love's a wanker (295 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.77 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <evilgerbil666 (View user info) at 2007-08-12 17:15:58 EDT
have you ever seen that perfect girl before? pretty face, amazing hair, nice tits, perfect lil ass, and a body you'd wanna fuck even when you're mum's come home from work.
well, i saw this girl a few months ago, after i'd stepped out of my village shop, after buying some minsterals. there she was, walking down the street, in her high heels, tight jeans, and a top so tight and "revealing" it would make a gay guy get a stiffy over. of course in a second my jaw had dropped and i'd spilt my minsterals on the floor "some yapping little mutt came and began shovelling them up, i hope it got poisioned) but i didn't care, this girl was amaaaaaaaaaazing. i quickly corssed the street, dodging a ford focus and that tramp who always insisted you gave him pound coins, and quickly caught up with her, i was about to say hi, when she opened the car door of the car parked up on the side of the road, and jumped in, i glanced at the driver-a guy who looked like he spent most of his primary school days beating the living crap out of the teacher assisstants. he gave me an evil look, and drove off swiftly.
well, there went my dream,there was NO way i was gonna get her now, and i wasn't about to try and win her over, i wouldn't dare touch that guy even if i had a 6 foot pole with a turd on the end. and i wasn't planning on going to the gym to beef up, not after the incident with the girl, a dumbell, the treadmill and the apple. so, i walked home defeated,what a bitch life is.
a bit later, after 2 hours of ren and stimpy couldn't cheer me up (don't judge me i was heart-broken) i decided to take a trip to the pub. i walked in, saying hi to a few of the locals (exept the deaf guy, i usually say "cunt flap" cause he's not all that good at lip-reading either.) anyway-i wlaked up to the bar, when suddenly i heard raised voices. i turned around, there was hot girl and her beef cake boy friend-arguing. then, she smacked his arm, and walked off with a tear in her eye. he walked to the men's room-jackpot. was this right? was it real? had for once life gone MY way?? had i been hit by a truck on the way here and gone to heaven?? (but that's impossible with the lifestyle i've lived, they're probably got a room for me set up with hitler already) i didn't hesitate to walk up to her before any other wankers tried making their move. in a flash i was next tp her, asking what was wrong. she looked up and said "i've just been in a massive argument-it seems i won't be seeing my boyfriend for a while..." this was it. i then moved in for the kill "well i'm really sorry to hear that...look, i was wondering, why would a girl like you be going out with a loser like him anyway?" i pointed over to her boyfriend who had re-appeared from the john. she looked at me like i was a one-leggeded retarded leprechaun. "that's not my boyfriend, that's my dad you twat! you'll find my boyfriend is alot more what a girl like me should be dating! in fact here he is now!" uh-oh, she was waving behind me. not only had i failed, but i was about to meet someone who sounded even worse than daddy, and daddy looked as hard as bare nipples in antartica! what would this other bloke be like? suddenly i heard a low voice mutter"excuse me mate" from behind me. i knew if i didn't act quick i was going to be like the prison bitch. i pulled back my fist, swung around, and threw a punch right into the guy's face. he was on the floor, i'd done it, i got him! but somethingwas wrong...this guy, was kinda short, and kinda weedy looking. the whole pub was stareing at me. i looked closer at the bloody face i'd just floored-it was no bloke, it was the woman who came around collecting money for RSPCA. i'd just floored a coffin-dodger, no hard as nails bastard. "you've broken her nose!" yelled the hot girl, "ben, sort this fucker!"i looked up at th crowd, here came the REAL boyfriend, and he DID look friggin hard as nails. yet again, i didn't hesitate, i did the only right thing. i grabbed the hot girl, shoved her into her boy friend (sadly i missed and her leg smacked into the sharp corner of the table) and i fucking pegged it through the crowd, out the front door, and into a near-by bush, where i stayed for about 35 minutes until everyone cleared off, admitting they couldn't find that "granny smacking cunt".
and well there's my story, i fell in love with a girl, tried to ask her out, and ended up putting an OAP ever closer to her grave, all i can say is, i'm sure now that room for me in hell, i'm sure it has elton john, jugs baby oil, and 4 dozen gerbils waiting for we aswell now...
User Reviews
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-08-12 18:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Asshat Alter August
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-08-12 18:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worst alter evar.
Submitted by Mr_Burns (user info) at 2007-08-12 18:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 18:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh boy! i sure hope so bananaphone!!
Submitted by BananaPhone (user info) at 2007-08-12 18:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Tonight, when you go to bed, print off this post and put it under your pillow, and maybe, just maybe, if you're a good little boy, the aids fairy will come in the middle of the night to leave you a present.
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 18:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol-midgets r so funny-too bad you wasted the remainder of your life on that comment-when you couldn've been....oh, you've wasted your life anyway-no problems, carry on
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-08-12 18:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2...... 40 reviews.....
still on front page?
Well, thats the worst I've seen in my time.
And I've seen a midget gal shit in a midget guy's mouth then he chews it and spits it into a doberman's mouth and the doberman chokes and coughs the shit up onto a transexual's faux vagina and then a Helmut Khole look-a-like licks the shit from the TV's fake vag and uses the shit on his tongue to write the words
"YOU SUCK"
in forty foot high shitty letters on the side of the Empire State Building, and the shit from the original gal midget was so nasty, that the New York air set fire to it and spelt out the words
"MINUS 2 DIE"
with it's shit fuelled smoke.
