SPT Good to Go Sir! (988 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (View user info) at 2007-08-16 19:33:40 EDT
Delicious pasta?
I like to wear a elaborate Jar Jar Binks costume and mask as part of my every day life. I went to the grocery store, and saw how depressed everyone was so I thought I would help. I started dancing in the aisles, and yelling at people, and running up to people and taking things out of their cart. It was great fun. Then when I went to check out, there was only one lane open and a long line. I screamed and screamed while in line and danced, bumping into other people. I opened a box of baking soda and threw it around. Finally I got to the checkout. I started making noises at the cashier, and I kept pressing buttons on the computer. Some people in line were groaning because the line was getting very long, but that gave me even more incentive to make them laugh. I climbed onto the table and started kicking peoples groceries on the floor and singing. The manager and one of his goons pulled me off and said I could never shop there again. Can I sue for harassement or possibly assault?
User Reviews
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-17 18:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-17 17:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, you kids have been spending too much time on 4chan
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i'm not sure what you're talking about, this all came from Ebaumsworld.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-17 17:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, you kids have been spending too much time on 4chan
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-17 12:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-17 08:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The post and picture were pretty meh (WTF is up with making fun of Rick Astley?) but some of these reviews are just downright awesome. So +2 for making me laugh.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 12:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tomorrow's Shlongy's birthday.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-17 12:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
so many differnt levels of stupid
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-08-17 09:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All hail Rick Astley, King of the Gingers.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-17 08:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The post and picture were pretty meh (WTF is up with making fun of Rick Astley?) but some of these reviews are just downright awesome. So +2 for making me laugh.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-08-17 08:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-08-17 07:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That pic ruled all over the place.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-08-17 06:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
har har har
Submitted by Captain_Ambivalent (user info) at 2007-08-17 04:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love teh Uba
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-08-17 02:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Are you and Axolotl going to go out shopping for furniture anytime soon?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-17 01:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-16 22:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rofl
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2007-08-16 21:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're on your way to becoming a Player, but you care to much about girls.
It'll pass. Trust me.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good good.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
+2 on 23......what the fuck...
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Last one..
When I was about nine, I had recently gotten a Nintendo Entertainment System from a garage sale down the road, the first gaming system I ever had. One game that I bought was Super Mario Brothers 3, the final chapter of the widely-acclaimed SMB trilogy, which like in the original Super Mario Brothers consisted of Mario/Luigi chasing after Princess Toadstool (whose name has since been bastardized to 'Peach'). Back on topic though; so I had advanced to World 2, "Desert Land" and I was moving along rather smoothly, in the back of my mind knowing that at some point the levels would start to get more difficult; I soon noticed a tile, one unlike the other tiles (Toad houses, numbered tiles, etc). It appeared to be some cross-hybrid of flowing diarrhea and sand, which caught my attention. I navigated my way to the tile, and hit the A button and was warped to what appeared to be a normal level; there even was a happy sunshine in the top left corner! As I side-scrolled my way through the level, the fucking sun decided to go apeshit and sodomize me repeatedly until I finally broke down in tears, throwing my controller at the ground screaming for my mom. That fucking bastard.
And no, this is not copy pasta.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So What did I do, you ask? whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
last one
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1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).
3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny...why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).
21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.
22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects arent important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but guys think it's funny.
26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't call
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Name:xxxxxx, email: xxxx.at.xxx.com
Dear Ubersite
I am a mother of my eleven year old son. I am secretly monitoring his internet activities, because I know there is a lot of dangerous stuff on the internet.
Once I found an URL in his internet files. I did not think it was something special, but I decided to see what it was. What I saw was horrifying. I saw a very much underage girl with a penis in her mouth, I saw dismembered bodies, I saw people joking about killing, racism, raping children and so on. What kind of people are you? Are you aware of what you are doing? You might have turned my son into a pedophilic torturing murderer! I have forbidden my son to use internet from now on, but there might be many other children being turned into monsters by this! I am going to report this webpage to the police. This page will soon be take away from you sick creeps. If you continue, I will personally hunt you down.
Sincerely,
Angry mother
PS. Shame on you.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm an Alpha male Ubersite
And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasnos you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?
Yeah, I'm fucking her.
The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly aks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?
Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.
The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?
Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Something happened to me yesterday that puts all of the innane bullshit that happens in your lives into some serious perspective. I was in town, looking for a rare part for my computer, when I got kinda hungry. Our town is pretty crappy when it comes to food - we've got a few pricey resteraunts and a McDonalds and a Subway. I was closer to the McDonalds, and, although McDonalds is massive fail, I was tempted by the promise of their sweet chicken mc nuggets, and so I went in.
