Sometimes Fun Things Happen To Boring People. (775 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.81 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by OnlyHuman (View user info) at 2007-08-18 01:24:50 EDT
(Note: A story from a trip I took a couple years ago.)
After a tear-filled goodbye with my friends at SFO, I spend ten hours sitting on my ass next to a loud drunken Irishmen on my way to London Heathrow. Touching down at around 4:30 in the afternoon, I make my agonizingly slow way through immigration at that god-forsaken airport and finally to the train station. A fifteen minute ride from there, and I'm at Paddington.
Now, here's where things start to get out of hand. Originally, I was supposed to stay with a friend of my dad's for the whole three days that I was going to be there. But Gordon backed out at the last second, citing familial issues as to why I couldn't crash on his couch. So without a place to stay, my mother helped me out by calling up a friend of hers that she hadn't talked to since college. He lived just outside of Slough, in the small town of Birminghamshire. Raj was his name, and he had a wife and two daughters, Neera, Kavita, and Anushka, respectively. He was more than willing to let me spend couple of nights at his house, simply saying that he would meet me at Paddington after I arrived.
Ok, all you Londoners, raise your hands. Now, tell me, how fucking huge is Paddington Station? The place is like the English equivalent of Mall of America, for chrissakes. I had no idea what Raj looked like, or where exactly I was supposed to meet him. So an hour and two bagels later, I finally see a rather large Indian man make his way towards me. It was Raj. Yay.
After the obligatory hellos, he led me outside to his car. I threw my bags in, and we started up on the way home. Forty minutes later, we pull up to Chopra Manor. A wonderfully English looking house, I could already tell that I was in for a nice, albeit boring three days here. Raj introduces me to Neera and Anushka, his wife and younger daughter, and says that Kavita is upstairs sleeping. We sit, have tea, talk about nothing, and finally, Kavita comes down.
She's a very nice looking Indian girl, dressed in a simple black over coat and jeans. She sits, says hello, and I slowly realize how fucking lame my time in London is probably going to be. Anuchshka seems like a fun girl, but she was studying for her entrance exams into uni, so she couldn't really do anything, and Kavita just seemed a bit off. A nice, wholesome, Indian family. Not exactly the most fun group of people in the world, but at least I had a warm bed and good food.
That is, until Kavita got me alone.
"So, Julian, tell me, what do you like to do in the States?"
"Oh, this and that, you know. Listen to music, play video games, wail on my guitar. The usual."
"Do you like to trip on magic mushrooms?"
"..."
I was dumbfounded. This seemingly innocent girl I had met a mere two hours ago was asking me if I enjoyed hallucinogenic drugs. Apparently, Kavita was a very fun-loving gal. She said she loved raves, especially while rolling on E, and that she was going out with black guy named Sebastien who had four strains of Purple Haze growing in their closet.
Suddenly, my short time in London just got a whole lot more interesting.
First thing the next morning, me and Kavita hop on the earliest train to Camden Town. Now, if any of you have been to Camden Town, you know how fucking amazing of a place it is. It's this section of London proper that's just insane. Any number of sub-cultures can be found here. Rastafarians, goths, punks, a you-name-it-we-got-it kind of place.
Fun fact: Hallucinogenic mushrooms are not considered a class A drug in London, so there are actually stores where you can go to get freshly grown ones. Or, in the case of Camden Town, booths. We stop by one and buy about three eighths of Hawaiian mushrooms. Apparently, these are supposed to be the heaviest ones. Sitting down at a small sidewalk café next to the Thames, me and Kavita split them up and chow the fuck down. Doesn't taste as bad as you'd think, kinda like eating dirt.
Anyways, we order some coffee, roll some cigarettes, and just coch for about an hour. (Coch, for the uninformed, means to simply sit around somewhere for awhile.) The effects of the mushrooms are beginning to hit us. Visual hallucinations abound. I once thought that everyone was floating three feet above the ground and yelled out, very Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas style, "Oy, get down you fuckers! God damn floating Limeys!"
Suffice it to say, we soon had to vacate our chairs and take a brisk walk down the street.
