ok, here it goes........ (1193 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.33 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kirsty hefford <kirstyhefford.at.hotmail.co.uk> (View user info) at 2007-08-22 05:18:26 EDT
I'm totally new to this so please don't be too cruel to me, I've been reading all your submissions for months and finally decided, you know what? screw it, i can do that!
Obv this ones a load of shite cuz i can't think of anything particularly funny or weird to write about (except for old people and thats been done to death).
So if there are any kinda secret rules or dos and don'ts that i don't know about, being a newbie could somebody please clue me in? If everything i write gets torn to shreds for reasons i don't know about it could crush my already egg shell thin veneer of self esteem.
Thanks
OH,seeing as its like the law that you have to put an image at the bottom of every post, heres a story that this guy emailed to me.
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment bitch
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-19 11:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"finally decided, you know what? screw it, i can do that!"
---------
Do you smoke crack?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-26 07:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-08-24 05:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And now this douche has me channelling Jpig...
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
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SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
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SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
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SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!SHITTY ALTER ALERT!!!!
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
congrats heat.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-23 12:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You seem to be a smart ass so I hope you're not an alter.
This post blows but your reviews amuse me slightly so "worth reading."
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-22 23:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now stop fucking around and show us your tits.
==================================
I wont rate -2 again because its not your fault that I forgot to re-iterate this point.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-22 23:40:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Can someone direct me to the thread where it was established that I am an alternate account?
Seeing as how I don't give a rats ass if you people think I am some coward's faceless front or really just myself. It should provide me with a few minutes of entertaining reading.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-22 17:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ooh.. here is a rule to know.
You need to go read and +2 the posts of uber-elders, like me.
Start by clicking the user info up there next to my name, and it will link you to all my posts.
after you've +2'd my posts you can start on a few of the other uber elders, like Bart, or Scourge.
Submitted by jpk34359 (user info) at 2007-08-22 16:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If he has tits they look like this:
http://76.162.133.131/images/WEBSITE%20udder.jpg
Shitbags.
Carry on
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-22 16:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 02:36:05 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh no, a load of nerds are being horrible to me, i guess i'll just go and cry in to my petticoats. oh for fucks sake! As if a few nasty comments are going to make me leave- i've got just as much right to be here as you! And i only show my boobs to people who ask nicely and but me pretty things.
-----
HALLO! My dear lady!
I am JonnyX, Squire of Uber...please allow me to proffer this deliciously shiny +2 from my private cellars - I hope you relish it as much as I.
As an aside my dear, there is but a terrible shortage amongst these parts - it would seem that the recent flooding there in dear Albion has deprived us of our ration of lovely Bristols.
It is a sad state of affairs, but if you could be so kind as to provide us with a brief glimpse of nay-nays, we should all feel most indebted to you, m'lady.
Cheerio (the cereal)
JonnyX
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-22 15:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/18869
Submitted by jpk34359 (user info) at 2007-08-22 15:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a man. Eat a bag of shit...then give your gay boyfriend some muddy head. Then die.
Carry on
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-08-22 14:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this post was wasteful
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-22 14:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
welcome, don't suck.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-08-22 12:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-08-22 12:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What ever happened to effort? Remember effort? Its what some people use to make posts. Apparently its in short supply recently.
__________________________________
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111113
20 pages at 1.5 spacing, 6200+ words
**weep**
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-22 12:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 09:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and just where exactly is that? 'da hood'? fyi definitely not fat- 5'8 144lbs and worth every 5 mile run
__________
Fair enough. Tits please.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-22 12:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"And i only show my boobs to people who ask nicely and but me pretty things."
I bought you a +2 with my 10 seconds of time, also "Would you be so kind as to show us your boobs?"
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-08-22 12:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What ever happened to effort? Remember effort? Its what some people use to make posts. Apparently its in short supply recently.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-22 11:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
heh, Heffer. Hope that's not your real email. I'm gonna send midget-scat porn to it just in case.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-22 11:02:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now stop fucking around and show us your tits.
-------------------------------------------------
Yeah.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I could show it to you but then I'd have to let jgreening sit on you.
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bros be poppin shots and whatnot in dis corner of toronto. LOL!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i'd like to see that copywright
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
While Shlongy does own the copyright on the expression "Show me (us) your hole", I have given bart, and Uber, full permission to use my phrase as he/they see fit.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Dr.Octagon (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SHOW US YOUR HOLE.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds to me like someone is a fucking alter.
-----
great. A bunch of alters accusing somebody of being an alter.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Do you enjoy anal?
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-22 09:59:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 09:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and just where exactly is that? 'da hood'? fyi definitely not fat- 5'8 144lbs and worth every 5 mile run
---
hahaha. Yup, 'da hood' in Canada. Its real dangerous yo. You get a +2 for that.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-08-22 09:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds to me like someone is a fucking alter.
_______________________
Wait... haven't we established that Zegl's an Alter???
I'm confused.
You want us to believe you're real?
- Go read, rate & review other posts
- Keep posting (1 per day) semi-quality work
- Establish your own identity here
- Join a gang
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 09:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and just where exactly is that? 'da hood'? fyi definitely not fat- 5'8 144lbs and worth every 5 mile run
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-22 08:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry Kirsty Hefford,
You must excuse my friends here. They seem to act up whenever someone writes a post that looks like it's been formulated by a member of the short bus crew. Please be more understanding why 'nerds are so mean'. I'm 19 and you don't see me using the abbreviation 'Obv'.