It was all fairly business as usual, there were about 20 people in the downstairs area. I noticed that I had to walk round a stupid woman and her toddler to get to the counter area. Remember this, as it is important.
Anyway, I ordered a cheeseburger, some chicken nuggets, and a coke. I paid the woman, got my food, sat down and ate it. I noticed again that the woman was still messing around with her kid by the time I was done a few minutes later.
Well, I didn't take long to eat, so I got up to leave the resteraunt and go about my business, passing the woman and kid again, when I heard a klunk noise, like plastic falling onto tiles, and looked down at my feet. Sure enough, the toy the kid had been messing with had skidded to a halt inches from my fine brown leather shoes.
Thats when I noticed it. It was a power ranger toy. Not an original, like I had, but the new Turbo rangers verison. I bent down and picked it up, staring at its brilliant blood red colour, its fully poseable limbs, it's red belt, and awesome helmet. In my hands I held a work of art. I was thousands of miles away, when I heard a voice say "Thank you". "Whuuuuh?" "The toy. Thank you". It was the mother. The silly mother who had allowed her child to perform an act of sacrelidge such as drop this model. "Yes... the toy". I held onto it as long as I could, not making eye contact, simply staring into the visor". "Erm..." "..." "Can I have it back, please". "...No. You do not value such a thing. I have seen how you treat it. I do not think you or your child deserve this masterpiece". "What? It's just a red power ranger to..."
The bitch didn't get the chance to finish her words, because I shoved the cola cup in her mouth. "THIS IS NOT A TOY! THIS IS THE RED POWER RANGER! THE MOTHERFUCKING RED POWER RANGER!" I waved it in her face. She was making some kind of a wimpering noise. The kid had ran off crying. All of the store was staring at me. "Do you know ANYTHING about the red power ranger? Did you watch every series of Mighty Morphing Power Rangers as a kid? Huh? NO! Who was the first red power ranger? WHO!" "I...I don't know!" She cried. "FOOL! IT WAS JASON LEE SCOTT! Played by non other than Austin St John! Who replaced him?" Sadly, I didn't get a chance to finish educating this silly woman on power rangers history. The manager grabbed me and threw me out.
And that's the story of how I got banned from McDonalds. It was totally worth it, just to spread a little education on the might and awesomeness of the red power ranger.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
After spending a few minutes here I can easily say that all of are lacking of any wit or intelligence whatsoever. You all believe yourselves to be better than everyone else, and I can tell you right now, that that is not the case in the slightest, you pseudo-intellectuals. I am much better than all of you. Clearly I am because I am neither pretentious, long-winded, asinine, discourteous, nor are my tastes quite as bland as yours. No, I am quite concise, and I would never stretch beyond that of my means or what I am designated to.
I'd have to say that this board is full of anonymous lurkers, attackers, and trolls, who have nothing better to do than throw their elitist opinions around in an attempt at misguided show-boating with people they'd never ever meet.
None of you build any persona or stand by anything remotely attached that I can feel some sort of personal connection to. You lack any sort of direction and I can't have that. You're analogies are far too complicated, linear, and they're rather contradictory. Why, there's never even any variety here!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This game is shit, plain and simple.
Oh, let's all get the warp whistle and warp to "big world"! Too bad big world isn't fucking fun, like the rest of this game. The entire thing is designed to anger and frustrate you. Oh, you get Kuribo's shoe on one fucking level! Wow, pardon me while I make the universal motion for a handjob. Kuribo's shoe fucking sucked. What did it do, exactly? It let you JUMP ON THINGS, something you were able to do the entire fucking game. Oh, also you looked gay.
There are some interesting power-ups in the game, such as Tanookie Mario, Hammer Mario, and Frog Mario. But guess what? You can get them on like 2 levels total, and if you fuck up and get hit ONCE, you lose them, FOREVER. Wow, that's fun! I love games that demand I play perfectly or have no fun, because I'm a fucking jap who strives for absolute perfection in gaming otherwise I kill myself.
Mario 3 may have been interesting or fun at one time, but the game is a worthless piece of shit in today's day and age. It's horribly flawed and full of punch-in-the-dick moments, much more so than it has moments that are just fun to play.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah the 12 year old chest one, I first read it when I was first lurking and was like "wtf?" sad thing is you never know who might be telling the truth and what might just be some cooked up pasta for enjoyment.
