire"? I think about an hour later she came over all hat in hand and asked if we still had that charcoal I offered her. Nothing says roughing it like heading in to town for take-out.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-08-07 12:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
grats on retarded...
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-08-07 12:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's not camping though.
Submitted by shmack92 (user info) at 2007-08-07 12:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What, print it larger so you can ignore it even more even after seeing it?