UGR - A Perfect Exit Ruined (752 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.52 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by phuzzygish (View user info) at 2007-08-23 09:50:49 EDT
You know that moment when a girl walks past, and she has an ass like an onion? That sweet, round, bring-tears-to-your-eyes shape that make you want to walk right up, say hello, and bite it like a bulldog lapping porridge?
Yeah me neither.
Picture it: The jeans with cuts in them that could only have come from an Italian's couture scissors, that little cotton body-hugger top riding all the way up and not going nearly enough (but thank God not) down to her navel, the back dimples swaying just above a thin piece of elastic that sure as shit wouldn't stay up there if it weren't for the perfect crunchy-apple bulge of her booty pushing hard against the tight-like-a-tiger jeans...
A femmé fatale, if you will. Carved from the purest 'hot', guaranteed to make you lose your shit faster'n Michael J Fox playing jenga.
Bitch.
Well, that was my first thought.
But as that head turned, the eyes looked, and the corners of her mouth turned up in a crinkly little smile carved by one of the ninja turtle; I thought maybe I was wrong. Maybe this 'bitch', this Miss Priss wasn't like the rest of them. Maybe, just maybe her smile was genuine 'happy', not mind-numbing apathy.
She stopped. That smile. Oh my sweet lordy. She bent, ever so slightly forward, as I took a sip of my bourbon. Fine ass bourbon too, none of that cheap-ass twenty Rand Bushmills crap that Fox Lounge couldn't even give away. It burned my lips with tasty fire, as her peachy-keen breasts swelled a little, burning my eyes with an incredibly sensitive yet erotic metaphor that I can't think of right now.
I figured my time had come. This was it. The subtle 'chink' as the cash register of my life came crashing open. The feeling that maybe, just maybe, tonight was my night...
As the torn-jean crunchy-apple back-dimples from heaven turned and swayed away, I just plain stared. Desperate to soak up every single atom of that perfect getaway.
Then I looked down at the tattered paper cup between my legs.
Fifty fucking cents.
Cheap-ass whore.
Can't a guy in a wheelchair get a break?
User Reviews
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-24 10:51:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awsome
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it easier for straight men to make homosex jokes on the internet or are all the guys I know just too homophobic?
i make homo jokes in real life too so they must be homophobic and we all know homophobes are usually that way cause they're afraid they might be homos.
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Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:43:21 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it easier for straight men to make homosex jokes on the internet or are all the guys I know just too homophobic?
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Well everythings easier on the internet but you just have to not care what people think! Some guys get very offended and believe that only gay people may gay jokes. I have no idea how you define homophobic so god knows about your friends! Maybe they just arent hilarious.......
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They make some homo jokes, just not with the frequency and... um... detail that I see on the internet. I was just wondering if it is easier to make these types of jokes when you don't have a big sweaty dude (I'm a chick, you all seem sweaty) right in front of you.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-08-24 08:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had some GREAT lines in this. The Jenga joke about had me outta my chair.
And that picture WAS the perfect ending...
Submitted by NapalmFace (user info) at 2007-08-24 07:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tbh on it's own this is passable tripe, but in comparison to the other 'A Perfect exit Ruined', this is laughable. I'm assuming you knew you were gonna lose so you posted crap right?
So don't get pissy and blame all of your problems on alters. Assface.
</rant>
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-08-24 06:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucknows. But I'm pretty sure 'NapalmFace' and 'Daddy_Buy_Me_A_Pony' or whatever the fuck it is, aren't what most people would term 'regular users'.
Meh. There's one in every village.
About sixty in the one...
Oh. And Saturday - 6pm. Live from Murrayfield....
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-24 06:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whose alters??
What have you done to these people!!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-08-24 05:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First round defeat by alter attack.
Doh.
Now *there's* a surprise...
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2007-08-23 21:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was pretty good
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-23 19:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-08-23 16:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nah here in NYC we usually do the 3-0 x 7-0 or 3-0 x 8-0 doors in commercial buildings
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-23 16:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
................inability to fit through a standard 3-0 x 7-0 door frame.
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Well,
a 3-0 is a good width but in most residential construction, 6-8 is the normal height.
The exception would be an entrance door or a commercial setting.
Of course if it was a commercial doorway, the width could easily be a 3-6 up to 4-0.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Today has been really boring around here so Im going to respectfully request that one of you have a emotional meltdown, post nude photos of yourself, fuck another uberuser and then create ensuing drama, or post a photo of yourself in general touting your beauty despite your inability to fit through a standard 3-0 x 7-0 door frame.
GET ON IT!
MUSH BITCHES MUSH!!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think I've seen a more perfect ending.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-23 14:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is MY KIND of picture
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I wasn't at work, I might actually consider fapping to that.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. Even though the story didnt have any hermaphroditic sexual encounters.
and i'd love to bounce a folded dollar off that ass boy.
Submitted by Prime36L (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
guaranteed to make you lose your shit faster'n Michael J Fox playing jenga.
__________________________
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by NapalmFace (user info) at 2007-08-23 13:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this made my eyes bleed. you lose this round, if there is any justice in the world.
Submitted by For_Pony (user info) at 2007-08-23 12:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I wish I could say I was impressed, but I wasn't.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-23 12:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-08-23 11:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This would have been great had the guy noticed a bit later she'd had a colostomy.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 11:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah dem no comment comments are the truth brother.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-08-23 11:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Total truth below.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-23 11:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awsome
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it easier for straight men to make homosex jokes on the internet or are all the guys I know just too homophobic?
i make homo jokes in real life too so they must be homophobic and we all know homophobes are usually that way cause they're afraid they might be homos.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:43:21 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it easier for straight men to make homosex jokes on the internet or are all the guys I know just too homophobic?
-------------
Well everythings easier on the internet but you just have to not care what people think! Some guys get very offended and believe that only gay people may gay jokes. I have no idea how you define homophobic so god knows about your friends! Maybe they just arent hilarious.......
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2, primarily for the picture.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it easier for straight men to make homosex jokes on the internet or are all the guys I know just too homophobic?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... And all the cripples go "rape rape rape rape rape" ....
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Could have used a bit more editing. I'm giving you a 1.5 because it was a good use of the title, although I'm not sure too many people adhered to the genre.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goody goody gum drops
My heart's doing flip-flops
See what love can do
I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops
Goody goody gum drops
With a girl like you hoo hoo
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oooooh.
Goody gumdrops.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant believe anything I ever type.
p.s you are fridays ;)
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What? I don't get a go?
Wait. I can't believe I just wrote that.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-23 15:20:45 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This kinda reminds me that I havent played with my peener today.
--
I'm pretty sure that's a lie
--
Hey it was your turn this morning, remember!
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This kinda reminds me that I havent played with my peener today.
--
I'm pretty sure that's a lie
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This kinda reminds me that I havent played with my peener today.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That kind of reminds me that I forgot to park my bike properly today.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow that's a nice ass.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-08-23 10:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool read.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*turtles*
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this COULDA BEEN A -2
but it was good.
Hooray for man crushes.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
huh huh huh *cool* huh huh
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this COULDA BEEN A -2
but it was good.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-08-23 09:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry about twice in one day - I totally forgot it was UGR deadline today.
And I don't forfeit.
Well, at least when I remember not to...