First Post or A Drunken Night Gone Bad (1142 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.44 on 70 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <whocares.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-08-14 10:54:38 EDT
First post here on uber...Now I have been reading for quite some time and never got the nerve to post. And this is kinda boring so I'm sure i'll receive quite a few -2's. Shlongy will no doubt shell one out here. Oh well here it goes.
It was a Saturday like any other. Went swimming and drank beer during the day while we waited for the upcoming night, whatever it may bring. A friend called and let me know of a party he was going to have, these were the plans I was waiting for. Around 9 o'clock I, along with three friends, drove out to the party. There wasn't much going on at first. We played some drinking games and got a little drunk. I suppose I was more drunk than the rest of them seeing as I hadn't eaten anything and I was drinking while my other friends took naps. I have never been one for naps.
A couple hours into the party everyone started talking about wanting food. Me being the drunk that I so often am, I decided I was going to drive to the nearest fast food joint and buy some food. Normally I would never drive while drunk. It's interesting how easily one's view of drunk driving can change as soon as he gets 15 beers in him. On my way out to the car a friend spotted me and knew exactly what was going on. He did not approve of my driving while impaired, understandable enough. He intercepted me at my car and asked for my keys. It is a difficult thing to get the keys from an unruly drunk who has his mind set on food. This is why I so rudely declined his request. Needless to say things got out of hand. He tried to physically take the keys from my hands which proved to be a bit difficult. He is much bigger than I am but I am a wily one. At this point a bystander came in to assist in the apprehension of my keys. The two of them had no trouble taking me down in no time flat. My buddy finally took my keys from me after the brief struggle. At this time the other guy, whom I didn't know, decided that it was time to unnecessarily SLAP MY BALLS to teach me a lesson.
As I lied on the ground bewildered at what has just happened to the family jewels, a drunken rage began to build up within me. Why would you slap another dude in the balls? What was the point? Had he not taken said action I would have returned to the party still hungry but generally in a good mood. He stood there with another one of his friends bragging about his defeat over my genitals a mere 10 feet away. This sent me over the edge. All of the pent up rage was just dying to be released...and it was on its way out when another friend stopped me. It was the man of the house. He told me to calm down and not to yell lest the police are called...I paid no mind. After a brief exchange of loud threatening words, I decided that beating the living hell out of this guy wouldn't be the best course of action. Instead I sat back down in my car and nursed my soar gonads for a while.
The next event is the perfect way to completely fuck up any sort of relationship with any girl you might have, be it just friends or a more physical one. This girl with whom I have been having relations with for a while came up and tried to comfort me. However, I was in no mood for physical or verbal contact at that time. She tried to put her arm on me. This is where the night took a shit all over me. I proceeded to push her arm away and tell her to fuck off. Now, before I continue, I would like to point out that I do not condone physical or verbal abuse of women and it was never intended on my part. When I pushed her arm away, I pushed a little too hard and she hit her arm on the door of my car. She has not spoken to me since.
I slept that night in my car that night and left in the morning without saying a word to anyone. I guess you could say I was embarrassed not only at my actions, but about the assault that had taken place between my legs. I spent the next day lying around trying to get the girl to talk to me only to realize that I had completely fucked that up. This led into the day of mental self-abuse. The kind of abuse that makes you realize how much of a piece of shit you are. The kind that has been put on me my whole life by the step-father I wished I had never had. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what I have done. I did something that night that I promised myself I would never do. I became the abusive asshole that is my step-dad. I have never done anything like this before...and I pray it never happens again. Although I feel my prayer will not be answered.
User Reviews
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-08-15 22:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why would any guy want to even touch another guy's balls? Scary...
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2007-08-15 19:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE..YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME
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bahahaha
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I thought this was boring, but not shitty. A few mistakes kind of made it annoying enough for -1
"I slept that night in my car that night"
There were a few other things, but I don't feel like looking for them.
Anyways, I could honestly see you posting something decent, you just need a better story to tell.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-08-15 13:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a saturday like any other.
15 beers.
SLAPPING OF BALLS.
you'll fit in here nicely.
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE..YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh my.
You're going to be a LOT of fun.
*taps cup on Bars*
FRESH FISH. FRESH FISH. FRESH FISH.
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
UTOCKIN2ME...Dude was twice my size with three of his friends standing near by. I'm not dumb enough to start such an obvious losing battle and get my ass kicked for sure. The girl had been cold to me all day and that was pretty much the first time she has said more than 2 words to me so I wasn't in the mood to talk to her. And my mom and step-dad devorced 5 years ago, just after I moved out of my parents house...that's right...I don't live in my mom's basement. So stop projecting your own life problems on me and everyone else you want to hate on this site.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-08-15 10:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe you should find a place that still delivers in the middle of the night.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-15 10:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-08-14 22:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I have to agree with Schlongy and his "testicle lamprey" Yozz.
