Bitch with a Midget, I mean Little Person, Ahhh fuck it I mean Midget, for a Sibling... (1125 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.59 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Aussie_Ants_Is_Back (View user info) at 2007-08-14 23:13:50 EDT
I am sick of people with no sense of humour !!!
Today at work one of my fellow employees overheard me telling some work colleagues that once i'm rich enough, i'm going to buy a Midget and teach it to do tricks i.e. throwing itself down a flight of stairs or walk around my at my parties with a big silver tray of cocaine on its head.
This did not go down to well, as her sister is apparently a "Little person", and she informed me that it was politically incorrect to call "little people" Midgets. She also went on to tell me that you can't buy "Little People" as they are real people.
Now i could have probably saved myself the trouble and agreed with her, however i decided to tell her that i was pretty sure i could buy a midget for cheap on ebay. She was not pleased and once again corrected me, stating that Little people could not be sold on ebay. She also told me she was quite insulted and didn't appreciate that i was making fun of "Little people" as her sister is a "Little person".
To rub salt in the wound i asked her if her sister wanted a job. Everyone had a good laugh as she stormed off. Ten minutes later i recieved a call from my boss and was asked to go to her office. I explained the situation and then went on to say that nobody can stand in the way of my dream of one day having a pet midget of my own.
I am typing this from my laptop on the train, as i was sent home for the day "until i start to take things more seriously". Fuck it ! Fuck them all ! I'm gonna buy a midget dammit, you will see, YOU WILL ALL SEE Muhahahaha
User Reviews
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have decided to call my pet Midget "Kankles"
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GODDAMMNIT KANKLES WHERE THE *FUCK* ARE YOU???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GODDAMNIT KANKLES STOP MOVING AROUND!!! YOU THINK THIS BLOW GROWS ON TREES????!!!!!
JESUS CHRIST KANKLES!!!! GET YOUR GODDAMN MIDGET GIRLFRIEND OUT OF THE POOL!!!! I NEED A BLOWJOB GODDAMNIT!
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-08-16 03:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2007-08-15 07:41:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually got rich and bought a midget. I took it to midget training class to learn tricks like fetching me a drink and drugging women. Except it wasn't a class it was a basement and I didn't teach it anything I just covered it with peanut butter and threw bologna at it.
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Hahhahhaaaa.... gold.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-16 01:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-16 01:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Aussie_Ants_4.0 (user info) at 2007-08-15 19:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the feedback ladies and gents...
I have decided to call my pet Midget "Kankles"
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-08-15 13:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're going to need to be REALLY rich.
midgets are XPENSIVE.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-15 12:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHT-EE-INNNNNNG
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-08-15 12:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel relieved to hear that Scrappy. Relieved that you will remain free of that foul Demon; THC.
You should totally feel free to jam as much MDMA into yourself as you can get your hands on though, 'cause that's like medicine. Helps you rinse out the reservoir.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-15 12:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-08-15 07:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-15 06:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-08-15 05:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude! You should totally get some mates together, bust into her house and gang rape her! Then you'll be The Man, dude! It's what Abe Lincoln and Jesus would do in this situation.
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Abe Lincoln and Jesus might agree, but the REAL question is: What Would Scooby Do?
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He would do nothing. He'd let everyone walk all over him and never realise his dreams. Know why?
Because Scooby Doo smokes marijuana. Still think drugs are cool?
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No I don't! Thanks for setting me straight. How could I possibly have thought that a talking dog that solves crimes DIDN'T smoke marijuana? That's just foolishness of the highest order. I used to be ambivalent about other people's drug use, but now I know better! I was not being tolerant, I was only failing to proactively warn everyone I know about the dangers of drug use. I don't use drugs, that's how I know! YOU THERE! DROP THAT JOINT! DRUGS ARE BAD! DRUGS ARE NOT M'KAY!
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:45:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fully support the buying of midgets for party purposes. Or slave labor.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaz
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-15 11:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are going to have to think of a totally kick-ass name for your midget so people can scream it at the top of their lungs when they need more coke and everyone in the room will laugh EVERY FUCKING TIME they hear the name.
"Tiny" aint gonna do it. Maybe name him after a muppet. Or maybe after an Uber user - like Professor Fuck Face. Could you IMAGINE a room full of coke-heads SCREAMING Professor Fuck Face at the time of their lungs ALL NIGHT LONG?!
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2007-08-15 10:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually got rich and bought a midget. I took it to midget training class to learn tricks like fetching me a drink and drugging women. Except it wasn't a class it was a basement and I didn't teach it anything I just covered it with peanut butter and threw bologna at it.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-08-15 10:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-15 10:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is the best idea I've heard all day.
Also, I'd like to be the host of Shlongy's Midget Extravaganza.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-08-15 09:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My dream is a party monkey.
Keep dreaming you dreamer.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-15 09:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-15 09:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kimberly (user info) at 2007-08-15 09:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make sure the midget you purchase is a retard. Otherwise it's not worth your money.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-15 08:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I always thought that a game show would be a good thing for midgets.
We could call it "Dollars For Midgets" - and have things like a plane...8 midgets, 7 parachutes...what will happen next?
That kind of thing.
Shlongy would be Executive Producer.
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-15 07:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for "pet midget"
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-08-15 07:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-08-15 07:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-08-15 07:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, if I am ever super rich, I plan to own 12 trained attack chimps, all wearing chainmail and weilding various mideval weapons. Also, they will ride trained dogs. 'Cause seriously, who would try to fuck with your house if they had to fuck with 12 armed, dog-riding, trained, angry chimps?
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Furries?
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-08-15 07:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, if I am ever super rich, I plan to own 12 trained attack chimps, all wearing chainmail and weilding various mideval weapons. Also, they will ride trained dogs. 'Cause seriously, who would try to fuck with your house if they had to fuck with 12 armed, dog-riding, trained, angry chimps?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-08-15 07:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-15 06:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-08-15 05:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude! You should totally get some mates together, bust into her house and gang rape her! Then you'll be The Man, dude! It's what Abe Lincoln and Jesus would do in this situation.
-----------
Abe Lincoln and Jesus might agree, but the REAL question is: What Would Scooby Do?
-------
He would do nothing. He'd let everyone walk all over him and never realise his dreams. Know why?
Because Scooby Doo smokes marijuana. Still think drugs are cool?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-15 06:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-08-15 05:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude! You should totally get some mates together, bust into her house and gang rape her! Then you'll be The Man, dude! It's what Abe Lincoln and Jesus would do in this situation.
-----------
Abe Lincoln and Jesus might agree, but the REAL question is: What Would Scooby Do?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-08-15 05:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude! You should totally get some mates together, bust into her house and gang rape her! Then you'll be The Man, dude! It's what Abe Lincoln and Jesus would do in this situation.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-08-15 03:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SingTel/Optus?
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-08-15 02:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha now I want one of those
Submitted by eatyourvitamins (user info) at 2007-08-15 02:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dare to dream...
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-08-15 00:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahhaha, what a bunch of stuck-up, humorless cunts.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-08-14 23:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's the same way with tard families.
Years ago, I decided that being tactless is the best way to go with those situations.
Submitted by Aussie_Ants_4.0 (user info) at 2007-08-14 23:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I work for a telecommunications company on the North Shore...
I wont mention any names incase my suspension becomes permanent !!!
Fuckers
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-14 23:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-14 23:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahaha
Why do I find that so funny?
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2007-08-14 23:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to go to your party. Point me to the midget with the tray.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-14 23:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha...where do you work?