So I met this girl who worked at starbucks, and I worked up the courage to ask her on a date after a couple of conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn't really care, she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight, a full moon, it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unzipped my jeans, she reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest, she finally gets all the way down, looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I've ever seen and says "No thanks, I had Reese's for breakfast" and I'm like "No way, you had candy for breakfast?" She replies, "Not candy! Reese's puffs cereal!" So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter and chocolate-y taste attacking my taste buds! She zips my pants back up and says "And it's part of this complete breakfast!"
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought that last one was real when I first heard it, I was shocked, lol.
FACT: UBERSITE WAS FUNNY WHEN WE WERE ALL 12 LIVING IN THE SUBURBS LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z DRINKING PEPSI WHILE PLAYING HALO CO-OP ON THE EASIEST SETTING DURING WHICH WE CONSUMED DORITOS AND LOOKED AT PAINTBALL GUNS ON EBAY IN INTERNET EXPLORER CONNECTED THROUGH AOL ON A 56K MODEM BEFORE HOPPING INTO OUR BALDING FATHERS' LATEST MIDLIFE-CRISIS-IMPULSE-SPONSORED JAPANESE-BUILT SUV TO HEAD TO THE MALL AND GET MORE SKATEBOARDING SHOES AND THIRD-RATE IRREGULAR LEVIS AND MOUNTAIN BIKE PARTS BEFORE HEADING HOME, VOTING DEMOCRAT AND MASTURBATING TO THE LATEST SEARS CATALOG WHILE HUFFING PAINT IN YOUR GARAGE BEFORE TALKING TO PEDOPHILES ON AIM PRETENDING TO BE WHATEVER CAMWHORE THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT ON MYSPACE WITH A MATRIX QUOTE/ANIME CHARACTER NAME/TRIPLE SIX-ASTERISK-PARENTHESES-SURROUNDED SCREENNAME BEFORE HEADING TO YOUR SUPPOSED "GOOD SCHOOL" IN THE MORNING TO BUY MORE POT TO SMOKE DURING YOUR COUNTER-STRIKE LAN PARTY WITH JIMMY AND THE REST OF HIS FRIENDS TAKING RITALIN AND ADDERALL AND PROZAC EIGHT TIMES A DAY BEFORE TAKING A CASUAL PASS AT LOCAL, STATE OR NATIONAL GOVERNMENTIAL FIGURES, LEGISLATURE, OR STRUCTURE TO APPEAR EDGY AND INTELLIGENT IN FRONT OF YOUR BUDWEISER-SNEAKING, LIMP-WRISTED, NEAR-TO-COLUMBINE SOCIOPATHIC "DEEP" FRIENDS WHO PLAY THE VICTIM WHEN THEY START LOSING ARGUEMENTS SIX DAYS BEFORE THEIR BOTCHED SUICIDE ATTEMPT SIMPLY BECAUSE SCHOOL TRAMP NUMBER TWELVE WOULDN'T GO UNDER THE BLEACHERS WITH THEM TO LET THEM GET TO SECOND BASE BEFORE THEIR THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest.
"How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor.
"Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing.
Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it.
God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands all over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy.
I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear.
I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:16:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my god I just witnessed something horrible.
Today I was in NYC, I take summer classes at an art school in New York, and I saw a man following an old asian woman and her little asian grand daughter I think it was. He followed them for 4 blocks before making his move, I only saw all of this because they were all infront of me walking down E22nd street at the time I was walking down it. Anyways, the man kept getting closer and closer to them until finally he hit the woman with a crowbar and grabbed the girl. I immediately ran up to him as fast as I could and whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, yo holmes to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up to the house around 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mmmmmm... Fried pig pussy! Once you eat one of these pig pussy pork rinds, you'll never eat another.. human pussy again. But FUCK human pussy! I fuck dead pigs. You'll read all about it in heartburn how I fuck them dead pigs before I turn em into pork rinds!
I couldn't get no twat from serenity back then. She only wanted dildos in her pussy twat. Big phony bologna dicks. But now she wants this real cock. Come here serenity lets show these assholes how we fuck. Lets show these assholes how we fuck. My sweet sweet serenity.
Fuck an umbilical cord out of your phony asshole, and I'll hang a pig with it, while I impregnate you with my 80 year old pork rind dick. You'll give birth to a dead pig and we'll cut him into pork rinds.