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/110479#2486255
... AND, I prefer "remora".
Submitted by fidelcity (user info) at 2007-08-15 09:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ZOMG ALTER LOLOLOL
but not really.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-08-15 06:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I think this was better than alot of posts I've seen with a photo of an emu or a rabbit or just some retard. "
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-08-15 05:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-15 02:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and you coped with the hate well.
Thats cool.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-15 02:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-15 00:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh poor jpk34359...Did my post put sand in your vagina?
~~~~
I like you.
Looking forward to more posts.
________________________________
Seriously, Merlina?
~~~~
Yeah. Not sure whats with all the hate.
I think this was better than alot of posts I've seen with a photo of an emu or a rabbit or just some retard.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-15 00:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did it ever occur to your stupid ass that maybe he nut shotted you to give you something to think about other than getting your keys back and DRIVING DRUNK?
To often I've seen guys get their keys taken from them while drunk, and they get right back up and want to fucking fist fight everyone they see until they get their keys back. Perhaps his ball slap was to take your attention off the keys and car? In which case he is a hero. Another idiot drunk taken off the roads. Perhaps someone's life was saved that night because that dude nut shotted you and distracted you from driving while you were drunk?
I seriously want to -100 you. However it was a good story that entertained me and truthfully I kind of like your writing style so that counts for something. All in all you get a flat 0 for this. The 2 sides balance themselves out.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-15 00:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh poor jpk34359...Did my post put sand in your vagina?
~~~~
I like you.
Looking forward to more posts.
________________________________
Seriously, Merlina?
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-15 00:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Duuuude. Shut up.
Fuuuuck.
I can feeeeel myself getting dumber.
Submitted by Aussie_Ants_4.0 (user info) at 2007-08-15 00:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meh
Submitted by besrox (user info) at 2007-08-14 22:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-08-14 22:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I have to agree with Schlongy and his "testicle lamprey" Yozz.It kinda sucks a little bit.Why? 'cause us real men gettin' slapped in the nads would go rank and kick the bodily fluids out of some fuckin'retard stupid enough to go 3 feet near the nads. And it was your perfect excuse to ask the chick that put her arm around you if she could rub them better fer you!And to you yer step-dad is a violent prick,but in reality,you are a lame fag who can't stand up for himself.Is he really your step-dad or just some dude who's into fuckin' yer mama and can't wait fer you to get out the house already!?
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Fully agree with what this review says about the post.
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-08-14 22:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I have to agree with Schlongy and his "testicle lamprey" Yozz.It kinda sucks a little bit.Why? 'cause us real men gettin' slapped in the nads would go rank and kick the bodily fluids out of some fuckin'retard stupid enough to go 3 feet near the nads. And it was your perfect excuse to ask the chick that put her arm around you if she could rub them better fer you!And to you yer step-dad is a violent prick,but in reality,you are a lame fag who can't stand up for himself.Is he really your step-dad or just some dude who's into fuckin' yer mama and can't wait fer you to get out the house already!?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-08-14 17:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'Young guys are pretty comfortable about admitting to each other the stirrings they've discovered. This is not something to be afraid of or embarrassed by. It's just the hormones taking over. Men acknowledge what's happened, and as with everything else in life, feel compelled to prove their prowess. In other words, they start making up stories about sex and how much they know and how much they've had. Some guys can bullshit right up to the limit. We're taught at an early age to do this. That's how you get status in the group, by passing off the biggest b.s. and not getting caught. Sometimes all the guys know it's garbage, and they still don't call the guy on it. What's the point? You don't get status that way unless you know something he doesn't - and then you'd have been talking about it.'
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-08-14 16:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOW, THAT'S SO "DEEP", ZEBRA.
=====
That's exactly what your wife told me during your last golf outing.
Be a dear and ask her to fax your September itinerary to my office and deposit an extra $500 in 'the account' for the facial.
You can afford it.
Nice tits, btw.
They weren't all leaky like mrs. scourge.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-14 16:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
First post here on uber...Now I have been reading for quite some time and never got the nerve to post.
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-2 for not bothering to learn how this place works
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-14 15:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-14 15:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh poor jpk34359...Did my post put sand in your vagina?
~~~~
I like you.
Looking forward to more posts.
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh poor jpk34359...Did my post put sand in your vagina?
Submitted by jpk34359 (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Zebra: since you have shown yourself to be a molly-coddling shitbagger of an asshat as well, please take the next few moments to:
(1) acquire a bag of feces weighing no less than five pounds;
(2) ingest the entire contents of said bag of feces;
(3) writhe in pain for no less than 10 minutes; and
(4) commence dying.
Carry on
Submitted by jpk34359 (user info) at 2007-08-14 14:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You totally suck. Please eat a bag of shit. Then go die.
Carry on
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 13:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Drinking from cans but I'll keep that in mind for next time.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2007-08-14 13:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should have stabbed her in the eye with a beer bottle, then blamed it on faulty intelligence.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-14 13:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
brendon?
