So I'm at a gay party..... (921 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.13 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by phauna (View user info) at 2007-08-16 09:28:37 EDT
..... and this guy comes up to me and puts one hand on my shoulder, stares into my eyes and grabs my crotch with his free hand. Now, I'm not gay, he knows I'm not gay and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of outrage or shock so I just act natural (straight natural) and say the first thing that popped into my head.
"I'm sorry, but I've just turned thirty and I already masturbated today so there's not much there at the moment."
I know there must have been something better I could have said but I was pissed. So please, Uber, help me out with some snappier one liners for gay on straight crotch grabbing.
User Reviews
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-01-14 18:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hard to improve on that response i think
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-09-02 21:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When your girlfriend wants to take you to a gay party, you go. That way you stay less gay.
Submitted by burt_mianus (user info) at 2007-08-17 11:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
get chuck norris on his ass and roundhouse kick him in the face
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-08-17 11:23:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd snap his arm like a twig and make him suck out the marrow.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-17 09:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-08-16 17:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
-- Homer Simpson
I Love Lisa
haha
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-08-17 04:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-17 03:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2007-08-16 15:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think "Get your hand of my crotch you freak" would suffice.
Or just nut him.
--
I think he was trying to get a good 'Nutting'
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-17 03:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-08-17 02:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Careful, some of those blisters haven't popped yet."
============
Contest over, this guy won. lol.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-08-17 02:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Careful, some of those blisters haven't popped yet."
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-17 01:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-08-17 00:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Nope, no AIDS here. Try somewhere else."
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-08-16 23:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have said "Wait, let me get the lube."
Don't go to any more gay parties. Go to a ghetto party instead. When you walk in and everyone stops dancing to glare at you, smile and say "Which one of you jigaboos wants to fix me a drink?" You'll be the belle of the ball. Don't forget your rebel flag belt buckle.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-16 22:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Get your hands off me you fucking faggot" clarifies the situation absolutely. Every time.
Submitted by Cakes (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Say like, "What are you, about a size 14? .......... I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me so hard."
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-08-16 19:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Just say the three words Shlongy would say: "Fuck off,Yozz!"
inspired by Today's Uberboard post by YOZZ
Shlongy can stick it in me. Anytime. Anywhere. I <3<3<3<3Shlongy
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-08-16 17:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
-- Homer Simpson
I Love Lisa
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-16 16:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
post was a little weak but the responses are golden
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2007-08-16 15:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think "Get your hand of my crotch you freak" would suffice.
Or just nut him.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-16 14:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why not just be totally obvious about it. according to you he's obviously gay and knows you're not (ahem, ???) and went for the junk anyway so just be an ass about it.
promptly remove his hand from your junk and say "are you planning on touching me again, cause i didn't really like it."
you have now secured the right to punch the poofter should he attempt to grab onto your punyviener.
don't go to gay parties/bars if you do not wish to be accosted.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-16 14:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how I know you're gay?
=========
You're quoting the worst scene from that one movie?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-16 14:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-08-16 11:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ATTN: GHEY MENZ
^^say that next time^^
Submitted by fidelcity (user info) at 2007-08-16 13:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"This is mine, this is where my babies come from"
Submitted by Dr.Octagon (user info) at 2007-08-16 12:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Rape much?
You should have just chinned him like any real man would.
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-08-16 12:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
two words...fuck off, queer
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-16 11:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-08-16 11:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, that line was pretty weak.
don't you wish more women were as promiscuous as ghey men? i know i do.
===
see, hidden just has a way of cutting to the IMPORTANT topics.
why aren't more of you broads whores, eh? it's really a failing on your part, you know.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-08-16 11:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to, too, two
educate yourself.
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2007-08-16 11:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What would a girl say if you did that to her? Thats an appropriate response. Gays are to gay to waste trying to be funny with.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-08-16 11:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'd say you should have punch him in the face but your curious moronic ass WAS at a gay party so you can't really blame the homo. But that was a funny retort anyway.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-08-16 11:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, that line was pretty weak.
don't you wish more women were as promiscuous as ghey men? i know i do.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-08-16 11:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ATTN: GHEY MENZ
^^say that next time^^
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um "I all ready have AIDS so I don't need yours."
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know how I know you're gay?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you should have said,
"Goddamnit Caul, I'm not going to tell you again!"
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://youtube.com/watch?v=twQlpFrm5iM
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, that'w what you get for low-balling me on my appearance fee, rump ranger.
You get my "C" stuff and I will not shower.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Booking Shlongy for the entertainment was my biggest mistake. The bears were picking chunks of vomit out of their knuckle hair all night.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ghey
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-08-16 10:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
DON'T GO TO GAY PARTIES!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-16 09:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You weren't AT the gay party...I'm pretty certain that you HOSTED the gay party.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-16 09:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah...
That's just not working for me.
I think there may have been some cock-trolling happening here and you got cold feet.
or
the hot model chick you work with was going to the party and you tagged along hoping to be the only straight guy in the room and score by default.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-08-16 09:36:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My sexy, hot, Brazilian model girlfriend insisted that I go so she wouldn't have to be at another party where she felt jealous all night of other women lusting after me.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-16 09:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why were you at a gay party?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-16 09:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope, that was perfect.