My TTC Adventure (504 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.81 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dean Walcott <ua_marine.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-08-18 20:20:18 EDT
First post, my new Ubersite pals... be gentle with me...
Sometimes, Farting Is The Only Solution.
So, there I was, holding a 'large' cup of coffee (In Canada, 'large coffee' is a misleading term, since those urinalysis-sized cups hardly qualify as 'extra dwarfen', let alone 'large'). I was waiting for the subway doors to open, and for all the fine Toronto citizens to get the hell off the car, so I can sit down. I had my earphones in, and was, in a silent manner, rocking out to White Zombie. As the last of the stampede to get off of the car went by, the song I was listening to ended, so I looked down and began looking for the next song I wanted (mOBSCENE). As I was searching through the play list, some motherfucker slammed into me, and rushed onto the car, leaving me wearing my coffee. Astounded, I hurried to get onto the car before the doors shut, just in time to find out there was no where to sit.
I couldn't figure out who it was. No one on the car was looking at me. Some of them saw what happened, and were figiting nervously as they stared at the floor.
I am not an unreasonable person. Shit happens, and I know it. However, I felt I was owed at least an apology, which did not appear to be forthcoming.
(As a side note, the previous night, I had a Philly Steak and Cheese sub for dinner, which had been wreaking havoc with my bowels.)
Since no one wanted to confess and atone for the coffee that was now a part of my coat, I did the only thing I could; I farted loudly, while walking around the subway car.
That's right; I crop dusted.
It was one of those farts that had a nice, deep ring to it, and actually seemed to defy physics by lingering, mid-air. I could actually taste it, and it was God awful.
Everyone started coughing and putting their faces inside their coats. A few tried, futily, to fan it away from themselves, which only angered my discharge; it began to mix with the ball-sweat smell that is common on a subway during rush hour, and in a few seconds, my eyes had teared up, as had most everyone else's.
The sub arrived at Greenwood station, and I have never seen people get out of a car so fast in my life.
I laughed so hard, I damn near peed on myself.
I have smelt revenge, and it smelled like Mr.Sub.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-20 16:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I <3 the TTC
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-20 14:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-20 14:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cause I just got back from CANADA on saturday, and the name Mr. Sub reminds me of Mr. Plow of simpsons fame.
also a +2 for public flatulence, you're a hard ass man, good for you.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2007-08-20 11:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were totally homo and slightly retarded I would rate this lower than 2.
If I were slightly more unretarded I would not poop in my pants so much.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-20 11:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-20 10:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didnt read past "first post"
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-19 23:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good.
But not as good as FatTony's "Farting On An Escalator".
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-19 19:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lose your password, please.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-19 19:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-19 19:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-08-19 19:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
lost a point on the 1st post
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-19 18:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mr. Sub blows.
So does the TTC. I fear for my life in those subways.
Submitted by blonde (user info) at 2007-08-19 14:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by gandhi (user info) at 2007-08-19 13:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I could actually taste it, and it was God awful." Chuckle.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-19 04:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah - pretty good
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-18 22:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
First post, my new Ubersite pals... be gentle with me...
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You should know better, Sally.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-08-18 22:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a gentle guy, and this wasn't a bad post. I won't release the hounds if you won't suck. Sound good?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-08-18 22:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"That's right; I crop dusted."
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-08-18 21:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Creative revenge.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-08-18 20:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 TTC is evil but fun. I'll read this later.