As some of you might well now, I am quite the horndog. Especially when I travel internationally. My drug-addled brain somehow sifts through my short-term memory bank and remembers that the girl who was manning the magic mushroom booth was super smoking hot. I inform Kavita of this fact and she says, hey, go for it, what have you got to lose? And I say, nothing.
So we go back, and I start to chat up the girl. She really is hot. Shortish red hair, cute face, big tits, small waist, back tattoo, about 5' 5', all in all a very nice looking girl. And that British accent, hoo-boy, we have a winner. She seems cool enough, and we get to talking about all sorts of things. Soon the subject comes up that she gets off work in fifteen minutes, would we like to come back and hang out, and my response comes out sure, we'd love that.
So me and Kavita go sit down again, smoke a joint, because apparently, that's something that's ok to do in the middle of the street in Camden Town, and Kavita calls up Sebastien, and he walks over from his work, and we all go to meet up with Christine, our new friend.
Remember, though, folks, it's been about two hours since we ate those mushrooms, and we also smoked some very good marijuana, so our drug-induced high should be hitting it's peak right about now.
And we walk along the road, and right before we get back to Christine's both, the mushroom/weed concoction takes hold. Things are invisibly hitting me in the face and I'm swatting them off. We can't stop here, this is bat country. Trying to walk in a straight line is hard enough to do without a million scary English puns staring you down because you're wearing a suit jacket and an Interpol shirt.
Eventually we make it to Christine and we say, hey, let's just go back to Kavita and Seb's place for awhile, watch a movie, drink a couple beers. And Christine says ok and links arms with me, which is a whole new can of worms because I'm afraid she's an alien because no fucking WAY a girl this hot like me right off the bat.
We make it back to this dingy little apartment and Seb whips out quite a large bong, and we start ripping the shit out of it, and this girl Christine, she is just a champ, taking power hits and laughing and giggling and getting closer and closer and closer to me on the couch. Until the weed's all gone and Seb and Kavita go to the bedroom to do god knows what to each other and me and Christine are left on the couch by ourselves. And she says to me, hey, I'm really high, but you wanna see what I have in my pocket. And I say sure, not fully knowing is this is some weird sexual innuendo or more drugs.
It's more drugs.
She pulls out a dime bag of what looks like cocaine but she tells me it's crystal meth, and I say, hey, now it's a party. So we do some lines and then things really start to heat up because her hands on my thigh and her lips are pressing against mine and I'm still thinking about how insane this all is, just a day ago I was sitting outside my local Peet's shooting the shit with my friends and now here I am on too many drugs to count kissing a hot British girl in an old ranked out apartment.
So she starts to kiss me harder and uses that magical tongue of hers and I'm just kind of lying back and the letting her work her tongue around and the meth is starting to really ramp up and she says how good I looked when I bought those mushrooms, and how she had wanted me ever so badly to come back and buy more just so she could have talked to me and I'm saying, wow, that's pretty cool and all of a sudden her hand is on my crotch and I'm thinking in the back of my head how ridiculously weird this is and how my brain is processing way to many sensations way to quickly and all of a sudden her shirt's off and I'm staring at her bra and I'm grabbing the small of her back where I remember that tattoo is and she's telling me to undress her and I'm thinking about doing some more of that meth and she's starting to take off my shirt and we're still kissing and all I can concentrate on anymore is the feeling of her against me and the thought of what's probably to come.
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I wake up and the first thing I notice is I can't feel my right arm and I think to myself oh god, what the fuck? And I look to the right and there's the back of a head, and it's red, and I slowly start to piece together what happened and I lay back and realize I'm naked lying down on the couch with an exceedingly attractive girl next to me who said she was 24 and I'm only 17 and I'm thinking to myself how much of a god damn mack I am and the drugs are wearing off, thank christ. I'm beginning to go back to my normal self. I gauge my surroundings and look up at the clock. It's around 10 in the morning and I think, oh, shit, I gotta go. Raj is probably wondering where the fuck I've gone with his daughter. So I get up and take the phone and call a cab for me and Christine, and she wakes up. She looks up at me when I lean over to say good morning, and she kisses me again, but this time without the animal passion that was there before, now replaced with a soft, gentle kiss that only people in love should really ever have, And I'm thinking to myself, oh, fuck, what do I do now? I tell her she has to get dressed, that I gotta go. And she looks at me like a wounded animal, and I say, no, no, not that, I have to get back to the place I'm staying and she says, oh, ok, and her face lights up again. And I'm still thinking to myself, oh, fuck, what do I do now?