All in pork rinds of god. In a land that speaks only with its eyes. No language, no dildos, no fucking laws! Where the whores can't sell their pussy. Or use their twats to gold dig. A land where us warriors run free with our big dicks out, and our fucking hair wild.
Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Salt their dead skin and put em in plastic bags. Fuck you, you fucking, farting robots. Suck my dead pig. Suck my dead pig!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am from Poland and have been to work here for almost 1 year and I ride the train to work, and always the black people talk very loud and throw garbage on the train and they are very very rude. I never before said anythings to black people becaus my boss warns me that they are strong and they get mad like the great monkey at the zoo and they will beat people when they tell the black people to not talk and scream loud and throw garbage.
My boss told me that presidint Clinton gave the black people repairations and now the black people can do almost anything and nobody can make them behave or you can get beat by the black people and the police can arrest you for saying racist. My boss tells me that racist is when you tell the black people to behave and act like normal people and don't yell and throw garbage keep you black children behaving too.
Today this morning on the train I was very tired and did not sleep at night and told some black people "I am very tired and it is early please stop yelling and laughing so loud, why are you black people always loud and throw garbage on the train?" and the black people got very mad and yelled things at me i couldnt understand because i do not know how the black people talk but 2 of them were going to beat me and I had to run away when the train stopped.
I am afraid to ride the train now because the black people will beat me. I am not big, I am small, and I cannot fight the black people. My boss told me to carry a water squirting gun and squrt the black people and they will run away becaus they do not like to be wet, they are like cats. I was on the blue line train but I could take the brown line train instead.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The very first Communists were early Slavic tribes who owned so little they had to share everything. They were renowned warriors, whose battle tactics consisted of getting as drunk as mortally possible, then drink twice as much more and charge at the enemy wielding a hammer in one hand and a sickle in the other. Even in these early times they were called the Red Army for their red faces (esp. noses). A Communist Warrior was terrible to behold in battle, bashing, slicing, and breathing alcoholic fumes at his enemies. Mortally wounded, he would merely fall asleep at the field of battle, only to wake up the next morning with regenerated limbs, healed wounds and a severe headache.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Has anybody ever tried cooking with their own semen?
About a month ago I got adventurous and decided to fap into the frying pan, using my semen in place of little extra butter I usually put in the pan when I'm grilling grill'd cheese.
I didn't notice much difference in flavour when I tried it, although it definitely didn't taste any worse.
Last night, however, while in the process leading up to grilling two sandwiches for lunch for myself and my sick mother, I noticed my neighbour's 13 year old daughter changing in the yard next door (our window sort of faces out into the neighbour's yard, the suburban layout of our community is somewhat strange), presumably after getting out of the pool. I got the urge to fap and decided to encorporate it into my cooking again in secret.
My mother did seem to notice a difference in flavour for the better - I nonchalantly told her I used a different butter, which in it's essence wasn't entirely a lie, I just didn't specify it was my nut butter. I'm not about to outright lie to my mother.
I consider myself a respectable man of principles, you kn
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend has one of the most DISTURBING, DISGUSTING pooping habits ever.
This kid I know weighs 450 pounds and is morbidly obese. I'm surprised he hasn't died from it yet. He's only 17. A few of my friends and I went over to his to keep him company since his parents were out of town. He wanted someone to play PS3 with him so we were happy to oblige.
Around 20 minutes into a game of Resistance, the kid goes "i'll be right back, i gotta take a crap." and walks off. I noticed he grabbed a large bucket, which I found strange. What happened next disgusted me beyond all reason.
From the bathroom, I heard a large roar, like a beast of some sort. I asked one of my friends who knows the fat kid a lot better than I do what was going on. His response still haunts me to this day:
"He takes a bucket to the bathroom with him because the smell always makes him puke. All the crusty shit and ass sweat caught in the folds of his fat have been decaying for months because he can't clean himself. As soon as he drops his pants, the shit/sweat stench fills the bathroom and he begins throwing up."
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-08-16 20:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whenever i see a +2 streak i always have an urge to ruin it.
but this was funny..
i'm so fucking hungry right now that i would eat grass.
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-08-16 19:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hil-fucking-arious.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-08-16 19:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 19:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok stop using up my pasta you ass, I need them for shitposts.
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ha ha ha, I started it ;)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/110408 if you recall, some delicious pasta was included.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 19:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok stop using up my pasta you ass, I need them for shitposts.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-16 19:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it 'the terminator'. First I crouch down in the shower in the classic 'naked terminator traveling through time' pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-16 19:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the cartoon. it made me laugh.