The Making of a Young Killer (474 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.11 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <whocares.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-08-15 14:56:18 EDT
It was the boy's 14th birthday and on this day he would become a man. He didn't know it yet, but what was about to happen would change his life forever.
His father had died 5 years prior and he was left to help his mom raise his twin newborn brothers. "You know, now that your bastard father is gone, you are the man of the house." His mother said through the tears of grief. The 9 year old looked at his mom with a calm look on his face and declared, "You can count on me, mom!"
When his father left, his uncle, a scruffy outdoors kind of guy, decided to teach this kid how to be the man his father never was. Ever since then the uncle taught the boy how to hunt, fish, track, shoot, cook, everything he could think of to teach him. He took to the lessons like Pee Wee Herman to his crotch at a theater.
The uncle had taken him hunting so many times before, but never for goose. He thought it was strange that the uncle had never let him shoot a shotgun. He had shot every rifle in his uncle's arsenal, but never the 12 gauge Remington sitting lonely in the gun safe he had eyeballed many times before. Today was his day.
They left at 3 in the morning. His uncle said they have to get out to the field early to set up the blind and the decoys. By daylight, the uncle and the boy were sitting in the blind, drinking coffee, and waiting for the geese. It didn't take long before the first "honk." The uncle told the boy not to move or make a sound. It was a gaggle of about 10 geese and they were headed right for the decoys in the field. They only had one shotgun so the uncle took the shot. It was amazing, he took down 2 geese with one shot! The boy was dumbfounded.
It went on like this for most of the day. The uncle was hesitant to let the boy shoot the gun. After all he was merely 14 and weighed 120 lbs. "This shotgun will knock the kid on his ass," he thought.
At noon, the boy could not stand it any longer, he had to take a crack at shooting that gun. They only had about 15 minutes left before they would pick up and leave when the boy demanded that the uncle let him have the next shot. Thinking that there wouldn't be anymore birds until then, the uncle agreed.
Five minutes until leaving time, that's when they heard the sound. They looked up only to see a lone goose about 70 yards out trying to land on the edge of the blinds. The boy knew exactly what to do, as he had been watching his uncle shoot all day.
He put the shotgun snuggly up to his shoulder and began to raise up. The bird must have noticed him because once it was 10 feet from the ground, it began to climb altitude again. The boy knew this was his only chance for the day so he jumped up, leaned into the gun, aimed, and BOOM. A single shot rang out over the field. The bird crumpled faster than you could say Oathmeal.
Ecstatic, the boy handed off the gun and ran out to retrieve his kill. When he got to the bird, he noticed something different. With all of the geese shot by his uncle, they had to ring their necks to finish them off. This one lay still. He examined it and found only one puncture on its body. One hole through the brain is all there was. Out of all the bb's in the shot, one seemed to find the bird in the greatest possible position.
That night the boy and his uncle cleaned their kills as usual. Something came over the boy as he gutted that bird. He felt a bloodlust he had never experienced before. Ripping the bird open with his bare hands, he found the heart, still and cold. The uncle looks over at him and wonders what the hell has gotten into him. The boy stared at the heart of the bird for a good 5 minutes with a sort of maniacal look in his eyes seen by a serial killer's victims right before the death blow. Just then, the boy did something that was equally disturbing as it was gross. He ate the heart whole and raw.
The uncle never brought him hunting again, for fear of what he saw in that young man that night. But he knew the boy would never stop killing.
User Reviews
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-08-16 07:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh three.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-16 05:14:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh too.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-16 05:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-16 01:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-15 17:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-08-15 13:45:58 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The Pee Wee Herman and Oathmeal references killed what would have otherwise been a pretty good story.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-08-15 16:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The Pee Wee Herman and Oathmeal references killed what would have otherwise been a pretty good story.
I still thought it was preety decent though.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-15 16:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
But whom killed him and why?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-15 16:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-15 12:26:43 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually didn't think this was horrible and could be the prologue to something more. overall the writin was fairly decent and I read the whole thing so...... whatever.
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I suppose that's logical, but I felt like the ending made no sense within the context of the story, but I've been accused of the same thing. Although mine was supposed to be a joke and got taken as a serious story, I think this one is definitely intended to be serious.
I guess a part two could be made to salvage some sense making.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm freakin happy. Auto +2 for the 5 most recent posts
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I gotta agree. The Pee Wee Herman and Oathmeal references killed what would have otherwise been a pretty good story.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually didn't think this was horrible and could be the prologue to something more. overall the writin was fairly decent and I read the whole thing so...... whatever.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Write a story or namedrop or write a namedropping story. But this - this is crap.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well...you get the 0 for effort
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-15 12:14:09 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh too.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-15 12:02:47 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
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It was pretty Meh until the ending, which is where it took a turn for the suck.
I still think this guy could make a decent post if he had a better idea for a story.
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dunnn dunn dunnnnnnnn durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh too.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-15 15:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-15 14:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What? That made ZERO sense.