Christine starts to dress herself. I walk into Kavita and Seb's roommand see them asleep in each other's arms. I gently wake them up, say my goodbyes, Kavita thanks em for a day that she probably won't forget for awhile, and says that she is coming to visit me in Cali as soon as she can. I say sure, anytime.
I walk back to the living room and there's Christine, looking the same as she did yesterday, except a little more ruffled around the edges. I look outside the window and see the black cab creep up and tell her, hey, let's go, sweetness. And she smiles and I kick myself for saying that because as soon as I drop her off, I'm never seeing her again. We go outside and hop in the cab, she tells him where she lives, and we're on our way. Sitting in the cab is pleasant and uncomfortable at the same time. Christine is holding my hand and practically sitting on my lap with her head on my shoulder and I'm just thinking to myself, wow, even in Europe they have needy girls.
Finally, we get to her house, and she gives me a long passionate drawn-out kiss goodbye and asks me for my number and when I say, whoops, sorry, I don't exactly know it she gives me hers and I say thanks you, I'll call you in a little while. And then she's inside her house and I'm telling the cabbie where to drop me.
And on the way to the manor I'm sitting there with her number written on the back of my hand and I start to get a little spit balled up in my mouth and just like that I'm licking her number until all I can see anymore is a blue smudge on my skin, because I'm never going to call her because I'm leaving in two days now, and another causal fuck would be nice but I know it won't be casual. So why bother?
This is the life I lead when I have no responsibilities or commitments or anything that could get in the way of experiencing as many things as possible. The first installment is done. Hopefully the next adventure I have will have less drugs and maybe be a little light-hearted. You never now.
Stay tuned.
User Reviews
Submitted by Icewalker (user info) at 2007-08-21 01:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I wonder if Raj is aware that his daughter is involved with a negroid?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-20 16:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-17 23:19:36 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68651
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71301
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111058
This is the third time you've posted the exact same story. Are you hoping that eventually we all start liking it?
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FLAWLESS VICTORY TO AXOLOTL
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-19 19:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Rejection (user info) at 2007-08-18 23:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey lets all type like a faggot with no punctuation while annoying the fuck out of everyone which results in people imagining you talking really fast and wow you banged a pedophile and OH WOW is that some meth I think its meth I've always wanted meth I'm going to go have it and HOLY SHIT A BURGLER and wow he's a she and he/she's hot I think I'm going to go fuck them anally while snorting cocaine because I'm cool.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-18 16:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bye, Ubersite. Have a +2.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-18 14:14:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think it's hilarious that someone thinks it's a good idea to post a story that includes "As some of you might well now, I am quite the horndog" - three times.
Stay tuned for what- the fourth time you post this?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-08-18 14:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-18 07:19:36 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68651
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71301
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111058
This is the third time you've posted the exact same story. Are you hoping that eventually we all start liking it?
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He goes up, AX WITH THE BLOCK!
Submitted by Bumpkin (user info) at 2007-08-18 13:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-18 08:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF? I'm not reading all that!
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-18 08:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF? I'm not reading all that!
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-18 08:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good read
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-18 07:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-08-18 01:39:37 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, this piece of shit that I didn't read is at the top of the page so:
+2 Brandon Webb 42 straight scoreless innings and suck it padres.
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18 more breaks the record if I'm not mistaken, which I easily could be.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-08-18 04:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, this piece of shit that I didn't read is at the top of the page so:
+2 Brandon Webb 42 straight scoreless innings and suck it padres.
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2007-08-18 03:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-18 02:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68651
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71301
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111058
This is the third time you've posted the exact same story. Are you hoping that eventually we all start liking it?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-08-18 02:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Do you ever wonder why a large majority of people excuse themselves from your presence at parties?
If so...the answer can be found above these replies.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-08-18 02:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read this but it has to be better than all the grabass that plagues this place
Submitted by NinjaSpeed (user info) at 2007-08-18 02:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71301
how about something original assface?