A breakfast gone bad or my intro to ubersite (799 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.45 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Smokeypancake (View user info) at 2007-08-23 03:56:24 EDT
Let me introduce myself...
I was born in Liverpool England in 1980... in a frying pan. Someone flipped me and I escaped. In absolute terror I ran away from the psychotic fat lady trying to spray me with this sticky syrup stuff. Once I managed to escape outside I found myself confused by the world around me. I decided to first study an ancient art of combat so that in the event that someone tried to eat me again, I could defend myself with materful moves and grace. So began my journey......
I first arrived in London England attached to the hubcap of a car and decided to escape this wet and dreary country (Water to me can be fatal!) and found that the world was now open to me. Not knowing of where I could learn these much needed teachings, I thought it wise to consult the departures screen in a place with flying metal things and searched with great concentration for a place that would suit my needs. I slinked along unnoticed and soon came across a board on the wall
that contained a map of a place called Belgium. In it there was a gruesome picture of entities similar to myself covered in a thick syrup, being cut up and eaten by these people. I related to the visage of sadness and terror in their faces, and I reminisced of a past plight... only I got away and they didnt. This place in Belgium was known as "Pannekakerkaker land". I decided that destiny had meant me to go to this place and free my people! So I bravely jumped on the wheel of the departing plane, as it was called.
In my haste I had made a critical error of judgement however and ended up in a place known as Scotland, which seemed to be not too far from England. However I did not let despair ruin my quest for I was sure that I was there for a reason. This proved to be bollox however, so I jumped on the wheel of another plane, confident of my destination. It was colder than usual on this flight, and I was frozen solid. I soon lost my balance and fell from the wheel of the aircraft. I could see patches of land and water coming up closer as I plunged towards the ground. I knew this was the end for me, especially if I landed on water.
I noticed a speck in the distance growing as it closed in on me. At first I didn't recognize it, but then I realized that it was a huge bird trying to make a meal out of me in midair! I was able to dodge several swoops thanks to my training. I didn't want it to end this way. As it came down on its third attempt, I flipped up, around and landed on its back. With several chops to the back of its head, I forced the creature into submission. The fighting spirit in me surged and the will to survive and carry out my mission was renewed. I found that I could control the bird's flight by pulling on a few feathers on its neck. I landed the bird on the rooftop of a one story building and promptly broke its neck as I hopped off. I felt remorse as it lay there, its body still twiching and spasming. It had to be done, I thought.
Having been spun around since practically the moment of my creation I decided that a rest was in order so laid on the concrete surface to recover my fatigue. And I slept soundly...
Alas!!! I awoke with a burning sensation and my smooth fluffy texture had become crisp and hard!! And what is more i was smoking!! So from that day forth I was re-born into a new being. A being of great destiny! SMOKEYPANCAKE!!!
to be continued...
User Reviews
Submitted by OscarZAcosta (user info) at 2007-11-23 11:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fucking English queen
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-08-23 17:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good first post there sir, following is an important tip to survive uber;
Avoid Ilikesteak - he's a sexual deviant.
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:D
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-08-23 22:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When did it learn martial arts?
I know it *meant* to and all...
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-08-23 20:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You just made my aunt Jemima smile.This post couldn't have been butter.
cerealously!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-23 19:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-08-23 17:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good first post there sir, following is an important tip to survive uber;
Avoid Ilikesteak - he's a sexual deviant.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Today has been really boring around here so Im going to respectfully request that one of you have a emotional meltdown, post nude photos of yourself, fuck another uberuser and then create ensuing drama, or post a photo of yourself in general touting your beauty despite your inability to fit through a standard 3-0 x 7-0 door frame.
GET ON IT!
MUSH BITCHES MUSH!!
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:52:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:10:35 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer bacon, but smokey pancakes are good.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:10:35 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer bacon, but smokey pancakes are good.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was......good. holy fuck thats unnatural
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer bacon, but smokey pancakes are good.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-23 12:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bow to the pancake soon to be ruler...
+2 cause im eating pancakes for lunch, im such a rebel.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-08-23 12:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2007-08-23 12:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suspect you are an alter.
Good first post though...
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-08-23 11:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"recover my fatigue"
this seems a little odd to me, like possibly you've got it outta some kinda RPG, other than that it were decent
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-08-23 11:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't love this. but it WAS an actual attempt at a real post instead of a 'Hi, I'm new don't -2 me tee-hee-hee' with a stupid picture attached.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A worthy introductory post. You've set yourself up for great expectations, you do realize...
Submitted by KazuSpeed (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:58:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are your related to Flapjack Supreme?
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Nope, never heard of it. Sounds tasty though
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are your related to Flapjack Supreme?
Hmmm?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good game, hit the showers.
-2 die noob
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one, noob.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-08-22 22:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First post = auto +2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool, a first post that is in fact
a post
(gasp)
welcome.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I chuckled.
Submitted by KazuSpeed (user info) at 2007-08-23 08:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the reviews. At first I didnt know how I was going to do my first post.
It seemed daunting. When this idea came to mind, I said Fuck it, and ran with it.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-08-23 08:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hello
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 07:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good shit.
And I really mean that.
It's getting hard to have a good shit these days, but my incontinence isn't the issue here.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-23 07:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not a bad first post at all. Welcome to Uber.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 07:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good! This is how you introduce yourself. not: "Hey all i'm new , leave your -2s below. I kno wut ur gonna say. "OMG DIE N00B". That is all"
good on ya.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-08-23 06:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Teenage imagination and prose at its best.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-23 06:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Message to all new users:
THIS is how you do a first post.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-08-23 06:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2007-08-23 05:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmm a belgian waffle. Why is it that the term belgian waffle makes me laugh?
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http://www.heaven666.org/fart-porn-821.php (NSFW, obviously)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 05:55:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2007-08-23 05:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmm a belgian waffle. Why is it that the term belgian waffle makes me laugh?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 04:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Randomness is superb, I like, some people will call you names but its ok, they love you really.
Pancakes are lovely, not so much American ones with syrup as they make me violently ill and im convinced they would give you a coronry if you ate more than one.
THE END
P.s Drogo licks hobos ear hair.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-23 04:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome. I liked this the kind of random story that ap[eals to my sense of humour. Let the Smokey Pancake reign supreme!
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-08-23 04:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-08-23 04:12:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
...I have no idea what this is... but it was written well... but the story was a bit pointless... +1.5
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-23 03:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha +2 from me
welcome to Uber, pancake.
Get ready for the stream of -2 for beeing a n00b