Here in Ibitus 412N (part 7) (436 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by nicballs (View user info) at 2007-08-22 09:31:00 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/110936 (part 1)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/110963 (part 2)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/110988 (part 3)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111015 (part 4)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111042 (part 5)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111089 (part 6)
____________________________________________________
The time is nearly upon us. Myself, Oiden, Gladlock and the three other L3's here with us have developed a plan that we intend to execute this evening. Right now it's 03:40 and the attitude in our cell has certainly shifted from one of monotony and growing hopelessness to one of intrepid excitement and for good damn reason.
This is what we have now:
1. Fluff crystal
2. A rolled urethanic tube with the end folded closed and a hole punched in it
3. About 3 ounces of Gladlock's piss contained in a Zalhfaran pouch, ready for rupturing
4. One set of hand weapons that were smuggled in by the leader of the femaliens. As of current she has not noticed it missing.
5. A lot of fucking balls
This is what we need:
1. More weapons, preferably ones that discharge energy rounds
2. A map of this compound
3. The location of our 6 Denstrolle fighters (this should be pretty easy to attain once we get out of this cell and use our status tokens to track the vessels' power signatures)
4. A miracle
The plan is to encase the fluff crystal inside the urethanic tube, so that the crystal rests at the base of the rolled cylinder. At the bottom, Oiden has punched a hole that he will blow through once Gladlock's piss has been introduced into the contraption. The end result is going to be a Fluff Crystal Gas Gun of sorts that will allow us to direct the current of whatever neuro-affective vapor starts burning off that crystal when we break the Zalhfaran pouch of piss onto it. The rupture will be initiated by a piercing using one of the hand blades I confiscated from the femalien leader. With some luck this should work. Again, there are many variables, including just what the effect of this gas will be on us humans should we allow any of it to get into our lungs. I guess we'll have to take that risk.
As I write this, Gladlock, Oiden and L3 Hinze are drawing a makeshift map on a piece of casing near their cots. I'm going to finish writing what I need to here and go see what they're working on. Maybe we can plot a route out that is consistent with what we remember about the layout of this place from the day we were all admitted here.
Oh, to be free again...after these long months in the chamber being kept as lab rats of a sort. It's been a long, long while and I do feel entitled to my own freedom as well as the freedom of my men. I've already promised them all Ya'ul Commendations should we make it back safe. All except for Klausen of course, who will be forever remembered as having played a key role in getting us the fuck out of here. If he hadn't been escorted out of our cell, we would never had the fortune of coming upon a piece of this crystal.
Time to wrap this up. My next entry will either be one written from back at training quarter, or these words you are now reading shall be my last.
Astron Czissin, Out.
User Reviews
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-10-09 08:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-09 08:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fidelcity (user info) at 2007-08-26 22:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
more!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-24 15:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I feel like these haven't gotten any better/realized potential blah blah fucking blah
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-08-24 14:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-08-22 23:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently you're the minority here, beer. Regardless, thanks for the note. I'm sure somewhere in those opinions there are tidbits of advice I'd do well to follow. Unfortunately I'm too drunk and lazy to do so just now.
While I may be in the minority, being in the minority doesn't make anything I said any less valid.
The manner in which you are telling the story, you have been take something fun like a trip to the amusement park, and telling us that you are going, how you plan to get there, what you are looking forward to...THEN your next part of the story tells us only that you have been to the amusement park. Not what rides you rode or anything like that.
You are leaving too much up to the reader to fill in the blank spots.
However this is indeed my opinion...
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2007-08-23 02:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-08-22 22:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was interesting at first glance, but to be honest, this story line is getting tiresome. You are rehashing details and explaining too much rather than letting your story tell it, you are forcing details down people's throats.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-08-23 00:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I dont know how to not beat a dead horse by explaining why I rated -1. Considering most of it has already been said a review or 2 down from mine.
The story is just tiresome now and you really don't have much happen. Someone summed it brilliantly with that little bit about how it doesnt feel like I'm being told a story it just feels like the events happened and you're just telling me if they succeeded or failed. The journal entry style writting cannot be used for a full out story. For 1 absolute main reason to me. The story would just abruptly end with no explaination or anything. Just flat out stop.
(If they fail in their attempt to escape, and the dude gets shot all to hell, how can he make a journal entry explaining he died a few hours ago in the escape attempt?)
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-08-22 23:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently you're the minority here, beer. Regardless, thanks for the note. I'm sure somewhere in those opinions there are tidbits of advice I'd do well to follow. Unfortunately I'm too drunk and lazy to do so just now.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-08-22 22:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was interesting at first glance, but to be honest, this story line is getting tiresome. You are rehashing details and explaining too much rather than letting your story tell it, you are forcing details down people's throats.
To be honest I think your format kinda blows...I know it is supposed to be a journal entry, that would be a great way to open each chapter of your story, and then follow with a narrative 3rd person or even first person account from your guy Asstron Cisson (somewhat reminicent of Steve Sissou from that Bill Murray flick.
It could also be laziness on your part, telling us what the characters are going to do, and then just give a review as to thier successs or failure in the next entry of the journal.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-22 15:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-22 12:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-22 12:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
keep this going.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-22 11:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've read all of these but haven't rated most of them.
this has been an interesting piece. good show so far.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If this story still lacks tentacle sex in the next installment, I will review this rating.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-22 10:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-22 09:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
please let there be more!
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-22 09:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't end it, fuck tard. There's so much more you can do with this, so find away to make Asstron fuck Klaussens dead remains and reneg his "last words" sentiment. Surely you can carry this for a ways yet and you are just getting lazy.
You will keep writing this or I'll get someone else to finish.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-22 09:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
5. A lot of fucking balls
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nice. COME ON, will they at least get a rim job from a femalien before they go?