Wally's Movie Reviews (393 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: -1.51 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dean Walcott <ua_marine.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-08-18 22:38:05 EDT
(All reviews are on the 'Middle Finger' scale)
(BTW, my nickname is Wally. Long story. Don't worry about it.)
DEAD PRESIDENTS. This is the heartwarming tale of a guy who joins the military, deploys to Vietnam, comes back, robs an armored car, and goes to jail. No, seriously, that's the whole movie. This was one of those films where I ended up staring at the credits, expecting there to be more to it. Alas, there wasn't. This movie is a great example of why kids should stay in school; so they don't grow up and make shitty movies. This piece of crap gets 3 middle fingers.
BROKEN FLOWERS. A modern day Don Juan gets a letter from a stranger which tells him he has a son. With the help of his neighbor, he narrows the list of suspects down to 4, and hilarity completely fails to ensue. I really don't know what the people who made this turd blossom were smoking, but it's something that is strong, smells awful, and blows goats (just like Ann Coulter). Also, why isn't Bill Murray dead yet? Four middle fingers.
BATMAN BEGINS. 'Hey, I have a great idea! Let's do a Batman prequal, and TOTALLY IGNORE THE STUFF LAID OUT IN THE FIRST MOVIE!'. This movie was an abomination, not only to Hollywood, but to all of humankind. I thought the worst Batman movie was the one with Mr. Freeze. I now stand corrected. Four middle fingers.
VANILLA SKY. I have no idea what this movie is about, because, after paying $11 to see it, I walked out within 6 minutes. I didn't even ask for a refund, I just wanted to get the hell away from the burning sensation that was in my eyes and brain. Tom Cruise sucks, and so does Scientology. Three middle fingers.
TITANIC. I haven't seen this one, and I will go to my grave having never seen it. People tell me it sucks; it looks like it sucks; it's popular among 13 year old girls. That's all the proof I need. Five middle fingers.
PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS. A single parent gets kicked in the nuts for 2 and a half hours, after which he gets a job. Yay. 2 middle fingers.
User Reviews
Submitted by gandhi (user info) at 2007-08-19 13:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
These "reviews" are horrible. Bend over and let Bill Murray four-middle-finger you.
How come this post isn't visible on the main page list? (I'm new. :schoolgirl.blush:)
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2007-08-19 13:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*than you.
I may be a dumb shit, but that doesn't change the fact that this sucked.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2007-08-19 13:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This cynical, vindictive writing style isn't really all that funny when Maddox uses it, and he's a hell of a lot better at it then you.
Never post again.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-08-19 13:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your reviews get 5 middle fingers, a hot carl and a dirty sanchez.
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-08-19 12:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-19 04:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no no no
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-08-19 03:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Even aside from the fact that Broken Flowers was brilliant, this sucked.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-08-19 01:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought vanilla sky was pretty cool, trippy but cool... jason lee rules.... tom cruise does suck
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-18 23:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
(BTW, my nickname is Wally. Long story. Don't worry about it.)
Dean Walcott <ua_marine.at.yahoo.com>
Ya I bet that long story takes all of 3 and a half seconds.
Hi I'm Dean _Wal_cott, friends call me Wally... damndest thing too. Long story, I'll tell you some time.
~Dumbass~
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-08-18 23:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so many typos in that review... got get it reviewed before it goes off the front page, you know
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-08-18 23:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-08-18 23:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WALLY'S MOVIE REVIEW IF INKYFINGERS WERE REVIEWING THEM INSTEAD OF WALLY:
I have just seen the most incredible movie! It's called "Dead Presidents" and what a title, because it's about money, which has pictures of dead presidents on them! I know, it took me a while to get as well. All the main characters end up geting killed or imprisoned, and I think that teaches a real lesson about violent crime in the ghetto. I think this movie will definately change the world.
If you haven't already seen this movie "Titanic", you should go, because it's probably going to change the world. It's a documentary on the sinking of a ocean-liner with some incredible cinematography, and Leonardo DiCaprio leans out in front of a boat in a breathtaking way that only the classic Bill Murray drama, "What about Bob", could even come close to emulating. All of us need to remember our history, and in this movie it's even entertaining!
I just saw this movie the other day that I think could definitely change the world. It's called "The Pursuit of Happyness" and the title is mispelled... but get this... THEY DID IT ON PURPOSE! Isn't that CRAZY? I think it says a lot about the founding of our very constitution, and indeed, our entire humanity. Will Smith made me cry tears by the end with his life affirming struggle through the hard knocks of single parent life. He finally makes it too Wall Street; but get this: HE'S BLACK!
Anyhow, I have just set my own hair on fire with matches and WD-40; now I'm going to take pictures of it in the mirror and brush my teeth with linseed oil. Whoo whoo, whiz bang... tee-hee!
Have any of you seen these?
Submitted by wrinklebeast (user info) at 2007-08-18 23:20:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a fucking idiot.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-08-18 23:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's because your last name is Walcott, obviously.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-08-18 23:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-18 22:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
one post per day you worthless sack of shit
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-18 22:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One per day. You should know better, Sally.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-08-18 22:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm too classy to make a rating for this post by your "middle finger scale" so I'll just let you know this sucked, and you should be ashamed of yourself for posting it.