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-14 13:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-14 13:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
" Dear uberboy forum........"
**falls asleep**
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-08-14 13:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I have seen better.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-08-14 12:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you've been reading for a while, then you'd know by now not to announce your first post. You should also know what is and is not good writing. This is not good.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-14 12:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading at best. You would have done better to put this in a conversational story format, using shorter paragraphs, than in its current nonfiction documentary/blog-esque format.
Still, as Zebra indicated, better than most of the contrived crap on the front page nowadays.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-08-14 12:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahaha hour man.
I get what you mean.
If I read a first post which is so goddamn awful it makes me sick, I mostly don't rate it.
But I take your point.
Honest feedback is what uber could probably use more than anything.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2007-08-14 12:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
first post = auto neg 2 fuk u
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 12:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither...But I figured I would get accused of being sico or that goddamn ginger.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-08-14 12:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well like you said it's just opinions, and I think you couldn't have missed the mark any more than you did.
It's just extremely self pitying. I mean that last line?! Come on, it's fucking contrived bullshit!
Zebra, I get what you're saying but still
"If I happen to notice it's a first post, I give it a +2 no matter how bad it was."
You're just as bad as the -2 people. That's the point you're missing. I wasn't saying one was better than the other.
I prefered the baptism of fire, as opposed to this molly coddling shit.
"What I liked about this post was the expression of the feeling one
gets when one says or does something which causes guilt."
It barely says that aside from a few 'boo-hoo my step dad this and that'.
For fucks sake, just choose to change or don't, and live with your damn choice.
"It's a universal experience, the overwhelming desire to go back in time and take back something
you've said or done which hurt someone to whom you are (were) close."
Definatly, but by already admitting defeat you make the majority of the post worthless except to emphasise how little
you actually care about your actions.
Anyway, that's my honest feedback.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Simon or Bret?
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Me too, Yozz. But you can't always get what you want. So just take the shit that I give you and leave your -2 on your way out.
Thank you. Come again.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:44:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was what I was attempting to portrait here Zebra, thank you.
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I've got a "portray" around here somewhere you can use....
Oh, here it is.
"portray"
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Admitted
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOW, THAT'S SO UBER "DEEP", ZEBRA.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You like that Yozz? I did that especially for you.
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I would have preferred a handjob from your mother.
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:44:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was what I was attempting to portrait here Zebra, thank you.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I happen to notice it's a first post, I give it a +2 no matter how bad it was.
I don't care how anyone else rates, I was just expressing my opinion that uber actually needs new users if bart ever wants to make any decent money with the site.
Otherwise, it will eventually be shut down.
Plus, I like originality, and -2DIE is old and overused. So many people just parrot the words and actions of others here it really feels stale.
What I liked about this post was the expression of the feeling one gets when one says or does something which causes guilt.
It's a universal experience, the overwhelming desire to go back in time and take back something you've said or done which hurt someone to whom you are (were) close.
But it can never be.
Not that this was great, or anything. But certainly better than most things that get posted, in my opinion.
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You like that Yozz? I did that especially for you.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Have another.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow. "First post" and "this is kinda boring". Way to set the hook.
STFU
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You fucking stink. Never post again, if possible.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...that's fine... just edit the tone so you don't sound like a third person asshole who justifies anything he does with excuses like 'alcohol made me do it' 'I SWORE she was over 16' 'Well my Daddy did it to me'.
Catch my drift?
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That cuts deep Hour...I guess I only have one thing to say to that.
Get used to it 'cause I'm writing another one.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's funny, new people (myself included) used to get blitzed with '-2 die fag!!LOL'. Now we've had loads of people leave and a 'new batch' arrive, the polar opposite has occured were we don't look at what is written or how it's written and it's a 'auto +2first post'. The whole thing makes no sense to me.
I stand by what I said about this post being written in the most awful way.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
zebra is right.
so i went back and read this all the way through.
now i wish i could give it a -7.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
welcome to uber
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
too bad you didn't hit a tree or a family member while driving.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First post = auto +2
This was actually kinda funny, and well told for ubersite.
Probably a +1.
Giving a fairly decent effort a -2 just because it's a first post is one of the reasons uber will continue to decline.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry mate, this was just really arrogant. The words you use seem to congratulate or intellectually justify your actions. This post wasn't funny or informative.
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Heh I'll let him know that for next time.
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol spam
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
he should have slapped you harder and saved future generations the possibility that they would have to read something similar written by your offspring.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
read it.
sucked.
"As I lied on the ground" ??!
stay in school son, stay in school.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
welcome to Uber you woman beater. I'm sure you'll fit right in with the other degenerates here.
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not quite nellypal but nice try.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"kind of abuse that makes you realize how much of a piece of shit you are"
Like this: '-2' ?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-14 11:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
didn't read it
welcome to uber