And then things got REALLY bad.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-08-12 18:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no worries beano, oh, and do check out my new page please, many thank, c ya!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Right Chris, I really am bored now. I'm off.
Take care, love and hugs.
OKTNKXBYE
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm sure that uber just LOVES you and would do anything someone as brilliant as you, as you bring sooo much interesting thingsup on uber? what was your last page about? oh yes-friday cars and you having a curry, amazing!!
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Oh, I'm glad you are interested.
I bought a new car BTW, it is a Volvo S60... what do you think? hmm? eh?
Not your cup of tea I should imagine?
I suppose you have to get a licence first, it all comes after puberty.
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
where are you from?
"wank" in germany?
"fucker" in austria?
"dildo" in cananda??
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm sure that uber just LOVES you and would do anything someone as brilliant as you, as you bring sooo much interesting thingsup on uber? what was your last page about? oh yes-friday cars and you having a curry, amazing!!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
note-everyone excse beano-he's on his period bless him
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I mean... come on... this is English?!
Kids today shame the UK.
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
make me dick head
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yeah-here's evrything you'd ever wanna know about beano:
# he's a prick
#he's a fat smelly jew
#his mum is like a bus, big, smells bad, and only £2.20 to ride!!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, and DON'T +2 yourself or I will arrange to have your account removed.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what do you expect? i'm english you vaginal blech
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You spelling is atrocious.
Ask your teacher tomorrow what that means.
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.) i got no problem with any other users, just you
2.) myspace is also very gay hence i don't use it
3.) you sucked off your dad when you were 12
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you gonna be one of these twats that wants to fight everyone?
I think you'll last till the end of the week, before you fuck off back to myspace.
Man I love users like you... it's just so much fun.
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what do you expect? i'm english you vaginal blech
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And YOU criticised MY spelling...
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh for fuck's sake beano-get a life jesus! no-one cares!! the idea, is they rate this, and put a comment if they want, then wlak off-if you wanan make a twat out of yourself by trying to look hard, go ahead
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ah-ty ghola, even if you didn't like it, at least you just sed u didn't and walked off with no gay little "look how hard i am" comments, bravo (i'm not being sarcastic-you're obviously one of the more mature users)
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything you ever wanted to know about evilgerbil666
User id: 31707
Registered on or around: 2007-08-09 14:18:20 EDT
# Messages posted: 3
# Reviews written: 6
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 39
# Hits: 276
Average rating of all messages: -1.94
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lol
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ah-i win-you gonna go play your gay little RPGs now? go tell your little "friends" how you "sure showed me who's boss!"? ooooh, i'm shitting my pants
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey beano- if you're suck a fucking smart arse tit wank, let's see you write up an insult that's half offensive? like this: you jewish cunt flap licking pedophile nazi bumming baby fucking donkey shit eating pencil dick-you're turn
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Chris, I'm bored now.
see ya.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You'll learn.
What is it with you fucking 14 year olds?
I spell WHAT I LIKE HOW I LIKE.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Do it, DO IT NOW.
(and kindly broadcast it so we can all larf, like).
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oven is spelt "o-v-e-n" you dumb ass twat
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The oven Chris... it's the only answer.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Calm down Chris.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't play gay little RPG games, so go home you smelly gypsy and try to do something useful with your life other than randomly -2 stuff, what kind of nicknames did you have at school huh? fatty, stinky? were u the outcast?? i know u were...and u know it 2....
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OK... so if your reviews are going to be worse than your posts take this advice:
Unplug the PC, insert head into over, turn oven to 220 C, wait.
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yeah-plus that e-mail-it's my m8's (ex m8's) do u really think i would be THAT retarded to put my own e-mail adress so perverts and wankers like you could get ahold of it?
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AHHAHAHAHAHA
he's busy retal -2'ing me!
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't play gay little RPG games, so go home you smelly gypsy and try to do something useful with your life other than randomly -2 stuff, what kind of nicknames did you have at school huh? fatty, stinky? were u the outcast?? i know u were...and u know it 2....
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And I take it that WAS you? You fucking on-line war game playing swaz.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beano312003, go suck horse cock, you just proved yourself to be even more of a nerd by using nerdy geeky role playing games to insult me, you shuold look at your gay little pages!!
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You really are slow. I googled your email that you retardedly put on Uber.
Now I'm gonna sign you up for gay and or animal porn. Depending on how I feel.
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beano312003, go suck horse cock, you just proved yourself to be even more of a nerd by using nerdy geeky role playing games to insult me, you shuold look at your gay little pages!!
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should read :
http://www.ubersite.com/m/51940
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Member of Emerald Knights 21th level Celt Druid No master level information available for this character
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IS THAT YOU CHRIS?
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99496
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
er...hello? director-i don't WANT a gerbil up my arse, the idea i'll have them up there though as a punishment!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I often wonder about people like you; after your gerbil is done foraging around in your asshole, do you give him a bath or just let your shit smears crust up and flake off?
Submitted by evilgerbil666 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
are you just gonna follow me everywhere you fat computer geek? stop stalking my stuff, go bother you're imaginary friends and get a life!!!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-12 17:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*sigh*