You know why I don't? Because where I come from, you can get your ass kicked for saying 'Obv', or 'cuz'.
Love,
SunnyG
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-22 08:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you are an alter its annoying, but still somewhat entertaining.
If not, then welcome.
PLEASE, pretty please camwhore with your juggs out. That is all.
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-22 08:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think you're an alter, I just think you're probably fat.
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 08:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You do realise I'm taking it as a compliment that you all think I'm an alter
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-22 08:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I volunteer to go try and stick my dick in it.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-22 07:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For all the obvious reasons.
Stop with all the alters already.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2007-08-22 07:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This Guy emails me, too. That fucker gets around.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-08-22 07:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1st post -1
Boobs +1/each
Readable +1
I'll be back.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 07:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-22 12:01:18 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have bad thoughts now. Now I believe that Rape is the funniest thing since sliced bread, and I never really found that very funny. I also believe that anything written on the Intraweb is TRUE. I still think about Beer a lot and I have very indecent thoughts about Women these days, but that could be a whole hormonal thing I dont know.
Oh Yeah. I think about you too. ;-)
----------------
Think about me all you like sweetcheeks. Hormones are a bitch, but you may find its just the copious amounts of aspirin you smoke, clouding your judgement.
Im currently emailing a female co worker I dont really now and I did a Michael Winner impression. Hard via email so I guess taht makes it worse.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-22 07:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kittens and Beer?? Drogo, can I ask what you think of now? *lalalalalaalalaala*
--
I have bad thoughts now. Now I believe that Rape is the funniest thing since sliced bread, and I never really found that very funny. I also believe that anything written on the Intraweb is TRUE. I still think about Beer a lot and I have very indecent thoughts about Women these days, but that could be a whole hormonal thing I dont know.
Oh Yeah. I think about you too. ;-)
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*dances*
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Beanos back!!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh no, a load of nerds are being horrible to me, i guess i'll just go and cry in to my petticoats. oh for fucks sake! As if a few nasty comments are going to make me leave- i've got just as much right to be here as you! And i only show my boobs to people who ask nicely and but me pretty things.
-----------------
I'll 'but you a pretty things'
How about my cock up your butt?
How'd you like them apples?
Now do me, you and the human race a favour and die.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kittens and Beer?? Drogo, can I ask what you think of now? *lalalalalaalalaala*
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Welcome be it alter or not welcome.
This line made me laugh "(except for old people and thats been done to death). " only because I now have an image of some old granny in a nursing home being fucked to death by some drooling care worker.
Uber made me this way I used to think of sweet things like kittens and beer before I found this place.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84810
All you need to know.
Submitted by NapalmFace (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For what? Rape?
+1 cos i said rape.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-08-22 06:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for being 19. The perfect age.
Submitted by Dr.Octagon (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SHOW US YOUR HOLE.
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
19
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just out of curiosity , how old are you?
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the advice, I AM NOT ANYBODYS ALTER. hope that clears things up. oh yeah, course i have petticoats and you know that they turn you on.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Benefit of the doubt welcome +2.
______
But I'm sorry, you do exhibit all of the warning signs that scream "alter".
Don't rate yourself, it doesn't impact and will piss people off.
One post a day.
Try and avoid posting things like this.
Good luck. Unless you are an alter, in which case FUCK OFF.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahahahaha you have petticoats?
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh no, a load of nerds are being horrible to me, i guess i'll just go and cry in to my petticoats. oh for fucks sake! As if a few nasty comments are going to make me leave- i've got just as much right to be here as you! And i only show my boobs to people who ask nicely and but me pretty things.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Its called trial by fire you dumb bitch. If we hurt your feelings and you leave the site. Well I guess you weren't Uber material from the word go.
Now stop fucking around and show us your tits.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O NO A NU UESR WHO SI RILLY AND OLD UESR TRYNG 2 PLAY TEH GM3!!!1111!1111!! OMG WOW!!11!!!!11111! OMG WTF T3L US AL ABOUT U AS WA R SO INTERAST3D PLZ!!1!111!!1!111! OMG
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Benefit of the doubt welcome +2.
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:27:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
omg! i asked you all to be a bit nice and now you,re just being bastards! Cliquey, much? ' Oh, we can't let anyone new on our precious site, it must be someone we already know messing around'.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and never give yourself a rating!! even if its only a 1!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok madam, you say you are new but you are aware Uber is cruel, you say you have been reading for months and yet attach an emailed story....hmmmmmm
Post a photo, showing you have boobs and are of a legal age and you will be an instant hit. Other than that show Shlongy your hole.
THE END.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sounds to me like someone is a fucking alter.
"Hi I'm new, plz dont be mean 2 me on teh intarwebz. Im hav read all ur posts 4 lotz of months. Im decided that im can post on ur site lulz"
Submitted by kirst-n-dennis (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what do you mean you don't believe meeeeeeeeeeee? Be a bit more clear please
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-22 05:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont believe youuuuuuuuuuuuu